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Got screwed by a former trainer, now what do I do?

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  • What a trainwreck, The OP has only 19 posts ( all deleted now) does anyone but myself feel that a trainwreck was the plan all along?

    OP -If said horse exists at all sell him and do not get another horse because any horse you get will not be live up to your perfect horse expectations.
    A pussycat of a horse with a chewed off tail won the triple crown, The Cubs won the world series and Trump won the Presidency.
    Don't tell me 'It can't be done.'

    Comment


    • This must be a record for COTH bullying -the poster has had only 19 posts and we've succeeded in running her off her own thread.

      Brilliant.
      Paula
      He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).

      Comment


      • Originally posted by paulaedwina View Post
        This must be a record for COTH bullying -the poster has had only 19 posts and we've succeeded in running her off her own thread.

        Brilliant.
        Paula
        Bullying?

        Not really seeing it.

        I do find it rather strange that after 5 years the OP realizes she has been with the wrong trainer....As I said, I would love to hear what Judge Judy would have to say about her case. I think there would be harsher language involved than what we get away with!

        Unless you lived under a rock your entire riding carrier (it happens a lot, as COTH has taught me though) one should know that horses do grow at least until they are 4 years old, but likely until they are 6 or 7.
        So you buy a baby that is already almost the height you want it to be....
        GAWD...you are asking for it.

        And of course, there is the little thing about predictability in breeding....
        No breeder will guarantee you anything. The best they can do is give you another breeding or don't ask stud fees if the foal won't live to see the next day!

        The OP was gullible. Got taken for a ride (and I would LOVE to hear the stories that actually show the trainer is crooked!) and is now mad. 5 years later....

        What can you possibly tell her?

        Well you tell her the truth:
        the options - ride or sell, it's up to her.
        other than that, there is nothing else she can do.
        She can waste time on being mad at herself anf the trainer, but a heck of a lot good that will do.

        And of course, if you don't like the answers you get, you can always pack up your toys and play elsewhere.

        COTH can be incredibly caring.
        But the community seldom hold the hands of fools who live in the clouds and can't see the real issues.....

        Comment


        • On an emotional "spiritual healing" note... I sure would take a hand bigger or smaller if my mare could see again. Hate to whine but god do I wish I had your dilemma.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by 5 View Post
            What a trainwreck, The OP has only 19 posts ( all deleted now) does anyone but myself feel that a trainwreck was the plan all along?

            OP -If said horse exists at all sell him and do not get another horse because any horse you get will not be live up to your perfect horse expectations.
            but dammit....not house guests, and the trainer didn't show up, or the breeder...booo....

            Comment


            • RE: But the community seldom hold the hands of fools who live in the clouds and can't see the real issues.....(Alagirl)

              I think this line speaks right to my point. She's a fool who lives in the clouds and can't see the real issues? Do you know this person and have background information that we are not privy to, or are you basing these conclusions on a discussion thread on the internet?

              Paula
              He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).

              Comment


              • Right, so clearly the next person who says that they bought a horse sight unseen that is perfect in every way except for the fact that he's too large...let's tell 'em to sue. If we don't baby them, we're big meanies. You are absolutely right. It's so much kinder to let her live in delusional land where the height of a horse is OMGTHEWORSTTHINGEVA, when we've got people who can't feed their animals, or people who are dealing with horses that they are stuck with with severe behavioral issues.

                I'm sure the OP is a lovely lady, but I'm not above shaking her so that perhaps she sees that her problem really isn't a problem at all.

                Sometimes you need honey, other times you need the castor oil. This is a castor oil kind of a treatment.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by paulaedwina View Post
                  RE: But the community seldom hold the hands of fools who live in the clouds and can't see the real issues.....(Alagirl)

                  I think this line speaks right to my point. She's a fool who lives in the clouds and can't see the real issues? Do you know this person and have background information that we are not privy to, or are you basing these conclusions on a discussion thread on the internet?

                  Paula
                  From the get-go we know this person is not experienced. If they were then they would have looked at the cannon bone on the horse and been able to come up with a pretty good idea of final height. I don't mean to milli-micon, but certainly within half a hand. And if they had done that then there would have been no "drama" (no matter what the trainer said or didn't say, allegedly).

                  Someone suggested the whole thing was an ad. Another suggestion was that this was just "trolling." Either is possible.

                  My take on the OP is that, if they are not a shill or a troll, then they are a semi-professional "whiner." You don't have to read all 19 posts to figure that one out.

                  My advice to the OP to grow up stands.

