• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

Credible threats of suicide will be reported to the police along with identifying user information at our disposal, in addition to referring the user to suicide helpline resources such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 2/8/18)
See more
See less

Past leaser wants contact with my horse - WWYD?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #61
    I lost more rides than I could count as a kid. Usually some spat b/w the grown-ups just about the time I was ready to show. It sucks. Sometimes I cried. I lived through it.

    This girl is not going to be irreparably harmed by telling her to leave your horse alone. So she sheds some tears. Que Sera. Learning that horses are livestock and subject to contracts and ownership is a good thing.
    Visit my Spoonflower shop

    Comment


    • #62
      This thread makes me doubly grateful for the kind people, The Alberts who bought my last heart horse Rip from me back in the 80s. I had lost touch with him after selling him through an agent/ pro, and he was pretty much outta sight outta mind.

      Until I was on a joy ride with someone on backcountry roads. A chestnut with familiar markings was grazing in a pasture on the top of a hill. I demanded the driver pull over NOW. He did. Hesitant, I walked to the pasture's fence. And called:

      ripLEEEEEEEEEE!!

      It was like some goofy teen movie. That damned horse ripped his head up high, screamed in recognition and galloped to the fenceline, burying his face in my neck. I was bawling like a baby.
      I was 32.

      Someone happened to be doing yard work, so I crept up the driveway to this fancy estate on foot and hesitantly asked if he minded if I visited once in a while, to bring carrots. Mr. Albert took me in the house to meet Mrs who very generously not only okayed the visits, but insisted I come and ride "whenever you want".

      I'm grateful to this day for their kindness and the wonderful home they gave Ripley until his retirement down south. It put my mind to rest to know he was doing so well... that's all I wanted, really. Perhaps your teen only seeks the same?

      Comment


      • #63
        ...but reading on, Alterageous, given the update about not respecting the contract, and finding your info other than through seller, yes. Even soft headed me would pass.

        Comment


        • #64
          offer to let her know when you will be showing. Also don't know if you have a Youtube but maybe she could subscribe so she can see his progress and well being anytime without bothering you.
          The Love for a Horse is just as Complicated as the Love for another Human being, If you have never Loved a Horse you will Never Understand!!!

          Comment


          • #65
            Originally posted by Crazy4aOTTB View Post
            offer to let her know when you will be showing.
            I'm not sure I'd even go this far with this particular teen. Chances are better than not that if she wanted to, she could find out your address at the show (if she hasn't already via your phone number), which could open up a whole nother can of worms.

            I'd just leave things as they are. You'll update her occasionally via e-mail (if you want to) & that is it. This isn't a "heart horse" - in fact, she never owned the horse; just leased it for a few months. I can't help but sense either a screw loose here, or someone who's just looking for free rides.

            Comment


            • #66
              Originally posted by Kitari View Post
              If you show i would offer her to see him at a local show at this and this location. This way she can arrange to come see him while at the same time you aren't worrying about her randomly showing up at your place or where he is at when she does learn to drive.
              Great idea!!
              http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fentre...24774504235082

              http://fentressfieldsequestriancenter.com/

              Comment


              • #67
                Originally posted by red mares View Post
                I lost more rides than I could count as a kid. Usually some spat b/w the grown-ups just about the time I was ready to show. It sucks. Sometimes I cried. I lived through it.

                This girl is not going to be irreparably harmed by telling her to leave your horse alone. So she sheds some tears. Que Sera. Learning that horses are livestock and subject to contracts and ownership is a good thing.
                Originally posted by Bacardi1 View Post
                I'm not sure I'd even go this far with this particular teen. Chances are better than not that if she wanted to, she could find out your address at the show (if she hasn't already via your phone number), which could open up a whole nother can of worms.

