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How to bring this up?

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  • How to bring this up?

    First I'll start by saying I know this is partially my fault for not stopping it sooner and not making a contract, so tsk tsk on me. But I do need some advice on the situation is has become now, so any thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated. I'll try to make this as short as possible...

    I live on a small farm with my father (5 acres, barn w/ 4 stalls). Last September, I had two ponies (mare and a gelding) at home and one horse at a boarding farm where I was working. I leased out my pony gelding, which resulted in a very lonely pony mare at home. The horse at boarding farm was going to be coming home in a couple weeks when I stopped working, but in the meantime, pony mare needed a companion. My aunt had 4 horses at home and I asked to borrow the aged pony gelding that gets along with everyone and specifically said only for a week. Instead, she brought me her only mare. (Mare is owned by her friend, but because my aunt was the only one riding it and picking it up every weekend to take riding, my aunt agreed to her friend to keep it at her house.) My aunt said she brought the mare because her three geldings don't get along with her and she was alone in a pasture by herself anyway. I said that was fine, because my horses get along with everyone.

    Well, we brought my horse home from the boarding barn so no need for aunt's mare. I said she could take the mare back now because my horse is home, but she wouldn't take her back. She kept saying, well mare is better off at your house because she doesn't get along with my horses and has to stay out in the field with no shelter at my house. At my house, mare has a stall. I have hinted and asked over and over and over to her bringing the mare back, but keep getting the same response and that she will take her in the summer. My aunt has been bringing grain over for her, but has not even offered to bring or pay for any of the hay. The mare gets two flakes a day and is out on my pasture 24/7. I have been treating her horse like one of my own because she is in my barn. I have been cleaning her stall 2x a day, feeding her 2x a day, doing her water, bringing her in and using my coolers/blankets on her if she gets wet/chilled because my aunt supplied no blankets. We use the same farrier, so my aunt has just had me hold her mare when the farrier comes and pays me later for the trim. But still, I am doing labor, my father and I are supplying the hay, and she has not offered to pay for anything and won't take her back. I got another horse in December to fill up my fourth stall and cannot turn him out in the bigger field with my other two horses because of her mare.

    It is just really frustrating that she keeps refusing to take her back. I am much younger and don't want to be disrespectful towards her, but this is ridiculous. I brought it up to my father and all he said was "she needs to take her back" but won't call her or talk to her about it.

    The mare's owner wasn't even aware that the mare was at MY house. My aunt has been continually lying to her and telling her friend that mare was getting along great with her horses. This resulted in a big surprise to me and the owner when I saw mare's owner today and mentioned her.

    I'm just really ticked off today because we hauled both my horse and her mare to an indoor to school in the ring. My aunt made arrangements to school in it, because she knows the guy that just moved in there. All she mentioned to me was the shots my horse had to have. We got there and she said, "well do you have all your stuff?"..."what stuff?"..."your money." Surprise surprise...it was $25. I told her she hadn't even mentioned to me the cost of the ring fee (which she normally would) and that I hadn't been prepared to pay it. I had money for it, but when I said I was annoyed at that because that was the money I needed to get dinner, she rudely told me "well you have to suck it up if you want to have horses." Hmmm...then perhaps you should pay for the horse that you've left at my house and have been freeloading from us for??

    How can I tell her she needs to take her horse home or pay us, and is there any tasteful way I can get her to pay for the past four months her horse has been here eating our hay and causing extra work? You would think that since I have been taking care of this horse for her she might be inclined to pay my rare schooling fee. My family is pretty close and I know my dad will not confront her, but I don't want to be really rude to her because she is my elder. Would is be tacky to send a typed up bill in the mail with the hay bill for her horse? That still isn't enough to cover the lost pasture from her (our field isn't big) and all the labor/bedding, but since I had no contract I can't really enforce that.

    Just really really frustrated and venting!

  • #2
    wonder if she's charging board to owner
    Nothing says "I love you" like a tractor. (Clydejumper)

    The reports states, “Elizabeth reported that she accidently put down this pony, ........, at the show.”

    Comment


    • #3
      you don't need to be rude (although she is being rude/inconsiderate to you) but you do need to be firm
      Nothing says "I love you" like a tractor. (Clydejumper)

      The reports states, “Elizabeth reported that she accidently put down this pony, ........, at the show.”

      Comment


      • #4
        I think I would lose any tact and just tell her that she needs to pick up mare by XX date or you will be dropping mare off at her house.
        Charlie Brown (1994 bay TB X gelding)
        White Star (2004 grey TB gelding)

        Mystical Moment, 1977-2010.

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        • #5
          Maybe contact the mare's owner and tell her the situation.

          If I was her, I would be getting my mare out of there myself.
          ************************
          \"Horses lend us the wings we lack\"

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by luvmytbs View Post
            Maybe contact the mare's owner and tell her the situation.

            If I was her, I would be getting my mare out of there myself.
            She HAS talked to the owner and the owner had no idea mare was at her house!

            If I were the owner, I'd be LIVID and taking my horse back ASAP.

            Either way, I agree with the poster that said just very matter-of-factly tell your aunt that you had only ever intended on keeping mare for a very short period of time (under a month!) and aunt has kept mare there longer than that and you no longer have room for her and that aunt either needs to come take her back or you'll be dropping mare off in her front yard.

