• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Making it work.. How do you?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #21
    No advice, just comisseration.

    Over a year ago, I decided I was going to buy a horse and keep it in training at a barn very close to my house so I could have a finely tuned animal to ride (vs. hauling a horse out of my own pasture who had been sitting for months!). Didn't work out quite as I planned.

    Then my husband and I took on guardianship of two teenaged family members who needed a place to live. So now I'm up to 4 children (3, 6, 15 and now 18). My husband is my lifeline and an awesome dad and husband, but he works in agriculture and from the start of barley season in May until beans are done (usually December but got done early this year!) there is not enough of him to go around. On top of that I do shift work. It's hard. My family is my priority and sometimes I have to get a sitter just so I can have a peaceful meal with my husband. Sometimes I think I could be using that time to ride but any fellow parent knows that a happy marriage is more important.

    Every winter I send a horse or 2 to a friend's facility for the winter. This cuts down on my work at home, which is nice especially when the daylight is so sparse. It also lets me have access to an indoor, albeit a tiny one. Luckily my friend doesn't care when I ride. If it's 6am or 11pm he could care less as long as I lock up.

    I don't have it down at all. Laundry piles up on me. Days go by and I don't ride. Before I know it, it's been 10 days. It's frustrating. And then I watch the news and see that over 100 people perished in a sweatshop fire because there were no exits. And I remember horses are a luxury.

    When it's been too long and I miss it too much, I'll make the time, even if I have to cancel appointments and miss a dental cleaning I'm overdue for. Soon enough the littlest one will be in school too and I tell myself I'll have more time then. Maybe!

    Comment


    • #22
      No kids myself, but I've been thinking about this issue. For years I worked 60-70+ hours a week and rode 3-5 times a week. Some things really helped me...
      Cooking less. I'm not suggesting fast food, but there are so many pre-made healthy options in the stores/restaurants nowadays. And that will reduce...
      Cleaning. Maybe someone comes periodically to help with cleaning?
      Maybe you don't do all the laundry yourself?
      I saw some of the pictures and could tell how much you and your (darling!) daughter adore your lovely mare!! So it's a matter of priorities. I personally think having this horse could be as great for your daughter as it is for you, and very much something you can enjoy together. So maybe she doesn't have as many other activities and you both get to enjoy this together?
      If you and your DH prioritize it, you will find a way to make it work. Don't fall into the trap of feeling guilty because you're doing something for yourself! It's healthy for kids to realize that their parents have balanced lives and outside interests. And, again, this is something that you can enjoy with your daughter. And eventually, your son may enjoy it, as well.
      And hopefully you find a part-lessor.
      It can be done. Just don't accept any guilt over it, that's just unhealthy and unnecessary!!
      Born under a rock and owned by beasts!

      Comment


      • #23
        I am in the same boat...FINALLY got my horse an important (but not life threatening surgery) so we could really get to work and FINALLY found the right barn very close to home (10 minutes)...a small private barn, so no trust worthy teens to watch the LO.

        I too work full time (an hour commute each way), my husband works 70+ hours a week (two + hours commute) and is generally home after LO has gone to bed. My nearest able bodied family member is over two hours away...I just couldnt make it work no matter how hard I tried. I my son is just now a year old and I am 5 months pregnant (I know, I know!).

        Some weeks it would all work out and the hubs could get home by 6 two nights a week and we would have a family day at the barn on Sunday, which meant I would ride three days...and other weeks would go by and I wouldnt even lay eyes on my horse.

        All I heard from friends/people was how if it meant that much I would make it work or crap like that...well guess what, life doesnt work that way, just because you want something doesnt mean you can always have it! I heard everything from putting the kid in a play pen in the ring to leaving my husband because he is not supportive enough...

        I was able to lease my horse out for a year which means he will get the work he needs and the guilt of not being able to see him is taken off of me. I was not overly thrilled with the idea, but once I found out I was pregnant again it just made sense.

