ot - my SO left me today... - Chronicle Forums

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(Revised 2/8/18)

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RodeoHunter

Advanced

Join Date: Apr. 17, 2002

Posts: 1049

Location: The land of evil boys.
#161

Aug. 30, 2003, 03:30 PM

Please keep posting barncat. We are worried about you.

(((((HUGS))))

**Member of the Ocularly Challenged Equine Support Group**

**Member of the Ocularly Challenged Equine Support Group**
Comment
fernie fox

Grand Prix

Join Date: Dec. 18, 2000

Posts: 3908

Location: South Downs UK.
#162

Aug. 30, 2003, 04:18 PM

Barncat..

Please at least let us know which state you are in.

Obviously I am near Jax, FL,but if you are near me and need help,I have spare stall and room for you if you need it.

Don't sell the horse,NOOO man is worth that.

fernie fox
"I have lived my life-it is nearly done-.I have played the game all round;But I freely admit that the best of my fun I owe it to Horse and Hound".

\"I have lived my life-it is nearly done-.I have played the game all round;But I freely admit that the best of my fun I owe it to Horse and Hound\".
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Snowbird

Schoolmaster

Join Date: May. 15, 1999

Posts: 12539

Location: The top of Schooley's Mountain, NJ
#163

Aug. 30, 2003, 04:55 PM

Priorities first:
If you sell the horse you can use the money and you won't owe board! You don't owe him half of the horse and if he thinks so let him sue you. It will cost him more than he can get unless you give it to him.

Second you need a place to stay and there must be a rooming house for a week or two you can stay with the dogs. Look in the newspaper. Contact the various help agencies.

Third you need to stop take inventory and figure out what there is you can do that you can get paid to do. Don't worry about your disability pay because first you must survive.

Surely for 5 years you did some chores, there are a lot of openings for unskilled labor in the market place even helping other people in worse shape who need a companion.

The most important thing is don't panic and don't concentrate on what you've lost but rather what you've gained which is emanicipation from someone who enjoyed the fact that you felt helpless.

Battle Scarred Veteran

http://www.usAHSA.org and http://www.noreinstatement.org
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Pookah

Advanced

Join Date: Aug. 30, 2000

Posts: 1836

Location: Greensboro, NC
#164

Aug. 30, 2003, 05:34 PM

Barncat-You've gotten a lot of great advice already. I have to say, much as I understand the emotional need in keeping the horse, I think that selling him would be the most beneficial to him, and to you. You will not have the financial and time demands of keeping a horse, and the cash would certainly help you. And, as you've seen from this board, you can always find a horse to love on, wherever you are. Depending on your abilities, you might even look for a "horsey job," part or full time. Many grooming-type jobs provide housing, solving two of your problems in one. Perhaps you should look at this as an opportunity to relocate and start over. Are you getting help for your depression? If not, do it, immediately, if not sooner! Depression is going to make this difficult situation even tougher for you.

When I was young, my mom used to tell me all the time that you have to relax and let your success mechanism kick in. It always made me really angry back then, but I've come to see that she's absolutely right. Success in life is largely self-determined. IF you can visualize yourself finding a job, succeeding, and overcoming this situation, you will. I promise. Create your own reality-make a conscious decision that you can do this, convince yourself, and make it happen!!

"The only thing you will ever get two horsepeople to agree on is that the third one is wrong" -Author Unknown
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suecoo

Working Hunter

Join Date: May. 24, 2001

Posts: 712

Location: Houston, Texas USA
#165

Aug. 30, 2003, 05:45 PM

Barncat please don't do anything to harm yourself. This will pass I assure you. I know you say that you are in the mid-west, and I'm in Texas, but I haved a spare room if you want it.

In the mean time, you need to see an atty and find out if your state is a community property state, as you may be entitled to half of whatever he has earned/accquired during the marriage. It may be him that needs to be selling something sweetie.

I know its very hard right now, I've suffred with severe bouts of depression all my life, but I can tell you that harming yourself is not the answer. If you'll PT me your phone number I will call you and we can talk. Let us help you. {{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

SueCoo & the Redhead (a/k/a "Atlanta")
Life without horses is possible, but pointless......

