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Horses AND a Full-time Job...and Dating? HOW???

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  • #41
    equinelaw- where is this project located? Will you provide transport?
    Big Idea Eventing


    • #42
      Originally posted by pintopiaffe View Post
      It's always been a joke that in order for a man to keep up with me I need a retired military-car mechanic-cowboy: Crisp Class A's, can keep the ol' 96 F150 going, and fix a fence to boot.

      That said, I'm a kick @ss cook given anyone to cook for.

      When I didn't meet Mr. Right in school (which had so very many Mr. Rights and a few Father What-a-wastes.) or then in my first career... now in my second, if I meet him in my line of work (Law Enforcement) and he's old enough, and single, THERE'S A REASON.

      That's all soo true! That's very much what I'm looking for, haven't found to yet (came close once, in a LEO no less, but it didn't work out). I work in public safety, and the other women I work with agree that if men are single (particularly in police/fire/EMS), there's a reason. For the most part we claim we're "allergic to polyester" (uniforms) and look elsewhere...

      Maybe I should take up Cowboy Mounted Shooting!


      • #43
        Wow and I thought I was the only one with this problem!
        Boss Mare Eventing Blog


        • #44
          I don't know, I have a pretty active social life in addition to everything else. I work full-time, own my own business (which takes work afterhours/weekends) and still manage to ride 4-5 times a week. Oh and I generally get 7 hours of sleep/night.

          I think you just have to make time for dating. I have a couple nights a week that I don't go to the barn--even if I have no plans, I just have "me" time. Otherwise, those nights are for happy hour, dates, dinner with friends, etc.

          I absolutely adore my horse (usually) but I also love having a life outside of him.
          I also tend to pick men who have their own hobbies, so they understand being passionate about something, and don't fault me for the time I spend at the barn.

          Speaking of which, I have a "first date" on Weds.
          Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.


          • #45
            Equinelaw has a great project!

            But here's the fundamental problem with a guy like that....kids. I don't mean to be weird here (and I'm not opposed to kids), but several of the guys I've dated were all gung ho about supporting my horse habit (ie: weren't weirded out by the amount of time/energy spent at the barn) but they too wanted kids...and STAT...and they just ASSUMED that the horses would go bye bye once there were kids on the scene. Which is a real deal breaker for me.

            As for where to find them?

            I laughed out loud at this because I basically spend 100% of my not-at-the-office time at the barn hanging out with my good friend, her husband, their daughter the mutts and the horses. So much time in fact that I think they should start claiming me on their taxes. We jokingly refer to her hubby as "our husband", the farm as "our farm", all of the horses as "our horses", family dogs (I had a dog too) as "our dogs", etc....it's kind of scary I suppose...but it's such a FUN LIFE! I think I smile so much more now that I've just started doing the things that make me happy.

            Sometimes there's a guy who enjoys all of that too....and that is just icing on the cake..you don't HAVE to work that hard and it doesn't FEEL like work because they want to do the same things you do. Maybe not riding...but riding is not what I spend the bulk of my time doing.

            It's awfully nice to have a guy around who is a good friend and enjoys the farm. Who is happy to pull on coveralls on cold Saturday morning in January, grab a six pack and jam each bottle into the snow for later...someone who is happy to let you drive the front end loader, break ice, throw hay, etc...and when chores are done, will sit on a bale of hay watching the snow fall and twist off a cap with you.

            I would say "Patience Grasshopper"...but patience doesn't get it done when you are so tied up with the farm, the horses, etc. You do have to TRY to get out there and meet people.

            My last two serious relationships--met both online. Both great guys. You can meet a lot of duds that way too--but you at minimum end up with some good stories to tell. But you have to dedicate SOME time to it if meeting someone is important to you.
            A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

            Might be a reason, never an excuse...


            • #46
              Don't despair - it can still work out :-) Any significant other of a horse-person has to have a time-consuming hobby of their own, or be a workaholic. I work a full-time job, a part-time job, take 3-6 credits a semester and keep 2 horses. My BF is at work over 100 hours a week (military) - he gets in from work about when I get in from the barn.

