• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Got screwed by a former trainer, now what do I do?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Erm, point of order here...forgiveness only works when someone has asked for it. It's a cop-out to say you forgive someone and they haven't asked for it. You can let it lie and choose to move on with your life, but, unless asked, it can't be given. It's a two way street.
    GR24's Musing #19 - Save the tatas!!

    Comment


    • OP was just venting. She had literally just found out that the horse she thought grew taller than predicted, had actually grown to the size predicted because her trainer misrepresented her wants to the breeder.

      I've done the same with regard to posting before having a chance to cool off. Sure that anger at the very beginning is irrational but I'm betting everyone here has had it. We (I) just learn to cool off before posting anything on the internet.

      OP also said she had been uncomfortable with his size for a while. She didn't suddenly decide she didn't like him because of that after finding out the trainer lied. It just really ticked her off knowing she was in that position BECAUSE of the trainer.

      That said, hopefully OP is over her "mad" and moving on. Since she said she doesn't enjoy riding him, I do think the best thing she can do is sell him. At his height, she should get enough to find herself a smaller, but just as nice horse. Perhaps she could even get one from the breeder since she knows and likes the horses they have. She might could even work out an exchange.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by ponyrider212 View Post
        Thanks all, for the suggestions. Got just what I needed tonight from a lovely non-horse friend who helped me find an answer.
        I've read the whole thread, before everything from the OP went missing and the only thing I have to say is that after all was said here, the first thing she does is go get her answer from an unknowledgeable person.

        How long until she regrets taking such advice?
        ~ Enjoying some guac and boxed wine at the Blue Saddle inn. ~

        Originally posted by LauraKY
        I'm sorry, but this has "eau de hoarder" smell all over it.
        HORSING mobile training app

        Comment


        • I know this will come off mean because I don't do emotions very well on the computer, but, my thoughts all along have been "Suck it up, cupcake, and move on."

          If she is still reading, just know anyone on this board, if they have bought/sold/ridden/trained/raised/etc., every last one of us have an experience(s) of learning the hard way, no matter how we've tried to get it right. Well, basically, that's life. Learn from it and move on.

          Hope she finds the right horse.
          GR24's Musing #19 - Save the tatas!!

          Comment


          • Alibi_18,

            And what was the advice she got from her non-horse friend? In your opinion was it sound?

            Paula
            He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).

            Comment


            • Originally posted by LauraKY View Post
              We climbed all over 2ndrygal for many of the same comments...(although she has redeemed herself since) why is it wrong here?
              I think piling on is proving to be an unsuccessful strategy for communication. As a small industry, we need to, if not nurture the 'community,' then at least refrain from destroying the willingness to participate.

              If some feel they have so much experience, perhaps they can develop a better strategy for communicating that experience. A strategy that does not involve making the other involved party leave.

              No one can accuse me of excess finesse or tact. (I am working on it, I swear)

              However... many, many, many people repeatedly bonking someone over the proverbial discussion board head does not seem to work as a communication method.

              I am a little confused why, when a certain idea has been expressed many times already, people feel the need to express that (negative) sentiment over again, and again, and again, and again.

              I think it is just lazy. And self indulgent. Easier to give in to knee jerk emotional nastiness than to take the time to come up with productive ideas. Easier to add your voice to the mob.

              But what is the result? The OP has left. And now everyone can sit around and say what a pathetic looser and jerk they are. So what? Did you win? Is that the goal? To ally yourself with the winning side?
              "Friend" me !

              http://www.facebook.com/isabeau.solace

              Comment


              • Originally posted by goneriding24 View Post
                Erm, point of order here...forgiveness only works when someone has asked for it. It's a cop-out to say you forgive someone and they haven't asked for it. You can let it lie and choose to move on with your life, but, unless asked, it can't be given. It's a two way street.

                nah, forgiving somebody who has not asked for it can be very effective.

                Of course only when they know they have done your wrong.
                Originally posted by BigMama1
                Facts don't have versions. If they do, they are opinions
                GNU Terry Prachett

                Comment


                • Originally posted by paulaedwina View Post
                  Alibi_18,

                  And what was the advice she got from her non-horse friend? In your opinion was it sound?

                  Paula
                  I don't know what the advice is but it comes from a non-horsey person! What does this person know about the value of a horse? About overcoming riding problems?

                  OP stated that she thought she would have to sell this horse at a loss in her first now disapeared post. Why? I'm sorry but this horse must be worth MORE than what she paid to start with and could surely bring her way enough money to buy a more trained, smaller, less 'fancier' type of horse that she is looking for and that would suit her riding better.

