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When a friend takes advantage . .Dec Update pg 3

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  • When a friend takes advantage . .Dec Update pg 3

    and stiffs you on board and hay, what do you do? I've been boarding a friends horses for a few months for pasture only (no hay included) until October and getting paid each month has been a struggle. This month the payment never came, hay hasn't been purchased etc. I just keep getting excuses and lies and now emails/messages won't be returned.

    They are supposed to be leave by the 1st and all fees settled but in my heart I don't believe it's going to happen. It's eating me apart and I'm tired of crying over it. I'm a single mom with 4 of my own to take care of and I feel so betrayed. I've already fed them 35 bales of my own homegrown hay and only have 3 more left. I can't afford to go spend $15 a bale on hay to feed 3 horses that aren't mine, one of which is pregnant.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. I've really lost faith and feel like a friendship has been lost due to this. I've been keeping it to myself for weeks and didn't want to air my dirty laundry, but some insight would be greatly appreciated. I never believed she would do this to me, or to the neighbors who provided breeding services to her.

    Last edited by FLIPPED HER HALO; Dec. 19, 2008, 12:25 PM.
    Cloverfox Stables

  • #2
    You have learned the unfortunate lesson that friends and business don't work.

    Has she been coming out to see them, or have they been more or less "dumped" on you?

    Check your state's laws. In my state, you cannot hold a horse for unpaid bills - if the horse is abandoned unto you, there is a legal process you must go through.

    If she has been coming out, you must confront her - even if the thought makes you want to hurl.

    Good luck - so sorry that this has happened.

    Comment


    • #3
      Send an email and leave a phone message. OR say this if you see friend.

      "I have no hay left to feed your horses between now and October 1 when they are moving. And I have no $$ to buy hay. You owe me XXX (what you will pay to replace the hay you've fed) for the hay I have provided. Please provide your own hay immediately or move your horses early."

      Easier said than done...but what else can you do? You're stuck.

      Good luck!

      Comment


      • #4
        I sooooo feel your pain. I have a 3 yr old filly on my farm that belongs to a friend of my daughter. Her owners have decided that she isn't "fun" anymore and don't want her anymore. They haven't paid board in 2 months. I think they are waiting for ME to find a buyer for her and take my back board out of her sale price. Any idea how well unbroke 3 yr olds are selling in MI right now? I have a couple of people that I know I could give her to, but I can't do it without her owners signing her over to me first. In the meantime, she is eating my hay, grain, etc. without paying for it.

        I have learned my lesson - trying to be nice to people, when it comes to boarding their horses, usually ends up biting you in the a$$. I wish you the best of luck with your situation - it stinks.
        Lapeer ... a small drinking town with a farming problem.
        Proud Closet Canterer!

        Comment


        • #5
          I dunno...not all "friend" boarding deals go south. I board at a friend's place and I pay my board.

          They're obviously in a tight spot. And they're probably ashamed and just trying to ignore a problem that is not going to go away.


          I think if I were in your shoes, I would try a slightly different approach. The guilt trip.

          IE: via email "Dear friend--I can't imagine what kind of tight spot you're in right now but I can only assume it's really stressing you out because I haven't heard from you at all. Look, I'm not mad, I don't hate you. It's just that I'm a single mom with 4 of my own to feed and I cannot afford to feed yours. I simply can't. It's not that I don't WANT to help you out in that way, I just don't have the money. I'm afraid your horses are going to start going down hill now that the pasture is drying up. I've already supplemented them with my hay--and now I'm out. I can't buy them anymore. Really. I have no more money.

          You've got to come and get them or bring some hay. Or bring some money. Something. Otherwise, in order to protect my own and myself, I'm going to have to start legal proceedings. I don't WANT to. Lord, I don't want to. But I am going to have to go there because I can't feed them and I don't want to see horses starve.

          Please call me. Email me. Bring hay. Come get the horses. Whatever. But I cannot feed them."

          And then, check out your state laws for stable liens and start the paperwork.
          A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

          Might be a reason, never an excuse...

          Comment


          • #6
            This has happened too me so many times Here is what I say:

            I value our friendship enough that I want you to move your horses to another barn immediately. The finances of me keeping your horses for you will pull our friendship apart, and I do not want that.


            Remember Never Ever subsidies someone else's hobbie EVER!
            "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there"

            Comment


            • #7
              First of all I think you have to realise this person is not your friend. If they were your friend they would at least try to communicate with you.