            I don't know that you'll be able to get the money back and it might not be worth the familial strife but you definitely shouldn't keep free-boarding the horse.

            My other thought would be to tell the owner (since you seem to know them) the entire situation, that aunt is refusing to take the mare back, and that owner needs to take it or you'll be following whatever law says in your state for pursuing a "stableman's lien". Or something like that.
            The Trials and Jubilations of a Twenty-Something Re-rider
            Happy owner of Kieran the mostly-white-very-large-not-pony.

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            • #7
              Two options:

              Take the horse back to her house and drop it off.

              Or contact the owner and tell her you need the horse moved or she will have to pay you board.

              Comment


              • #8
                I think auntie is already in deep doo-doo if you and the mare owner had an unexpected meeting the way you describe it. I'm also thinking there is a potential liability issue for both you and auntie if something happens to the mare while at your house, since you are not the person who has a boarding contract with the owner.

                Since you apparently have a trailer why not simply pick up the phone and let her know that you will be bringing the horse back to her at 10 AM on Saturday? Oh, she won't be home and that's not convenient? No worries, you'll just put her back into her old pasture with the geldings. -click-

                problem solved and you can let mare owner and auntie wrangle over the boarding money.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by dacasodivine View Post
                  Two options:

                  Take the horse back to her house and drop it off.

                  Or contact the owner and tell her you need the horse moved or she will have to pay you board.
                  absolutely. My first thought, load up and drop off.
                  Yogurt - If you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera? Steven Colbert

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by BarbaricYawp View Post
                    Since you apparently have a trailer why not simply pick up the phone and let her know that you will be bringing the horse back to her at 10 AM on Saturday? Oh, she won't be home and that's not convenient? No worries, you'll just put her back into her old pasture with the geldings. -click-

                    problem solved and you can let mare owner and auntie wrangle over the boarding money.
                    This was my thought too. I'm not sure you should hold your breath waiting for back-pay, but I'm not sure what's stopping you from just returning the horse, since it's clear your aunt doesn't have picking it up on her list of priorities.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I'd skip over the aunt and call the owner. Obviously aunt is a freeloader milking the arrangement for all it's worth.

                      Barring that, stop asking. It's time to TELL.

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                      • #12
                        I would just load her up, drive over and drop her off. I would not give your aunt a head's up and a chance to try and stop it, I would just do it. Leave her in a stall or pasture of wherever that is safe and isolated. And don't expect any back pay.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Load up the mare and drop her off. Pretty sure your aunt will get the message that way.
                          Cowboy up.

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                          • #14
                            All of these....................

                            I would just load her up, drive over and drop her off. I would not give your aunt a head's up and a chance to try and stop it, I would just do it. Leave her in a stall or pasture of wherever that is safe and isolated. And don't expect any back pay.
                            I'd skip over the aunt and call the owner. Obviously aunt is a freeloader milking the arrangement for all it's worth.
                            Barring that, stop asking. It's time to TELL.

                            Two options:

                            Take the horse back to her house and drop it off.

                            Or contact the owner and tell her you need the horse moved or she will have to pay you board.the horse moved or she
                            will have to pay you board.[/
                            QUOTE]

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by dacasodivine View Post
                              . . .
                              Or contact the owner and tell her you need the horse moved or she will have to pay you board.
                              Kind of like this one myself, although it's a bit tough on the owner, but if you don't ever check on your horse well . . .
                              Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
                              Incredible Invisible

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Agree with Zevida. Just bring her back. And don't expect to hear much more from your aunt, if you are lucky.
                                Where Fjeral Norwegian Fjords Rule
                                http://www.ironwood-farm.com

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by BarbaricYawp View Post
                                  Since you apparently have a trailer why not simply pick up the phone and let her know that you will be bringing the horse back to her at 10 AM on Saturday? Oh, she won't be home and that's not convenient? No worries, you'll just put her back into her old pasture with the geldings. -click-

                                  problem solved and you can let mare owner and auntie wrangle over the boarding money.
                                  This is what I would do with sweetness and light. I also would just let the hay charges go. Wouldn't think it would be enough to be worth causing hard feelings in the family.
                                  You know why cowboys don't like Appaloosas?" - Answer: Because to train a horse, you have to be smarter than it is.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Pardon me, I didn't read all the posts because the answer seems simple enough (unless you say differently).

                                    You have a trailer, yes? Why are you even ASKING your aunt to pick this mare up? Load her up take her to your aunts. Leave her in the trailer while you assess the paddock situation. Move geldings to one paddock and deposit mare in other.

                                    You are liable for any damage incurred by the mare to herself while at your farm. If the owner were so inclined, she could claim THEFT.

                                    Dad is a wimp. Sorry, but it has to be said. You write off the hay and work to 'Experience' and "Family".

                                    Bet you wish you'd let your pony be unhappy for a couple of weeks.
                                    ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                                    Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                                    "Life is merrier with a terrier!"

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Your aunt has already demonstrated how she would prefer you to act in this situation ie just show up with mare & leave her at Aunt's farm.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by dacasodivine View Post
                                        Two options:

                                        Take the horse back to her house and drop it off.

                                        Or contact the owner and tell her you need the horse moved or she will have to pay you board.
                                        This and this.
                                        The Little Red Mare: French Curve

                                        and my non-horse blog: oh, rebecca!

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