                  Really, at least, she should have asked her trainer or some horsey friend she has...

                  She already feel 'screwed' by her trainer for finding her a well-bred, sound, nice brain, good looking horse from a reputable breeding farm...wait 'till she finds her friend was wrong...
                  ~ Enjoying some guac and boxed wine at the Blue Saddle inn. ~

                  Originally posted by LauraKY
                  I'm sorry, but this has "eau de hoarder" smell all over it.
                  HORSING mobile training app

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by alibi_18 View Post
                    I don't know what the advice is but it comes from a non-horsey person! What does this person know about the value of a horse? About overcoming riding problems?

                    OP stated that she thought she would have to sell this horse at a loss in her first now disapeared post. Why? I'm sorry but this horse must be worth MORE than what she paid to start with and could surely bring her way enough money to buy a more trained, smaller, less 'fancier' type of horse that she is looking for and that would suit her riding better.

                    Really, at least, she should have asked her trainer or some horsey friend she has...

                    She already feel 'screwed' by her trainer for finding her a well-bred, sound, nice brain, good looking horse from a reputable breeding farm...wait 'till she finds her friend was wrong...

                    You make my point perfectly. We do not ever have all the information when we're having this kind of discussion, but our brains have a penchant for filling in the gaps. So we very easily assume a great deal such as, the advice she received from her non-horse person is likely wrong. Do you know her? Do you know her non-horsey friend?

                    No, of course not. My point exactly.

                    Paula
                    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Alagirl View Post
                      what do you want?

                      it's over and done with. The horse is the size it is, you either learn to ride it or you sell it.

                      She is mad at the trainer? I get it. There are people I am mad at, for much longer than she is.

                      but there is really nothing else she can do.

                      She was gullible at the time, allowing a person to cut her off from communications with a seller. On a big ticket item.

                      She is better off than those who get the unsound of mind or body lemon, or buying a pony when they need the big horse, since, well, the taller horse fetches the better price.

                      After several comebacks (not to forget the idea of going Godfather on the trainer and putting a horse head - presumably the one of the unfortunate creature she owns) in her bed....I don't think I have ever had that fantasy....and I can come up with some wild stuff!

                      patience does wear thin when you tell somebody a) the problem is really not that big even if the horse is and b) what the options are, realistically speaking.

                      I really don't see there any other options.
                      is it mean to tell her that?
                      After 19 posts of butbutbut....
                      yeah, that's when the sunshine and butterflies get scaled back....
                      mean an bullying? If you think so. certainly.
                      People had been doing it since the first page and it wasn't working. That's the problem. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again because you expect different results. You're saying you were insensitive and demeaning towards her because she was gullible? Are you implying that this is what gullible people deserve?

                      Just think about it. I say it's important to be tactful, and you say it's not because she's gullible and said things that offended you. Sometimes you just gotta be the bigger horse.


                      Originally posted by Isabeau Z Solace View Post
                      I believe you when you say you are not aware of how this behavior is bullying.

                      Why do you think so many people have the energy to repeat the same negative feed back over, and over, and over and over?

                      The COTH 'community' seems to feel perfectly fine verbally 'whipping' an errant human over and over again. Though they would never tolerate similar treatment of a horse.

                      Do you understand that screaming louder at someone who does not understand you will not facilitate communication with that person?

                      The COTH 'community' acts more like a spoiled teenager wailing on a horse than anything else in these situations.

                      If you saw someone striking a horse with a whip repeatedly until the horse broke free and ran away, you would understand why the horse ran away. Yet when you repeatedly attack a poster, you say it is their fault when run away.

                      Do you understand how someone watching you engaging in this behavior would call it bullying?
                      Yes yes YES!!!!

                      Thank you for this post, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

                      Originally posted by Beam Me Up View Post
                      I think, had the question been posed as "I bought a yearling and it grew larger than I wanted but is otherwise awesome, should I keep or sell?" the advice would have been much less emotional.

                      Most of the fervor came from her glue factory comment and the suggestion that she might sue the trainer for setting her up to possibly end up with a tall horse. Horse death jokes and frivolous lawsuits both get people riled up here.

                      I view it the way I view a horse being melodramatic: I just ignore all the unnecessary side drama the horse is creating until it goes away and focus on the task at hand. If I stopped everything and issued a correction every time a horse kicked out I'd never get anywhere. That's why in my post I completely ignored the glue comments. I don't reward those. I "reward" the parts of a post that aren't irrational by responding exclusively to those parts.

