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Past leaser wants contact with my horse - WWYD?

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  • #41
    Originally posted by LauraKY View Post
    SmartAlex...fix for snoops. Load the medicine cabinet with marbles. Close carefully. Wait.

    Did it to my mother-in-law. Maybe that's one of the reasons she's not very fond of me?
    BWHAAAHHAAAHHAAAA! I will DEFINITELY remember this!

    And I'd have paid good money to hear what your MIL had to say for herself when she came out of that bathroom.
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

    Comment


    • #42
      No one here is cold or unfeeling. In today's world you have to be careful. Kids don't always have boundaries. Neither do some adults for that matter. We're also not talking about a person who used to own the horse wanting to catch up. We're talking a minor who never owned the horse to begin with calling up a complete stranger to come see the horse. You don't know what kind of person she is. The previous owner had a lot of nerve giving her the phone number of the current owner without checking to make sure it was okay. I mean, seriously!

      I have personally called or e-mailed to check on horses I have sold. I've never thought about asking to visit! I also wouldn't mind having previous owners of my current horses ask about them. Not sure how I would feel about them wanting to. I would probably want to get to know them a bit before inviting them out or meet in a neutral location.

      Comment


      • #43
        I'm in touch with Fella's former owner (who sold him to the broker). I occasionally email her and she has my Flickr account so she can see pictures of him if she wants. It works for both of us; she knows where he is and that he's got a good life, and I can query her on any behaviors I might be curious about. Also, she doesn't know this, but in my "death or disability" notes I give her right of first refusal if something should happen to me.

        Paula
        He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).

        Comment


        • #44
          Originally posted by dacasodivine View Post
          No one here is cold or unfeeling. In today's world you have to be careful. Kids don't always have boundaries. Neither do some adults for that matter. We're also not talking about a person who used to own the horse wanting to catch up. We're talking a minor who never owned the horse to begin with calling up a complete stranger to come see the horse. You don't know what kind of person she is. The previous owner had a lot of nerve giving her the phone number of the current owner without checking to make sure it was okay. I mean, seriously!

          ^^This^^. People seem to think they're entitled to whatever they want, these days. And, as others have said, this is a teenager, a young teenager, and they don't always have the best thought processes or make the best choices. I have been somewhat in the OP's situation with a teen that used to ride a horse a client of mine bought. After my client purchased this nice Hanoverian gelding, teen still thought it appropriate to go into horse's stall and "show him" to friends and boyfriends; all without owner's knowledge or permission. Umm, no, honey - not your horse, was never your horse, and you don't get to handle him anymore without asking the person who owns him. It's not that she was a bad kid, or was trying to pull anything, but it simply never crossed her mind that what she was doing was inappropriate. And it took more than a couple of words with both teen and her mother to get that behaviour to stop. She simply didn't see the harm in going into someone else's horse's stall and messing with him; all because she used to ride him - for free.

          This is why I say not to enable teen's behaviour. She's not looking to pet noses; she's looking to get to ride your horse again. You've already humored her by updating her on his progress, and letting her know he's okay, so that blows that argument out of the water, so what's left? Her riding him again. Nothing else makes sense.
          In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
          A life lived by example, done too soon.
          www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

          Comment

          • Original Poster

            #45
            Update: I talked to the previous owner and this girl, apparently, part-leased the horse for a bit less than half a year. She and her parents ended up not complying with the terms of the lease (which stipulated in writing that she had to take one lesson a week to be able to ride the horse outside of lessons, because she was a true beginner). So the lease was dissolved - and all this happened months before the horse was sold to me.

            The previous owner didn't give her my contact info, so now I'm wondering how in the world she got it?!

            I'm thinking that FB friending is best, as it can easily be revoked if there is an issue. I don't want her knowing where the horse is located.

            Comment


            • #46
              Originally posted by Altrageous View Post
              Got this horse last year. He is wonderful. He was underweight a bit and in need of dental work when I got him, now he's all squared away. Owner supposedly sold him on because she was over her head with too many horses and couldn't give him the level of care he deserved. All well and good.

              I have become Facebook friends with the owner, who attends the same shows as me. She probably mentioned me and my horse to the previous leaser - and gave her my phone number.

              The previous rider/leaser (a young teenager) called and left a message saying she missed my horse so much, would just like to hear how he was doing. This, 8 months after I bought him.

              I called her and gave her the updates on his progress, his lifestyle, and our work together. At the end, she asked timidly if it would be possible for her to come and see him sometime? I told her to look me up on Facebook and I would get back to her.

              I think she truly does miss him - who would not, he is a wonderful horse - but I'm not sure how comfortable I feel about the meet and greet. She is just a young teen, can't drive herself, so it's not like she can get a lot of access to him...should I arrange a meet and greet?

              I would like to be compassionate about this, but I also want to ensure that it's limited - for instance, I'm not planning on offering her to ride him - ever. If this visit brings her closure, that'd be great, but if it opens up a can o' worms and prevents her from going on to the next horse, that won't be so great.

