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Breaking up is hard to do. Update Post #34

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  • #41
    No criticisms from me, either, just so sorry you are in this situation. You are obviously the sort of person who continues for better or worse with a situation. But there comes a time when if riding your horse is no fun - and after all this time it is not a hasty decision - it is crunch time.

    There are horses that are confidence givers and there are horses that are confidence takers.

    But some riders have the derring-do to ride almost anything and this gives the horses something to trust and hold on to.

    Her age and issues make this a tough one, and I do hope you come to some resolution. Whatever it is, do not beat yourself up about it and know that it takes time to get over giving a horse away, or making other decisions.
    Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique

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    • Original Poster

      #42
      Originally posted by trubandloki View Post
      It might be worth contacting other trainers to see if they know anyone interested in a free lease. Not everyone reads CL.
      Agreed. I am relatively new to this area and know very few horse people. My trainer doesn't know anyone that would be interested in her. At least she is honest with me.

      Originally posted by FLeventer View Post
      Have you considered putting her down? Before everyone flames me, hear me out.
      No flames here. I have no issues putting down a dangerous horse, but this mare is not dangerous.

      Originally posted by Nezzy View Post
      Try putting her on this website for free. look into ASB magazines or clubs and pass the word.
      With all the threads on COTH giveaways gone bad, I'm sorry, but that would be my last resort. At this point, I don't plan to give up her ownership as that means I give up having a say so in her future.

      I'd be open to leasing her, but the only inquiry I got did not go well and I will not go into details.

      Originally posted by HenryisBlaisin' View Post
      Think about what she can do and market her-is she a saddleseat horse? Good on trails? Does she jump? Find some recent, good photos of her doing the things she's best at to show around-preferably taken in summer when she looks her best. Many feed stores allow people to post sale ads as well-again, use a good picture, be honest about her abilities. Put flyers in places where horse people frequent: feed stores, tack stores, local shows in the mare's discipline (posting an ad for a dressage horse at a Western pleasure show might not be productive). Just get the word out to your local horse community in any and every possible way
      She started out Saddleseat. About 10 years ago, I decided to go back to hunter jumper stuff and decided to keep her instead of selling so I retrained her. It wasn't easy and a lot of the SS training she had has never left her. She does jump. For her breed, she jumps very well. She's super strong, but honest. You point her at it, she'll do her best to get over it. The farthest she would go would be local schooling puddle-jumpers and there seem to be a ton of those around my area in breeds more commonly seen. She's a saddlebred in a sea of quarterhorses and warmbloods.

      There is a pic of her in my profile.
      Last edited by drmgncolor; Jan. 30, 2013, 07:16 PM.
      Dreaming in Color

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      • Original Poster

        #43
        Originally posted by HenryisBlaisin' View Post

        That said, she might have more value to someone if she were being ridden or at least lunged more than once every couple of months. Depending on the cause of her stifle issue, light work may actually help her keep strength and stay sounder. I know you don't enjoy riding her, but don't you think you owe her the best chance to find a good place to land?

        I do know where you're coming from-outgrowing a horse is frustrating because what once was fun isn't, but you still have an emotional attachment.
        Yes, I agree she would be easier to lease out if she were being worked and the Dr said exercise is good for her stifle issues to some degree.

        I will not lease her to just anyone. I foaled this mare almost 17 years ago. I owe her more than that. I think maybe the best thing is to retire her. Let her grow old. And foot the bill.
        Last edited by drmgncolor; Apr. 8, 2013, 05:58 PM.
        Dreaming in Color

        Comment


        • #44
          Originally posted by FLeventer View Post
          Have you considered putting her down? Before everyone flames me, hear me out.

          1) Medical issues = expensive and many people don't want to take on an older horse with medical issues that is not rideable or talented.

          2) You can ensure that she will never go to a bad home/slaughter/resold.

          3) You can keep her with you forever and know where she ended.

          4) You have had her for quite some time and could you see her in another home if you did not agree with what they were doing with her?

