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Past leaser wants contact with my horse - WWYD?

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  • #21
    SmartAlex...fix for snoops. Load the medicine cabinet with marbles. Close carefully. Wait.

    Did it to my mother-in-law. Maybe that's one of the reasons she's not very fond of me?

    Comment


    • #22
      Originally posted by LauraKY View Post
      SmartAlex...fix for snoops. Load the medicine cabinet with marbles. Close carefully. Wait.

      Did it to my mother-in-law. Maybe that's one of the reasons she's not very fond of me?
      www.laurienberenson.com

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      • #23
        I wouldn't think the request is odd, how many people are on the internet looking for horses they used to ride or know, and would like to just see them again for a nice petting and a few treats. I know I would if I knew one of my old favorites was nearby. Perhaps this horse was there for her through some very difficult emotional times and means alot more than you realize to her just to visit him once.

        I think visiting a show would be a great idea, it's public and safer that she doesn't know where the horse lives (so she CAN'T just drop by and request to visit him often). I understand being leary that it could turn very bad, very fast. But if she asks to ride him again just tell her that your insurance won't cover it or that you don't want to distract him from his training with you and leave it at that. If she gets pushy/clingy/crazy you can always just block her on FB.

        But if the previous owner doesn't think she would be a problem I see nothing wrong with letting her visit her old friend. After all, weren't most of us horse crazy teenagers at some point? Please don't brush her off just because she is young and assume the worst.

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        • #24
          Originally posted by LauraKY View Post
          SmartAlex...fix for snoops. Load the medicine cabinet with marbles. Close carefully. Wait.
          I can picture this
          ::Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you::

          Comment


          • #25
            Originally posted by LauraKY View Post
            SmartAlex...fix for snoops. Load the medicine cabinet with marbles. Close carefully. Wait.

            Did it to my mother-in-law. Maybe that's one of the reasons she's not very fond of me?
            LOL!!

            To everyone saying it isn't a big deal, I agree as I did lease a horse for years and went back to visit her with her new leasors while in college. However, I think there is a difference between an adult asking to visit with an old horse and a kid. Typically, the adult can see the horse, appreciate the great care the horse is receiving, be mature enough not to ask to ride, and go home happy. A young teen on the other hand typically only thinks of themselves and not the horse. I can imagine the young teen not being very mature about it and overstepping the boundaries. Plus the young teen needs to learn horses come and go. Its an important lesson for any horseperson.
            Southern Cross Guest Ranch
            An All Inclusive Guest Ranch Vacation - Georgia

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            • #26
              I'm glad I didn't sell my old Will to any of y'all when I was 19 and pregnant.

              I was devastated to have to sell, but I couldn't keep a horse, a baby AND go to college. His new owner was happy to let me visit him for the 11 years she owned him. I would typically visit on a lovely fall weekend and stay only a couple of hours. She even let me ride him.

              I missed a few years when I got married. Will was in his 20s. I didn't want to hear that he'd died over the phone, so I took a chance and dropped in unexpectedly one day.

              Her husband recognized me and asked if I had time to wait. His wife was on her way home and had been waiting for me. It turned out that she was losing her battle with cancer and wanted ME to have Will back She had picked a date by which if I had not called or visited, she would sell Will to a young 4-Her.

              I had FOUR days to spare.

              Will taught my son to ride, then went permanently lame. I gave him the best retirement possible for the 6 years I had him, until he died at 34 in 2007.

              I'm forever grateful they let me stay in touch with that grumpy old man-horse and that I was in a position to take him back when she needed help.

              If I were Altrageous, I'd let the kid visit and find out what her intentions are--does she just want to see for herself he's got a good home or is she the clingy type that needs firm boundaries--and go from there.
              I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right
              Violence doesn't end violence. It extends it. Break the cycle.

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              • #27
                I'd tell that young girl to have her parents drive her right over & visit with the horse that she loves. When did it get so "weird" to have others near your horse? If she can't drive I don't see her being a problem.
                Feed that girls enthusiasm. How awful to not be able to see the animal you love.
                Producing horses with gentle minds & brilliant movement!
                www.whitfieldfarm.shutterfly.com

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                • #28
                  Coming from someone who trained a horse all through high school, saving up every penny to buy the horse some day, only to have her asshole mother decline when the owner called to offer the horse, and then find the horse a few years later in a Black Beauty situation.... I sure as hell would have appreciated one visit to say goodbye properly.
                  Tell her when your next show is
                  www.destinationconsensusequus.com
                  chaque pas est fait ensemble

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                  • #29
                    Originally posted by HighFlyinBey++ View Post
                    I'm glad I didn't sell my old Will to any of y'all when I was 19 and pregnant.

