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A little gratitude, please!!!

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  • A little gratitude, please!!!

    So - I guess I don't get out much - I have my little barn and ponies and a couple of very nice young women who come over regularly to help out and ride. They are the greatest - super-responsible, as nice as can be, and I have total confidence in them.

    A couple weekends ago, we trailered over to a local boarding facility so one of the girls could take a lesson in a larger ring with more jumping equipment than we have at home (a subgoal of this venture was to find out if our project pony would lose his mind in a new venue... another story).

    While tacking up, I overheard a teenager (boarder at this other barn) talking to her mother. No, not really talking. Speaking in an astonishingly sarcastic, demeaning way. To her MOM. Who (in all likelihood) foots the bill for this expensive hobby we call horses.

    Teenagers, if you are like the girls who come to my barn - sweet, responsible, and hard-working, please keep up the good work and know that there are others in this world who do notice and appreciate your efforts, people who will look to give you opportunities and help you along your way.

    If, on the other hand, you are a young person who finds yourself speaking to your mother (or father or, really, anyone) in a way that involves dripping scarcasm and blatant disrespect, may karma find you quickly and grant you all that you so richly deserve!

    Moms and dads - please remember, if your teenager is not treating you well now, you do them no favors by allowing it to go on. It is your right to discontinue all the privileges that you currently fund until a more pleasant attitude is located and applied.

    Vent concluded :-)

  • #2
    Bravo!

    (I'm so lucky to have a considerate and respectful daughter who cringes at the sound of a child or teen talking disrespectfully to an adult).

    Comment


    • #3
      Uggh, yeah we have some people like that at my barn... heres how their conversaton goes...

      Brat teen:
      "Ugggh! Mom! I told you to come LATER not NOW!!! CANT you get that RIGHT? I dont WANT to leave!!!! Uggh!!! Mom!!!!" (Proceeds to scream and carry on about how she has a life and a pony and she just CANT go home with her "boring old mom")

      Later:

      "MOM!!! i told you we should have gotten the custom tall boots when we were in france last year!! All of these are s***!!! (The boots that were apparently so bad were the $2000 ones from a huge tack store in Del Mar, CA -very ritzy place-)

      It just bugs me

      Comment


      • #4
        So wait, how did the project pony do?

        I'm always amazed by parents who allow disrespect like that. Not only are they condoning rude behavior, they are teaching the kids that no matter what those kids say/do....someone somewhere will still make sure they have everything they want.

        Thank goodness for the great teens out there.

        My youngest is in her last teenage year, just turned 19. She does have a habit of respectfully lecturing other teens acting like that.
        You jump in the saddle,
        Hold onto the bridle!
        Jump in the line!
        ...Belefonte

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        • #5
          I was at the Dover tack store in Chantilly VA and saw an equally sad sight. This absolutely snotty looking woman was there with her equally snotty looking daughter (around 14 or so). Mom was buying Bratlee 10 pairs of $250+breeches. The mom turns to her daughter and conspiratorily says, "Don't tell your father, HE just wouldn't understand".

          Now, isn't that a wonderful way to raise a daughter. I really feel sorry for the husband and for any guy unlucky enough to ever date this kid with the training she's received.
          "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"

          Comment


          • #6
            I can't stand kids who treat anyone, parent, teacher, etc like that. I do not tolerate that from my own kids, I sure won't from others. It amazes me that some kids are raised with no manners or respect and yet their parents are shocked when they turn out to be miserable adults.
            www.Somermistfarm.com
            Quality Hunter Ponies

            Comment


            • #7
              How did the pony do?
              www.Somermistfarm.com
              Quality Hunter Ponies

              Comment


              • #8
                And that's how the entitled adults are raised. Do the world a favor, demand respect from your children.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I don't know who to slap, the kid or the parent
                  The kids at my barn are great. Disrespect is also not tolerated by any of the trainers.
                  Dawn

                  Patience and Consistency are Your Friends

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Trakehner View Post
                    I was at the Dover tack store in Chantilly VA and saw an equally sad sight. This absolutely snotty looking woman was there with her equally snotty looking daughter (around 14 or so). Mom was buying Bratlee 10 pairs of $250+breeches. The mom turns to her daughter and conspiratorily says, "Don't tell your father, HE just wouldn't understand".
                    If I had a child who felt they needed ten pairs of $250 breeches I'd inform them that's how much my first HORSE cost ($2500, and he was the EXPENSIVE one...)

