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major family illness, need advice/ideas

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  • major family illness, need advice/ideas

    My husband was just told by the Dr that his lymphoma is back, and he's going to start some aggressive treatments next week. every three weeks he'll be spending 3-5 days in the hospital... as of next Wed, he'll be out of work for 6 months. Obviously this is going to leave us really strapped as my income will not cover all the expenses around here, it's what pays for the horses....

    we have two horses here, I'm really hoping to eliminate the stress of lining up horse care every three weeks, as what if it's for three days to start, but then he's there for five? the questions running thru my head are endless, so I was thinking about putting them up for leases? I would really like to avoid selling them.....

    the problem is they'd both be projects-- a 4 yr old gelding OTTB who we just got last Oct, needed the winter off, he was a bit sore from his time on the track. Sound now, and just the best mannered guy I've ever had in the barn.
    ~~ and a 2 yr old appendix filly, 16h, ready to go to training, has never been sat on.

    they were both going to go in the spring of 2012, which is right about the time his tests and such started to do scary things, so we had to just let them sit.

    I wouldn't even know how to write a lease available ad, if that's even a good idea?? how would I word that? Is it even a reasonable idea?

    WWYD? ideas and advice appreciated!

  • #2
    First off, where are you?
    What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!

    Comment


    • #3
      I'd post something on the riderless horses forum, maybe with a brief description of each horse and why you are putting them up for lease. I've tried dreamhorse for leases before, but I've never had much luck.

      What kind of lease would you want to do?

      Where are you? There might be someone on here looking for a project.

      Best of luck with your husband's treatments.
      It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things.
      Theodore Roosevelt

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Thoroughbred in Color View Post
        I'd post something on the riderless horses forum, maybe with a brief description of each horse and why you are putting them up for lease.
        Agreed. Try here first.

        I'm sorry you guys are going through this battle, gabby.gator. My Mom is in the same boat. It's not easy. Stay strong.
        "Aye God, Woodrow..."

        Comment

        • Original Poster

          #5
          thanks all, I'll do the riderless horses forum, once I come up with a "blurb" about each...

          for those who asked, I'm in CT, but horses could relocate I suppose


          Long spot- hugs to you and your mom, best thoughts and prayers!

          Comment


          • #6
            To most people, the two year old is going to be really too young to do much with. For the OTTB you might have more luck offering him as a giveaway or lease.

            Jingling for a return to health for your husband

            Comment


            • #7
              I had luck on Sporthorse Nation when looking for a lease for my gelding. Lots of (((((hugs))))) and jingles to you and your husband.
              Flip a coin. It's not what side lands that matters, but what side you were hoping for when the coin was still in the air.

              You call it boxed wine. I call it carboardeaux.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by gabby.gator View Post
                as of next Wed, he'll be out of work for 6 months. Obviously this is going to leave us really strapped as my income will not cover all the expenses around here, it's what pays for the horses....
                Given this, I'm very sorry to say it...but it seems like the most responsible thing to do is sell. If your income won't even cover the bills, let alone the horse expenses, they should go. Even if you have to give them away.

                Again, very sorry. I know for many of us, horses are a support system. Leases can be unstable and I'd worry that something would happen and you'd be forced to take one or both horses back suddenly.

                Comment


                • #9
                  As Tamara's huge loss attests, husbands trump animals no matter how beloved. You need to get them off your feed bill any way possible. You could put them up for sale or lease and see what happens. If the right person comes along, do whatever you have to do to get the horse in their hands. I personally have only given my horses away as opposed to selling them because I felt like I could be choosier that way. Not saying you have to give them away, just something to think about. Jingles for you all.
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                  • #10
                    Iam so so sorry to hear this!

                    I of course am hopeful you do not have to sell your animals, as even in times of real stress and chaos, just knowing they are there can be so comforting (although I realize exactly how expensive horses can be!!)

                    I am in montana at the moment, with three horses, but have one and a donkey back at my mother's in Vermont. I do pay someone to care for them (who has been beyond fabulous). Does anyone there offer straight turn out (which might be cheaper?) Out here is called "range boarding" although many times they do get run-ins and hay. Iknow you have considered this, but even a place, or person who would do something like that where you could go see them when you had a moment, needed a break or something, would be better (IMO of course).

