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WWYD? Boundary problems

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  • WWYD? Boundary problems

    :
    Last edited by xaviera; Jul. 23, 2012, 12:35 AM.

  • #2
    As another cother recently told me about someone not at all related to my barn, "just say no."

    Don't explain, don't argue. Just interrupt the conversation and say "no." I'd be inclined to add that my vets had said the opposite of what the person is recommending, but that would only prolong the conversation.
    Say "no."

    Good of you to rehab the horse.

    Comment


    • #3
      Post the vet's rehab rules on the front of your stall.
      Your horses health and recovery is far more important than someone else's unsolicited opinion.

      (edit to add)

      You might as well add the vet's contact info let busybody and the vet duke it out.
      Along with a list of people permitted to handle your horse. Short of evacuating for a fire no one off the list should be touching another persons animal without permission.

      I like signs because it is hard for people to take them personally.
      Last edited by 5; Jul. 22, 2012, 06:25 PM.
      A pussycat of a horse with a chewed off tail won the triple crown, The Cubs won the world series and Trump won the Presidency.
      Don't tell me 'It can't be done.'

      Comment


      • #4
        Good advice, less said the better. You can be polite, just say thank you but I have a plan worked out. If trainer approaches again firmly repeat. No thanks.

        Comment


        • #5
          IIWM, I'd give the "helpful pro" the Midwest version of the good old Southern MYOB (Bless your heart...):

          "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind" and continue on doing as you wish.

          If repeated often enough perhaps pro will get the hint.

          IMO this person is trolling for business by showing off supposed superior knowledge.

          P.S.
          see 5's sig line which seems applicable to your situation.
          Hint: you are not the pigeon.
          *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
          Steppin' Out 1988-2004
          Hey Vern! 1982-2009, Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009
          Sam(Jaybee Altair) 1994-2015

          Comment


          • #6
            Years ago I boarded a young horse with a woman who was a small breeder that took in a boarder or two. She was a good horseman, and a good person. She also had a serious case of the busybodies. Honestly, the woman couldn't help herself. Whatever the situation, she had something to say. If my treatment or approach (or my vet's treatment or approach) was not the same as hers, she'd get on the phone to all her friends and once they had come to a concensus, I'd get their opinion as well. I think I spent the better part of three years saying "Ummmm...no." to what I christened The Hume, VA Veterinary Society.

            Whenever I'd get to the breaking point (about twice a year), I'd sit down and write out the reasons I kept this filly there. The list was long... massive, incredible, well-fenced pastures, meticulous attention to feed/water/hay, age appropriate turn-out companions for the filly, and a barn-owner who was horseman enough to notice something NQR if I wasn't there. By the time I'd finished writing it out - I had my perspective back and just said "ummmm...no." for the 80th time.

            Yes - it can drive you nuts. But try to keep the big picture in mind.
            "No matter how cynical I get its just not enough to keep up." Lily Tomlin

            Comment


            • #7
              Many trainers offer rehabilitation as part of the boarding package. Unless you TELL HER specifically that YOU are managing her rehab, alone, then she may feel that she is being remiss in her responsibilities by not advising you.

              Don't pussy foot around this. It sounds as if that's in your nature to begin with... why didn't you mention your horse was a post-injury rehab when you brought her in? Frankly, I'd be a little miffed with you, if I were your BO/ BM, because if the horse is on its' way back from layup, the nuances of management come under a microscope. For example, if a horse consistently trips on the way to t/o, I might simply think it's due on it's shoeing cycle. But a layup animal, I'd note pitch of footing/ depth, which foot specifically, and if it occurred on the way IN... as well as regularly checking for heat/ swelling instead of visual inspection alone. Same thing goes for resting legs, or herd behaviour, etc.

              You're robbing this BO from doing her best work for you because YOU feel YOU know all there is to know about this rehab. Good luck with that.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Sansena View Post
                Many trainers offer rehabilitation as part of the boarding package. Unless you TELL HER specifically that YOU are managing her rehab, alone, then she may feel that she is being remiss in her responsibilities by not advising you.

                Don't pussy foot around this. It sounds as if that's in your nature to begin with... why didn't you mention your horse was a post-injury rehab when you brought her in? Frankly, I'd be a little miffed with you, if I were your BO/ BM, because if the horse is on its' way back from layup, the nuances of management come under a microscope. For example, if a horse consistently trips on the way to t/o, I might simply think it's due on it's shoeing cycle. But a layup animal, I'd note pitch of footing/ depth, which foot specifically, and if it occurred on the way IN... as well as regularly checking for heat/ swelling instead of visual inspection alone. Same thing goes for resting legs, or herd behaviour, etc.

                You're robbing this BO from doing her best work for you because YOU feel YOU know all there is to know about this rehab. Good luck with that.
                Do you know more about OP's situation than was originally posted? Where did you get your info?

                Comment


                • #9
                  ...um.... 40plus years in the industry. What'syer point?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Sansena View Post
                    . For example, if a horse consistently trips on the way to t/o, I might simply think it's due on it's shoeing cycle. But a layup animal, I'd note pitch of footing/ depth, which foot specifically, and if it occurred on the way IN....


                    now I would have just thought the horse had a lot of Arabian blood in it as I rarely ever saw them pick their feet up to go over anything

                    We had one Polish Arabian as a schooling horse and would put little lines of mounted saw dust up in the ring to see it could clear the obstacle

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      At my barn, we typically handle the layups. I'll admit, it makes me nervous when boarders want to do their own. Because my experience is that often people lack the experience/ability/time to do the layup correctly, or they communicate poorly to us what is going on which is awkward because we are, in fact, the ones out here with the horse providing most of its basic care. I feel a lot better about people doing their own layups if it is clear to me that they are on top of the situation and know what they are doing and are committed to following through with the layup. In which case I have no problem with it at all.