                    I was devastated to have to sell, but I couldn't keep a horse, a baby AND go to college. His new owner was happy to let me visit him for the 11 years she owned him. I would typically visit on a lovely fall weekend and stay only a couple of hours. She even let me ride him.

                    I missed a few years when I got married. Will was in his 20s. I didn't want to hear that he'd died over the phone, so I took a chance and dropped in unexpectedly one day.

                    Her husband recognized me and asked if I had time to wait. His wife was on her way home and had been waiting for me. It turned out that she was losing her battle with cancer and wanted ME to have Will back She had picked a date by which if I had not called or visited, she would sell Will to a young 4-Her.

                    I had FOUR days to spare.

                    Will taught my son to ride, then went permanently lame. I gave him the best retirement possible for the 6 years I had him, until he died at 34 in 2007.

                    I'm forever grateful they let me stay in touch with that grumpy old man-horse and that I was in a position to take him back when she needed help.

                    If I were Altrageous, I'd let the kid visit and find out what her intentions are--does she just want to see for herself he's got a good home or is she the clingy type that needs firm boundaries--and go from there.
                    This is along the lines of what I was thinking. You never know where life will take you, maybe you won't be able to keep the horse you bought forever due to health reasons or financial reasons. Maybe one day that teen will grow up and have a successful job that allows them to care for a retired horse. I don't see the harm in allowing this teen to visit. If she oversteps the boundaries and starts calling you a lot and asking to ride then you can firmly say 'no'. Its sad though to assume the worst about people from the beginning.

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                    • #30
                      Originally posted by Marengo View Post
                      This is along the lines of what I was thinking. You never know where life will take you, maybe you won't be able to keep the horse you bought forever due to health reasons or financial reasons. Maybe one day that teen will grow up and have a successful job that allows them to care for a retired horse. I don't see the harm in allowing this teen to visit. If she oversteps the boundaries and starts calling you a lot and asking to ride then you can firmly say 'no'. Its sad though to assume the worst about people from the beginning.
                      I don't think anyone is assuming anything, just giving advice on how to find out more, as this could just as well be a good as a bad situation, being a minor involved and not knowing what is really going on.

                      I would say, at least find what the parents think about this, then proceed with more to go by.

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                      • #31
                        Originally posted by Bluey View Post

                        Especially with a minor being involved, I would not do anything without consulting with the parents first, be sure they are aware of what their kid is doing.
                        I'm 100% in agreement with this. As a parent, I would certainly like to know if my kids are attempting to communicate with unknown adults...whatever the reason. Aside from casual talk with some kids who hang around the barn , I have no dealings with minors without involving their parents. I would not go anywhere with them, meet them anywhere or engage in regular phone, email conversations with them. it's just asking for trouble...kids make stuff up and have generally poor judgement, the parents need to know what they are up to, a kid communicating directly with an adult they don't know is often up to something their parents don't know about...otherwise, you'd be hearing from the parents instead.

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                        • #32
                          Why not call the former owner to find out about the teen and her family? If she leased her the horse she was bound to have had enough experience with her to give an opinion about the situation. It could turn out to be a sweet experience for both of you. You can always say no to any suggestions of riding or further contact if you don't want it.
                          Mon Ogon (Mo) and Those Wer the Days (Derby)

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                          • #33
                            As "Templeton" would say . . .

                            "What's in it for me?"

                            Hate to be crass, but it's true. Over the years I've had beaucoup experience with the law of No Good Deed Goes Unpunished. The best you could get would be a one-time, uncomplicated momentary visit, preferably at a neutral venue like a show or pace where your liability would be lowered.

                            The worst you could get might be some hanger-on with a bad case of OCD or entitlement vs. boundary issues.
                            Internet stalking or the real thing can be a royal PITA.

                            Just remember--in today's world you can NOT assume everyone you meet or talk to is SANE, so protect yourself accordingly.

                            Probably a generation thing, those of us born before the Kennedy Admin. have a different definition of privacy, but all I can tell you is avoiding Facebook entirely saves a world of trouble nobody needs. Just--Why?