                    Though unless she was paying cash out of a non-shared account I wonder what hubby THINKS she spent that kind of money on as I doubt she's the one doing the credit card bills. Unless he just pays without reading them, in which case they all deserve each other...
                    Author Page
                    Like Omens In the Night on Facebook
                    Steampunk Sweethearts

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                    • #11
                      I was known occasionally to tell snotty children that I didn't sell anything to children who talked to their parents "like that". I said it in a very matter of fact tone. Shut those kids right up. Sorta stunned the mothers sometimes too.
                      ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                      Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                      "Life is merrier with a terrier!"

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                      • #12
                        I'm a high school teacher and sometimes my mouth just says stuff (before my brain thinks it's a good idea) when the girlies are being rude to their parents. The parents generally love it that someone's got their back. The girls usually get the hint. I swear they don't recognize they're doing it sometimes. Other times it is totally, 100% deliberate.

                        Best thing I ever saw was a mother drive off in the truck and empty trailer the morning of a show without horse and snotty teenager, after several warnings for the kid to get a grip. As the mother was getting in the truck she said, "I've been up since 4 trying to help you get yourself and Dobbin ready for this show. I'm going home and back to bed since the way you are acting makes it very clear you do not want to spend the day with me. When I wake up I'm going to the show to cheer your barnmates on. Your father will pick you up here at noon. Have a nice day." Of course the daughter stood there absolutely stunned. It was awesome. She was much more pleasant on show mornings after that.
                        "Those who know the least often know it the loudest."

                        Comment

                        • Original Poster

                          #13
                          Originally posted by MistyBlue View Post
                          So wait, how did the project pony do?
                          Misty and Somer, I was SO proud of the project "pony!" He's not actually a pony - he's a regular-sized Thoroughbred who fell on hard times awhile back. I had no plan for him when I brought him home - just wanted to give him a chance and spare him further suffering. Anyway, he is working under saddle regularly now and exceeding everyone's expectations! This was the first time he'd been away from home since we took him in. He was understandably nervous at first, but really stayed pretty reasonable, settled down and got his mind on his job, even outside in a great big ring with the wind blowing like crazy. Very good boy! Really, it's just been so rewarding to watch him recover, and he's so nice to have around - puts his head down for children to hug, loves attention, a smart guy with a lot of personality... fun to ride, and pretty, too... if he ends up being "useful" by some standard beyond that, it's gravy!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by shygirl View Post
                            Misty and Somer, I was SO proud of the project "pony!" He's not actually a pony - he's a regular-sized Thoroughbred who fell on hard times awhile back. I had no plan for him when I brought him home - just wanted to give him a chance and spare him further suffering. Anyway, he is working under saddle regularly now and exceeding everyone's expectations! This was the first time he'd been away from home since we took him in. He was understandably nervous at first, but really stayed pretty reasonable, settled down and got his mind on his job, even outside in a great big ring with the wind blowing like crazy. Very good boy! Really, it's just been so rewarding to watch him recover, and he's so nice to have around - puts his head down for children to hug, loves attention, a smart guy with a lot of personality... fun to ride, and pretty, too... if he ends up being "useful" by some standard beyond that, it's gravy!
                            That's so great, sounds like you are doing a great job with your boy. You are lucky to have found each other. Best of luck.
                            www.Somermistfarm.com
                            Quality Hunter Ponies

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Trakehner View Post
                              I was at the Dover tack store in Chantilly VA and saw an equally sad sight. This absolutely snotty looking woman was there with her equally snotty looking daughter (around 14 or so). Mom was buying Bratlee 10 pairs of $250+breeches. The mom turns to her daughter and conspiratorily says, "Don't tell your father, HE just wouldn't understand".

