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Fell off my horse, went to get Xrays, then found another surprise...

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  • #21
    I also think that you might want to consider adoption. Egads, at 35 weeks, you are nearly there!

    Good luck and in the end, I hope it all works out.

    What a shock! As someone who spent pregnancy sick as a dog and pushing the kicking fetus, I would know by 5 weeks pregnancy...so, perhaps this means good things for you in the future if you decide to have kids! It might be easy.

    Mel

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    • #22
      I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry and hope you get some good advice these last five weeks of your pregnancy.

      You know the value of adoption, and I want to let you know that I think it's a very appropriate choice in many circumstances and I don't think putting a baby up for adoption makes you a bad person or a failure. If anything, it's the most selfless thing a mother could ever do and it's something that is ALWAYS a blessing to those seeking their own child.

      Robby
      When blood is the beverage of choice, the sharpest fangs feed first.

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      • #23
        You've gotten some great advice here! I myself was adopted at birth and grew up in a loving household with parents that were able to provide well for me. My birth mother was around your age and just not prepared to raise a child. I totally understand why she made the decision she did, and I know it was the right one for both of us.

        I may get flamed for this, but I would think long and hard about letting many people know who the "father" is. He donated some sperm, that is all. If the guy finds out he's a dad, its going to put him back in your life permanently.

        Best of luck with your decisions!

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        • #24
          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Robby Johnson:
          I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry and hope you get some good advice these last five weeks of your pregnancy.

          You know the value of adoption, and I want to let you know that I think it's a very appropriate choice in many circumstances and I don't think putting a baby up for adoption makes you a bad person or a failure. If anything, it's the most selfless thing a mother could ever do and it's something that is ALWAYS a blessing to those seeking their own child.

          Robby <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

          I just wanted to second what Robby said.

          Best of luck to you.


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          • #25
            When I was in law school, I had a classmate in her late 20's who was MARRIED TO A PEDIATRICIAN who didn't figure out she was pregnant until she was 7 months along! I kid you not. There are more people than you think that this happens to. Good luck and best wishes with whatever you do.

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            • #26
              Talk to your mother ASAP & look at adoption very carefully. Good luck!

              Now, onto something I know will cause flaming but here goes: Are you sure the dr was showing you the right x-ray (yours). I mean, if you're riding you can't be morbidly obese so did you not notice your tummy getting bigger? And, any symptoms of pregnancy yet? Any movement starting in there?
              Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

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              • #27
                Carlydelee
                Thanks you so much. I agree wholeheartedly.
                In my experience these types of situations when the father is advised tend to turn the child into a pawn. The father doesn't have to go through the act of birthing a child, holding the child, and then handing the child over to the future parents.After that post pardem blues, and the day in and out thinking of the child that was once a part of you no longer being so.
                There are some men out there who I think do deserve to know, and even though we only have one side of the story, this guy sounds like a creep and I am of the belief that what he doesn't know won't hurt him.It sounds safer for you and the child and any future parties to keep it simple.

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                • #28
                  eclipse - that's a good point, but seeing as she went to the ER, where she was told the baby was ok... I'm pretty sure she's positive that she's pregnant...


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                  • #29
                    Can i just say Holy Cow!

                    I agree with the previous posters here. Look at all your options, and don't be afraid of adoption.
                    Hopeful Farm Sport Horses
                    Midwest Breeders Group
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                    • #30
                      Well if she wants to adopt the child out, she will probably have to tell the father. In Virginia, you have to get both parents' consent, but the consent of the birth father of a child born to parents who were not married to each other at the time of conception or birth is not required if his identity is not reasonably ascertainable or, if his identity is ascertainable and his whereabouts are known, he is given notice of the adoption proceeding and he fails to object within twenty-one days of the mailing of the notice. Then if the father does object it's still possible, just not easy.

                      Also, it may be another wrinkle that he is in the military. You can't get a judgment against someone in the service, even by default, under federal law. They have to be represented in the proceeding. I don't know if the adoption would count but probably since it includes terminating his parental rights and it does constitute a judgment.

                      Now if she just wants to keep it and not tell him, that's another matter. But if her fiance wanted to adopt the child someday, this would also be a problem.