                            Comment


                            • #34
                              Originally posted by LauraKY View Post
                              SmartAlex...fix for snoops. Load the medicine cabinet with marbles. Close carefully. Wait.

                              Did it to my mother-in-law. Maybe that's one of the reasons she's not very fond of me?

                              OMG, are we long lost cousins? I was about to post the same thing. . .my "victim" was also a nosy in-law.

                              (I got the idea from, of all places, a letter to Miss Manners)!

                              Comment


                              • #35
                                Originally posted by Mara View Post
                                OMG, are we long lost cousins? I was about to post the same thing. . .my "victim" was also a nosy in-law.

                                (I got the idea from, of all places, a letter to Miss Manners)!
                                After the fact, once the marbles are all over the place, you can show up and say "oh, you found my marbles".

                                I would say, if this kid is on the level, the parents are already aware of this, the kid already talking about it all the time and know what she is doing and all could be fine whatever level of contact you choose.

                                If this is a wild idea on the kid's part alone, not shared with the parents already, I would be a bit more careful, be sure to get all the ducks in a row before proceeding.

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  i dont think this is odd at all

                                  I think there is nothing wrong with the girl wanting to see the horse, especially a teen. I don't know, I think it is a pretty sad statement of the world if you can't be nice to someone without getting all crazy and read into it more than it is.
                                  I have had 14 leasors over the years, and not one of them turned out to be awfull. They were teens right up to middle aged ladies, and every one of them made a point to come see him at the shows and at the few different barns he was at. I was honoured by the care and love they showed my horse. Each person loved him in their own way, and I never would have dreamed of not allowing them to come.
                                  Sometimes horses touch peoples lives other than the owners, and maybe your horse really made an impression on her....
                                  www.tayvalleyfarm.com
                                  My other home.

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                                  • #37
                                    As a teenager once who has been in this situation, I think my old horses new owner and I have a great relationship. I was casually searching for my old Arab,and I looked up her registered name and found a for sale add for her.

                                    It led me to her current owners, who told me a big long back story about how they found her skin and bones and abused. We communicated through email a couple times, before she directed me to her webstie.. which had pictures of me and my horse from old sale adds (hecka creepy right?). I brushed it off my shoulders, added her on Facebook, and we talk and tag each other in old and new Strike photos ALL the time. She says if I am ever in the Mississippi area, she would love to have me stop by.

                                    I see my old horses at local horse shows all the time, and it is enough for me to talk and be facebook friends with the owners. I'm twenty now, but that longing 'I wonder how so and so is doing..' still is in the back of my head with EVERY horse I have owned.

                                    I don't ask to ride. I don't even nag for photos. I just like to be able to facebook creep and see that everyone is still happy!

                                    Hell, email communication was plenty for me with Michelle (Strikes owner), and I am now okay with my pictures of Strike and I on her website (since I know her now!). Facebook is just a good added touch.

                                    I'm all for meeting at shows! I have done it with horses I bought from people, and there was an unspoken YOU SHAL NOT RIDE rule between us. It's mutual ground, so why not!
                                    www.thetexasequestrian.com

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                                    • #38
                                      I haven't had any of my horse's previous owners (or lessors if he had them) contact me and ask to visit, so I can't say I've had good or bad personal experience. That being said, if someone asked, I'd probably say yes. I'd also probably say that I couldn't accommodate regular visits and that I couldn't allow riding in advance, but I would take the chance on one visit.

                                      Comment


                                      • #39
                                        Originally posted by Whitfield Farm Hanoverians View Post
                                        I'd tell that young girl to have her parents drive her right over & visit with the horse that she loves. When did it get so "weird" to have others near your horse? If she can't drive I don't see her being a problem.
                                        Feed that girls enthusiasm. How awful to not be able to see the animal you love.
                                        Exactly. People are so cold sometimes.

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          Benny's old owners came to visit us at the county fair once. He'd been a 'one-horse stable' they'd sold off rather than put down when injury + race record meant he really was never going to be a going concern on the track. They came by, said hello to him, gave us his old win picture (his only one) and a 'baby picture', and told us how he had been named for his breeder, a family friend. And that was it.

                                          BUT, they went entirely through my trainer and parents. When there's a kid involved, I would never agree to anything ever without dealing directly with the parents first. As in speaking directly to them, not relying on the teen or e-mail. I also think a neutral site would be good, too--show grounds is a good one.
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