              Since you two were friendly at one time, I assume you know where this person lives. I would not rely on email and voice mail, I would go to their house and try to speak to them in person. It is one thing for this person to ignore emails and screen calls, it is nother thing to ignore someone on the doorstep.
              Auventera Two:Some women would eat their own offspring if they had some dipping sauce.
              Serious Leigh: it sounds like her drama llama should be an old schoolmaster by now.

              Comment


              • #8
                It's sad to say, but I think Rockinghorse is right. A person who would take advantage of you, especially in your situation as a single Mom trying to make it on your own, is not a friend. This is the type of situation where you will see a person's true colors, and it sounds like your 'boarder' is a taker.

                I think you should send her a registered letter demanding payment and making it clear that the horses will not be allowed to leave the property unless all bills are paid in full.

                I had a boarder who was so up against if financially that she sometimes paid me in dollar bills and change, and my board was only $150 a month. She was often late but she always paid. I think you should ask your boarder to give you some $$ immediately as a show of good faith that she doesn't expect you to feed her horses out of your pocket.

                Be prepared, though. Intuition is a powerful thing and if you have a bad feeling about this boarder, you are probably right.

                Best of luck to you.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I have just been through this....

                  and I am walking away from the co-op I established after 3 years of trying to make it affordable for my friends to keep their horses.....I am so relieved to give notice to my land owner, dissolve the contract and walk away with my sanity sort of in tact....I am out a lot of money ..and I am too nice....I will go to rough board with a friend and NEVER NEVER NEVER be late...I have been on the receiving end...and would never do that to a friend.....
                  he's a big horse with short legs...really!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Next time ask for a deposit up front that will cover a month or two of upkeep, and get something in writing that states you will assume ownership of the horse in the event that bills are not paid for ____ months.

                    Does she have a fenced yard? I'd take the horse and tie it to her back porch, as long as you know she's home.

                    ETA that it's not YOUR actions that have led to the loss of this "friendship". This lady is no friend of yours, and it's none of your doing.
                    Click here before you buy.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I find it completely despicable for a "friend" to assume that you are able and willing to feed her horses. How tough is your hide? You might have to lock up her assets until she has made financial restitution. I would not allow the horses to leave until she has given you a either a cash/money order for the costs that you have incurred.
                      It is not the time to be emotional, you have a family to provide for, and taking advantage of your kindness does not replace the hay and grain that you have fed to her animals. Develop your spine, you'll need it as your children get older. Sorry if this sounds harsh, my experience has taught me to take care of family first and friends later, AND I choose my friends carefully.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        So sorry this happened to you, - document everything you can, take photos of her horses in you place with dates and check your small claims court regulations or talk to a lawyer friend. I agree this person is not your true friend! I was in a coop boarding situation for over 8 years with the same people and other than a few minor tiffs never had anything this ugly. Good Luck and don't lose your faith in everyone because of this.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          In most states you cannot prevent the horses from being moved without a lien filed and that takes about three days, through an equine attorney. Plus, you have to give the owners notice you are going to file a lien, hence the three days. So, that gives the owners three days to move their horses. I have been through this with friends (not anymore) and people who have boarded here. I send a registered letter of my intent to file a warrant in debt and a lien, in my boarding contract it states that, but I send it out in writing anyway. If they pay and move their horses, great. If not, we go to court. I win if they show up, if they don't show up and don't ever pay your only satisfaction is that a judgment will be filed and it will screw up their credit. Sorry you are going through this, but most of us who board any horses, whether one or one hundred, we end up with a few who just don't pay. Good luck! Sarah
                          www.hilltopfarmva.com

                          Facebook: Hilltop Farm VA

                          Comment

                          • Original Poster

                            #14
                            Thanks everyone

                            I have been feeling really guilty about posting this and was going to delete it tonite. Unfortunately I'm one of those people who wears my heart on my sleeve. Your support and similar situations (though I'm sorry you had to go through them too) are a bit comforting. I've pointed out the situation to the owner several times - need hay, need farrier, etc. She knows money is tight and I've reminded her several times. It doesn't make a difference. I feel pretty pathetic that now I just cry in frustration. I do have boarding paperwork that states I can do a lien and I hate to do it but this isn't fair. I pointed that out to her this week as well and she didn't reply.