                  G.
                  Mangalarga Marchador: Uma Raça, Uma Paixão

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by paulaedwina View Post
                    RE: But the community seldom hold the hands of fools who live in the clouds and can't see the real issues.....(Alagirl)

                    I think this line speaks right to my point. She's a fool who lives in the clouds and can't see the real issues? Do you know this person and have background information that we are not privy to, or are you basing these conclusions on a discussion thread on the internet?

                    Paula
                    she has some serious First World problems.

                    wait, does serious fit in line with FWP?

                    Her horse is to big for her.
                    sell or learn how to ride, what other options are there?

                    Yes, I think she was foolish. A grown person allowing herself to be dictated by a hired professional. Nobody forbids me to talk to people I am effectively doing business with.

                    From what she said in 19 posts, she pretty much fits the bill.

                    Asking for advice is fine.
                    But when the responses do not fit with what you want to hear, you can't just whine about it.

                    However, i did not call the OP a fool. I said COTH does not coddle them.
                    Semantics, I know, but there we are.

                    Comment


                    • When all of one's problems are all someone else's fault: One is begging for a good swift kick in the bee-hind. Especially when one fantasizes about cutting one's good horse's head off. Telling someone to grow up and own the mess they made...errm, that's not bullying.

                      Bullying is seeking out someone with a weakness, real or perceived, and creating circumstances in order to take gross advantage of that weakness.

                      It's the new buzzword for holding people accountable. Or is my rubric talking out of my extinction burst?

                      Comment


                      • I wanted to post what really getting screwed looks like but I refrained.

                        ETA horsewise that is...horsewise.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by katarine View Post
                          When all of one's problems are all someone else's fault: One is begging for a good swift kick in the bee-hind. Especially when one fantasizes about cutting one's good horse's head off. Telling someone to grow up and own the mess they made...errm, that's not bullying.

                          Bullying is seeking out someone with a weakness, real or perceived, and creating circumstances in order to take gross advantage of that weakness.

                          It's the new buzzword for holding people accountable. Or is my rubric talking out of my extinction burst?
                          your what is talking out of your what?

                          yeah, you tell somebody they don't want to hear you are mean...mean=bully...there!

                          Comment


                          • I'm actually with Paula on this one. But hear me out as to why.

                            Do I agree with everything the OP said? No. I think she was a little inexperienced and silly. I think she said things that I would never say in a million years (like wanting to send her horse to the glue factory). That being said, the majority of messages I saw people sending towards her came off as mildly hostile, rude, judgmental, and angry.

                            I ask you: what kind of person would look at comments like that and go "oh I understand now!"? Most people would just feel attacked and go on the defensive. I would have not told her to sue, but gently told her she needs to move on. Which is the same thing you guys did, without saying WOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GET OVER IT, SERIOUSLY.

                            I've seen this happen in so many threads where people jump on minor things. And you use the excuse that "well she's an idiot should we encourage idiocy?!?"... and to that my answer is no. But there is a huge difference between being tactful and encouraging idiocy. Unfortunately we choose to demean the person instead. We choose to make them feel bad about their decisions, like they are bad people. The judgment is just... over the top on here.

                            And I've done it too, I'm no innocent. But bullying is there and we're not helping anybody by denying it and saying we're justified.

                            Comment


                            • NINE PAGES??

                              Okay, personally, I don't have a problem with judgmental. We are each judgmental every day of our lives. Maybe we don't say it out loud, but, if you're a human, you're judgmental.

                              I had the feeling the OP was living in the clouds and kind of whiny. To which I say, tough cookies. I'm not walking on eggshells for anyone, nor do I expect them to for me. That's manipulation. Not playing the game, which is why this board is sooooo good!!
                              GR24's Musing #19 - Save the tatas!!

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by ladyfreckles View Post
                                I'm actually with Paula on this one. But hear me out as to why.

                                Do I agree with everything the OP said? No. I think she was a little inexperienced and silly. I think she said things that I would never say in a million years (like wanting to send her horse to the glue factory). That being said, the majority of messages I saw people sending towards her came off as mildly hostile, rude, judgmental, and angry.

                                I ask you: what kind of person would look at comments like that and go "oh I understand now!"? Most people would just feel attacked and go on the defensive. I would have not told her to sue, but gently told her she needs to move on. Which is the same thing you guys did, without saying WOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GET OVER IT, SERIOUSLY.

                                I've seen this happen in so many threads where people jump on minor things. And you use the excuse that "well she's an idiot should we encourage idiocy?!?"... and to that my answer is no. But there is a huge difference between being tactful and encouraging idiocy. Unfortunately we choose to demean the person instead. We choose to make them feel bad about their decisions, like they are bad people. The judgment is just... over the top on here.

                                And I've done it too, I'm no innocent. But bullying is there and we're not helping anybody by denying it and saying we're justified.
                                what do you want?