              On the rare occasions when we DO both have a weekend or evening free, we make it a priority to spend that time together.


              • #47
                so equinelaw where is mr possibly great located?

                My problem is more of where to meet guys? I am not going to go sit in some bar by myself & drink all night waiting. I try to go hear bands or attend functions or outings with friends in hopes of just meeting somebody, but no dice. I am 30 & it seems most guys around my age are either paired up now (yes, Peter Pan really does grow up magically overnight) or going thru their divorce. Which I am not opposed to divorced men (or those with children), but only after it's settled & they've had some time to deal with it. I was a "first" date after a guy's divorce--he definitely needed some more couch time still!
                "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"


                • #48
                  Giddy-up -- I agree that being the first relationship after a guy gets divorced is usually a VERY bad idea. I, too, have been-there-done-that, have the scars to prove it. Won't touch it ever again.

                  HOWEVER, having said that, one dilemma is that guys just don't stay "on the market" for very long. There seems to be a tiny window of opportunity, too soon and it's awful, too late and it's over. I do know that by my age (51) a LOT of those guys have been married & divorced multiple times ... I think because they frequently DO marry the first one they date after a divorce, and they have not given themselves a chance to learn anything or recover. I try to be open-minded, but when I find out a guy has been married & divorced three or more times ... I just started to get sweaty palms!

                  It seems weird to me that young women have a hard time getting guys to commit to marry, and at my age, I find the guys are ready to get married YESTERDAY. Middle-aged men seem MUCH more desperate than middle-aged women. I think us gals are enjoying our freedom, while the guys are missing their caretakers!


                  • #49
                    he doesn't require instand breeding, just the desire to some day have children. He is even happy to adopt. He will not expect his SO to stop riding--ever.

                    He is still green, but I have him well trained enough to understand horses are not just a "hobby" or something girls like until they have kids. I have never heard him have any interest in riding a horse, but then again he has no opinion on what breed you like or what style you ride

                    He would never expect a woman to wear make-up or panty hose or any of that stuff. He is much more concerned about cobwebs in the mind then in the corners or your hair-do. He has no problem with women who waer old boxer shots and a x-large T-shit in public and barn boots and jeans everywhere else.

                    So far I know he can fix plumbing, fences, computers, and problems. He cannot fix cars or trucks, but his Dad owns a car dealership so thats not an issue

                    Did I mention he speaks french fluently and has a house in the french coubtyside and a cabin in Big Bear? And he can spell.

                    He is a memeber of the CA and VA bar so far, so there are 2 states with horses right there to chose from. He lived in Lexington VA for 3 years and it did not kill him or bother him. He is currently located in LA, CA, but would follow the right woman anywhere. He likes the NoVA area very much too.

                    Surely this prospect has potential for some great COThr? I will not pay for shiiping or Vetting, but he can be taken on trial. He is re-homed AS IS, but there are no restrictions of giving him away to someone else is he doesn't work out. Free lease will be considered.


                    • #50
                      Send him to MI...I know of a few prospects.
                      A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

                      Might be a reason, never an excuse...


                      • #51
                        Well I think in order to swing the full time job, the man and the horses you have to integrate two of those categories together.

                        I am very fortunate that i have a job where my office is in my home. 1/2 of my territory is within a 2hr drive of home while the other half is in another state, and i visit that half once every 3 weeks. So by having my office at home i can be more flexible with my time than someone who has to commute to an office. This also gives me the opportunity to give my horse a few days off at a time just being a horse, and it gives the man time to go be a man with his buddies, and to miss me too.

