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Help with tactfully getting out of a very sticky situation.HOW IT ENDED PAGE 17

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  • Anyone else worried that Parent A doesn't have a bill of sale yet? As much as I don't like Parent A, I'm starting to feel bad for her, just because Parent B is getting worse and worse. When the pony leaves T-S's barn, whether they left or were kicked out, I just have this feeling that the 6 y/o will end up with the pony, and a dangerous situation, while the good little 12 y/o who likes and deserves the pony will get screwed.

    Comment


    • Sheesh, this whole fiasco is unfolding because neither HL or the trainer, either one, knows how to say "No".

      The only reason the parent keeps calling you, OP, is because you talk to her when she does. She has the mind of a weasle - she isn't hearing you say no, she want's to 'discuss' and you are giving her responses. You may be complaining about her, but you are talking to her, and, you are giving her advice ("I told her minors can't enter into an agreement together...")!! You may be complaining about her calling late at night, but you are answering the phone! In our house, we don't answer the phone after 9:00 pm. People we know are told that. If the machine picks up and its a family member in emergency, we pick up the phone. Otherwise, forget it. If I answered the phone, then the caller would know that...what...if he calls late, I answer the phone.

      My question to you is why are you answering the phone? Why are you talking to her at all? Because you can't turn away? Because you don't want to be rude? Because you want to try to help her do the better thing? What ever that answer is, that is why you are saddled with this nutjob.

      The trainer is saddled with this fiasco because she hasn't said "NO". So, she is the trainer and is involved and also pretty damn liable in my observation for the safety of those idiots.

      You may be complaining, but you aren't saying No and you aren't walking away. But if you keep it up, your misery will entertain us for a while yet to come!
      Airborne? Oh. Yes, he can take a joke. Once. After that, the joke's on you.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by tkhawk View Post
        But wondering, is Parent B the real parent of the 6 yr old ?
        You know the same thought popped into my head this morning while I was cleaning! HL maybe you should check back episodes of Maury: "Parent B --- You are NOT the father!"

        Comment


        • Parent B is turning out to be even nuttier than Parent A. And that's saying a lot!

          I agree Parent A is going to get screwed when Parent B takes the pony elsewhere.

          Look...my predicition is starting to come true--both sides are going to dump a lot of $$$ into getting this mess straightened out.

          I can't wait for the show now!
          "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"

          Comment

          • Original Poster

            Originally posted by AnotherRound View Post
            Sheesh, this whole fiasco is unfolding because neither HL or the trainer, either one, knows how to say "No".

            Well.. the fiasco started with the purchase of the pony.. which trainer didn't know was happening until it happened. I tried to warn against co-ownership in a casual conversation when it was still hypothetical and got sucked in when it became reality


            The only reason the parent keeps calling you, OP, is because you talk to her when she does. She has the mind of a weasle - she isn't hearing you say no, she want's to 'discuss' and you are giving her responses. You may be complaining about her, but you are talking to her, and, you are giving her advice ("I told her minors can't enter into an agreement together...")!! You may be complaining about her calling late at night, but you are answering the phone! In our house, we don't answer the phone after 9:00 pm. People we know are told that. If the machine picks up and its a family member in emergency, we pick up the phone. Otherwise, forget it. If I answered the phone, then the caller would know that...what...if he calls late, I answer the phone.

            On the day of the 11:00pm phone call I didn't answer because I was at work.. I saw I had a missed call and heard the message. So I didn't answer.. and even if I had been home I wouldn't of answered the phone then. I was surprised that she thought it was ok to even place a call to me at 11:00

            My question to you is why are you answering the phone? Why are you talking to her at all? Because you can't turn away? Because you don't want to be rude? Because you want to try to help her do the better thing? What ever that answer is, that is why you are saddled with this nutjob.

            That is a very valid question. One that I have thought about as well. I think it is because for one I don't want to be rude... it really isn't in my genetic makeup for goodness sake.... I am the sucker that gives the bum a dollar... because I feel bad, if someone has some trouble or in need or to have fallen on hard times I want to find out what I can do to help. I also think about when I bought my first horse.... before I knew about this BB... how alone I was... I didn't know where to turn.. what to look for and I had a few people that were kind enough to point me in the right direction or give me some advice and how very much I appreciated that. I also wish I had someone that could have warned me about the bad deal I was getting into with ex-trainer.. I was prime fodder for a controlling trainer.. green willing to be lead for lack of knowing better and worst of all gullible. This BB and time in the horse world has opened my eyes considerably to things I wouldn't have conceived of horse theivery, how crucial contracts are... how they can be enforced... how they can be broken... how to protect yourself from those that prey upon horse-owners.. or would be horse-owners who are naive to this whole process.

