• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

How to handle this one?....grrrr

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • How to handle this one?....grrrr

    So, Miss Boo has been fitting in well to the school program this summer. She gets some rides from my trainer, and has proven herself to be a steady, forgiving and tidy jumper up to 3'3". I am really proud of her, and she is lean and very happy.

    OK. I have been using her for a young student, about 11, who has been taking almost daily private lessons for almost 2 months. Kid is serious about her riding, but has unformed ideas about her current abilities. She is a cute, smart girl, but a touch arrogant. Boo has taught her alot.

    Boo has also been ridden regularly by another girl, student of the BO/boss lady, who has taken Boo to a couple of local shows, and rides the mare well.

    Boo has a wild mane. In the past it has been roached, but this summer I have kept it longer, trimming it even on both sides, as her crest is 2" wide, making pulling it pointless. I have been working, since spring, to make it look equal length on both sides, thinning it. It was getting a touch long, but showing student was ok with it before yesterday's show.

    For some reason, my student took it upon herself to trim the mane. No permission asked for, mind you. She began pulling, then for whatever reason, simply began cutting it...like a growing out roach, only 2/3 up Boo's neck.

    Boo didn't go to the show cause she looked so badly.

    I am livid.

    What the heck do I tell this kid when I see her next week? I've already decided to have her ride another horse for the near future, but what is the best way to approach her with my displeasure???
    Form follows function, or does function follow form?

    www.clearvisionequine.com

    http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com

  • #2
    It's probably a good thing that you aren't going to see her until next week!

    I would sit her down and have a talk with her in your scary voice. I'd tell her in no uncertain terms that she is not to touch a hair on your horse or anybody else's unless she has direction and supervision. Then let it go (at least to her).

    Since she's 11, you'll probably scare her to bits and the lesson will stick with her.

    Comment


    • #3
      Tell her not to made any modifications to the horse's appearance without permission. Why didn't you just roach and go to the show?
      McDowell Racing Stables

      Home Away From Home

      Comment


      • #4
        I would just say " Hey, the horse's mane is a mess. It is your fault, and it was a bad decision on your part to attempt to change something on a horse THAT IS NOT YOURS. Do not do this ever again, on my horse or any horse or you will not be riding here any more."
        We don't get less brave; we get a bigger sense of self-preservation........

        Comment


        • #5
          I probably would not have waited so long to address it.

          Definitely impress upon her that this is Not Done and she needs to ask permission before doing anything past normal grooming. (If she's only a lesson student, should she even have been messing with the horse at that time?)

          In the grand scheme of things... the horse is not injured and the hair will grow back.
          --
          Wendy
          ... and Patrick

          Comment


          • #6
            I am surprised, too at the drahhma of not going to the show because of this. roach and go. Talk to the kid and let it go, but it sounds like you have some issues about letting something like this go, so, I don't know what to say to you.
            My warmbloods have actually drunk mulled wine in the past. Not today though. A drunk warmblood is a surly warmblood. - WildandWickedWarmbloods

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Laurierace View Post
              Tell her not to made any modifications to the horse's appearance without permission. Why didn't you just roach and go to the show?
              My thoughts exactly. It's only hair, it will grow back, and you know it looks all right roached as you've done it before, so I'm not seeing why it meant cancelling the show--it only takes me about fifteen minutes to roach Lucky's mane. Tell her not to do things like that without permission, and make her hold while you roach the damage off.
              Author Page
              Like Omens In the Night on Facebook
              Steampunk Sweethearts

              Comment


              • #8
                Wow, I understand you're mad about your horse's mane, but it will grow back.
                Just explain to the little girl that she needs to ask permission for anything she does to a horse or object that isn't hers. She probably thought she was helping out by making the horse look tidier.
                I remember when I was little somebody at the barn showed me something having to do with picking out my pony's feet...I was a VERY shy kid and just kind of watched them and went back to what I was doing. Well a few minutes later the BO came up to me and basically tore me a new one about how I was an ungrateful rude kid...blah blah blah.
                I ran to my mom's car bawling when she came to pick me up. The lesson stuck with me, and after that I ALWAYS said thank you for anything someone else does for me(still do). But, I would have got the message if BO had just said, "Hey, I know you're shy, but people might mistake it for rudeness. If someone helps you out, be sure to thank them."

                Just don't be too harsh on her. Everyone makes mistakes.
                My CANTER cutie Chip and IHSA shows!
                http://www.youtube.com/kheit86

                Comment


                • #9
                  Sounds like you wanted to be more dramatic than the situation called for. A horse with a "longer" mane falling on both sides of the neck, doesn't exactly look "show ready" in such a way that an uneven trim would "Ruin" it and prevent showing. If you are prepared to show with a longer mane falling on both sides, then having a conventional "show ready" appearance really doesn't mean anything to you, so I don't get the "Oh No...Now we can't show". You should have just roached it or evened it up a little and gone.

                  The doing something to someone elses horse should have been addressed right away, and I would make sure she is very aware that it is NEVER done. But the additional drama of "now we can't show because it looks funny"?...not so much.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Uh, you know this kid is ELEVEN, right?! No need to give all the background about her attitude...she's ELEVEN, and you're a grown up, and you need to behave like it.

                    How horrible for the child to have not been able to go to the show because the mane looked a little silly and you refused to just roach it and call it good, or even it out some more, or something.

                    Did you not make any mistakes as a child?

                    If she has any interest in continuing to ride your horse after you refused to allow her to show it, then you can sit her down and CALMLY explain to her that it's not okay to alter someone else's horse without prior discussion. Should she have done it? Of course not. But it sounds like she was just embarrassed and wanted "her" horse to look nice for the show.