                I'd just leave things as they are. You'll update her occasionally via e-mail (if you want to) & that is it. This isn't a "heart horse" - in fact, she never owned the horse; just leased it for a few months. I can't help but sense either a screw loose here, or someone who's just looking for free rides.
                Ditto both of the above. No good can come of encouraging this kid's obsession with your horse, to anyone. Let her learn about contracts and consequences early on.
                In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                A life lived by example, done too soon.
                www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

                Comment


                • #68
                  Originally posted by LauraKY View Post
                  SmartAlex...fix for snoops. Load the medicine cabinet with marbles. Close carefully. Wait.

                  Did it to my mother-in-law. Maybe that's one of the reasons she's not very fond of me?
                  Bwahaha! Random funny story, one of my friends filled another friends high school locker full of soda straws once, I mean FULL, it was epic!
                  http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fentre...24774504235082

                  http://fentressfieldsequestriancenter.com/

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Originally posted by abrant View Post
                    Only on COTH can you read a thread suggesting that you must be willing to retire any and every horse and dog you've ever known and then another where you also wouldn't allow previous owners/caretakers to even talk to you. Oh, and that its an important lesson for a kid to stop caring about an animal because it's not theirs anymore. Very enlightening COTH
                    For reals!!
                    http://burpclothsandsaddlepads.blogspot.com/

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      As a parent (altho our daughter is in her 20's now) I would recommend that you not encourage contact with this minor. If this were my minor daughter, and she was contacting an adult in this fashion I would be embarrassed, concerned and would put the kibosh on this.

                      Sorry to be a downer on this, but I think we need to step back and look at the situation. Minors should not be contacting strange adults. The parent should be initiating contact & making any arrangements.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        IF you are considering continuing ANY sort of contact with this child ,whether it be by phone, facebook ,email or in person (at a show or at home) you must first speak with the parents. Absolutely.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          I totally agree with Skydy, and you should immediately contact the parents, or tell the girl if she contacts you directly that you need to speak with them now, and no contact directly at all.

                          And locating someone is easy these days because of internet search sites like zabasearch, and many places have online property records available by name and address also.
                          You can't fix stupid-Ron White

                          Comment

                          • Original Poster

                            #73
                            So how'm I supposed to get the contact info for the parents? Stalk them back? This is all taking too much energy!

                            I threw her the bone of having access to my online pix of the horse - hoping it would be enough for her to see the horse, obviously well cared for and doing great - but today she left another voicemail on my home phone, letting me know she really wants to see my horse and what days next week would work for her (!)

                            I talked it over with my husband, who's usually the much more generous-minded, "up-up with people" half of our marriage. But he is put off by the fact that the girl lied to me about getting my number from the previous owner, and then lied again when I asked her about that, saying she got the number from the PO's current student (who, when asked, says they don't even know each other to talk to.) Blah, blah, blah. This is all so much drama. Why would she bother? Why not just say, "I got your number out of the phone book"?

                            The horse lives at a quiet, out of the way barn where there might be no one there for long stretches of time. His paddock is not tucked away at the back of the property (nor can he be moved to the back, given his feeding arrangements and how this barn works).

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Originally posted by Altrageous View Post
                              So how'm I supposed to get the contact info for the parents? Stalk them back? This is all taking too much energy!
                              T
                              Normally I am the first to be generous with my time. Until you got to the lying part I would have thought that meeting her at a show would have been fine. Now not so much.
                              I would let her know in no uncertain terms that the access to the pictures/videos is all that you are going to allow. I would also tell her to stop calling you.

                              If she continues to contact you I would contact the parents. You should be able to get the parent's contact information from either the previous owner or the instructor that was teaching her or supposed to be teaching her. If neither of them will give you the number maybe they would be willing to pass a short message on to the parents to let them know you want a parent to contact you about their daughter's obsession.
                              Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community. (Tidy Rabbit)

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                I don't understand what the problem really is.

                                You're an adult, right? You bought a horse. Some random teenager who leased the horse for a couple of months is stalking/harrassing you about wanting contact with what is now YOUR horse.