                            I think the hardest part in all this is being lied to. I'm one of those people who will go out of my way for people in my life. But don't ever lie to me. I know how it is to be low on funds and scraping to get by. But I have NEVER skimped on board when I used to board and my horses never did without. I would go without before my horses would. I'm not a boarding facility - we got our own place 2 years ago and I had room to help out so I did. And it's all come to haunt me. Even with my neighbor I've told my friend several times to "at least make a good faith payment!" but its either that the check was lost in the mail or its ignored. They haven't heard from her in months and are owed a few thousand. I feel guilty every time I am there to hang out. They even said they didn't picture her being like this and especially not doing this to me. It pisses me off when I see pics of her new horse she's sharing on the internet while I'm sitting here waiting for the others to be paid for.

                            Can somebody please pull the SUCKER sign off my back now??
                            Cloverfox Stables

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by FLIPPED HER HALO View Post
                              and stiffs you on board and hay, what do you do? I've been boarding a friends horses for a few months for pasture only (no hay included) until October and getting paid each month has been a struggle. This month the payment never came, hay hasn't been purchased etc. I just keep getting excuses and lies and now emails/messages won't be returned.

                              They are supposed to be leave by the 1st and all fees settled but in my heart I don't believe it's going to happen. It's eating me apart and I'm tired of crying over it. I'm a single mom with 4 of my own to take care of and I feel so betrayed. I've already fed them 35 bales of my own homegrown hay and only have 3 more left. I can't afford to go spend $15 a bale on hay to feed 3 horses that aren't mine, one of which is pregnant.

                              I just don't know what to do anymore. I've really lost faith and feel like a friendship has been lost due to this. I've been keeping it to myself for weeks and didn't want to air my dirty laundry, but some insight would be greatly appreciated. I never believed she would do this to me, or to the neighbors who provided breeding services to her.

                              I am sorry you are going through this FHH. I hope it gets resolved soon. Hopefully a little public humiliation will result in some action.
                              www.glenhillfarm.com
                              www.learntolikepink.com my journey with breast cancer
                              http://www.facebook.com/pages/Petalu...2907692?ref=ts

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                File the lien and be done with it. The sooner this is behind you, the sooner you can stop stressing over it. Do you have a boarding contract with your friend?

                                Also, I find it interesting that your friend can afford internet access, and probably a cell phone, but can't come up with the $$$ to feed her horse. Priorities...

                                Also, you have no reason to feel guilty. You have done nothing wrong, other than not being independently wealthy so you can support your friend's horse habit...

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Also sorry you are going through this. I went through it once and that was enough. My so-called friend (no longer) kept her horse w/ me for many months, including some winter months. After a couple months of not paying and basically disappearing w/out a trace, I called her mom and "tattled" on her grown daughter for not taking care of her horse/board. (She was also in the process of making payments on a new horse, a coming yearling, but couldn't pay for the one she already had!!) She baled her daughter out and the horse was moved not long after that.

                                  Good luck and if all else fails, call her parents!!
                                  A Merrick N Dream Farm
                                  Proud Member of "Someone Special to me serves in the Military" Clique

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    I think the hardest part in all this is being lied to. I'm one of those people who will go out of my way for people in my life. But don't ever lie to me
                                    This is not your fault. You have a good heart, but a thin skin. There are far worse flaws. File the lien, thicken your skin, and remind yourself you're doing no wrong.
                                    Click here before you buy.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I, too, have allowed myself to be taken advantage of by a former "friend" who boarded with me many years ago and never again! I think that you need to confront her in person (go to her home, as some others suggested) and tell her that, if the horses are not moved by October 1st, you will file a lien on them. This may motivate her to get them off your property (and feed bill). I'd be surprised if you can recoup what she owes you, but at least the problem won't be ongoing. Chalk it up to a hard learned life lesson (as most of them are) and move on.
                                      P.S. Hope Aiden is getting better - keep me posted.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by FLIPPED HER HALO View Post

                                        Can somebody please pull the SUCKER sign off my back now??
                                        Usually I am the one who is wearing it. Sorry it got pinned on you. My Husband is always saying "Woody" pull your spin out of the closet and wear it today - PLEASE! I just hate being a doormat, but on the other hand I want to believe that all people are good and have good intentions. I mean I know that is wrong, I just wish a spade would be a spade would be a spade and my faith would be intact.
                                        "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there"

                                        Comment

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