                    Sheesh. I would get (sort of..the scratched show over a mane just exceeds my ridiculousness levels) all the drama llamaing if this was an adult that did this, but it's an ELEVEN year old CHILD. I leased a horse as a young rider who was owned by a kind older gentleman. I covered that horse in so much glitter on a regular basis, it is completely ridiculous looking back. But I was a little girl, the horse wasn't being hurt, and he took the ribbing about his horse's rainbow glitter hooves like a champ.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I helped "tidy up" my Arabs forelock to look like all the horses in the barn. They were quarter horses.
                      My trainer bought a children's book on " Grooming your Arab", with big pictures and one sentence across the top of each page. I was 35, my trainer was 19. I think he handled it with wit and maturity.

                      11 yos still need to have general society "rules" explained to them. Horsie rules are a much more refined set of behaviors, just explain it and let it go. I would absolutely speak to the parents though, because she needs to be taught basics about possession for her own safety. Don't touch what is not yours is a good rule and things flow from it ( you can't go into a strange horse stall to give them a hug, etc).

                      Comment

                      • Original Poster

                        #12
                        Ymmm...it was not my decision not to go to the show, but the BO's student's decision. Her loss. Where is my drama here?

                        Yes, kid is 11. Mistakes are made, hair grows. I wasn't there when this happened.

                        Duh, just wanted some suggestions on how best to handle this with her.

                        Thank you to those who offered constructive suggestions.

                        To the others...'judge not that ye may be judged'....
                        Form follows function, or does function follow form?

                        www.clearvisionequine.com

                        http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Extra duties, clean tack, wash buckets, sweep and more for about as long as it takes for mane to grow out

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Well I know you will handle this with grace and humor (and make it a good lesson for her). As someone who makes a LOT of mistakes (hello ADHD),I have been eternally grateful to those who really had cause to haul off and rip me a new one, yet did not!

                            Just like the others, I'd take her aside, tell her I know she meant well and I appreciated the initiative, but a) never, ever do that with a horse that isn't yours, for everyone's safety, and b) now we are going to learn how to roach, a good thing to learn! Then maybe you could have little "clinic" on mane pulling, for everyone (obviously with the caveat that this is what one does to one's OWN horses!)

                            I can relate to being pissed, even though I have no plans to act on it-sometimes venting is what friends and forums are for!!

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #15
                              Originally posted by HealingHeart View Post
                              Extra duties, clean tack, wash buckets, sweep and more for about as long as it takes for mane to grow out
                              Excellent! Thanks
                              Form follows function, or does function follow form?

                              www.clearvisionequine.com

                              http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                My parents always made me *fix* my *mistakes*. Dig up mom's garden making mud pies? They had my but out there replanting it. Break little sister's big wheel because I was too big for it but had to go for a ride on it anyway? I was doing extra chores for a couple weeks to earn enough allowance to pay for it. The lesson stuck (eventually).

                                If you've got the time stick Boo in the cross ties and make her fix the mane as best as it can be fixed, or make her roach it. She'll learn not to screw with stuff (or horses) that aren't hers and at the same time learn a little about how to properly trim a mane. Just like my mud pie adventure led to me learning how to plant a garden!

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  It sounds like the kid was trying to do something good/helpful and maybe got in over her head.

                                  I don't like getting mad at a kid for trying to do something nice/good, rather I try to turn it into a learning session; show her how to pull manes correctly, and during the session explain to her why it is important not to touch manes/tails/hair without permission.

                                  I would make sure she feels comfortable talking to you if she gets in over her hear or makes a mistake in the future.
                                  Freeing worms from cans everywhere!

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #18
                                    Many many lessons all the way around...I'm not one to correct by intimidation, but by example. Sure she was trying to be helpful, to be part of the show prep.
                                    As a 65 yr old grandmother, I will handle it with tact, and gentle firmness.
                                    Thanks again, everyone!
                                    Form follows function, or does function follow form?

                                    www.clearvisionequine.com

                                    http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      I have to add another side to this since everyone thinks she was being helpful. Perhaps she just didn't like the way it looked and tried to change it.

                                      I loaned out my QH to a student for a schooling show. I was laid up with a broken leg and didn't attend the show. When the horse got back from the show I knew something was different and it finally came to me that her forelock had been cut. Cut, not trimmed as about 3 inches was cut off straight across. Now, I know it is just hair but when the student's mom admitted they cut it and said "it would grow back what was the big deal?" That left me fuming. To this day I regret not saying to them 'well let me take your daughter to the salon and have 3 inches of her hair cut off.'

                                      If feel for the OP.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Just a story to show what might happen if she doesn't learn the lesson about "fixing" horses that belong to others:
                                        I have an older schoolmistress I keep at home. A college student, working student at the barn where I boarded my other horse, was going to take her to a schooling show. She came to my barn to clip her with borrowed clippers. I watched for a while, then went inside. When I came out, she had SHAVED her TAIL - top and sides - about 4 inches.
                                        "Oh, you shaved her tail." I said.
                                        "Yes, I know it's controversial, but I like the look, and this is correct for dressage horses," she said.
                                        I asked her if she knew MY feelings, since it was MY horse. Well, no, of course she didn't. Didn't think to ASK about my opinion regarding the controversial shaving, either. I put on my nice teacher voice and explained things to her.

                                        So, explain things to the student. Even if someone else tells her what is "correct", the horse still belongs to you, and she should ask!

                                        (and oh yes, she did NOT clean the clippers before returning them, either....)

                                        Comment

                                        Working...
                                        X