SueCoo & the Redhead (a/k/a \"Atlanta\")
Life without horses is possible, but pointless......
http://community.webshots.com/user/suecoo100
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travers

Training Level

Join Date: Jul. 10, 2003

Posts: 53
#166

Aug. 30, 2003, 06:09 PM

Barncat-I don't know if things are the same in the US,but here in Canada if you go to a woman's shelter,they will also find a place to put your dogs up. My best friend works in a shelter here,and she has several contacts who will board the dogs until the woman is in a situation to get them back and care for them. I've even know her to take them home with her! so don't stay because of the dogs-you need help right away!the shelter will help you with legal aspects too-I hope you can find the help you need .We're all rooting for you!

somebody stop me

somebody stop me
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Magnolia

Grand Prix

Join Date: Jul. 17, 2000

Posts: 4178

Location: charlotte, NC USA
#167

Aug. 30, 2003, 06:24 PM

Barncat-
A great big hug from me. You'll be OK.... things do work out.
Find a good attorney - depending on how long you lived together, you may be common law. I think it takes 7 years (in NC) and you can collect support money.
In the short term, good luck and turn to your friends. It's always hard to ask for help - just know that you'll return the favor someday. Whatever you do, don't harm yourself over this jerk.

The witchy witch witch of south central NC.

The witchy witch witch of south central NC.
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$June\'s Mom$
June's Mom

Training Level

Join Date: Dec. 11, 2002

Posts: 34

Location: Hershey, PA U.S.A.
#168

Aug. 30, 2003, 08:45 PM

OK...AT June's Mom's house and if I ever master her keyboard, we'll be just fine. Look, things are wretched tonight. Know this, there is a bedroom and space for your babe, right now, right here. Nothing in return is expected, you need a time out to assemble your thoughts. You're in Indiana; I can connect wtih my Amish hot line and help.

You come along and linger as long as you need to. House is a ruin but the scholars are unfailingly polite and the idjits well behaved and one more is only one more.
We have room and so many folks who extended incredible kindness, only said to me pass it on.
and I am.

My phone is 717 789-9324 the cell is 717574-7015. You are not alone. I have one option and I bet when we put our heads together, we will find boxes more. but the most important thing for you right now is to find somewhere safe and with your horse <with you> so you have time to think.
and that is what I can offer.
June

I haven't the foggiest notion how to do this,but I'm learning!
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LAZ

Grand Prix

Join Date: Feb. 4, 2001

Posts: 3600

Location: Sheridan, IN
#169

Aug. 30, 2003, 08:59 PM

I'm in Indiana, can I help?
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SBT

Schoolmaster

Join Date: Sep. 12, 2001

Posts: 5902

Location: Hotlanta
#170

Aug. 30, 2003, 09:37 PM

Oh, barncat! (((((HUGS))))) Please be good to yourself. NO MAN is worth hurting yourself over! Sounds like he was a total @$$hole. Just hang in there. You ARE stronger than you think, I promise! I have suffered from depression too, and I know how hard it can be to get through a single day. JUST DO IT. Buckle down and do it. Choose one task, and conquer it! As the very wise Winston Churchill said, "If you're going through hell, KEEP GOING!" Every moment you get yourself through is one moment CLOSER to feeling better, to being free and self-sufficient. Don't give in to the momentary loss of control. You have work to do. Your doggies need you. YOU need you. As long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you WILL be all right.

We believe in you!

"It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got." -Sheryl Crow
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RumoursFollow

Grand Prix

Join Date: Jul. 19, 2000

Posts: 3749

Location: Crown Point, IN
#171

Aug. 30, 2003, 10:03 PM

Barncat. Seriously. Men are the scum of the earth. They're swine! You have to drop the terd and move on with your life! You can do it. Most every woman on this board has had to kick a man in the figurative .. you know whats at some point in their life and find a way to move past it.

If you need a place to come to to get away and FL is too far, Im sure lms or I could put you up around DC.

CHIN UP GIRL

Teneriffe Enterprises- NW Indiana
www.saradanielhaynes.com
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SBT

Schoolmaster

Join Date: Sep. 12, 2001

Posts: 5902

Location: Hotlanta
#172

Aug. 30, 2003, 10:09 PM

RF: Amen, sista!!! Or, as my grandmother says, "Men. They should be caged and their food thrown in." She is 82, and I consider her an expert!