                    I was on full family emergency this winter (was back east for 6 mos caring for mom and stepdad). I was so grateful to have a horse to ride/clean/mess with, such a great stress reliever. If I was back there I'd sure try to work something out for you-best wishes for your husband's speedy return to health. Take good care of yourself!

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                    • Original Poster

                      #11
                      Originally posted by lilitiger2 View Post
                      Iam so so sorry to hear this!

                      I of course am hopeful you do not have to sell your animals, as even in times of real stress and chaos, just knowing they are there can be so comforting (although I realize exactly how expensive horses can be!!)

                      I am in montana at the moment, with three horses, but have one and a donkey back at my mother's in Vermont. I do pay someone to care for them (who has been beyond fabulous). Does anyone there offer straight turn out (which might be cheaper?) Out here is called "range boarding" although many times they do get run-ins and hay. Iknow you have considered this, but even a place, or person who would do something like that where you could go see them when you had a moment, needed a break or something, would be better (IMO of course).

                      I was on full family emergency this winter (was back east for 6 mos caring for mom and stepdad). I was so grateful to have a horse to ride/clean/mess with, such a great stress reliever. If I was back there I'd sure try to work something out for you-best wishes for your husband's speedy return to health. Take good care of yourself!
                      thank you. there are a couple of places that offer outside board, it's exactly the same amount of $$ as it is to keep them at home, so it's an option, as I wouldn't have to worry about the day to day care, it's that the $$ is going to have to go to household bills, KWIM?

                      I have faith that something will work out. I'm trying to avoid a knee jerk reaction and do things in a hasty emotional manner, then regret it later.

                      I'll put a post on my FB page first, perhaps someone in my horsey circle will know of someone looking .... then see about going to the forums and boards I post to and read.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        When (if) you are ready, you could also post the horses on the regional Pony Club list. Search for NYUCregion at yahoogroups.com. You just sign up and can list them for free. I know my trainer found great homes for two horses she wanted to rehome that way. The NYUC stands for NY/ Upper Connecticut region.
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                        • #13
                          (((((((HHHUUUGGGSSS))))))) to you and your hubby.
                          HAS provides hospital care to 340,000 people in Haiti's Artibonite Valley 24/7/365/earthquake/cholera/whatever.
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                          • Original Poster

                            #14
                            Originally posted by HorsesinHaiti View Post
                            (((((((HHHUUUGGGSSS))))))) to you and your hubby.
                            thank you! I could almost feel that hug!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Oh no, jingles for you and your hubby! I agree that he should be the first priority. It's so hard to make $$ decisions.

                              When you are going through something like this, you need your horses. The barn is a place to release stress, stop thinking about what turnmoil your life is in, and let the frustration/tears/whatever go so you can be strong for your SO. Can you keep one and lease/give away/sell the other? Either one would be more then happy to hang in the pasture for a while, I'm sure. One horse to board is a lot cheaper than two.

                              I don't agree fully with getting rid of them both, for your mental health.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Chief enabler has to say no. There are more cost effective ways to get barn time. There is not only the lack of income to consider, but also the incoming bills.

                                I would consider selling the filly and lease the gelding.
                                (then again, with me being always 100% wrong when I get a 50% chance...keeping the filly might be the better option, since unbroke horses don't sell well)

                                But sadly, I think you need to drastically reduce your bills...

                                I am sending your husband many jingles and healing wishes and hugs to you.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Hugs! Does your husband have a disability policy through work? I know mine paid 60% of my salary after my C-Section for 8 weeks I think. He should at least be eligible for regular disability- no sure how much that is though. I hope you can find a good place for the horses. I agree with your attitude that something will work out.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by Superminion View Post
                                    Oh no, jingles for you and your hubby! I agree that he should be the first priority. It's so hard to make $$ decisions.

                                    When you are going through something like this, you need your horses. The barn is a place to release stress, stop thinking about what turnmoil your life is in, and let the frustration/tears/whatever go so you can be strong for your SO. Can you keep one and lease/give away/sell the other? Either one would be more then happy to hang in the pasture for a while, I'm sure. One horse to board is a lot cheaper than two.

