• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

WWYD: Married Boarder Hitting on Female Guest???

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • WWYD: Married Boarder Hitting on Female Guest???

    A male married boarder and friend of ours has recently invited his young, attractive and recently single female friend out to our barn to ride his horse. I have no problem with this arrangement, except for the fact that he is obviously hitting on her, and we socialize frequently with him and his wife.

    I have no issue with harmless flirting, but his behavior has gone beyond that and I am beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable witnessing this. I know that technically it's none of my business, but my husband and I socialize frequently with him and his wife.

    I don't want to damage our friendship, but on the other hand I feel conflicted watching this. WWYD???

  • #2
    Invite his wife out to ride your horse at the same time...

    Comment


    • #3
      Ask Dear Abby? It's none of your business as a barn owner, and involving the wife would moat likely end in you having less boarders. Just to keep it short and to the point...
      COTH's official mini-donk enabler

      "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl

      Comment

      • Original Poster

        #4
        If we didn't socialize frequently with him and his wife, I would agree its none of my business. We do socialize often (dinners out, cultural events, parties).
        I don't want to loose him as a boarder or a friend, but it also makes me feel uncomfortable watching him flirt unabashedly to the point of making plans with her while his wife is out of town. Yuck!

        Comment


        • #5
          Question: are the wife and husband, friends of yours? When you say you socialise with them frequently, in what capacity?

          The reality is that it's your barn and therefore your barn, your rules, You should absolutely not feel uncomfortable in your own barn.

          If the wife was a friend of mine, regardless of my professional relationship with her husband I would either honestly say to the husband something along the lines of "Your bringing another single female here makes me uncomfortable when we are out with you and your wife. I will have to ask you to stop bringing your friend out with you. Thank you" or "Look dirtbag, quit bringing you bit-on-the-side out here". If she was a good friend I might indeed consider telling the wife.

          (A funny, slightly related story. There were 3 of us that are very good friends. One of our group was doing internet dating and happened to come across the live-in boyfriend of our other friend on a dating website. We spent ages working out how to tackle it and decided that honesty was the best answer. Friend A, emailed Friend B and said "look, I don't know how to say this, so I am just going to say it right out. I was on X dating website and came across your boyfriend". Friend B came out and said "ah well, I kept meaning to tell you all, but we have an open relationship but I thought you would all disapprove") - so, of course that begs the question of the folks you know - maybe they have an open relationship and you didn't know? You might say absolutely not, but Friend B had been my best friend for more than 10 years and I had no idea about her relationship with her partner.

          Comment


          • #6
            Make sure that he knows that BECAUSE it isn't your business, you won't keep this a secret; that if you know about it, other people know about it; and that just because it's occurring at your facility doesn't mean you condone it.

            It isn't your business to tell his wife, and if you did she might shoot the messenger. But when she finds out, she'll know that you knew...

            Sticky situation for sure.
            It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati

            Comment


            • #7
              I have to ask why you'd want to socialize with someone like him? Maybe just be friends with the wife & I agree to invite her out at the same time the girlfriend is there.
              Producing horses with gentle minds & brilliant movement!
              www.whitfieldfarm.shutterfly.com

              Comment


              • #8
                Everyone will probably go the MYOB route but really, he's MAKING it your business by flaunting his crappy behavior right in front of you knowing damn good and well you're friends with his wife.

                Is this guy a f^$&#^@ idiot?!?!?!

                Because honestly that's the only explanation I can come up with. Who DOES that? Who puts their friends in that position?!?!

                "Listen buddy, I don't know what you got going on with this woman but given the fact I'm friends with your wife I do not want to see it going on in the barn. If you don't want her knowing about this then you best not be doing it in front of me."

                Don't mix business with pleasure, don't get personally involved with people you do business with, yadda yadda we've heard all that crap before. The situation is what it is and if you're uncomfortable with it then speak up.

                My BO had a similar situation in her barn years ago, boarder's husband was bringing his girlfriend up to ride his wife's horses (yes, hers before the marriage). She warned him once, he snuck the woman up there again. She ratted his a$$ out without thinking twice about it, called boarder at work and told her exactly what was going on. She showed up, it was ugly. She temporarily lost the boarder over it (had to move the horses during the divorce, brought them back after the dust settled) but she kept former boarder as a friend.

                HE'S the one putting YOU in a bad situation, don't feel bad for one second for following your conscience.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Oddly, GaitedGlorys example was easier. Someone was riding the wife's horse, possibly without wife's permission, and I view that act as making it the BOs business to check with the wife.
                  I think odds are high that you will lose a boarder, even if you don't say anything.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You could play stupid and innocently ask the wife if she would have the "friend" sign a liability release form since riding is now a regular occurrence.
                    Snowflakes become an avalanche.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Stellaspeed View Post
                      You could play stupid and innocently ask the wife if she would have the "friend" sign a liability release form since riding is now a regular occurrence.
                      Yes, there is the fact he's dragged your insurance and potentially legal exposure into this. I like the idea of reminding him that he is the one dragging you into his mess by association, and that you wouldn't have the luxury of keeping it from the wife even if you wanted to. Your barn isn't Vegas - what happens there cannot stay there since both he and wife are responsible for their horses and any visitors riding them and have to take responsibility together for horses and guests.