                      Originally posted by dacasodivine View Post
                      OP was just venting. She had literally just found out that the horse she thought grew taller than predicted, had actually grown to the size predicted because her trainer misrepresented her wants to the breeder.

                      I've done the same with regard to posting before having a chance to cool off. Sure that anger at the very beginning is irrational but I'm betting everyone here has had it. We (I) just learn to cool off before posting anything on the internet.

                      OP also said she had been uncomfortable with his size for a while. She didn't suddenly decide she didn't like him because of that after finding out the trainer lied. It just really ticked her off knowing she was in that position BECAUSE of the trainer.

                      That said, hopefully OP is over her "mad" and moving on. Since she said she doesn't enjoy riding him, I do think the best thing she can do is sell him. At his height, she should get enough to find herself a smaller, but just as nice horse. Perhaps she could even get one from the breeder since she knows and likes the horses they have. She might could even work out an exchange.
                      Precisely this. I don't know how many times I've made a post in an emotional state and gone back to read it a few days later going "Wow, who WAS that person???". And on COTH I've sat and watched as an OP calmed down and was much more receptive and less emotional but people were still attacking OP and yelling at them over their original post. Which is ridiculous. We can say some pretty messed up things when we're angry or upset. Or alternatively we can jumble all of our thoughts and make an incoherent, poorly worded post that confuses people.

                      Originally posted by goneriding24 View Post
                      I know this will come off mean because I don't do emotions very well on the computer, but, my thoughts all along have been "Suck it up, cupcake, and move on."
                      Advice shouldn't be emotional. It should be logical and tactful.

                      If she is still reading, just know anyone on this board, if they have bought/sold/ridden/trained/raised/etc., every last one of us have an experience(s) of learning the hard way, no matter how we've tried to get it right. Well, basically, that's life. Learn from it and move on.

                      Hope she finds the right horse.
                      No, that's not life. Just because everybody else gets flogged doesn't mean it's right to continue doing it to the next person that comes along. And people shouldn't have to deal with it in the first place. As a horse person you should know that not all horses learn the same way. People are the same. There are some horses/people that can handle a more militant training style, and others that need a more reassuring style.
                      Originally posted by Isabeau Z Solace View Post
                      I think piling on is proving to be an unsuccessful strategy for communication. As a small industry, we need to, if not nurture the 'community,' then at least refrain from destroying the willingness to participate.

                      If some feel they have so much experience, perhaps they can develop a better strategy for communicating that experience. A strategy that does not involve making the other involved party leave.
                      BLESS THIS POST

                      No one can accuse me of excess finesse or tact. (I am working on it, I swear)

                      However... many, many, many people repeatedly bonking someone over the proverbial discussion board head does not seem to work as a communication method.

                      I am a little confused why, when a certain idea has been expressed many times already, people feel the need to express that (negative) sentiment over again, and again, and again, and again.

                      I think it is just lazy. And self indulgent. Easier to give in to knee jerk emotional nastiness than to take the time to come up with productive ideas. Easier to add your voice to the mob.

                      But what is the result? The OP has left. And now everyone can sit around and say what a pathetic looser and jerk they are. So what? Did you win? Is that the goal? To ally yourself with the winning side?
                      You are my hero. This is exactly what I'm talking about.

                      Riding instructors have to deal with a plethora of idiots, stupid riders and self indulgent kids on a daily basis. Imagine if they treated their clients the way COTH often treats people. Now, true, COTHers don't get paid, but if your real goal is honestly to help that person improve and make them a better horseman, you do not go about it by hitting them over the head with insults. I'd rather be sympathetic and welcome an idiot into my barn where they can actually learn a thing or two than call them an idiot, point out the flaws in everything they say and be completely unapproachable until they inevitably leave.

                      If the goal of posters on here was actually to help and not take out their negative feelings on another person, they wouldn't chase people away.

                      Comment


                      • Advice shouldn't be emotional. It should be logical and tactful.


                        Logical, yes.
                        tactful?
                        maybe.
                        Sometimes no.

                        However, some people do get their knickers twisted when they are confronted with unemotional facts, plain talk. Straight forward....
                        Originally posted by BigMama1
                        Facts don't have versions. If they do, they are opinions
                        GNU Terry Prachett

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Alagirl View Post


                          Logical, yes.
                          tactful?
                          maybe.
                          Sometimes no.

