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Should I tell my BO?

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  • Should I tell my BO?

    One of my coworkers has decided she's fed up with her current barn and is now moving to the place where I board, but she's the kind of boarder who likes to cause problems.

    This person complains about everything, refuses to put a cribbing collar on her horse (who cribs), got mad because the person's current BO put the horse back in its stall after my coworker left it unattended in the arena and then left the barn. I have met my coworkers current BOs and they are a very nice couple who work very hard to run a nice facility, and my coworker says terrible things about them! My coworker is also claiming that she's going to start school in the spring (which I highly doubt she will) and is getting a student discount at my barn because of it.

    I love where I board, its not perfect but the BO is extremely nice, very helpful, and takes great care of my horse as well as keeping her in a pen that's at least triple the size of any other boarding facility in the area. I do not want to be around my coworker when I'm at the barn (and she would be unavoidable as the barn is only about 10 horses), so now I'm considering moving my horse. Do I tell my BO that I'm leaving because she's coming, do I tell him what kind of a boarder she actually is, or do I make up a polite reason why I'm leaving and move back once she decides she's to good for my current BO?

    I swear I'm not trying to be whiny, I just don't know what the best way to deal with this person would be.

  • #2
    Do not make any definitive statements about your co-worker. Merely suggest to your barn owner that they do a VERY complete "background and bona fides" check. If you want you can tug on your ear twice and stomp you foot twice while you do that. The message should be loud and clear.

    G.
    Mangalarga Marchador: Uma Raça, Uma Paixão

    Comment


    • #3
      You're in a no-win situation.

      Go griping to your BO, you'll probably look like an a-hole.

      Say nothing, in a month BO might be wondering why you didn't speak up in the beginning.

      Suck it up and keep your mouth shut, you're going to be miserable dealing with her.

      Speak out, it may get back to her and she could go out of her way to make you miserable.

      It's a small barn, you can't even avoid her.

      Leave and you may not have a stall to come back to once she's gone.

      Yeesh, I sound pretty negative don't I?

      Me, personally, I'd take it up with the girl. "Listen sweetheart, I don't wanna hear your misery. Barn time is my happy time. STFU and let me enjoy it." The rest of it between her and the BO and the cribbing horse? I'd just stay the heck out of it.

      Boundaries are a wonderful thing to have especially with people like that.

      Comment


      • #4
        i would sooo tell the BO, if you think it can be kept confidential. Who wants that kind of person as a fellow boarder (and it would suck, I think, to have your work life bleed into your barn life)

        Comment


        • #5
          I would not leave. It's your barn, you like it.

          If she is that bad, hopefully she won't be around long. I have found over the years, in various places (work, barn, clubs, etc), that the a-holes come & go. I always outlast them.

          Good luck.

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          • #6
            I cannot understand why anyone would move because of a co-worker becoming a boarder. I guess I keep to myself and skip the drama both at work and at the barn. Would you really allow someone to get you to leave a place that you like ? That seems so strange to me...

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Guilherme View Post
              Do not make any definitive statements about your co-worker. Merely suggest to your barn owner that they do a VERY complete "background and bona fides" check. If you want you can tug on your ear twice and stomp you foot twice while you do that. The message should be loud and clear.

              G.
              I second this. If your BO is as great as you say and it's a small place, I've found they're generally thankful for a headsup.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Guilherme View Post
                Do not make any definitive statements about your co-worker. Merely suggest to your barn owner that they do a VERY complete "background and bona fides" check. If you want you can tug on your ear twice and stomp you foot twice while you do that. The message should be loud and clear.

                G.
                That is excellent advise. An 'oh my gosh! Hope she didn't use me as a reference' said with a smile, also works.

                Comment


                • #9
                  wait, she's moving her horse to your barn and that makes you want to move your horse... but you work together. are you trying to quit your job? If she doesn't make your life miserable at work then she won't make your life miserable at the barn.

                  Your BO's life, maybe.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Dreamwalker View Post
                    That is excellent advise. An 'oh my gosh! Hope she didn't use me as a reference' said with a smile, also works.
                    I've used this with excellent effect before. Gets the point across while still being slightly discreet.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I find it strange that the BO is giving a student discount to someone who says the might go to school later on.

                      I took lessons way back when at a facility that gave a small discount for college students. You only got the discount while you were actively enrolled.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You are in a no win situation. I would remain silent and if BO approaches you later you can always tell her you thought she had turned over a new leaf. Dreamwalkers "reference" comment is a good one also if you feel compelled to say something.

                        I cannot imagine why you would leave, sounds like you are already getting caught up in the drama.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by GaitedGloryRider View Post
                          Me, personally, I'd take it up with the girl. "Listen sweetheart, I don't wanna hear your misery. Barn time is my happy time. STFU and let me enjoy it." The rest of it between her and the BO and the cribbing horse? I'd just stay the heck out of it.