            The trainer is saddled with this fiasco because she hasn't said "NO". So, she is the trainer and is involved and also pretty damn liable in my observation for the safety of those idiots.

            Parent A is going along with trainer...(for now) because Parent A's kid is not dumb and knows when she needs help. Parent B is the wildcard here. Trainer is trying give the parents the opportunity to abide by her rules... rules she said she stressed again to Parent B during the kids lesson yesterday. The pony has been there for only 1 week.. she is giving them the benefit of the doubt for now. Both parents have signed a liability waiver but she is keeping close tabs on them.

            You may be complaining, but you aren't saying No and you aren't walking away. But if you keep it up, your misery will entertain us for a while yet to come!

            Last week at the barn I just nodded and smiled when she talked to me about changing the ponies name and such. One day a week is the only time I go that I have the potential of running into her and that is the only time I cannot change. If I run into her again it will be silence... smile and nod.. and more silence. Another thing is that it is very hard to standby and watch someone get screwed right before your eyes... especially when you have been screwed before... and wish someone would have spoken up and helped. I don't want to see any parent get screwed in this deal at all I am keeping to my silence rule though and I am strictly an observer now. But even as an observer I can still keep you entertained.
            My responses in red.
            Last edited by horse-loverz; Sep. 4, 2008, 09:59 PM.
            ___._/> I don't suffer from insanity.. I enjoy every
            ____/ minute of it! Member stick horse art lovers
            ';;;;;;; clique
            //__\\<-- Don't feed the llama!

            Comment


            • H-L, something made me curious in your response to AR...is the pony being ridden by Kid B (or Kid A, for that matter) in lessons w/ trainer, or is the pony going to be "in training" for lack of a better term, with kid A, or...? What's the deal? And is Kid A allowed to ride w/o trainer present?

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                Neither is allowed to ride without trainer present for now as far as I know. Trainer did let Kid B (the young one) on her pony for her lesson since she had not seen in person how pony reacted to little kid. The lesson was done at a walk and trot only... and on a lunge line only.. and after Kid A had worn the pony down a lot first as well. This was beneficial for trainer as well as kid . Trainer discovered that it is the 2 point position that is the "go" button for the pony.. half seat.. two point to pony means "gallop like heck" if you let it. So that was what is causing the runaway train after a crossrail. She did a lot of trot.. stop work with the kid... and pony was starting to catch on and she never let it gather enough steam to runaway with kid. (so trainer has hope... so far)This is all from what trainer told me today. Trainer is very doubtful pony will be ready for show in 2 weeks like both Parents want.. and she will most definately not let Parent B's kid show obviously. But Parent A's kid is riding pony at least 3 days a week with trainer supervising for now.
                ___._/> I don't suffer from insanity.. I enjoy every
                ____/ minute of it! Member stick horse art lovers
                ';;;;;;; clique
                //__\\<-- Don't feed the llama!

                Comment


                • I know it's been asked, but where is the mother of Kid B? I'm hoping that she's oblivious, but does care...

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster

                    They have another child.. who is probably about 1 now. I never see mom at the barn just dad... I've only really seen her 2 or 3 times I haven't talked to her enough to know her at all. I assume she stays at home with the baby. I think she does go to the shows though.. but I haven't been to a show much this year due to personal drama.

                    Parent A calls me because our kids have ridden together at the same barn for years. I have known her much longer than I have known Parent B.
                    ___._/> I don't suffer from insanity.. I enjoy every
                    ____/ minute of it! Member stick horse art lovers
                    ';;;;;;; clique
                    //__\\<-- Don't feed the llama!

                    Comment


                    • Parent B also has a 1 year old? Does this mean the pony is also going to do the leadline class at the show?

                      Comment

                      • Original Poster

                        Originally posted by lcw579 View Post
                        Parent B also has a 1 year old? Does this mean the pony is also going to do the leadline class at the show?
                        God I hope not!! Actually I hadn't thought about it!!.. I did come up with a new nick- name for the pony.. Double Indemnity (I know it's evil sorry).

                        And trainer loved the saddle pad idea... BTW
                        ___._/> I don't suffer from insanity.. I enjoy every
                        ____/ minute of it! Member stick horse art lovers
                        ';;;;;;; clique
                        //__\\<-- Don't feed the llama!