                                it's over and done with. The horse is the size it is, you either learn to ride it or you sell it.

                                She is mad at the trainer? I get it. There are people I am mad at, for much longer than she is.

                                but there is really nothing else she can do.

                                She was gullible at the time, allowing a person to cut her off from communications with a seller. On a big ticket item.

                                She is better off than those who get the unsound of mind or body lemon, or buying a pony when they need the big horse, since, well, the taller horse fetches the better price.

                                After several comebacks (not to forget the idea of going Godfather on the trainer and putting a horse head - presumably the one of the unfortunate creature she owns) in her bed....I don't think I have ever had that fantasy....and I can come up with some wild stuff!

                                patience does wear thin when you tell somebody a) the problem is really not that big even if the horse is and b) what the options are, realistically speaking.

                                I really don't see there any other options.
                                is it mean to tell her that?
                                After 19 posts of butbutbut....
                                yeah, that's when the sunshine and butterflies get scaled back....
                                mean an bullying? If you think so. certainly.

                                Comment


                                • Originally posted by ladyfreckles View Post
                                  I think she said things that I would never say in a million years (like wanting to send her horse to the glue factory). That being said, the majority of messages I saw people sending towards her came off as mildly hostile, rude, judgmental, and angry.

                                  I ask you: what kind of person would look at comments like that and go "oh I understand now!"? Most people would just feel attacked and go on the defensive.
                                  And that's why she posted that a non-horsey friend gave her ~the~ answer. Since a usable answer can pretty much only be sell/trade or ride the thing yourself, and she was told this multiple times here, it's an ego defense mechanism. COTH didn't help her, COTH was mean; her lovely friend gave her the way forward.

                                  The "forgiveness work" and spiritual challenge made me laugh, because it reminds me so much of what a certain relative of mine would say in similar circumstances.
                                  Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia

                                  Comment


                                  • Originally posted by katarine View Post
                                    When all of one's problems are all someone else's fault: One is begging for a good swift kick in the bee-hind. Especially when one fantasizes about cutting one's good horse's head off. Telling someone to grow up and own the mess they made...errm, that's not bullying.

                                    Bullying is seeking out someone with a weakness, real or perceived, and creating circumstances in order to take gross advantage of that weakness.

                                    It's the new buzzword for holding people accountable. Or is my rubric talking out of my extinction burst?
                                    I believe you when you say you are not aware of how this behavior is bullying.

                                    Why do you think so many people have the energy to repeat the same negative feed back over, and over, and over and over?

                                    The COTH 'community' seems to feel perfectly fine verbally 'whipping' an errant human over and over again. Though they would never tolerate similar treatment of a horse.

                                    Do you understand that screaming louder at someone who does not understand you will not facilitate communication with that person?

                                    The COTH 'community' acts more like a spoiled teenager wailing on a horse than anything else in these situations.

                                    If you saw someone striking a horse with a whip repeatedly until the horse broke free and ran away, you would understand why the horse ran away. Yet when you repeatedly attack a poster, you say it is their fault when run away.

                                    Do you understand how someone watching you engaging in this behavior would call it bullying?
                                    "Friend" me !

                                    http://www.facebook.com/isabeau.solace

                                    Comment


                                    • I think, had the question been posed as "I bought a yearling and it grew larger than I wanted but is otherwise awesome, should I keep or sell?" the advice would have been much less emotional.

                                      Most of the fervor came from her glue factory comment and the suggestion that she might sue the trainer for setting her up to possibly end up with a tall horse. Horse death jokes and frivolous lawsuits both get people riled up here.

                                      Comment


                                      • Originally posted by Isabeau Z Solace View Post
                                        I believe you when you say you are not aware of how this behavior is bullying.

                                        Why do you think so many people have the energy to repeat the same negative feed back over, and over, and over and over?

                                        The COTH 'community' seems to feel perfectly fine verbally 'whipping' an errant human over and over again. Though they would never tolerate similar treatment of a horse.

                                        Do you understand that screaming louder at someone who does not understand you will not facilitate communication with that person?

                                        The COTH 'community' acts more like a spoiled teenager wailing on a horse than anything else in these situations.

                                        If you saw someone striking a horse with a whip repeatedly until the horse broke free and ran away, you would understand why the horse ran away. Yet when you repeatedly attack a poster, you say it is their fault when run away.

                                        Do you understand how someone watching you engaging in this behavior would call it bullying?
                                        says she who does not mince words either....

                                        oye veh.

                                        At least, after the Parelli wreckling the universe is in balance again, since we are happily disagreeing again.

                                        Comment


                                        • We climbed all over 2ndrygal for many of the same comments...(although she has redeemed herself since) why is it wrong here?

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