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2 life choices, what would you choose?

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  • 2 life choices, what would you choose?

    My husband just received a rather large job offer today (yay!) and it is causing us to make a pretty big life choice relatively quickly (boo!). My husband and I spent the late part of our twenties in the West and Mid-West and because of this job offer we now have the following choices:

    A) Live in Midwest and buy a small horse farm - continue to compete in shows, be near family etc.

    B) Live in the West (think mountains not sea), live in townhome/condo/city home and board horses- be trail riders- no more showing.

    Hows that for almost complete opposites?! We can not make up my mind on what to do. Love the idea of seeing my horse everyday, providing care that I choose.. But I do miss those mountains and the trails in open space.

    I have always boarded my horse. I have partial boarded and have worked at stables throughout college having to clean and feed, turnout and groom horses so I know what it takes to do it right. You have to give up alot- but you also can get alot back from having horses out your back door.

    So tell me, if those were your choices, what would you personally chose, and why? (this isn't meant to be super serious, just would like some other views then our own to bring to the table.)

  • #2
    I love having my horses at home. I would love to hav them home near mountains and trails and be close to shows as well... mountains does not mean no more shows.


    • #3
      I'd do A.

      First, the more I hear about HOAs and owining homes in city limits the less likely I am to EVER do it again. I'd sure as hell never buy a condo. If I buy it, it's mine, I'm painting it however I want and doing whatever and want and anyone who doesn't like it can move.

      Second, why quit showing AND lose all the homeowner freedoms you get not living in a condo? And be far from your family? (Unless you hate your family or something, in which case distance might not be a bad plan.)
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      • #4
        Just curious as to why you can not live in the City and board and still show?
        Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


        • #5
          It depends on the answer to a few questions.

          How old are you?
          What stage are you at in your career?
          Is this your "dream job"? Is it a job that will allow you to pay off your debts/loans or set your self up financially?
          How important to you is showing?
          If you live where you can have your own farm how limited are the job opportunities? Are you in an industry where location is important?
          Are you thinking of starting a family and would like to be close to your own family for support?

          There is no right answer. It really depends on what stage of your life you are at. All I can say is the job market is tight (it took my brother 2 years to find a job in California) so I'd think long and hard before turning down a good job.

          Where you live is not necessarily a long-term decision.
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          • #6
            Such a personal choice, no answer is right or wrong, all depends. Make a list of what is important to you, have your husband do another. Then right which one best provides that choice. Check and see which one has the most of your priorities and compare with your husband. Both have their pros and cons. Good luck, and congratulations.


            • #7
              As I get older, the most important part of the equation is in A: be close to family.

              I'm currently living in a suburban home on Long Island, NY, but I still own my country home on 5 acres in VA. For various reasons, we are considering the option of moving back to VA. Lots of pro's to that move. The biggest drawback (really the ONLY drawback) is that most of my family is here on LI. I've gotten kind of used to be being able to drop in on my bro & SIL; see my niece a bunch, visit with my cousin (who is also my pet sitter), help my aged aunts from time to time, and have everybody over for dinner. Moving would also suck because my family has welcomed my fiance' into our family without reservation and he's very fond of them.

              Seriously, there is no other reason we would stay in NY given the state of the economy. My SO's pension would go sooooo much farther in VA and his website design business can be done anywhere.

              So if I were you, I'd stick with A.
              ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
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              • Original Poster

                woah! fast replies, thank you!

                First off, showing is out the window out west because I am already starting to get off the "show" wagon. I am very familiar with the shows in the midwest and have connections and friends to meet and go to them with. Plus, I'm just not interested in going through all the time finding another instructor/trainer for shows that I probably won't want to do in a year anyways. I would still show in the midwest to meet up with friends- but not really be serious. My horse is entering his double-digit years now, and I just want to enjoy bummin around with him.

                2nd- We have no children, but are planning to someday. We are both exiting our 20's very soon. Still, I'm not really in the "baby -NOW-woman" frame of mind.


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Kryswyn View Post
                  As I get older, the most important part of the equation is in A: be close to family.

                  Unfortunately it depends on the family.
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                  • #10
                    The questions is, do you like your family?

                    I'm not crazy about my family. We live about 5.5 hours from them and its far enough that they dont want to drive up here to see us. Mr.CB's family all live in Arizona and I wish we were closer to them, they are great people.

                    I have my horses at home on 5ish acres and I love it. Even the feeding in the dark, slogging through mud, knocked around by angry pony parts of it. I imagine that you could still trail ride in the mid-west. They have trails, right?


                    • #11
                      Where in the Midwest would decide it for me. Where?
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                      • #12
                        Personally, I would go with A. You are young, but as you get older, family is even more important (that's IF you get along well with them). Also, you mentioned planning for kids - the farm life and family connection and proximity to shows will become more important if you do have kids. Sounds like more room to expand and what a great way for kids to grow up. It will also allow you to keep horses in your life it that is what you want - less time going to a barn (it will be in your back yard), and can be less expensive (monthly rather than initial investment in the property).