                      How many boarders do you have and what are your 'boarder's guest' rules?
                      HAS provides hospital care to 340,000 people in Haiti's Artibonite Valley 24/7/365/earthquake/cholera/whatever.
                      www.hashaiti.org blog:http://hashaiti.org/blog

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Stellaspeed View Post
                        You could play stupid and innocently ask the wife if she would have the "friend" sign a liability release form since riding is now a regular occurrence.
                        This could probably work.

                        Friend, I keep forgetting to ask hubby when he is out here with SuzyQ while she rides his horse, do you think you could get a release signed for me?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Are you sure they haven't made a "lifestyle choice" and the goose is out getting what the gander's trying to land?
                          Nudging "Almost Heaven" a little closer still...
                          http://www.wvhorsetrainer.com

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            well, if the guy was such a good friend, he would not bring his family drama to your doorstep.

                            I would think you and/or your husband could pull him aside and tell him out right: Look mate, I don't know how your arrangement is with the missus, but don't do this here!

                            This guy puts you into the situation to either keep his secret or spill the beans on him, in either case you will look bad!

                            Yeah, and make the other girl sign the release.
                            Originally posted by BigMama1
                            Facts don't have versions. If they do, they are opinions
                            GNU Terry Prachett

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Alagirl View Post
                              I would think you and/or your husband could pull him aside and tell him out right: Look mate, I don't know how your arrangement is with the missus, but don't do this here!
                              .
                              The Barn is not a Bordello.
                              Nudging "Almost Heaven" a little closer still...
                              http://www.wvhorsetrainer.com

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Originally posted by Alagirl View Post
                                well, if the guy was such a good friend, he would not bring his family drama to your doorstep.

                                I would think you and/or your husband could pull him aside and tell him out right: Look mate, I don't know how your arrangement is with the missus, but don't do this here!
                                If it is actually the case that they have an open relationship, saying "Not acceptable in my barn" sounds like a great way to lose a couple of boarders to more friendly and accepting barns.

                                I think that calling the wife about the release is a good non-confrontational way to do it, but if you really insist on making it your business, be a grownup and approach him about it. "Hey, I've noticed your flirting with SuzyQ....I just want to make sure that the Mrs. knows about her, because it's making me uncomfortable to feel like an accomplice."

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  I like the release form idea. I would call your friend's house when you know his wife will answer (or call her cell) and just start having normal conversation. Then in the middle say something like "Hey, before I forget can you ask Johnny when he is out here with SuzyQ to have her sign this release". If you run a low key place and never had them sign a release just add "I don't know SuzyQ and in todays day and age with all the lawsuits I just feel more comfortable if she signs a release".
                                  Read about my time at the Hannoveraner Verband Breeders Courses:
                                  http://blumefarm.com/hannoveranercourse2011.html
                                  http://blumefarm.com/hannoveranercourse2012.html

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by GoForAGallop View Post
                                    If it is actually the case that they have an open relationship, saying "Not acceptable in my barn" sounds like a great way to lose a couple of boarders to more friendly and accepting barns.
                                    Like I said, if he is a friend he would not do this to begin with. Open relationships are really rare to begin with (because they seldom ever work) and fly in the face of convention. You don't flaunt them in general.
                                    If they take umbrage then the OP is better off without them.

                                    I think that calling the wife about the release is a good non-confrontational way to do it, but if you really insist on making it your business, be a grownup and approach him about it. "Hey, I've noticed your flirting with SuzyQ....I just want to make sure that the Mrs. knows about her, because it's making me uncomfortable to feel like an accomplice."
                                    It IS her business, since he is doing it in front of her, in her place of business.
                                    Chances are the other borders don't care much for that type of display much either.
                                    She can always ask him 'Is your wife ok with that?'
                                    but I don't think calling the wife 'oh, btw, that chick your husband brings to the barn needs to sign a release' is the way to go.
                                    Like I said, if they are friends, she should be a able to pull him off to the side and ask him what is going on, or rather have the husband do it since there are topics that generally are not discussed cross gender.
                                    friends don't put friends in awkward positions.
                                    Originally posted by BigMama1
                                    Facts don't have versions. If they do, they are opinions
                                    GNU Terry Prachett

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      This one. As you hand him the release for her to sign ...

                                      Originally posted by GoForAGallop View Post
                                      "Hey, I've noticed your flirting with SuzyQ....I just want to make sure that the Mrs. knows about her, because it's making me uncomfortable to feel like an accomplice."
                                      If you want to be more neutral, instead of "knows about her" say something like "is okay with the extent of the friendship" or if they share ownership of the horses "knows you've got other people on your horses."
                                      *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        This is kind of funny, you're getting close to describing my barn.

                                        One of the guys at my barn has been bringing his girlfriend to my barn for months. Nice, cute little blond thing. Guy is late 40's with a ring on his finger. She makes great cinnamon buns (no euphemism there). Since she started showing up, the guy's gotten divorced, and Kiddo has learned to ride & will show soon.

                                        After a couple months I discretely asked another boarder, got the scoop, and went on with my life. No one cares. Everyone knows the situation. One early 20-something had her knickers in a bit of a knot over it, but her stalker-ex has showed up the barn, so she couldn't get too judgemental.

                                        I'm not generally the most open minded, & have probably been called a prude more than once, but this a barn. People have been doing things at barns for decades. Owners, trainers, grooms, owner's kids and boarders in some combination have been rolling in the hay long before me, and will be long after me.
                                        Visit my Spoonflower shop

                                        Comment

                                        Working...
                                        X