                              Now, isn't that a wonderful way to raise a daughter. I really feel sorry for the husband and for any guy unlucky enough to ever date this kid with the training she's received.
                              I always thought the same, until some guy at work was talking about all the things his stay-at-home wife would go spend money on...and I was somewhat sympathetic, until the day he opened his mouth and was horrified that I was a "liberal" for expecting my health insurance to cover my entire body, and wanting full control over my own health care choices.

                              Suddenly, I thought about living with that attitude, that was so fundamentally "women are so stupid and incompetent that they cannot make decisions about their own body, much less anything else" that a lightbulb went off in my head for perhaps why he was a "victim" of such spending behind his back.

                              Is it healthy? Not in my opinion, but I chose to be an independent feminist, who makes & spends my own money, not my husband's (of 23 yrs of horse & farm ownership!!!).

                              And, as I look around at the upper-middle class women, whose husband's I work with, the misogynist ones who spout off all sorts of anti-women rhetoric, while having the stay at home wife (usually #2), particularly this election year, and I start to think that if I'd been one of those stepford-wives...I might see merit in that.

                              But, that said, unappreciative & disrespectful kids are disgusting. I saw the male equivalent of your Dover teen in the MadLax store in McLean, VA a few years ago. So, they aren't limited to riding, nor female.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Snobby teens are one of the reasons I left the first barn I was at. :P After another barn shut down and moved, all the folk from the "rich part of town" came to the barn I was at.... It seems they all think that money buys talent! One of them has since gone through TWO 100k horses and ruined both of them so they are now pasture ornaments...and got mad when her parents didnt want to spend that much on the next horse (granted they still spent way more than I could ever dream of spending on a horse >.<)

                                Another friend of mine I wanted to slap SO bad when she started to moan that her parents couldnt afford to buy (her 20 yr old self) ANOTHER 6000 custom saddle for her fourth horse and that she had to settle for something "less than 3000."

                                I must say that I am forever grateful of my parents for all the money they have put into my lifestyle. They know how great of a bond myself and my horse have that when I couldnt afford the bills for him anymore, they sent me some money to keep him around. (And I have since found an amazing situation where he gets leased, ridden, but I still get to love on him and ride him...all I gotta do is pay the farrier and vet bills. no board! yay!)
                                Clancy 17hh chestnut Dutch WB, '99. Owned and loved since '04 and still goin'!

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by danceronice View Post
                                  If I had a child who felt they needed ten pairs of $250 breeches I'd inform them that's how much my first HORSE cost ($2500, and he was the EXPENSIVE one...)

                                  Though unless she was paying cash out of a non-shared account I wonder what hubby THINKS she spent that kind of money on as I doubt she's the one doing the credit card bills. Unless he just pays without reading them, in which case they all deserve each other...
                                  Funny, my mom used to say this to me when making large horse purchases and she was the one paying the credit card bills. And my parents accounts are all joint.

                                  My mother makes as much as my father, but the difference is that my mother rides and my father does not. My dad DOESN'T understand why either of us needs custom boots (it's pretty tough to fit orthotics into anything off the rack), or 10 pairs of breeches (when you're riding 8-10 horses a day a pair of breeches wears thin PDQ), or another custom saddle (for that super hard to fit investment horse that he fully backed me in purchasing), or mom needs a new horse. To put it simply, he's not a horse person and he doesn't really care to learn about the ins and outs of our sport in that regard. He likes to come to the ring to watch the horses he's backed and that's about it. He likes knowing that his investment is performing well.

                                  But the same could be said for my mother and cars or farm equipment. :::shrug::: different strokes, I guess.