                          However, some people do get their knickers twisted when they are confronted with unemotional facts, plain talk. Straight forward....
                          There are no bad students, only bad teachers.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by ladyfreckles View Post
                            There are no bad students, only bad teachers.


                            nah, there are bad students.
                            Originally posted by BigMama1
                            Facts don't have versions. If they do, they are opinions
                            GNU Terry Prachett

                            Comment


                            • No kindly advice or coddling is going to change an attitude like the one shown by the OP- talking about glue factories and chopping her horse's head off all because horse is 4 inches taller than she hoped (and now blames the trainer ).


                              It's weird and offensive to some so of course gets several negative replies along with undying support and loooove from others..

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by alibi_18 View Post
                                I've read the whole thread, before everything from the OP went missing and the only thing I have to say is that after all was said here, the first thing she does is go get her answer from an unknowledgeable person.
                                I'm kind of wondering while folks are saying poor OP is being bullied by COTHers- when my read of the original post was 'trainer forbade me from contacting breeder.' Hello? Who's the bully? The person who is allegedly helping (for pay) the OP? And, frankly, who would put up with that from a trainer? (Better as an issue for a separate discussion thread no doubt). I also note the 'reason for editing' on post #1 is not 'I'm being picked on by COTH' but rather 'regret that I posted in the mood I was in.'

                                Agree that the OP would do well to just suck it up, learn the lesson, and move forward with life.

                                Comment


                                • I think maybe OT was closed too soon. I did not think this issue was much of a big deal. Op not comfortable riding a big warmblood....someone else would be. Who cares.

                                  Comment


                                  • Ive not read this entire thread and don't know any more details about this horse other than it apparently got too big... well there are some horses that breeders hoped would be ponies and they got honies - sometimes it's hit or miss. We've a horse at my barn, dam was 16 hands, sire a large pony - they were hoping for about 15.2 and what they got was 16.2 hands. ; the fellow I got my horse from said he was 16 hands - he was under 16 hands for about 2 years and then had a growth spurt - it happens. I'm not sure how this was all misrepresented to the OP and geez and it's supposed to be a nice horse to boot. I can understand why the OP might feel it's too much horse for them. And while we don't know what advice their nonhorse friend gave them - s a person from the "outside" see things from a different perspective which can sometimes make more sense than those of us with more knowledge or experience. Like a fresh set of eyes.

                                    Comment


                                    • Originally posted by ladyfreckles View Post
                                      No, that's not life. Just because everybody else gets flogged doesn't mean it's right to continue doing it to the next person that comes along. And people shouldn't have to deal with it in the first place. As a horse person you should know that not all horses learn the same way. People are the same. There are some horses/people that can handle a more militant training style, and others that need a more reassuring style.
                                      I don't walk on eggshells for anyone and that means anyone. She and I might not synch, that's fine, others here are willing to deal a bit farther than I will. I'm not changing my ways of dealing with others to suit someone else's protected feelings. Believe me, I've come from a place very similar to her feelings, now I think it's just being a victim, which I refuse to do NOW.

                                      So, it might behoove her to get a grip, suck it up and deal with it. Sell the horse, trade the horse, keep the horse, but, criminy, make a decision and stick with it. Hopefully, the next horse she looks at, a bit of this episode will stick with her and she'll 'grill' the broker over what IS expected and what isn't. Victimhood isn't attractive.
                                      Last edited by goneriding24; Jan. 5, 2013, 11:26 PM. Reason: .
                                      GR24's Musing #19 - Save the tatas!!

                                      Comment


                                      • Originally posted by goneriding24 View Post
                                        I don't walk on eggshells for anyone and that means anyone. She and I might not synch, that's fine, others here are willing to deal a bit farther than I will. I'm not changing my ways of dealing with others to suit someone else's protected feelings. Believe me, I've come from a place very similar to her feelings, now I think it's just being a victim, which I refuse to do NOW.

                                        So, it might behoove her to get a grip, suck it up and deal with it. Sell the horse, trade the horse, keep the horse, but, criminy, make a decision and stick with it. Hopefully, the next horse she looks at, a bit of this episode will stick with her and she'll 'grill' the broker over what IS expected and what isn't. Victimhood isn't attractive.
                                        I mean, after a while you have to take action.
                                        Something.
                                        anything
                                        Originally posted by BigMama1
                                        Facts don't have versions. If they do, they are opinions
                                        GNU Terry Prachett

                                        Comment


                                        • Last barn. Same dam and sire. One was 17.2, the other 15.1. They named the little one Squirt. You just never know.

                                          Comment

                                          Working...
                                          X