• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.



Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Uh-Oh....my bf asked THE QUESTION

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Original Poster

    I just want to say thank you to evreyone replying, it is just re-affirming my beliefs.

    I loff you guys
    Boss Mare Eventing Blog


    • #22
      Ask him if he would want you as a shell of yourself....empty with no dreams? Would he be happy with that. Hell, just because you have dreams does not mean that you are incapable of having a life. Why the heck do people think that us wonder women horse people can't have it all? We are damn good at juggling....didn't they get the memo?

      What is special to him.....a car....football? Really that is incredibly selfish of him.
      The rider casts his heart over the fence,
      the horse jumps in pursuit of it.

      –Hans-Heinrich Isenbart


      • #23
        Originally posted by Jealoushe View Post

        ughhhhhhhh. I fear where this is headed...
        Don't be afraid.

        Do you really want to be in a relationship at the cost of being true to yourself?


        • #24
          Ya I think it was just hypothetical.......
          No, it's not! You want to think it was a hypothetical but in your heart you know that it isn't.... He was doing a reality check and you failed that test.... So what??? There are plenty of other good men out there who don't need you to give things up to be loved by them. This guy felt threatened by your response--the international sign for low self esteem!

          Frankly, I would give this guy the heave ho before you get even more attached to him. My first husband was jealous of the time I spent at the time with the horse. I had to spend a lot of time with the horse--it was only green broke and my first husband was a horse person and understood that. It was all right for him to spend time with his horse but when I needed to spend time with my horse it irritated him. The marriage did not survive his need to control me..... A blessing in disguise!!!!

          Being alone forever??? I would be pretty pi$$ed at the implication that if you don't choose hime without the horses, you would be alone forever...
          Yeah, really!!!!!!! Don't worry, honey! There are plenty of other guys out there who are more mature than this one who are just waiting to love you!!!!! My current (and hopefully my last) husband is incredibly supportive of my love for horses (and gardening). Likewise, I have no problem with him spending time away from me (he likes to go to the local racetracks to bet on the ponies, and golf). That's the way it is when two people care about each other, are secure within themselves and understand you can't go around all your life joined at the hip!!!! Don't get me wrong--we go a lot of places together, have many common interests and I cherish that time with him!!!! But the horse is an every day committment especially since she is kept in a self-care situation, plus she needs more looking after now she is getting older and is infirmed.... I'm over there at least two to three times a day, and often again later in the evening.... If I had to deal with his jealousy on top of everything else, well--I just wouldn't!!!!! I have a low tolerance for people who want to tell me what I should be doing with my time....

          So think long and hard about this relationship because it sounds like it's headed in the wrong direction, IMO....
          "I'm not much into conspiracy theories but if everyone thinks alike you don't need a plot!" ~person from another bulletin board whose name has been long forgotten~


          • #25
            No such thing as hypothetical questions...someone is hinting towards something.
            There is happily married life and children with horses...because if horse people didn't get married and breed we'd have run out of horse people by now.
            My bet is he's either not realizing he's warning you that if he marries someone he won't put up with anything that takes time and lots of income away from the family
            or most likely:
            he's feeling very second place due to time/attention not spent with him AND is wondering where he really stands in your life.
            You could mention that those scenerios don't have to be Either/Or and then ask him why he asked that. Why he REALLY asked that.
            There are plenty of potential spouses out there who are either also horsie or wouldn't care that you are. Very few potential spouses will stick around with someone who will keep them desitute with equine costs and never have time or attention for their SO, though.
            If the person is the right one for you...you won't mind about cutting down on expenses/horse time a little bit.
            You jump in the saddle,
            Hold onto the bridle!
            Jump in the line!


            • #26
              I didn't go to YOU camp ...

              When negotiating to buy my horse, I trotted out the following rationale when we were having that sort of priorities discussion:

              I haven't been dreaming about YOU my whole life. I don't have 56 Breyer models of YOU collecting dust in the basement. I don't have books upon books about caring for, feeding, managing, riding (ahem, no rude comments folks) and grooming YOU on my shelves. I didn't go to YOU camp when I was a kid. I didn't fill hundreds of Academy sketch pads with my perfect vision of YOU. I didn't ask for YOU for every single Christmas and birthday.

              That little discussion helped him see things more clearly, and the fact that he didn't run screaming from my side won him some bonus points ...
              Don't wrassle with a hog. You just get dirty, and the hog likes it.

              Collecting Thoroughbreds - tales of a re-rider and some TBs


              • #27
                Yep. Get on that horse of yours and RUN.

                Now. While you can. sylvia
                Never explain yourself to someone who is committed to misunderstanding you.


                • #28
                  I've had women ask me the same type questions over the years a couple asked the one I laughed at the most. " Do you love your farm and animals more then me ?" It was an easy answer. YES!!!!!!! Then my wife came along and could see it was obvious and never thought twice about it. She loves hers as much as I do mine.
                  Quality doesn\'t cost it pays.