                      Maybe you've mentioned this aleady but, do you know the baby's gender? Curious.
                      \"Non-violence never solved anything.\" C. Montgomery Burns

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                      • #31
                        Yikes! My blood pressure would spike too if I got that sort of news! Good advice here already. Just wanted to say be proactive, which it sounds as if you are. Another vote here for Planned Parenthood, I think they would be a great place to help you figure out your options. Really glad to hear your fiancee is taking the news reasonably -- it must be a huge shock for him as well! Be prepared that your mother will probably need some time to adjust to the news. Whatever her reaction is intially, I bet she'll end up supporting you in whatever you decide. Wishing you the very best of luck! Keep us posted.

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                        • #32
                          Adoption is handled by state law, so I am not sure how that would work against someone in the military.


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                          • #33
                            I hate to say this... and I don't want to sound like a pain, but, I think you already know this already. You have some very difficult decisions to make and you need to make them very quickly. You need to make sure you are getting good OB/GYN care first and foremost. Next, you need to have someone to talk to (a therapist or whoever). Then, you need to talk to the adoption agency and/or a good family law attorney. I don't mean to alarm you or rush you, but you are capable of giving birth early (as it is, you are only 5 weeks away from full term). You need to be prepared. So, as you need to take time for yourself and not rush into anything, you do have little time to make some big decisions. Get all the information and help you can as soon as possible.

                            Best of luck.


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                            • #34
                              When I was 23 years old, I found myself with a surprise pregnancy, and my doctor at the time gave me some really good advice after he saw how upset and confused I was at the news. To paraphrase, he told me not to tell anyone for a little while until I could work through my own thoughts and make my own decision. This is your decision to make and you are the one who has to live with it. Everyone who loves you will be telling you what they think you should do, and a lot of what they say will confuse you. Come to terms with it, get your head straight, make your decision, know you can live with it, then tell your family and friends.

                              It was some of the best advice I have ever received. I followed his advice and I am very glad that I did.

                              Lots of hugs and support coming your way.
                              \"Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.\" Anne of Green Gables

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                              • #35
                                you are getting some great advice here. Another vote for Planned Parenthood, they are great. I also must agree with those who say the father is only a sperm donor. You may be in for even more than you already have on your plate if you contact the biological father. You sound like you have both feet on the ground, so don't beat yourself up. Good luck
                                \"Throw your heart over the fence and your horse will follow\"

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                                • #36
                                  If you chose adoption could you have your fiance claim he is the father? I don't know if they DNA test or not.Doesn't sound as if the biological father would make that great of a father for the child.There are so many people who are desperately looking to adopt an infant.My aunt and uncle tried to adopt for 8 years.Because they were in thier early 40's the had to adopt overseas.They didn't even care about what nationality they just wanted a baby to love.They little girl they adopted is 6 now and just darling!
                                  All unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy!!!

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                                  • #37
                                    Do NOT acknowledge the sperm donor unless you want him fastened to you FOREVER. FOllow your heart and listen to the great advice you are getting here. I am very pro adoption if that is what is right for you...my sister has FIVE adopted kids..luck for her and the kids someone was selfless enough to put the needs of the kids before their own selfish desires. Good luck...God bless.
                                    The thing about smart people, is they look like crazy people, to dumb people.

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                                    • #38
                                      Well I know that when my sister had my nephew, she didn't tell them who the biological father was, but her fiance at the time was added to the birth certificate, so that is possible.

                                      I agree with caryledee- I wouldn't tell him. You said you have legal documents from the incidents that occured involving he and you earlier this year, so those may work in your favor.

                                      I also agree with Robby Johnson- adoption is a good option.

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                                      • #39
                                        I really feel for you - you have some hard decisions to make. Obviously you know the benefits of adoption, being adopted yourself. However, in that same line of thinking, if your fiancee becomes accustomed to the idea and is willing - he would be the "real" father in every sense of the word except genetics IF you decided to keep the baby. Keep in mind that men are not always quick to adjust to such life changing events. My OWN husband was a bit freaked out when I got pregnant - and he IS the father. Your SO sounds like a great guy - let him be involved in the decision, but let it be YOUR decision in the end - you don't want to end up resenting him because you gave up a child and then regretted it. Good luck - and know that we're here to support you in whatever you decide.

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                                        • #40
                                          I'm sorry but I have real trouble believing that this post is actually true. I've had three kids and during the last trimester I could hardly breathe let alone ride!!!

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