                                You have a backbone, right? (I'm just assuming that.) Call her back & simply say that the horse is doing fine, but you really aren't comfortable with folks visiting him. End. Of. Discussion. If she continues to contact you, or - heaven forbid - shows up at your barn - it's time to bring in the authorities.

                                Honestly - you're setting yourself up for a bigtime drama-fest - mentally & physically - by letting the current scenario continue. I empathize completely with your husband - particularly if you let this go on.

                                Comment


                                • #76
                                  Originally posted by Altrageous View Post
                                  So how'm I supposed to get the contact info for the parents? Stalk them back? This is all taking too much energy!
                                  Phone book? Whitepages.com? I would tell the PARENTS the daughter is harassing you and no, you aren't comfortable having her see the horse.
                                  Author Page
                                  Like Omens In the Night on Facebook
                                  Steampunk Sweethearts

                                  Comment


                                  • #77
                                    I think the lies the girl has told would preclude me from having anything to do with her if I were in the OP's situation.

                                    Yes, there are times you reach out and try to be nice. This is not one of them.

                                    Comment


                                    • #78
                                      Sounds like the whole thing is starting to stress you out. If she calls again why not just tell her no, or ask to speak to her parents and tell them no. If they ask why, you could divulge that you feel their daughter is over-stepping her bounds or you could just simply leave it at no. This is your horse and you really don't owe this girl (or her parents) any explanation beyond that. Just a simple no. If the conversation starts entering into uncomfortable territory remember it's just the phone and you can easily hang up (not the best of manners but meh, in some situations a lapse in manners is completely understandable).

                                      Comment


                                      • #79
                                        Originally posted by Altrageous View Post
                                        So how'm I supposed to get the contact info for the parents? Stalk them back? This is all taking too much energy!

                                        I threw her the bone of having access to my online pix of the horse - hoping it would be enough for her to see the horse, obviously well cared for and doing great - but today she left another voicemail on my home phone, letting me know she really wants to see my horse and what days next week would work for her (!)

                                        I talked it over with my husband, who's usually the much more generous-minded, "up-up with people" half of our marriage. But he is put off by the fact that the girl lied to me about getting my number from the previous owner, and then lied again when I asked her about that, saying she got the number from the PO's current student (who, when asked, says they don't even know each other to talk to.) Blah, blah, blah. This is all so much drama. Why would she bother? Why not just say, "I got your number out of the phone book"?

                                        The horse lives at a quiet, out of the way barn where there might be no one there for long stretches of time. His paddock is not tucked away at the back of the property (nor can he be moved to the back, given his feeding arrangements and how this barn works).
                                        Sometimes I hate being right. This is one of them.

                                        I'm gunshy about situations like this because every time I've tried to accommodate someone like this kid, I've gotten burned. I'd hate to see this kid take advantage of your good nature and do something stupid with your horse.

                                        As far as getting her phone number, the next time she contacts you, tell her point blank that before you speak to her again, you must speak to both her parents. No negotiation, no bullspitting - you talk to them, or she needn't bother to ever contact you again, for any reason. I'd be willing to bet money that this will put paid to her obsession, as I'm also willing to bet money that her parents don't know what she's doing.
                                        In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                                        A life lived by example, done too soon.
                                        www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

                                        Comment


                                        • #80
                                          Time for you to be proactive, now that the girl definitely seems stalkerish by her obsession "wanting to see the horse" and not taking a polite no for an answer.

                                          Get on the ball, call your contacts to get the parent's phone.
                                          Don't leave it to her instructor to call the parents, YOU need to.
                                          The instructor or someone else may be well intentioned and tell the girl themselves to bug off.
                                          Much good that will do with such a young, obsessed kid needing to be taught some serious boundaries.

                                          Too bad you have to play the ogre, but it seems that someone needs to.

                                          Comment

                                          Working...
                                          X