                  • #29
                    Words of wisdom from my VERY wise mother (I should have heeded them long ago....could have saved myself lotsa pain ). Anyway, Elise says:

                    "When in doubt, don't."

                    "NEVER settle for second best."

                    A) you're already having doubts because of his interesting question. Heed those doubts.

                    B) You already know this guy is 2nd best because he doesn't get the horse thing.... and has no desire to do so.

                    Break it off now and then seek out a quality person from a quality place
                    <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.


                    • #30
                      Omgosh, Johnnysauntie!!!!

                      Now THAT is a response that brings it all into focus, no? LOLOLOL sylva
                      Never explain yourself to someone who is committed to misunderstanding you.


                      • #31
                        My EX husband pulled that on me once. Told me I loved the horse more than him. I told him, "Yeah, she doens't b@#*h at me all the time." In hindsight it was a rather mean statement, but that's what you get when you push.

                        I've always followed a philosophy of 'he who makes me chose, loses.' I resent anybody who asks me to give up something I love in order to prove I love them. It won't happen. I would never ask it of them, and I won't let it happen to me. I have never known anybody who has given up their horse, or dog, or anything, because of a boyfriend or husband to be happy with the result. Its usually just the first of many things they will be expected to forego for the other person.

                        Yup - currently single and likely to remain so due to my disposition.


                        • #32
                          My EX-husband gave me the ultimatum. I am not exaggerating when I say I spoke to him twice after that. Once to explain why all my stuff was missing from the house, and the second time to arrange to get back some things I had missed the first time.

                          My current husband understands that horses are part of my passion for life. Not the sole source of my passion for life, there is room for him and some other stuff too. But he understands that keeping that balance takes work, and he is willing to work with me to keep everything running smoothly.
                          Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans


                          • #33
                            Id' say that question means that, in his mind, horses and husbands are mutually exclusive. So now you know, if you want the former then you can't have him for the latter.

                            No reason you can't keep him around as a toy boy, but don't get serious about that one!
                            I'm not ignoring the rules. I'm interpreting the rules. Tamal, The Great British Baking Show


                            • #34
                              He's either looking for an excuse to leave... or he's starting to show control-freak tendencies. In either case, it's not a "hypothetical" or a joke, it's a veiled test/ultimatium. It's time to really think hard about this relationship. You deserve better than someone who will be planting seeds in your head that your horse is more important than your family.

                              You CAN have both. It's absurd of him to think you could not enjoy both things.

                              I love the response johnnysauntie gave: "I didn't go to YOU camp ..." That's priceless.
                              Veterinarians for Equine Welfare


                              • #35
                                Originally posted by MistyBlue View Post
                                No such thing as hypothetical questions...someone is hinting towards something.
                                Hmpf, that explains why when I called IT and asked them hypothetically speaking what would happen if someone spilled an entire can of soda in their keyboard they came to my cubby space with a new keyboard with in seconds of me hanging up the phone.

                                Originally posted by MistyBlue View Post
                                If the person is the right one for you...you won't mind about cutting down on expenses/horse time a little bit.
                                I totally agree.


                                • #36
                                  I have learned that 5 months into a relationship and there are already questions like that....it is time to get out!

                                  You will just keep trying to be someone you are not. Don't try please a MAN who obviously doesn't care about what makes YOU happy and keep a relationship for the sake of having a relationship with a man . Ditch him.
                                  ~Proud founder of the "Addicted to Lessons" clique~
                                  ~Ribbon Ho~


                                  • #37
                                    "Hit the road, Jack."


                                    • #38
                                      I'm married with two horses and I have to admit, they get fed before we eat! My line is he can use the microwave, they can't.
                                      However, when my husband is gone, I realize he IS more important to me than the horses. But if he said it's me or the horses, ummm....
                                      He would never do that, thank goodness. But if a BF said that to me, warning lights and bells would be going off. What would be next, you'd have to decide who to pay more attention to-him or the children???


                                      • #39
                                        Just curious but what do you ladies think about the same type thing where women get upset with men that hunt, fish, go to ball games etc.? I know lots of ladies that just flip because their boyfreinds and husbands spend money and time on these things.
                                        Quality doesn\'t cost it pays.


                                        • #40
                                          Originally posted by county View Post
                                          Just curious but what do you ladies think about the same type thing where women get upset with men that hunt, fish, go to ball games etc.? I know lots of ladies that just flip because their boyfreinds and husbands spend money and time on these things.
                                          I think they suck too

                                          There are people out there who are just always going to be jealous when something besides them makes their partner happy. And then they can't handle alone time, or seperate interests. Happens with both men and women.

                                          At the same time, if you love somebody, you sacrifice for them sometimes too, people do need reassurance that you love them. I've been bad at this lately, myself. So before writing off the jealous person, take stock of how important they are to you, and if your actions are matching up with your feelings.
                                          "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

                                          My CANTER blog.