        I honestly dont know that I will be able to manage riding when he comes back home since I will have two kids. Its hard...I live in a rural area, I work normal business hours, etc.

        I keep thinking once the kids get a bit older it will get easier.
        Never Ride Faster Than Your Guardian Angel Can Fly
        Way Back Texas~04/20/90-09/17/08
        Green Alligator "Captain"

        Comment


        • #24
          FG, you know what I'm going to say. Don't let yourself be guilted out of your time. Don't. It is serious. Not taking time for your own passion and activity is a way to tell your kids: "Mom is not a person to value. She is staff." Let them eat fast food 1x a week, or let the dishes sit, or put them in mismatched socks sometimes. But do what you have to do to ride.
          I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
          I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09

          Comment

          • Original Poster

            #25
            Well I have to say, while I'm sad other peeps are in the same boat, it is kind of comforting in some ways. I'm always like... What is wrong with me! If I were "dedicated" enough I'd go to the barn at 4am to ride!

            Ako, thanks for the nice comments about my mare. She is a lovely girl and my daughter adores her. I lucked out with her.... she is green and needs miles, but she is the kind of horse that, in 5 or 6 years, will be the perfect mount for my daughter. (If my daughter is interested in riding.... ) She is very sweet and honest, and she tries hard.

            I'm putting the feelers out for a half-leaser, so we'll see how that goes.
            We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.

            Comment

            • Original Poster

              #26
              Originally posted by Lori B View Post
              FG, you know what I'm going to say. Don't let yourself be guilted out of your time. Don't. It is serious. Not taking time for your own passion and activity is a way to tell your kids: "Mom is not a person to value. She is staff." Let them eat fast food 1x a week, or let the dishes sit, or put them in mismatched socks sometimes. But do what you have to do to ride.
              Lori, thanks for always being my cheerleader and the voice in my head telling me not to give up!!!!
              We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.

              Comment


              • #27
                I work full time, I have three children, three dogs and I'm married to someone with an intense job. I will tell you that for years, it didn't work horribly well. DH was supportive, but 3 kids are hard. Getting the horse the work that she needed was hard.

                My kids are older now (youngest is 11) and that helps, but I still was very uncomfortable boarding. Once I brought the horse home, and started leaving work at 3 instead of at 6...that helped. I started a business for many reasons, but one of the perks is setting my own schedule.

                So - did I manage it? Yes. Well? No. In hindsight, I think a half-lessor would have been a really good idea. I tried to get one once but found it difficult where I was and with the horses I had during that time period. Heck, even a free on-property lease would have been a good idea.

                Best of luck to you - no matter WHAT you do. Even if you take a break, that's not a bad thing either. Give yourself permission to *find* the solution!

                Comment


                • #28
                  Welcome to the Wonderful World of Parenthood.

                  When a person puts a kid on the ground that kid's health, safety, and welfare (which includes their education: moral, ethical, and intellectual) trumps all other activities (including...gasp...riding).

                  Put another way, kids, spouses, family life, etc. are ALL more important than horses.

                  I understand that this is heresy in these waters but there it is.

                  We all know that horses are "luxury goods." This is true in terms of both dollars and time. How much "luxury" can you afford? Answer this question and the rest is easy.

                  I don't suggest that anyone always likes the answer, but it's really not that hard to come up with the answer.

                  G.
                  Mangalarga Marchador: Uma Raça, Uma Paixão

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    FWIW, I found that I actually rode LESS when I had my horse at home than when he was boarded out...just more stuff to do other than riding...

                    Comment

                    • Original Poster

                      #30
                      Don't worry G, I understand the dynamic, hence the mommy guilt for even spending so much as 2 hours out of the house each week.

                      Having kids was a hard-won battle for us, so I think I think I try to over-achieve in the parenting/mommy department. I feel pretty lucky to have them both, and tend to forget that I'm a person too, sometimes.
                      We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X