          She is a tough older horse and you obviously care for her and have put a lot of effort into her. She could be laid to rest and you would never have to worry about her wellbeing if you sold her and she would no longer be an expense.

          I am not advocating this because she is just "older". I have had horses that were 20 bring me to my first event and I love an older horse. They just don't land as softly especially in this economy.

          I also hate suggesting this, but it is an option. I hope you find a solution that works for both of you. It is a tough decision and I am sorry that you have to make it. Good luck.
          I agree with every single word of this post.

          Honestly, if you can't bear to part with her and lose control over what happens to her in the future, but can't keep her due to costs, etc....revisit this post by FLeventer.
          Adversity is the stone on which I sharpen my blade.

          Comment

          • Original Poster

            #45
            I agree with every single word of this post.

            Honestly, if you can't bear to part with her and lose control over what happens to her in the future, but can't keep her due to costs, etc....revisit this post by FLeventer.
            Absolutely. Right now finances are such that we CAN keep her as a pet. I may have to cut back on riding or stop riding for a while to do so, but it is do-able, we can afford one horse.

            I can't bear the thought of her ending up in the wrong hands as I am a firm believer that there are worse things in life than a good death. However, it is not to this point yet. Should she colic, need surgery, get hurt drastically in the pasture, etc... yes, DH and I will revisit this option.

            As I said, I have one or two more lease options I am feeling out back home, but I am more and more inclined to just say screw it... keep my horse, let her grow old and maybe take up a cheaper hobby in the meantime.

            Thank you ALL for the suggestions and helpful thoughts. It is greatly appreciated.
            Dreaming in Color

            Comment


            • #46
              Originally posted by drmgncolor View Post
              ...
              As I said, I have one or two more lease options I am feeling out back home, but I am more and more inclined to just say screw it... keep my horse, let her grow old and maybe take up a cheaper hobby in the meantime.
              That's the decision I made with my horse when an injury meant his retirement at 12 years of age. My story with my horse is different than yours, but I still had to make that decision AND come to grips with it. He was never going to be 100% sound again and his mental issues made him unsuitable for a majority of homes. (Plus my relationship with him was different than yours and your horse).

              Anyway, for the last 6 years he's been retired. "Retirement board" with 24/7 turnout, hay, shelter, safe-fencing and water still cost me $300/month but he was safe from an unhappy end (if I'd sold him) and happy which is all I could ask for. I just moved him back into a h/j barn because he's calmed down enough and is now sound enough for some light riding which I never thought possible. Maybe your story will have an unexpectedly good ending, too!

              As for the euthanizing option, that thought crossed my mind for my guy, too. Not that he couldn't live out his life in relative comfort but I wasn't sure if I could afford the bills. I'd have sooner done that then sell him. When my first stable closed down their lesson horse program, the 2-3 old horses that all needed "special management" to stay sound were put down. The BO didn't want them to end up in homes where they'd be ridden hard and then sore/crippled and then who knows what - the meat man, maybe. The horses were happy and pasture sound, but there wasn't much of a market for them and she didn't want to sell them to homes she didn't know/trust. It was hard, but incredibly responsible.

              Good luck with this decision. It's a tough one. Your mare is lucky that you're so responsible. Too many horses in her position get sold off and lost track of.

              Comment


              • #47
                Originally posted by drmgncolor View Post
                Absolutely. Right now finances are such that we CAN keep her as a pet. I may have to cut back on riding or stop riding for a while to do so, but it is do-able, we can afford one horse.

                I can't bear the thought of her ending up in the wrong hands as I am a firm believer that there are worse things in life than a good death. However, it is not to this point yet. Should she colic, need surgery, get hurt drastically in the pasture, etc... yes, DH and I will revisit this option.

                As I said, I have one or two more lease options I am feeling out back home, but I am more and more inclined to just say screw it... keep my horse, let her grow old and maybe take up a cheaper hobby in the meantime.

                Thank you ALL for the suggestions and helpful thoughts. It is greatly appreciated.
                Nothing wrong with keeping her as a pet, if you can swing it!

                I've heard that knitting is a delightful hobby.