                        We moved to Florida from MA 7 years ago, and while I LOVE it here, I really miss my family and some things have happened that make me wonder if I could have changed them by being in MA with my family...

                        Good luck with your choice and congrats to hubby on the new job!


                        • #13
                          I'd choose the condo/TH and board. A horse farm is a lot of maintenance. Not just cleaning stalls.... mowing, fence care etc. etc. Neither my SO or I have any interest in farm ownership.


                          • #14
                            So many factors to weigh in on this ...

                            Option A - The cool thing about the Midwest .. You can do BOTH trails and showing, you're not limited.
                            1. depends on how much you want to be close to family - Personally, I don't want to be within a 3 hour radius of my family, but I love DH's family and wouldn't mind living near them.
                            2. How much you want to take on the "farm" life - Try renting a 5ac spread with horses at home to see if this is what you *really* want.
                            3. Is there any possibility your / SO's career focus will change and require a move away from the Midwest? If so, would selling or renting out that little mini farm be feasible?

                            Option B - Do you and SO still have the travel bug / gypsy feet creating the desire to experience new areas?
                            1. Personally speaking, the HOA life SUCKS. We bought a house in an HOA neighborhood this year, already chomping at the bit to unload it. To each their own, but read up on the small print of the HOA "rules" - I read mine, they were relaxed enough for us, but the Board still goes on a power trip.If any HOA is a foreseeable situation, I would tread cautiously.
                            2. If you were to take this option, would it be a short term goal or long term?
                            • If long term, how are kids going to fit in being so far from the family?
                            • If short term, will you plan on buying or renting?
                            • Do you have long term career choices / paths living in the West?

                            3. Have you done your research to determine if a western location would suit you BOTH for hobbies and interest?

                            I'm all for new experiences. I moved my husband and horses 600 miles away from our hometowns and families, and it was a great decision - the right career paths and training, trying out something new ... and learning that the new location isn't quite a good fit. But, we removed all doubt. Had we not moved, I would've always wondered "what if." We are also on the verge of starting our 30's and very much had a decision just like you do now. I wouldn't trade the experience, but I'm also ready to try out something different.


                            • Original Poster

                              Thanks for the replies guys!

                              Family is honestly 50/50 at this point for me. I don't have kids, and honestly, don't have them in my near future. Maybe that is why family in not weighing so heavily here. I love my family, and I have NO idea how hard it is to raise kids without your family around. I know it would be hard, but I know they would also come out to visit as much as they could.

                              We probably would save to buy a small home rather than go and get a town home now that everyone has brought up the HUD issues.

                              At this point, horses are the most important factor for both my husband and I. IHe is waiting to get another horse (lost his first horse 2 years ago) until we are set up in the new place. He grew up on a large dairy farm, so he has no issues with a small horse farm. On the other hand, it is nice to board and be able to leave all the "dirty work" to someone else.

                              Hard call. Have to make a list with the husband of pros and cons when he gets home.


                              • #16
                                Ever notice that when HOA is mentioned, it's often followed by the word "Nazis"? There's a reason for that!
                                The inherent vice of Capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings. The inherent virtue of Socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
                                Winston Churchill


                                • #17
                                  If it were me my biggest concern would be which location my hubby would be happiest. I'm flexible and can be happy most anywhere and after 20 years of marriage as dorky as it sounds when he's in a good place it's very easy for me to be happy too. Your milage may vary.

                                  Currently I live on my own farm and have my horses at home, but this is only after being a life long boarder. HE was the one that wanted land even though I'm the one that rides. I was a little concerned about the possibility of not liking doing all the horse chores myself, but have found that I love it more than I could have imagined it.

                                  Originally posted by Frank B View Post
                                  Ever notice that when HOA is mentioned, it's often followed by the word "Nazis"? There's a reason for that!
                                  This would be one of the reasons mr. subk wanted to move to a farm--that and the privacy to pee pretty much where ever he wants to--what IS it with this and guys?!


                                  • #18
                                    Family is honestly 50/50 at this point for me. I don't have kids, and honestly, don't have them in my near future. Maybe that is why family in not weighing so heavily here. I love my family, and I have NO idea how hard it is to raise kids without your family around.
                                    I just have to respond to this ... SURPRISE! happens every day!

                                    Not saying things could take this turn for you, but just throwing this out there... Kids were NOT on our radar for at least another 2 years. Careers, home and finding our "place" was the agenda.

                                    I'm currently 15 weeks with SURPRISE! (joke is DEFINITELY on me!)

                                    Being near family never factored in so much (see: inexpensive babysitting) until I started looking into the cost of child care. Once the numbers started rolling in, I had to sit down.. cough a little .. catch my breath ... and try to swallow back down my lunch.

                                    While things are not in the works, you always have to know the "plan B" just in case life throws your a curve ball.


                                    • #19
                                      Originally posted by subk View Post
                                      This would be one of the reasons mr. subk wanted to move to a farm--that and the privacy to pee pretty much where ever he wants to--what IS it with this and guys!

                                      Sounds like my husband!


                                      • #20
                                        I don't understand why you can't go west with mountains AND a farm.
                                        ... _. ._ .._. .._