                        Comment


                        • Double Indemnity! I love it, you should definitely suggest it as the pony's show name. If Parent B gets nervous you'll know we're on the right track about that insurance policy!

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by AnotherRound View Post
                            Sheesh, this whole fiasco is unfolding because neither HL or the trainer, either one, knows how to say "No".... <snip> ....You may be complaining, but you aren't saying No and you aren't walking away. But if you keep it up, your misery will entertain us for a while yet to come!
                            Originally posted by horse-loverz View Post
                            I also wish I had someone that could have warned me about the bad deal I was getting into with ex-trainer.. I was prime fodder for a controlling trainer.. green willing to be lead for lack of knowing better and worst of all gullible. This BB and time in the horse world has opened my eyes considerably to things I wouldn't have conceived of horse theivery, how crucial contracts are... how they can be enforced... how they can be broken... how to protect yourself from those that prey upon horse-owners.. or would be horse-owners who are naive to this whole process.


                            -------------------------

                            Okay... this, of course, is just my opinion.

                            I don't think it matters how many times someone "warns" someone else about something. If they aren't willing to hear it or are so "enchanted" by a certain person or situation, it doesn't matter what an outside person says to try and warn them. They aren't going to listen. They have to go through the process themselves to figure it out. Been there, done that... have the T-Shirt... from both ends.

                            Something similar happened to me (from both ends)... thankfully, I got out sooner than most. And I definately learned my lesson and will never do anything like that again. I have learned that you can still be nice and pleasant to people in the horse world and the barn you are at specifically... but I'll never put myself in a "I can't do anything w/o this person and/or barn" situation or get too involved in the "gossip" part of it. EVER again. It does help that my BM/Trainer doesn't do that. People can talk, but she jumps on it pretty fast and stops the fodder. I get along great w/ my barnmates, BM, Trainer, BO, etc. But they aren't anything more than just my "barn friends". We may chat a little and share a few personal stories and such, but we don't hang out. Because of this, I don't have any ties so I can up and go wherever and whenever I want. I did this on purpose. I like chatting w/ my barnmates and scheduling times to ride together, and supporting each other at shows and such. But other than that? I have other horsie friends that are outside of my barn. Those are the ones I really talk to and hang out with.

                            I'm similiar to the OP (and yes, I know her). I tend to try and help anyone and everyone when they are struggling or are having an issue no matter what might have happened in the past. But unfortunately, that's what got me in the original mess I was in and that I finally got out of. So, I will still offer a helping hand, but it's a very "light" hand. But I decide how much I will help. And I make sure not to get too "involved". As most times, it leads to disaster. I'll listen to someone's woes and be attentive and possibly offer one piece of advice, name, number, etc. But the line stops there. Yes, it's a little self-preservation. But on the flip side, I feel we do need to continue to help our fellow horse people out when the need is there. And not just walk around being selfish all the time. But you have to draw that line.

                            Now, OP, please don't take this too personal... but you are kinda putting yourself back in that same situation again. I know you really like your new Trainer and such and you want to keep the peace with Parent A as the kids get along, etc. and you've known her for awhile and have to "live" with her at the barn/shows and such... but you are getting too involved again. And not just with Parent A. Please step back. Keep it business. Doesn't mean you can't be friendly and nice to all. But I see that same pattern happening again. Just my advice... and only because I DO care.

                            Comment


                            • Agree completely with LSM1212.

                              HL, I think that, in trying to keep either kid from getting killed, you're trying to fix something that isn't yours to fix. Don't. You won't be able to talk sense to either Parent A, Parent B or anyone else who isn't ready to listen. I know you're trying to distance yourself, but I think it might be a case of "too little, too late", to keep Parent A from continuing to try to drag you into this mess.

                              And JMO, but I'd stay out of Saintly Trainer's affairs, too. I know you're trying to help, but I must say, I don't think too highly of someone who continues to put up with Parent B and Pony from Hell being anywhere on her property, or in any way considered her responsibility. If Parent B is that wonderful with horses, let him get his kid killed on his own property/in his own time, and not involve others. I hate @$$holes like that!

                              I'll be keeping good thoughts and my fingers crossed for all innocent parties here.
                              In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                              A life lived by example, done too soon.
                              www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                Originally posted by LSM1212 View Post

                                -------------------------


                                I don't think it matters how many times someone "warns" someone else about something. If they aren't willing to hear it or are so "enchanted" by a certain person or situation, it doesn't matter what an outside person says to try and warn them. They aren't going to listen. They have to go through the process themselves to figure it out.

                                I agree with you here.. people have to want to be helped.