                Sounds like you have the right idea about things - glad you're keeping your options open. It will all work out for the best, I'm sure of it.
                Adversity is the stone on which I sharpen my blade.

                Comment


                • #48
                  Where are you located? I may have missed that somewhere.

                  Another option, should you decide to keep her, is to just catch ride wherever you can. I currently have three horses, one of which is a 10.2h pony and just for the kids, one is 25 and can be ridden at the walk only, and a 20 year old recovering from both a bowed tendon and a chip in his knee (he is an idiot). Anyways, I have a barn full of horses that can't do more than walk. Even though I always peruse the sales ads, I know another horse is not in the cards while my old man is stlil comfortable and happy. Could be years before I have a rideable horse again.

                  But I'm not totally out of the saddle... I had just joined my local hunt, and through some of my contacts there, I am finding other opportunities to go ride lovely horses for free, just because they need the exercise. If you spread the word that you are horseless and just want to help out other horse owners, and you are a solid enough rider to do so, you never know what may come up. Networking!

                  In other words, you MAY be able to have your cake and eat it too. If you decide to keep and retire her, you might not be able to call another horse your own for a while, but it doesn't mean you can't still ride and learn and enjoy.

                  To offer some sympathy: My 25 year old is also a hard-to-ride saddlebred/arabian cross, so I know exactly where you are coming from. EXACTLY. Mine was retired at age 15 from his eventing career because of a cyst in his navicular bone that put him 3-legged lame. I had him nerved just so he could be comfortable. I went through the same issues you are going through now. Selling him or even giving him away was not an option. After he recovered, I tried to find a retirement barn, but he just wasn't doing well at all and I thought I would have to put him down. But then, we ended up taking the plunge and getting our own farm, and being able to manage his care in the backyard made ALL the difference in his comfort. I never thought he would live to 25, and I feel very very lucky that I have been able to give him a good retirement.

                  But now I'm in the same boat again even with the horses at home, so I feel your pain again!!
                  where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster

                    #49
                    Originally posted by rhymeswithfizz View Post
                    Where are you located? I may have missed that somewhere.
                    Color currently lives right up the road from you.

                    Originally posted by rhymeswithfizz View Post
                    Another option, should you decide to keep her, is to just catch ride wherever you can.
                    I am doing this now with my trainer's mare. She's great, but a handful. So I am not totally horseless, but she's not mine and I cannot take her where I want to and do what I want to and after 20 odd some years of my own horse this will take some getting used to.

                    Originally posted by rhymeswithfizz View Post
                    But I'm not totally out of the saddle... I had just joined my local hunt, and through some of my contacts there, I am finding other opportunities to go ride lovely horses for free, just because they need the exercise.
                    And we might know some of the same people. There are several folks from my barn that travel down to the hunt weekly... I assume since they head down that way, it's the same hunt. I really would LOVE to come down with them, but I hear a lot of the horses you can usually rent for the hunt are leased out this season.

                    Originally posted by rhymeswithfizz View Post
                    To offer some sympathy: My 25 year old is also a hard-to-ride saddlebred/arabian cross, so I know exactly where you are coming from. EXACTLY.
                    Thanks for the kind words and support. I want to do whats right by her. It's just hard coming to grasp with it and the fact that riding may not be as plentiful as it used to be... although I am looking forward to riding as many different horses as possible.
                    Last edited by drmgncolor; Apr. 8, 2013, 06:00 PM.
                    Dreaming in Color

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      Aha, I thought we might be neighbors!

                      There are still some to lease even if just for a ride - but it is pricey!! Out of my budget to do more than once or twice this season unfortunately. I can send you a couple of contacts who I believe still have lease rides available if you would like, PM me for info. You can ride as a guest up to 3 times. You are also most welcome to come hilltopping via car anytime, there is always a good crowd!

                      It is always hard coming to grips with change that isn't of our own making. I highly recommend the book "Who Moved My Cheese?" to help you find your way. I have definitely had to change my horsey MO, multiple times now, through injured horses and the addition of three kids, so I'm getting good at it
                      where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?

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