              WWYD? Again, keep in mind, this is a young person who can't drive herself, so not much risk that she can just 'show up' to visit the horse without a lot of trouble. She lives about 30-40 minutes away. I have been in her position myself, but I'm an adult and have a lot of old-fashioned notions about what's proper in such situations. A starry-eyed youngster might see it differently, and I don't want drama.
              dont- you know how the horse was when you got him and how is now

              you have given all the update she needs already- he can see pics on fb personally i would delete it

              this person will hound you and or cause trouble like oh this and that and the other etc like so end it and cut her off

              at the end of the day like said -- you done your bit already you have given her the updates and the horse looks happy
              time to say last bit of contact------ look mate hes happy you can see in the photos hes doing well and iam proud to be his new mum hes in a home for life and that all you need to know bye

              poilte short and sweet and to the point- time for her to move on and past the the gate and time for you to enjoy your horse without interruptions

              and might be wise to change your sim or phone no so you lose contatc with the owner as well as sure wouldnt like people given out my no to anyone as they did without asking me 1st- that would well pi me off

              both now know hes in a good home so end the contact as the old owner cant be trusted since she gave your no out without asking

              good luck with you boy- and go and have fun and forget them

              Comment


              • #47
                Originally posted by Altrageous View Post
                Update: I talked to the previous owner and this girl, apparently, part-leased the horse for a bit less than half a year. She and her parents ended up not complying with the terms of the lease (which stipulated in writing that she had to take one lesson a week to be able to ride the horse outside of lessons, because she was a true beginner). So the lease was dissolved - and all this happened months before the horse was sold to me.

                The previous owner didn't give her my contact info, so now I'm wondering how in the world she got it?!

                I'm thinking that FB friending is best, as it can easily be revoked if there is an issue. I don't want her knowing where the horse is located.
                Given that, you've already done more than enough by letting her know the horse is well. They didn't comply with the lease terms AND she tracked you down on her own? I'd nip it in the bud right now..."Thanks for your interest, the horse is doing well, have a nice life and good luck in your future horsey endeavors. Bye!". Bet you anything she's angling to ride.

                Comment


                • #48
                  I wouldn't even do the facebook thing with this kid.

                  You told her the horse was fine. It's not hers, she needs to move on.
                  Visit my Spoonflower shop

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    The situation as posted in the OP is creepy and stalkerish, so I agree with the advice to nip this in the bud.

                    I want to relate a story with a happier outcome. When I was a kid, my parents acquired a retired lesson horse from a barn down the road as a backyard trail horse for us. One of the lesson students there was very attached to "Secret" and she politely asked if she could come and visit sometime and see how she was doing.

                    We agreed, and her mom dropped her off at our place. She spent about an hour just grooming and fussing over "her" mare, said goodbye, and left Secret's favorite soft brush behind as a gift to us. She never contacted us again.

                    I was glad she got the chance to check in on her friend, and clearly that closure was all she needed.

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      Originally posted by Sunsets View Post
                      The situation as posted in the OP is creepy and stalkerish, so I agree with the advice to nip this in the bud.

                      I want to relate a story with a happier outcome. When I was a kid, my parents acquired a retired lesson horse from a barn down the road as a backyard trail horse for us. One of the lesson students there was very attached to "Secret" and she politely asked if she could come and visit sometime and see how she was doing.

                      We agreed, and her mom dropped her off at our place. She spent about an hour just grooming and fussing over "her" mare, said goodbye, and left Secret's favorite soft brush behind as a gift to us. She never contacted us again.

                      I was glad she got the chance to check in on her friend, and clearly that closure was all she needed.
                      I would guess her parents told her where to stop, not to bother you any more.

                      OP, if you decide to tell the kid the horse is fine, good luck with your next horse, in a way that is final, if the kid keeps after you, you really should see about contacting the parents and see what they have to say.
                      If the kid is needy in a bad way to the point of fixating on a horse she didn't really do what she was supposed to do for when she had a chance, they need to know and tend to that kid's needs.
                      Not your place to do so if you could and definitely not without the parents involved.

                      Comment


                      • #51
                        I can see the difference between my situation and the OPs. Indeed; the kid was never an owner and my have some challenges detaching.

                        Paula
                        He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).

                        Comment


                        • #52
                          Originally posted by Altrageous View Post
                          Update: I talked to the previous owner and this girl, apparently, part-leased the horse for a bit less than half a year. She and her parents ended up not complying with the terms of the lease (which stipulated in writing that she had to take one lesson a week to be able to ride the horse outside of lessons, because she was a true beginner). So the lease was dissolved - and all this happened months before the horse was sold to me.

                          The previous owner didn't give her my contact info, so now I'm wondering how in the world she got it?!

                          I'm thinking that FB friending is best, as it can easily be revoked if there is an issue. I don't want her knowing where the horse is located.
                          With this new information, I would defriend this stalker in training!

                          Comment


                          • #53
                            Originally posted by HighFlyinBey++ View Post
                            I had FOUR days to spare.

                            Will taught my son to ride, then went permanently lame. I gave him the best retirement possible for the 6 years I had him, until he died at 34 in 2007.