                        The man is integrated in many ways i suppose. 1. he owns his own business so his hours are flexible too 2. I live in his basement as a tenant, and OMG that is the perfect situation! I have my own space he has his, we knock etc but i dont have to pick up his dirty socks and he doesnt have to unload my dishes. We each have our own space, our own belongings but have the benefit of being just a staircase away. 3. We live on a horse farm

                        While he owns a horsefarm and grew up around horses, he doesnt have the in depth knowledge of theory that I do, so conversations about riding are a bit limited right now, but we do ride together at least 2x a week. But i think what makes it work the most is his willingness to learn. He's reading Sally's Centered Riding right now, and comes to me with questions. I ride dressage and jump, and he rides western, but he's so secure in himself and we work so well together that he takes lessons from me.

                        Honestly even if he came into the relationship with no horsey knowledge having a willingness to participate in what you are passionate about is what makes the difference. He has his own passions and hobbies outside of horses that I encourage and am learning about.

                        Good men are out there i promise. Compromise nothing, enjoy everything!
                        chaque pas est fait ensemble


                        • #52
                          aha! i knew there had to be something wrong w/ this guy!

                          Originally posted by equinelaw View Post
                          I dont want to have children. He is my friend and as so I would not ask him to give up something so important.
                          seriously, i was close w/ a guy once and we were both single and he was perfect in every way, except he knew he wanted kids, and i knew i did not. so i let him go, he met a woman who wanted kids, they got married, it's now 6 years later, everyone's clocks are ticking away, and they still do not have any children!!!

                          my other friend got married wanting kids and 8 years later is getting divorced b/c her husband is no longer sure if he wants any and she doesn't have that much time left.

                          big issue.
                          TQ(Trail Queen) \"Learn How to Ride or Move Over!!\" Clique


                          • #53
                            It is a deal breaker, but surely some horsepeople must reproduce somewhere?


                            • #54
                              Maybe grandprixjump and the OP should meet up???

                              Last edited by Blkarab; Jul. 28, 2008, 03:13 PM. Reason: spelling
                              Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
                              CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle


                              • #55
                                I have maintained for a long time that I really didn't have time to date... or not exactly that I didn't have time to date but rather that I didn't have time to look. And after my last relationship ended, I really embraced singlehood. Anyone who's been in a bad relationship can tell you that it's far, FAR better to be single.

                                So... there I was, completely content with being single, not interested in anyone, not even thinking about dating, totally "one" with the idea of never even entering another relationship... when the current guy showed up and ruined it all!! Seriously, I was almost disappointed. I wouldn't even refer to him by name, just "Trouble". Because he was trouble, interrupting my perfect state of serenity.

                                Anyhow, I'm still learing to juggle this relationship with the full-time job and horses. He and I work for the same company, so there's no shortage of oppotunities to chat or go for a lunch date. But... he's also divorced with sole custody of two kids, so we do a lot of "family dating". Park, children's museum, pool, bike rides, etc. He and his daughter both want to get involved with the horses (daughter has been promised lessons when the weather cools), so that could make it a little easier... or harder. I don't know yet. Sure is fun figuring it all out though.

                                Originally posted by purplnurpl View Post
                                I don't have HBO sports so he taped that Eventing show for me last week. I wasn't there and he actually watched the entire thing without me, not knowing a snicker about riding.

                                where the heck did he come from?
                                they are out there and if you look the other way long enough you get sneak attacked!
                                Ha... mine did the same thing. He watched it knowing absolutely zilch about the sport, and then he called me to ask questions/discuss the program and inform me that he'd recorded it for me to see later. So, we watched it together Friday evening. He didn't mind seeing it again and was actually really curious to see what I had to say about it.

                                I'm asking the same, "Where the heck he come from?!?" question for a lot of different reasons. Acceptance of the horse habit is just one of them.
                                "I did know once, only I've sort of forgotten." - Winnie the Pooh


                                • #56
                                  Pretty funny!

                                  Originally posted by equinelaw View Post
                                  he doesn't require instand breeding, just the desire to some day have children. . . He is still green, but I have him well trained enough to understand horses are not just a "hobby" or something girls like until they have kids. . . Surely this prospect has potential for some great COThr? I will not pay for shiiping or Vetting, but he can be taken on trial. He is re-homed AS IS, but there are no restrictions of giving him away to someone else is he doesn't work out. Free lease will be considered.
                                  This is great. You should post him in the Giveaway forum too!

