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Kentucky Derby Winner Hopes Not to Repeat Traumatic Experience

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  • Kentucky Derby Winner Hopes Not to Repeat Traumatic Experience

    Exclusive report from the Onion Sports Network! Your horse probably has similar stories to tell about showing.

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/ken...o-repea,28155/

    Excerpts:

    LOUISVILLE, KY—Shaken and trembling Kentucky Derby winner I'll Have Another, who came from behind and outside on the final turn to win the Kentucky Derby in a breathtaking display of speed and panic, is reportedly hoping that nothing like the 1-1/4-mile race ever happens to him again.

    "What just—what in the hell was that?" the chestnut colt asked reporters shortly after crossing the wire Saturday to beat odds-on favorite Bodemeister by one and a half lengths and finish in a respectable 2:01.83. "Seriously, with all the screaming, and everyone running, and [jockey] Mario [Gutierrez] standing up out of the saddle, I pretty much lost it. That was, without a doubt, the worst thing I've ever been through in my life."


    "It was terrible—if anything it was worse than the running part. First of all, Mario was laughing and smiling, and that was pretty devastating, because just a couple minutes before he was beating the crap out of me, and now he's all happy? What the fuck? They put delicious plants around my neck, but they didn't let me eat any, and everyone surrounded me, and I don't remember much after that. All I know is, I hope I never have to go through anything like that ever again."
    "No matter how well you perform there's always somebody of intelligent opinion who thinks it's lousy." - Laurence Olivier

  • #2
    Sounds like he needs to check out the Eventing On Drugs thread.

    Or maybe just take the advice in his own name...
    Ring the bells that still can ring
    Forget your perfect offering
    There is a crack in everything
    That's how the light gets in.

    Comment


    • #3
      Lol...love the Onion!
      If you love me let me go....

      Comment


      • #4
        that is awesome, I too love the Onion.!
        www.facebook.com/doggonegoodgoodies
        http://doggonebakedgoods.com/

        Comment


        • #5
          With the impending Preakness ... an Onion classic!

          I saw Barbaro in the parking lot at the mall," said 11-year-old New Hampshire resident Kimberly Drexel. "He was hiding behind a big car. I went to tell my mom, but then he was gone."

          Comment


          • #6
            I read that today at work - shouldn't have done that .

            Then a horn sounded and it scared the hell out of me and everyone was running," the horse added. "And all I could think was, 'I'm only 3 years old. Please, God, I'm only 3.'
            <><

            Comment


            • #7
              Both, hilarious. I love The Onion.

              Comment


              • #8
                "I may have shit myself a little..." Too funny

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