                      In any case you can't go wrong with nodding politely, and saying gee, thanks for your advice, I'll discuss it with my vet, but for now I'm doing X, Y and Z per my vets instructions.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Sansena View Post
                        ...um.... 40plus years in the industry. What'syer point?
                        My point was, how do you know if the OP "didn't you mention your horse was a post-injury rehab when you brought her in?"

                        I don't see where the OP stated that she didn't inform the BO. In addition, I don't see where the OP states that the trainer and the BO are one and the same. Maybe, maybe not. You're jumping to an awful lot of conclusions. We don't even know what the OP's qualifications are to be doing her own rehab, do we?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by LauraKY View Post
                          Do you know more about OP's situation than was originally posted? Where did you get your info?
                          I was thinking the same thing. I didn't get anything from the OP's post that she didn't tell the BO what was going on with her horse. I also read the OP's first post that the BO and the trainer are two different people. But I guess some people just know better then others. Kind of like what this thread is about.

                          To the OP. I would come right out and tell the trainer that you did not ask for her opition and if and when you do need it you will ask. Just like you know she would not appreciate if you started to give her advice on her riding and horse care.
                          My life motto now is "You can't fix stupid!"

                          Are you going to cowboy up, or lie there and bleed

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Arent' we charming today.

                            The original (now edited) post inferred OP specifically and deliberately withheld information from the BO/ BM/ trainer upon initial interview or initially moving in. (See, for those that don't understand... back slashes indicate the term might apply to either OR party involved. In other words, used interchangeably even tho' the actual title is not).

                            I once knew a client who handled their own rehab. Person couldn't recall name or dates of vet visit, type of treatment, heck even which LIMB, much less which joint was involved. But BOY that person was hell bent on holding us responsible that the horse wasn't recovery "properly"....
                            ..............
                            ETA: It takes a team to properly rehab a horse from injury or illness. Only an inexperienced or naiive person would think the care of this horse can be handled by ONE individual 24/7 until it's back to 100% performance.

                            Carry on.
                            Last edited by Sansena; Jul. 22, 2012, 11:29 AM. Reason: additional...

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Well the, I guess that's why it's important to quote a post when you are criticizing, Sansena. Although I do see the OP last edited her post at 6:02 am and you posted at 9:59 am. Are you 100% sure you got the details right, considering the time lag?

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                I have better things to do today. Dont' you?

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by Sansena View Post
                                  I have better things to do today. Dont' you?
                                  No need to get ugly about this. OP is asking for helpful advice, not a argument. I'm pretty sure the OP didn't expect anyone with "better things to do today" to post in her thread, and create a ruckus on top of it. If you have better things to do today....you should probably quit wasting your time and get the ball rolling.

                                  Getting back on track here....
                                  Is it possible that the BO/BM has a strong desire to be helpful, and nothing more? I think we can all benefit from an outside perspective at one point or another. But there's a passive and a pushy way to go about it. There's also a time when its best not to say anything at all....
                                  Some people are wired with a strong desire to be helpful. Its human nature to want to help one another. I'm sure we've all been there before at some point. Ever have a friend that is doing something one way, but we feel that we can offer a different perspective? Some people will keep it to themselves, while others simply can't keep their mouth shut. It doesn't have to mean they have poor intentions.
                                  I think the best way to go about this is by telling her that you're ONLY going to be following your vet's treatment plan. Nothing more, nothing less. Try not to get ugly with her. Nobody wants a sour relationship, especially when they run the place that houses your horse.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Haven't read the other replies but have seen this sort of thing play out before. It needs to be nipped in the bud politely yet firmly and concisely as in

                                    Thanks but I am following my vet's advice on rehab. .

                                    Period.

                                    Memorize and just say that sentence and only that sentence every time advice is offered. You can even smile while doing it. .

                                    don't ever get into explanations.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      I would like the OP to clarify some of the following things:

                                      Is "trainer" also the BO/BM?
                                      If no - was the BO/BM aware of what your plans were if you moved in?

                                      If yes to the first question - she has every right to be consulted on what is going on, and you 2 need to be on the same page. If I was the BO and I had a layup brought in without my knowledge and with an owner no confering with me I'd probably as you to leave.

                                      If no and the BO/BM are on the same page as you are - or are at least following yours, and your vet's instructions tell the trainer to butt out, and go over your concern about the trainers behavior with the BO/BM.
                                      www.felixfjord.blogspot.com

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        I would just say "Thanks, but I prefer to handle horse's rehab on my own."

                                        When rehabbing my horse from his suspensory injury, I was the one who directed his care. I handled his vet appointments, his shoeing instructions, his rehab schedule, etc. However, the BO/trainer/staff did help with his rehab. That said, they followed MY instructions, which were very clear (I made rehab calendars for him and shared all vet reports, etc.). I'm a very diligent person, and more than capable of directing a horse's rehab.

                                        Sansena, I'm not sure why you assume the OP is not capable of the same?

                                        FWIW, my horse recovered fully from his suspensory injury. Other horses in the same barn that had rehabs handled by the BO/trainer did not. I'll stick with my way, thanks. BO/trainer would have had my horse back in work months earlier than vet recommended (complained regularly that he wasn't back in work yet). I have zero regrets, and would NEVER let anyone else direct a rehab of one of my horses.

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