"It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got." -Sheryl Crow
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lms

Working Hunter

Join Date: Nov. 4, 2002

Posts: 651
#173

Aug. 30, 2003, 10:13 PM

too bad miss southern hospitality vtrider no longer posts here..i'm sure she'd hook you up with room and board..

seriously though, good luck..i'm sure there are a lot of people that can help

"Some people need to buy the winners, others make them."

Some people need to buy the winners, others make them.
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Snowbird

Schoolmaster

Join Date: May. 15, 1999

Posts: 12539

Location: The top of Schooley's Mountain, NJ
#174

Aug. 31, 2003, 09:04 AM

Barncat you haven't posted yet today, I hope that means you are working on solutions for your problems. That would be a good thing because you have inside you the real answers to your own problem. There is no escape except to face them one at a time and deal with them.

If there is good news please let us all know so we can be happy with you too.

Battle Scarred Veteran

http://www.usAHSA.org and http://www.noreinstatement.org
Comment
Anyplace Farm

Schoolmaster

Join Date: Jun. 26, 2000

Posts: 7563

Location: I live in Chantilly, VA but I ride in Anytown, USA
#175

Aug. 31, 2003, 09:44 AM

Barncat, I hope you are OK.

Amazingly, it sounds like you are with my ex-husband.

`````````````````````````````````````````
"I NOW INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE TOO FAR FROM REALITY."
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi Minister of Information

"Life ain't certain...ride your best horse first." Unknown

"If you have the time, spend it. If you have a hand, lend it. If you have the money, give it. If you have a heart, share it." by me
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LMH

Schoolmaster

Join Date: Feb. 28, 2001

Posts: 15233
#176

Aug. 31, 2003, 12:21 PM

I would like to send support to barncat as well...but let's be a little gentle on the men here ladies.

There are bad people and good people. There are bad men and good men. Bad women and good women.

I know everyone loves to serenade men are pigs to offer support BUT long term it is healthier (IMHO) to call the spade what it is-a person that is bad and treated someone else poorly.

barncat-for you I would recommend an internet search under "emotional rape"-there is a book called The Emotional Rape Syndrome that discusses people (men and women alike) that sound like your hopefully now ex-the users and posers.

It may not immediately solve where you are today but it will provide positive support to help you dig out of emotional hole.

You need that emotional strength so you can make healthy decisions for yourself and gain mental strength so a situation like this will be recognized and avioded.

Just please remember-this is NOT your fault. You did NOTHING wrong. Please be safe and take some time to make a plan. There IS a solution for you-it may not be obvious at THIS moment but it will come to you.

In the meantime-are you a member of a church or synagogue? Often there are organziations within these that can help you until you get on your feet. Just another avenue to consider.

"I don't mind where people make 'whoopie', so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses. --Mrs. Patrick Campbell (quote modified for young eyes)
Comment
June

Advanced

Join Date: Mar. 2, 2002

Posts: 1712
#177

Aug. 31, 2003, 05:51 PM

Barncat, where are you???

I am home at the farm. We are worried-please check in with us. I logged on here the first thing after feeding everyone; I'll go check email. Just post something so we don't lose touch with you. Big hug, June

\"The world\'s greatest achievements often happen on the edge of chaos\"
Comment
June

Advanced

Join Date: Mar. 2, 2002

Posts: 1712
#178

Sep. 1, 2003, 06:52 AM

Barncat...we're marching on a period of time here, over twelve hours since I posted . Are you aware ( I wasn't) that this thread has almost 10k viewers and no they haven't all been focused strictly on you and no offense meant whatsoever;and if you are reading this, surely you can consider there is collective experience and collective CONCERN for <you>. Don't you have a deadline today?

Please let us know how you are doing and prayers continue.
June

\"The world\'s greatest achievements often happen on the edge of chaos\"
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MissCapitalSplash

Advanced

Join Date: Nov. 22, 2002

Posts: 1325

Location: Granby,MA
#179

Sep. 1, 2003, 08:11 AM

Thinking of you Barncat

If riding were all blue ribbons and bright lights, I would have quit long ago.
~George Morris

If riding were all blue ribbons and bright lights, I would have quit long ago.
~George Morris
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Horsaholic

Advanced

Join Date: Sep. 4, 2002

Posts: 2045

Location: SoCal
#180

Sep. 1, 2003, 10:52 AM

Checking in again.. Its been a while now, can you please just post so we know you are o.k.?
Thinking of you..
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