                          Boundaries are a wonderful thing to have especially with people like that.
                          ^ This.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            There are two things going on here, it seems to me.

                            1. Your idea to warn the barn owner about the habits of a new boarder. Unless the barn owner asks you for a reference, you can't say anything. It's the barn owners income and business, and you have to trust that they have a system for vetting incoming boarders. You could say, I know this person, I work with her, and then wait to see if they ask you about her. You then might suggest then that they call the previous barn to see why she left -- and that's it, don't give her a character reference. If you do say something, and she WILL find out you said it, that makes your life much more miserable.

                            2. Putting up with her as a barn mate. You already know she complains and does annoying things. Going about your business and doing a minimal amount of talking usually works to discourage people from involving you in drama. Hopefully the barn has rules/policies that will be enforceable and she will get fed up and leave.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Wow, I never take on a new boarder without talking with my current boarders to see if anyone knows the new person and any reason we should not take him/her on. I feel like it's a group dynamic and I want to have all the info I can in order to make sure we have a good mesh.

                              I guess that's the reason most people who come to our barn stay for many, many years and all get along beautifully.
                              Visit Sonesta Farms website at www.sonestafarms.com or our FaceBook page at www.facebook.com/sonestafarms. Also showing & breeding Cavalier King Charles Spaniels.

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                              • #16
                                I think it depends on the relationship you have with the BO. If it were me and my my BO I would tell her no doubt and she would appreciate the heads up. But not everyone has that kind of situation. I am lucky.
                                Barn rat for life

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by Sacred_Petra View Post
                                  One of my coworkers has decided she's fed up with her current barn and is now moving to the place where I board, but she's the kind of boarder who likes to cause problems.

                                  This person complains about everything, refuses to put a cribbing collar on her horse (who cribs), got mad because the person's current BO put the horse back in its stall after my coworker left it unattended in the arena and then left the barn. I have met my coworkers current BOs and they are a very nice couple who work very hard to run a nice facility, and my coworker says terrible things about them! My coworker is also claiming that she's going to start school in the spring (which I highly doubt she will) and is getting a student discount at my barn because of it.

                                  I love where I board, its not perfect but the BO is extremely nice, very helpful, and takes great care of my horse as well as keeping her in a pen that's at least triple the size of any other boarding facility in the area. I do not want to be around my coworker when I'm at the barn (and she would be unavoidable as the barn is only about 10 horses), so now I'm considering moving my horse. Do I tell my BO that I'm leaving because she's coming, do I tell him what kind of a boarder she actually is, or do I make up a polite reason why I'm leaving and move back once she decides she's to good for my current BO?

                                  I swear I'm not trying to be whiny, I just don't know what the best way to deal with this person would be.

                                  There are a lot of things wrong with that picture. I would tell your BO the deal with this chick and give the BO the opportunity to tell your co-worker that she can not move in becuase a) she does not allow cribbers 2)is full 3) has someone else coming for that stall 4) doesn't like crazy people, etc... you get the point. As BO, I would MUCH prefer to be in the know, and keep a good boarder (you) and save myself, and probably the other boarders at your barn, the stress of having such a boarder as your so-worker around. Tell you co-worker the barn just filled up, sorry for her luck!
                                  http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fentre...24774504235082

                                  http://fentressfieldsequestriancenter.com/

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Honestly I wouldn't offer up an opinion on the new person unless it actually comes up and the BO asks me what I think about them.

                                    I also wouldn't leave just because I'm anticipating this person running me out.

                                    I feel your pain, I've been in a similar situation, and I briefly considered finding a new barn. But I ended up staying in the barn that I was happy in and it turned out to not really be an issue as the person and I were rarely at the barn at the same time anyway so I didn't really have to see them or interact with them. And like other people say, if they're that much of a problem, it likely won't be long before they're moving on to another barn anyway. If you've got a good thing going, I wouldn't give it up just yet.
                                    The Trials and Jubilations of a Twenty-Something Re-rider
                                    Happy owner of Kieran the mostly-white-very-large-not-pony.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      As a BO, I would want to know. I probably wouldn't do something like refuse to let the person board at my barn, but I would definitely be keeping an eye on them for signs of trouble.

                                      I care much more about the happiness of my current boarders than I do about prospective boarders.

                                      If multiple sources came to me with the same info, the person probably wouldn't be allowed to bring her horse to my barn anymore. But I'm super picky, anyone who causes drama will be asked to leave.
                                      come what may

                                      Rest in peace great mare, 1987-2013

                                      Comment

                                      • Original Poster

                                        #20
                                        Thank you all for your suggestions. I think for right now I'll handle my BO with Dreamwalker's advice and not offer anything unless he asks, so long as she isn't causing problems for my horse, and take it up with my coworker if she's driving me nuts.

                                        With any luck she'll decide the no riding alone rule is too much of a hassle and not stay very long.

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