                                  Sometimes the "what s/he doesn't know won't hurt them" plan is the best one. Growing up, it avoided a LOT of arguing in my house. It wasn't that the money was being spent; my family never, ever spent beyond their means and they money would've been used for other non-essentials had it not been used on the horses. But it was just as easy not to mention the new saddle/bridle/pair of boots/show coat/etc. and avoid the inevitable "why did you need XX this time?". It would be a different story if the money hadn't been there or had been needed for other things. Shockingly, despite what I saw growing up, I do know the difference
                                  Nine out of ten times, you'll get it wrong...but it's that tenth time that you get it right that makes all the difference.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    I hate seeing kids like that. Who want more more more and throw a rotten fit until they get it. Every year I swear I will not help anyone else out with a summer camp after how the kids behave on "parents day". Actually, the worst summer camp I helped at was when the owner/trainers daughter was riding because that lady would do anything her little precious threw a fit about, including making other people switch horses with her when she threw a fit about not getting to ride a certain horse.

                                    People used to think it was terrible that my parents flat out told me horses were a waste of time and would get me nowhere. I didn't - they still paid for lessons from age 12-16 for me since it was all I ever asked for, even if they didn't see he point. They still rag on me a little about it at home, even though it's my own money I'm spending, but in public they're all smiles and bragging about their daughter and how high she jumped last week and how she was the first one to ride that draft horse her friend has, etc. I love them every day for how much they did put in to lessons and boots for me until I was old enough to work for it for myself. I don't know if I was grateful enough for it at the time but seeing my mom showing the little girls at church the video of me jumping my horse, even though I know me riding scares her (I finally figured out that's why she discouraged it), was cool.

                                    Not horse related, but my little sister was a little drama queen at all times back in high school, until the boy she was dating drove her home after dinner with us and told her he didn't think he could be with anyone who treated her parents so badly. She shaped up and got more respectful pretty quick and...

                                    She married him last December.
                                    RIP Don - 3/28/2004-8/15/2012

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Originally posted by SaddleFitterVA View Post
                                      Suddenly, I thought about living with that attitude, that was so fundamentally "women are so stupid and incompetent that they cannot make decisions about their own body, much less anything else" that a lightbulb went off in my head for perhaps why he was a "victim" of such spending behind his back.
                                      That's hardly fair. The woman should know going in who/what she's marrying, and if she goes through with it anyway, that doesn't give her carte blanche to spend money like water as some sort of vindictive payback.

                                      Oh, and I'm a single woman who supports herself.
                                      Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by Equine Studies View Post
                                        I'm a high school teacher and sometimes my mouth just says stuff (before my brain thinks it's a good idea) when the girlies are being rude to their parents. The parents generally love it that someone's got their back. The girls usually get the hint. I swear they don't recognize they're doing it sometimes. Other times it is totally, 100% deliberate.

                                        Best thing I ever saw was a mother drive off in the truck and empty trailer the morning of a show without horse and snotty teenager, after several warnings for the kid to get a grip. As the mother was getting in the truck she said, "I've been up since 4 trying to help you get yourself and Dobbin ready for this show. I'm going home and back to bed since the way you are acting makes it very clear you do not want to spend the day with me. When I wake up I'm going to the show to cheer your barnmates on. Your father will pick you up here at noon. Have a nice day." Of course the daughter stood there absolutely stunned. It was awesome. She was much more pleasant on show mornings after that.
                                        This just makes me really sad because being a child of 3 with 2 full time working parents who were completely non horsey, I was always just super grateful that either one could come to the show at all, and even more so if they could stay for the day. My Dad especially made extra effort to participate, even learning to groom, tack up, and bathe my endlessly patient pony so he could "groom" for me though we did have to show him how to put boots on the right way round! Somehow he figured out the more complicated stuff easily, but not the boots, haha! Luckily by the time I got my less patient young TB mare he had learned the basics, and I was always so grateful for it! It helped that he genuinely seemed to enjoy it once I switched to eventer-land and got on well with the other parents and my trainer.
                                        "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                                        "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

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