Should I be mad at my husband? UPDATE 148: The horse will be okay!

[SGray]

On Tuesday, my husband decides that he wants to try to ride my TB. He normally rides a push button paint horse. He gets on, walks around the arena for two minutes, then tries to spur my horse (who is not ridden with roweled spurs ever, and at the most soft touch english spurs). My horse freaks out, goes backwards, trips, and falls down. Husband goes down too............

good way for hubby to get himself killed -- horse could have flipped right on top of him

[meupatdoes]

Nah, I didn't talk down to her or to anyone else. And I never said she should ride her horse with spurs. Sharing stories happens a lot on this board. I think it's kind of supposed to. I never said anything about "my way" or what I would do with that horse. I never said my way was so much better. I mean, how could I have? I never said what my way is. I never said anything about trying out everyone else's training methods......
Now that I'm thinking about it, your post above really makes no sense? Where did I do ANY of the things you accused me of in all your screamy caps? Strange.

Oh right, you just so happened to tell this story about how you had this spur-related experience with Frank Madden.

You weren't trying to send any kind of message to the OP with this little story, you were just randomly recollecting it out of the blue. Just sharing a story here, folks!

Oh, and the part where you said:

And, seriously, if the horse freaks and falls over because it gets spurred once, the husband might have a point.

That's ...kind of indicative that you think the OP might be wrong in her thinking on spurs for her horse, and that your and her husband's idea on spurs for her horse are possibly better.
Not talking down to the OP at all. Just sharing stories here folks!

[JackieBlue]

Oh right, you just so happened to tell this story about how you had this spur-related experience with Frank Madden.

You weren't trying to send any kind of message to the OP with this little story, you were just randomly recollecting it out of the blue. Just sharing a story here, folks!

You seem to have a lot of anger.

[meupatdoes]

You seem to have a lot of anger.

You seem to have a penchant for thinking people will just roll over and believe you when you blatantly mischaracterize your own posts.
As if we can't read.

What I have is a penchant for not politely buying into other people's BS, and calling it how I see it.

[JackieBlue]

You seem to have a penchant for thinking people will just roll over and believe you when you blatantly mischaracterize your own posts.
As if we can't read.

What I have is a penchant for not politely buying into other people's BS, and calling it how I see it.

How would I even know if anyone rolled over? I can't see you.

[BumbleBee]

Honestly I would be pissed that my horse would do something so fricken stupid than nearly got him and my husband killed.

Bucking is one thing but a horse that will do itself harm out of temper jeeze. Horse would soon learn to accept spurs.

DH made a poor decision. People do that. He didn't almost kill your horse and himself that was the result of your horses over reaction.

Either way not good. Everyone is a bit to blame for many reasons but the horse obviously has a screw loose if a jab is going to cause it to put itself at risk.

Glad your husband is okay.

[AlterN8tive]

There's LOTS of anger in several of these posts.

Men, IN GENERAL, do have problems with admitting error.

Women, IN GENERAL, let emotions get in the way of common sense and logic.

Emotions are neutral. How you act upon them is what causes problems.

It's my best guess there is indeed stress somewhere else in the marriage, and this event has magnified the stress level.

OP, how would your husband feel if he stumbled across this thread?

[JackieBlue]

Honestly I would be pissed that my horse would do something so fricken stupid than nearly got him and my husband killed.

Bucking is one thing but a horse that will do itself harm out of temper jeeze. Horse would soon learn to accept spurs.

DH made a poor decision. People do that. He didn't almost kill your horse and himself that was the result of your horses over reaction.

Either way not good. Everyone is a bit to blame for many reasons but the horse obviously has a screw loose if a jab is going to cause it to put itself at risk.

Glad your husband is okay.

And that's all I was saying. I agree wholeheartedly.

[meupatdoes]

How would I even know if anyone rolled over? I can't see you.

You'll know if people roll over if you say something like, "I didn't tell the OP anything about whether or not she should use spurs with her own horse by saying that her husband may have had a point about the spurs and telling this little story about Frank Madden. That was just folks sharing stories!" if nobody calls you on it.

If you try that same thing and someone says, "Hey wait a minute, actually you DID...", then somebody didn't roll over, and called you on it instead.

