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Fess up - who has a hidden horse or two?

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  • #41
    That sounds like a bad thing to do!

    My husband is my best friend. He is really an amazing person and I could never hide anything from him. He doesn't deserve that. He tries so hard to make me happy, and if it meant another horse that we could comfortably afford, he would never say no. Of course, we can't afford any horses right now so I would never ask him, because he would make sure I got one, no matter how difficult it would be.

    I'm lucky I guess. Or smart. Probably both.

    My best friend hid her horse in high school from her mom for two years until she moved out. Obviously she had a job and could afford him on her own (as well as her own car/food/etc.) so she wasn't being a burdon, but her mom's a bit of a fire-breathing dragon, so she figured it was best if she didn't stir the pot. Can't pick your family! Can pick your spouse!

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    • #42
      well - I couldn't do it - our horses are on our farm and i wouldn't do it either.

      Now hidden tack on the other hand - 'oh honey- i have had that for ages". But then again I pay the bills.

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      • #43
        My mom and I did this recently to her long term BF(they live together etc). We had 3 horses already, one semi retired, one for sale, and then one show horse. Found secret horse online, and the rest was history. He is not a fan of animals to begin with, so adding another pet to the family was a bad idea. We told him that he belonged to a friend of mine that didn't have time for him, and i was riding him until he was sold.

        So far so good!

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        • #44
          After WW3 with DH over "new" gelding last year I wish Id just done it & kept my mouth zippped. Wouldnt have been able to since I ride 2-3 times week on a good week. Now its all good...
          “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker

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          • #45
            Wouldn't do it. Our arrangement is that I cover all expenses for my personal vices, including horses. DH repeatedly tells me, however, that buying another horse is a no starter.

            But if I lose Rico and want another one, I'll buy one openly and tell him to stuff it.
            Lowly Farm Hand with Delusions of Barn Biddieom.
            Witherun Farm
            http://witherun-farm.blogspot.com/

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            • #46
              Originally posted by Freebird! View Post
              When I taught lessons at a boarding barn, we had a boarder who would always pay her board in cash, so her husband would never find out how much she spent. He knew she has a horse, he just didn't know how expensive she was. She was a Western rider, and never took lessons from me. To be honest I'm glad - I would've hated to be part of that.
              I used to trim a mare for a lady who would not give me her phone # because she's owned the horse for 20 years and her husband never knew. If I had to change an appointment, I had to call a friend of hers at the barn and she would relay the message. As far as her husband knew she was just out shopping, hanging out with the girl friends, going to a birthday party, etc... every time she goes to the barn. She had her own personal checking account where a portion of her weekly paycheck went to cover board, vet, and tack. That's the only person I've ever personally known who has done this.

              I just can't imagine not being able to share such a hue part of my life with my husband.

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              • #47
                I have a semi hidden horse. The night I went to pick her up BF didn't know what I was doing but knew I was up to something. The next day I took him to the pasture and said happy anniversary. He loved new horse and we still have her over a year later! However my mom does not know and ideally will never know. All my life she has hounded me about my passion for animals and I really don't want to hear about it. Not to mention I'm an adult and support my horses by myself. But I would never be able to keep horses hidden from BF (soon to be hubby!) because he helps with them so much and loves his big mare.

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                • #48
                  My horse is *kind of* hidden from my extended family, but I'm sure they've probably figured it out by now, if only because I have whole photo albums on FB dedicated to one horse, and I'm still riding her even though I don't work at any barns anymore, and she's *miraculously* been at every barn I've worked at in the past few years... I've only never mentioned it to them because they don't quite understand that part of my life. My mom knows, as well as my dad/stepmom/half-sisters.

                  But hiding her (or any other horse, for that matter) from my BF or a husband? Nope. Couldn't do it. I can "hide" her from my extended family, but in an intimate relationship, I can't imagine keeping something that big (literally and figuratively!) a secret.
                  The Little Red Mare: French Curve

                  and my non-horse blog: oh, rebecca!