                            I'm forever grateful they let me stay in touch with that grumpy old man-horse and that I was in a position to take him back when she needed help.
                            This is an excellent point. A dear friend of mine, a young woman with a young family, recently went and retrieved a horse she had leased as a young teen. The horse had been donated to a college riding program, and they were done with him. Because she stayed in contact with the horse, she was offered the horse for free. She immediately made plans, borrowed a trailer and drove 11 hours each way to pick him up.

                            He now has an awesome home with an excellent horsewoman (she's groomed for 4* riders). Who knows what would have happened to him had she not kept in touch all these years! He is one lucky horse.

                            As was mentioned earlier, we never know what life has in store for us or our horses. Young teens grow up to be responsible adults with the means to retire their old horses - even if they were just leased.

                            There are potential down sides to this situation, but potential up sides too! At least consider this meeting so you can see for yourself who she is. Some young teens suck - but some are pretty awesome (even if their parents aren't).

                            SCFarm
                            The above post is an opinion, just an opinion. If it were a real live fact it would include supporting links to websites full of people who already agreed with me.

                            www.southern-cross-farm.com

                            Comment


                            • #54
                              See? "Templeton the Rat" was right!

                              Comment


                              • #55
                                Even after the new info, I'd still let her see him. You never know why they stopped doing the lessons...ran out of money? Happens all the time. If your horse was listed on a farm's website, it's quite possible that there was a "congrats to so and so" after you purchased him. The horse world is small, so maybe they overheard the "Oh, so and so bought Dobbin a couple months ago!" When I was a young teen my trainer sold her western pleasure Arab mare that I was IN LOVE with. I would keep tabs on her every so often by checking the registry. I never contacted the owners, but I would have loved to see her competing with someone.

                                She's a young teen, and while they can be awful, a simple pat on the nose, quick chat about how Dobbin is doing, and adding her as a friend on FB (with parents consent) could mean the absolute world to this girl, and like others said you never know what might happen in a few years time. Maybe one day you'll outgrow the horse, or he'll need to be given a new job that's less demanding, and maybe she'll be able and willing to take him.

                                Never know.
                                runnjump86 Instagram

                                Horse Junkies United guest blogger

                                Comment


                                • #56
                                  I'd ask to speak to the parents first and get their take on it. If they seem OK, I'd probably let her come.

                                  I realize all sorts of bad things *could* happen, but they probaby won't.
                                  I have a Fjord! Life With Oden

                                  Comment


                                  • #57
                                    I agree with highflyingbey and a few others. I would let her see him. What if her parents were the ones that didn't follow through on lessons? If the teen was not old enough to drive and they didn't make sure she got there, then it's not her fault.

                                    Sorry, I just don't see any harm in it and feel for the girl. I've been on both ends and appreciated the new owner letting me check on my horse and had someone check with me occasionally about their former horse. Never had a bad experience..

                                    Comment


                                    • #58
                                      my family has sort of a similar situation with our dog. Got him for free from a couple who, while they loved him, felt he was too much dog for them. its all good, we LOVE him and it was a win win. they would come visit him, which we said they could, and it would be nice... the first few times. the dog was excited and it was fun. but now its 3 years later and theyll call out of the blue to come visit the dog and its kinda weird. The dog has totally moved on and doesnt even bother with the visit but they keep trying to get him to play with them and do the things they used to do when he was a puppy and our dog just kinda looks at us like 'mom, can we please go back inside?'
                                      one or two visits are fine, we love these animals and a bit of closure is needed, but there is definitely a line in which it becomes too much.

                                      Comment


                                      • #59
                                        Only on COTH can you read a thread suggesting that you must be willing to retire any and every horse and dog you've ever known and then another where you also wouldn't allow previous owners/caretakers to even talk to you. Oh, and that its an important lesson for a kid to stop caring about an animal because it's not theirs anymore. Very enlightening COTH

                                        I once had a heart horse that I had to leave behind. At least once a week I would twist and turn all night fretting about him because I missed my opportunity to act. All I could think about was what MORE I could have done. I couldn't move on. I would close my eyes and see his face. It was the 3 years of stress from the situation with the farm rolled into one horse.

                                        This went on for months. Until a concerned googling friend found him. His young owner's father emails use twice a year with happy updates. Finding out was like being able to breathe again.

                                        I still cry when I see new pictures and watch new video which probably makes me pretty darn crazy!! But thankfully, dad is non horsey and very generous and proud of his daughter and their horse. But they were also very happy to find out the horse's history, they had none, had actually researched his tattoo. Who knows what happened to him to cause him to lose his identity (auction, I would guess, but I don't really want to know).

                                        And the horse now has a backup home for life. It was a win win.

                                        Comment


                                        • #60
                                          abrant, that was your horse; this kid not only never owned the OP's horse, but has cozened OP into thinking the seller gave her OP's contact information to help her find said horse,................all after not holding true to the tenets of the lease she had on said horse. Apples and oranges. OP should shut her down hard and enforce boundaries teen's parents apparently neglected to teach her.
                                          In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                                          A life lived by example, done too soon.
                                          www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

                                          Comment

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