                                    I don't agree fully with getting rid of them both, for your mental health.
                                    Prayers for your husband. As somebody who has lost my beloved husband to cancer, I can honestly say my horses have been lifesavers at getting me through and keeping me from jumping off a bridge (so to speak). On days when my son is having huge temper tantrums, and I'm so sick of only parenting that I just don't know how much I can take... just being around my horses makes me feel better. Horses are the best therapists! And there are a lot of things that could get along without me, but I don't know that my horses would fare so well without me. Plus, the horses need to eat and they keep things normal!

                                    I know it may be challenging economically, but I'm going to disagree with most and say... you NEED your horse(s)!!! Perhaps you only need one. But IMO if your horses are important to you... find a way to make things work. Moving to a less expensive barn, free leasing... etc... but who knows how things will turn out. I'm hoping and praying you don't end up in my shoes.

                                    But I lost my better half when my husband died... if I'd lost my horses too, there would be much of me left at all... IMO when you're going through something so terrible as fighting cancer... you've got to still hold on to a piece of what keeps you -- you... so you don't lose everything if things don't work out.

                                    I also saw that you mentioned that your husband had been out of work for 6 months. If it is related to his cancer then he may be eligible for Social Security Disability. When my husband's cancer went to stage IV the doctor pulled him out of work (firefighter) and when John applied for SS disability it went right on through.. it does depend on stages and types of cancer... unfortunately, even the government knew his odds were really bad ;-(

                                    Hugs and prayers for you and for your husband!!!
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                                    http://leakycreek.wordpress.com/ Rainbows & Mourning Doves Blog
                                    John P. Smith II 1973-2009 Love Always
                                    Father, Husband, Friend, Firefighter- Cancer Sucks- Cure Melanoma

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                                    • Original Poster

                                      #19
                                      Originally posted by M.K.Smith View Post
                                      Prayers for your husband. As somebody who has lost my beloved husband to cancer, I can honestly say my horses have been lifesavers at getting me through and keeping me from jumping off a bridge (so to speak). On days when my son is having huge temper tantrums, and I'm so sick of only parenting that I just don't know how much I can take... just being around my horses makes me feel better. Horses are the best therapists! And there are a lot of things that could get along without me, but I don't know that my horses would fare so well without me. Plus, the horses need to eat and they keep things normal!

                                      I know it may be challenging economically, but I'm going to disagree with most and say... you NEED your horse(s)!!! Perhaps you only need one. But IMO if your horses are important to you... find a way to make things work. Moving to a less expensive barn, free leasing... etc... but who knows how things will turn out. I'm hoping and praying you don't end up in my shoes.

                                      But I lost my better half when my husband died... if I'd lost my horses too, there would be much of me left at all... IMO when you're going through something so terrible as fighting cancer... you've got to still hold on to a piece of what keeps you -- you... so you don't lose everything if things don't work out.

                                      I also saw that you mentioned that your husband had been out of work for 6 months. If it is related to his cancer then he may be eligible for Social Security Disability. When my husband's cancer went to stage IV the doctor pulled him out of work (firefighter) and when John applied for SS disability it went right on through.. it does depend on stages and types of cancer... unfortunately, even the government knew his odds were really bad ;-(

                                      Hugs and prayers for you and for your husband!!!
                                      I can't even start to think "if things don't work out", or I'd be looking for that bridge!

                                      I love the time I spend mucking, grooming, it is my time to sort things out mentally, but if the horses have to go, I know down the road there's always another horse. I actually have a mare on lease who's in foal, but made arrangements for her to stay with her very understanding owner, for the winter, and we're re evaluating the situation in a few months. So, at the very least, that foal could be "a new beginning" in more ways than one, KWIM??

                                      My husband is not yet out of work , it starts next week. He probably won't be eligible for SS until the short term disability runs out...

                                      Hugs to you! I hope it's getting a little easier for you, I "lost" both my parents, ironically, to rare brain tumors, so I know a bit about coping :-)

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                                      • #20
                                        So sorry to hear about your husband; I hope all goes well. Hugs to you!
                                        Free bar.ka and tidy rabbit.

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