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                  • #49
                    I don't hide my horses, even if I felt like I needed to I'm WAY too much of a big mouth to keep a secret like that for more than 5 minutes.

                    I also don't hide how much I spend... But I don't tell either. His horse expense questions are always met with a vague response. We're not yet married so our finances are separate and if we do get married they will remain so. I got a SCREAMING deal on my horse... The few horse friends I've told the amount to have just about died (I'll just say it was below 5 figures for a sound, imported, 3rd level warmblood with gorgeous gaits and a temperament to die for). Even with what I paid he would have been appalled had I told him exactly how much it was. He grew up with a single mom who was off and on welfare so he can't understand the justification for most of my horse expenses. I work hard, I don't have kids, and I pay my share of our bills so I figure I can do what I want with my money. I tell him - I don't complain about the money you spend on your kids so you can't complain about the money I spend on my "kids".

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                    • #50
                      Another one here who would never lie about something like that to my husband. Heck if it wasn't for his voice of reason sometimes I would have 50 horses and twice as many cats
                      RIP Sucha Smooth Whiskey
                      May 17,2004 - March 29, 2010
                      RIP San Lena Peppy
                      May 3, 1991 - March 11, 2010

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                      • #51
                        I think a big part of the reason that it can be hard to tell others, is because unless someone is horsey, it is hard to explain why you needed a 4000 saddle, or why you need another horse. Unless they have hobbies that are as expensive, or at least have the potential to be, it's hard to admit to. My ex never batted an eye when he'd see receipts for horse stuff.. he actually thought the helmets and gear was cheap. But his hobbies were more expensive. My mom is currently with a guy who rebuilds antique motorcycles and cars, so he wouldn't blink an eye either.

                        But if your hubbies hobby is going to the bar on Sunday to watch the game and consists of 30.00 of expenses.. they probably won't understand it.
                        "Sadly, some people's greatest skill, is being an idiot". (facebook profile pic I saw).

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                        • #52
                          Yuck, secrets and lies have no part in a marriage, even if it is for horses! I can’t imagine how much lying one would have to do to keep a horse in secret. Why would you want to lie to your husband all the time. Would you want HIM lying to you on a daily basis?

                          I would be SO PISSED if my husband went a bought an extra (extra expensive monthly!) motorcycle without my input.

                          Its “our” money, so we both have a say (because well, we don’t have enough $$ for our “own” money, but share the money). If you were in one of those marriages where its MY MONEY and HIS MONEY, then go ahead, get another horse, but DON’T LIE ABOUT IT!

                          Why would you want to carry on a charade for so long? I share everything with my hubbie, I couldn’t imagine not telling him about how my ride was, or how my day with the horse was (and yes, he asks!).

                          Not to mention, how to you explain all of the time away (like the woman who had a horse, but told hubby she didn’t)?

                          Just seems like a terrible idea, If you can’t be open with your husband, why bother being married?

                          (btw, he is the one always suggesting a second horse, but I tell him no way! We can't afford it!)
                          APPSOLUTE CHOCKLATE - Photo by Kathy Colman

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                          • #53
                            I think there's a big difference between keeping horses from your family and from your spouse. About a year ago I was telling my mom about my latest acquisition (one that was for sale, but I was excited because I got him for super cheap and expected to flip him for a significant profit--which I did) and she started to ask me how many horses I owned--then quickly interrupted me as I started to respond and said, "Nevermind, it's best I don't know!" Now, I'm only 26 and she's helped me out financially relatively recently still (it's been a few years, but you know...) so she'd prefer not to know. I think I've talked about all of my more-or-less permanent residents (I have a few who I plan to show for a couple of years then resell because I think they'll help my career/help me meet some goals but aren't "heart" horses, as well as those I'll never sell unless health or finances make it so I can't care for them anymore) but I doubt she could tell you how many I actually own, and I think she's happier that way.