                                  Oh, you forgot to mention his age, soundness, and how many hands high he is.


                                  • #57
                                    I was in the same boat as the OP last year. Full time job, leasing my own farm, riding daily, a few horsey girl friends, but no BF. Then I got hurt in a horse accident. My injuries were not life threatening, but I had a rotational fall off a bank at a gallop. The night of my accident I went home and told my mother I would ride once more, then I was planning to take a year off from riding. I had my horses shoes pulled, gave up my barn a few months later, and took a year off to see the world.

                                    I met a wonderful man who knew I had horses and knew why I wasn't riding. My fall has been almost 2 years ago and I'm back to riding, training, and teaching. I did miss the horses, but I'm still not (and probably won't ever be) as involved as I was before my fall. There's so much more in the world than just horses. I make time to do other fun things, I have friends that don't have horses now, and I have a life with the horses in it, instead of a life of horses.


                                    • #58
                                      I think TBMorgan and GrandPrixJump should get together.

                                      I'm divorced. So after that was all said and done, the last thing I was looking for was a BF. Swore I'd never get married again. I was on my own for a little while, and then *smack*. This great guy pops out of nowhere.

                                      Been married almost 4 years.

                                      We are both pretty independent so he doesn't mind that I go to the barn and I don't mind when he does his hobbies. We just make it a point to make time for each other. Quality over quantity for me, thanks.


                                      • #59
                                        And I have to say, don't discount guys for the wrong reasons. I always dated seeking that initial chemistry. I met Craig and told him after the second date that I just didn't think that the chemistry was there. He said he disagreed but he respected my honesty. I think for me I was kind of turned off by the fact that he was so nervous on our first few dates. I'm a very confident person and expect my partner to have that same kind of self-assurance. He and I kept talking, but I went on other dates. When my mother asked me why I wouldn't go out with Craig I half-jokingly said "He doesn't meet my pre-requisite of being a complete jerk." Because it's the jerks that I always had that amazing initial chemistry with. Well, Craig and I went out as friends a few more times, and it was always just easy and fun. No pressure and we always spent the afternoon laughing and having a great time. Well, then the man got the cohones to make a move and it was all over for me. I've found myself completely smitten with him. He understands my schedule, and we do some unorthodox dates, but he tolerates the horses well and actually wants to learn about them. When I was sick and complaining about not being able to work them, he offered to come over and clean stalls and ride (even though he's never been in the saddle - yet.) That just made me smile.

                                        I too am busy. I work full time, own 7 horses, go to school full time and have to make time for friends, family and now Craig. Get yourself organized. Little things like staying on top of laundry and housekeeping will make your life so much easier in the long run. Like anything, it's all about the adjustments, and the smallest things can make the biggest difference.


                                        • #60
                                          I do not think any of you here who think that horses, dogs & a warm blanket for the winter months WANT to find human, other sex companions. I have to tell you life without someone is lonely.

                                          Horses and other animals are great to have - I have my own critter clan but If I did not have my s/o I would be lonely.

                                          It's like it is justified of why you do not have an other sex companion. You do not put yourself out there to meet someone and I truly do not think a chat room of singles is the way to achieve that either. OP, 30 minutes a day for someone makes you not worthy of even thinking about letting someone into your world. That's just not fair.

                                          I am 24/7 horses and critters as well but I certainly DO make "good" quality time to share with s/o - because he is in my world, I let him in my world so therefore, his benefits with me should be just as great as mine are with him.

                                          Basically, it's out there but if you hide yourself in your tack then no, your not going to find anyone. If you do then you better change your outlook on entering a relationship to begin with, you have to give to get.

                                          Again, I manuver my life with horses, I enjoy my time with s/o. It IS EASY if you let it be that way!