                                Now, OP, please don't take this too personal... but you are kinda putting yourself back in that same situation again. I know you really like your new Trainer and such and you want to keep the peace with Parent A as the kids get along, etc. and you've known her for awhile and have to "live" with her at the barn/shows and such... but you are getting too involved again. And not just with Parent A. Please step back. Keep it business. Doesn't mean you can't be friendly and nice to all. But I see that same pattern happening again. Just my advice... and only because I DO care.
                                Not really the same kind of thing.. honest.. I only talk to trainer at lessons. Don't really call or talk or talk to her outside of that. I am taking the advice those with Parent A and stepping back... waaaay back. Thanks for the great advice.
                                ___._/> I don't suffer from insanity.. I enjoy every
                                ____/ minute of it! Member stick horse art lovers
                                ';;;;;;; clique
                                //__\\<-- Don't feed the llama!

                                Comment


                                • Originally posted by horse-loverz View Post
                                  Not really the same kind of thing.. honest.. I only talk to trainer at lessons. Don't really call or talk or talk to her outside of that. I am taking the advice those with Parent A and stepping back... waaaay back. Thanks for the great advice.
                                  No problem... maybe it was just the way I read your posts on this thread. I guess I was reading that you were actually talking to Trainer alot (at the barn and outside of the barn) about this situation from your posts. You were posting her comments and then posting that you would discuss some of the suggestions given here with her, etc.

                                  That's kinda what I meant when I said it seemed you were more "involved" w/ trainer on this one than just with Parent A. I'm sure when you were talking about this situation with her, you meant it more as a "heads up" to her, etc. But in a way, you pretty much put yourself right smack dab in the middle of all of it (with Trainer, Parent A and Parent B) And by doing this, you pretty much set yourself up to be where you are now. JMO.

                                  If it were me? I wouldn't have discussed it at all w/ trainer unless she asked specifically about it. You gave your opinion to Parent A in the beginning that you didn't think a shared ownership was a good idea because of your past experience.... but they did it anyways.... and now Parent A wants help on contracts and such... so then you give Parent A the name and number of the atty that you used. And then that would be it. Let Parent A, Parent B and Trainer work on their own with this one.

                                  Again, JMHO. I've learned even when you put just a pinkie toe in... you end up in the middle of everything.

                                  Just my thoughts... I know it's a mute point now. But good choice in backing completely away from this... and I'd add that I wouldn't discuss it with Trainer anymore.

                                  Comment


                                  • Both children need an upgrade and the pony needs to be re-homed to the trainer.

                                    Also sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, but then again, with those parents - just give them their sign:

                                    "U can't fix stoopid".

                                    That should be enough warning, but you might want to invest in Reynold Wrap stock for those tinfoil hats - lol.

                                    When I had my boarding barn/lesson barn operational, it took me about 1.5 years to weed out the loonies, drama llamas, teenagers up to no good, people who wouldn't pay, and parents seeking baby sitter/place to dump their child whilst they went elsewhere (and sometimes failed to pick up said child till called by ME), parents who had death wish for children, and parents looking for a "good" time and place to meet their "other" lover. Oh and the escaped from the lunatic asylum lover/stalker of a boarder I had.

                                    After that..life was GOOD..lol. I got pretty good at spotting the crazies and drama types and when they approached about boarding, why land's sake, my barn was instantly full. During the last 5 years I was open, I had a waiting list and never an empty spot..I think it was because I wouldn't put up with the drama, and the horses were taken care of. No one wants to dread going to the barn and trying to avoid folks that cause problems. Especially not if they are paying for the barn time to relax, unwind and enjoy their horses.

                                    HL - grab your folding chair, some popcorn and the beverage of your choice and get thee to the horse show. This ought to be interesting to say the least and I do hope that little 6 year old has a full body armour suit and helmet.

                                    Comment


                                    • Unreal

                                      I had a friend who once said "People have the right to be stupid, and some people exercise that right on a daily basis." Parent A and Parent B are gleefully exercising that right daily!
                                      The truth is always in the middle.

                                      Comment


                                      • Originally posted by Thoroughbred1201 View Post
                                        I had a friend who once said "People have the right to be stupid, and some people exercise that right on a daily basis." Parent A and Parent B are gleefully exercising that right daily!
                                        That's a good one!

                                        Comment


                                        • Bumping for an update. And hoping trainer has booted both parents (but especially Parent B) off her property and out of her life.
                                          In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                                          A life lived by example, done too soon.
                                          www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

                                          Comment

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