                            FWIW she's always been exceptionally supportive. She bought me 3 horses throughout my teen years, talked my dad into letting me give away the first horse I had to sell even though we could have gotten a good price for him (hey I was 16 and it was a friend willing to take him), is really proud of my work with the horses...she just worries if she has a concrete number to put to my horses.

                            I also downplay the number of horses I own to my extended family, because experience has taught me that otherwise I get lectured about financial irresponsibility (no matter that I'm the most financially independent of my similarly-aged cousins, but you know, I'm the one without a "real job" ), but I figure that's none of their business anyway. Most non-horsey people don't understand why you want to pay so much and/or how you can make money buying and selling horses (unfortunately my relatives are educated enough to realize that not all horses are multi-million dollar racehorses ), and I'm the type to argue a point I'm sure I'm right about to the point of major conflict so I find it's more peaceful just to tell a white lie.

                            So I do make a point of not talking about numbers or new horses with my blood relatives, but I don't intentionally keep them from my husband. I also can't imagine having a committed relationship with someone I couldn't be honest with about these type of things. That just seems like a relationship I wouldn't want to be in.

                            Also, this thread made enough of an impression that I remembered to tell my partner about Lilly (the mare I mentioned earlier). He's super psyched, his exact response was, "No $&*!, I was hoping we'd wind up with her!"
                            exploring the relationship between horse and human

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                            • #54
                              I have 13 horses. Mr P can count and supports me fully. However my HOA limits me to 12.
                              I wasn't always a Smurf
                              Penmerryl's Sophie RIDSH
                              "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
                              The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.

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                              • #55
                                I didn't tell my parents when I bought my last horse but I also was 24 and don't live in their house either.

                                That said, once I had her settled at the farm and going well my parents both came out and visited on a regular basis. They like animals, but don't really know a lot about horses. It's still cute to watch my dad bring out apples for my mare
                                Riding the winds of change

                                Heeling NRG Aussies
                                Like us on facebook!

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                                • #56
                                  Didn't hide it, just railroaded him. He's a great guy!
                                  "Rock n' roll's not through, yeah, I'm sewing wings on this thing." --Destroyer
                                  http://dressagescriblog.wordpress.com/

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                                  • #57
                                    I might as well have hidden mine from my first wife. I had horses from the time we met until we were divorced. Over over the fourteen years we were together (thirteen married), I doubt she saw them a half-dozen times.
                                    The inherent vice of Capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings. The inherent virtue of Socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
                                    Winston Churchill

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                                    • #58
                                      Originally posted by Far_North_Equestrian View Post
                                      . . .

                                      I had a BF years ago that told me "After we get married if you bring pets home without my permission I'll shoot them". Needless to say, this is why he's an Ex.
                                      Lord, I would hope so!

                                      DH sneaks animals home on me all the time. He swears up down and sideways that we discussed it but I know that the chicks showed up because the deal was too good to pass up.
                                      I couldn't ever hide a horse from him unless I boarded it and we can't afford that, plus then I'd have to lie about working OT or something in order to have the time to see it . . .
                                      So why lie in the first place? Lying in a marriage, well it just isn't a good thing.
                                      Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
                                      Incredible Invisible

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                                      • #59
                                        Originally posted by ReSomething View Post
                                        So why lie in the first place? Lying in a marriage, well it just isn't a good thing.
                                        THIS
                                        I wasn't always a Smurf
                                        Penmerryl's Sophie RIDSH
                                        "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
                                        The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.

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                                        • Original Poster

                                          #60
                                          I'm glad it's not just me shaking my head and saying "wow."

                                          My husband and I have the kind of relationship where we will each squawk a bit, but deep down we recognize when our partner has drawn an uncrossable line. Right now we're maxed out for dogs, cats, and horses. A few more fish will be fine. I'd love a pet rat, but hubby really isn't cool with the idea. I can tell he really means it, so I'm not going to just bring a rat home and tell him to deal with it. It wouldn't be fair.

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