Hope it helps!

[JackieBlue]

You'll know if people roll over if you say something like, "I didn't tell the OP anything about whether or not she should use spurs with her own horse by saying that her husband may have had a point about the spurs and telling this little story about Frank Madden. That was just folks sharing stories!" if nobody calls you on it.

If you try that same thing and someone says, "Hey wait a minute, actually you DID...", then somebody didn't roll over, and called you on it instead.

Hope it helps!

Um, nope. Still not making sense. But thanks for trying!

[meupatdoes]

Um, nope. Still not making sense. But thanks for trying!

If your awesome husband is awesome enough he'll be able to explain it to you.

[JackieBlue]

If your awesome husband is awesome enough he'll be able to explain it to you.

I'm not that worried about it. You seem to want to pick at the fact that I don't resent or hate my husband. It's pretty simple really. If I didn't think he was, as you put it, awesome, he wouldn't be my husband. If I married the right guy, I'm SUPPOSED to think he's awesome. So, yes, you can call him my "awesome husband" any time you like. I'm sure if MY husband stumbled across this thread he's be quite amused!

[meupatdoes]

I'm not that worried about it.

I guess it was just a casual driveby for you to read the OP's posts and tell her your great little Frank Madden spur stories and how awesome your own husband is, then.

Must have been a very feel good experience FOR YOU.
No worries!

[FineAlready]

He was told no spurs. Multiple times. He even knows that I don't ride with them because he has seen me get off multiple times, go to the tack room, grab one of the pairs I keep there, and put them on.

The riding was a case of male ego. He had an idea that he could (for lack of a better word) 'force' my horse to do some training things that we've been coming along slowly on. (And coming along slowly was fine with me...we were making progess)

He has a extremely hard time admitting he is wrong and he also has an extremely hard time seeing me upset.

Your husband sounds like a jerk.

[SmartAlex]

And here I sit with only some peach flavored ice tea... no wine... no popcorn...

[Ravencrest_Camp]

You seem to want to pick at the fact that I don't resent or hate my husband.

Some of the ladies on this thread may ask you to turn in your ovaries.

[oliverreed]

Could we PLEASE offer the OP some support instead of b^%^-ing at each other?

I personally think the husband sounds like he is controlling, or at least has those tendencies. He really did not respect her or her wishes regarding HER horse, and now is turning it all on her. Read "The Gift of Fear" for some insight.

[meupatdoes]

You seem to want to pick at the fact that I don't resent or hate my husband. It's pretty simple really. If I didn't think he was, as you put it, awesome, he wouldn't be my husband. If I married the right guy, I'm SUPPOSED to think he's awesome. So, yes, you can call him my "awesome husband" any time you like. I'm sure if MY husband stumbled across this thread he's be quite amused!

No, I am picking at the fact that when someone else posts, "Here are problems I am having with my husband," it is pretty exponentially insensitive to crow about how awesome YOUR husband is, and "if I married the right guy I'm SUPPOSED to think he's awesome."

I guess if you went to a riding lesson and say, "I'm having problems with my horses lugging down on the bridle and carrying himself too heavy in my hand" you would feel just peachy if your trainer said, "Well, MY horse carries himself GREAT!" That would totally be an example of your trainer sensitively helping you, and not using your stated issue as a springboard to further her own ego at all.

I guess the OP would think her husband was awesome 100% of the time too if she had just married the right guy like you did!

[Mtn trails]

I'm on my way with boxed wine and cheetos, have no fear Smart Alex!

[AlterN8tive]

I guess if you went to a riding lesson and say, "I'm having problems with my horses lugging down on the bridle and carrying himself too low" you would feel just peachy if your trainer said, "Well, MY horse carries himself GREAT!"

My trainer DOES say that. She also follows up with "And if you do XYZ, your horse will carry himself well, too!"

Unfortunately, spouses are not as easy a deal.

Now back to the OP -- yes, he was insensitive and yes, you have every right to be angry and hurt. Yes, what he did was stupid, and I'm certain he knows he made a mistake. Men just don't own up to them quickly, if ever. I am really sorry you are going through this and that your horse will be OK. I also hope that your husband will learn from his mistake.