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Best Line Ever... teacher to student

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  • Herbie19
    These quotes are from two different trainers, equally as hilarious. But I probably only think that because they weren't directed at me!

    "What are you doing up there? You look like a monkey f-ing a football!"

    And my favorite

    "If you don't stop pulling on the reins I'm going to chop them off, put them in a box and mail them back to you."

    Leave a comment:

  • Ldbgcoleman
    you're not in the bottom 10% percent of riders I teach you're in the bottom 30%

    Ride her like youre having sex

    your horse is the special ed student youre the honor student are you gonna let a special ed student lead you around

    maybe you should get a new horse

    maybe you should get a new trainer

    Yep all true and hopefully tongue in cheek at least I think so

    Leave a comment:

  • SBrentnall
    My favorite: "Hope is NOT an aid!"

    Guess I needed to ride more proactively that day.

    Leave a comment:

  • sp56
    IHSA show from a Judge after asking what I could improve and why I didn't pin: "Well, your heels were down, your hands were good, your position was good, you got all your spots...(puzzled look on his face)...I must just not have liked you."

    Leave a comment:

  • DottieHQ
    Originally posted by KateR View Post
    I used to have an extremely lazy horse, in a lesson once, instructor yelled at me "you can't jump a three quarters dead horse!"
    Were you riding a QH? Cause if you were you could've said "at least he's still 1/4 alive!"

    Leave a comment:

  • Aven
    I forgot one. A student had gotten to a show late (not her fault the shipper was late) She ended up with no warm up. The judge did know she got there late as the show had kindly asked a few riders if they would ride a slot earlier so she had time to tack up and get on him. So the comment

    "nice horse, too bad"

    Had meant, nice horse, too bad about no warm up or prep time. The poor rider took it to mean 'nice horse too bad about the rider...'

    Leave a comment:

  • WildBlue
    Originally posted by FRM View Post
    Comment on my brother-in-law's one and only dressage test:
    "Don't give up - get help".
    Thank you for the first of many chuckles I've gotten from this thread. This makes me laugh every time I read it!

    Leave a comment:

  • Aven
    Oh I have a few.

    Riding in a lesson back when I was 12 ish..
    "Where's your brain? I think its still back in bed" I have the pleasure to have that one on video tape somewhere. That was her being 'nice' as she knew she was being taped. This was back in the mid 80's seemed everyone was like that.

    Not to me but in a lesson I was part of. A student had had a pretty rough trip around a course on a very tricky horse. She had sat some stops etc. The instructor had pointed out that she had stuck those stops that not long ago would have put her on the floor etc etc. She replied it was bad, to which he said "ok have it your way. It was utter crap, give up today" turning to the rest of us "next". (also have that one on tape)

    A parent outside of a local schooling show. "equitate, come on Jenny EQUITATE" we still giggle over that one.

    Leave a comment:

  • worth_the_wait08
    These are great!

    After a particularly rough course at home where I just couldn't see a distance to save my life

    Trainer: are you hungry?
    Me: no, why?
    Trainer: because you just ate every spot out there

    When my normally quiet, loping, deadhead of a hunter was super pissy and sensitive one day (bucking when I used my leg, my crop, my voice, etc)

    Trainer: who pissed in his fruit loops this morning?

    Leave a comment:

  • Luseride
    "What are we doing today? Muuuhhhhhaaaaaaaa!" My students hate, hate, hate when I do that. Usually means they will end up tired and sore.

    For direction...."Use your crayon hand!" adult riders.

    Leave a comment:

  • Griffyn
    Embarrassingly enough my vet reminded me of the time when she had just started working in the barn where I was a long term boarder. (this was like 20 years ago) She was rewrapping the legs of a horse, whereupon I came by said "you cant do anything with these"grabbed the wraps and flung them down by holding the ends and unravelled and had her start over, tightly. So apparently, being an @sshat is not the exclusive right of BNT. Even high school stable help has its aspiring holier than thou's!

    Leave a comment:

  • DottieHQ
    Originally posted by Calhoun View Post
    A few years ago at a clinic, my horse was being an A$$ and I was nervous since it was my second time riding in front of clinician. After 10 minutes, the clinician said, "he's been giving you the finger for the last 10 minutes, give him the finger back".

    Leave a comment:

  • DottieHQ
    Originally posted by Pennyhill View Post
    I'm ashamed to admit - "why don't you just get off the f-ing horse and lay down in the f-ing dirt? Because if you keep on riding like that, you're going to end up there anyway and you're just wasting my time waiting for you to get there!"
    If the rider was basically having a shit for brains moment that was either harmful, or on the verge of harmful to the horse, then this is pretty justifiable.
    But otherwise...
    FWIW, this was pretty much the norm from my previous trainer...if she wasn't saying something like this, she know what, never mind. I'm just going to end up ranting

    Leave a comment:

  • WNT
    The most memorable (probably not the best however...) was from my first working student gig:

    "You must be good at something, but it certainly isn't horses."

    Gave me quite a complex for a while.

    Leave a comment:

  • mg
    Lessoning with dressage coach while tracking left. I had recently recovered from breaking my leg:

    Coach: "Is your left leg the one you broke?"
    Me: "Yes"
    Coach: "I can tell"
    (reverse direction)
    Coach: "...oh, nope. This leg's the same way."

    Leave a comment:

  • kookicat
    First lesson with a new dressage coach. I was cantering Asp down the long side when she spooked, dropped her shoulder and dumped me. I got back on and went round again. Happened again at the same place.

    My very correct, very posh coach picked me up and said "I thought you said that you could ride."

    Well, I wanted the floor to swallow me.

    I did get back on and improve though! (And found out the next day that I had an ear infection that was throwing my balance off!)

    Leave a comment:

  • IronHorse
    These are fantastic!

    A friend was giving a clinic and she said to a very nervous student: "The beauty of dressage is that it is not held under water - so you can breathe."

    Also, my old instructor said the following to me during a lesson:
    "Put your outside leg back...further back...further back...stick your foot up his a$$!!!!"

    Leave a comment:

  • Flagstaff Foxhunter
    One of my friends took lessons from the legendary Major Hector Carmona from Chile. He was shouting at her during a lesson, and my friend thought he was encouraging her to canter the mare on by saying "She can! She can!"

    Apparently, what Carmona was actually saying was "Chicken! Chicken!"

    I have been on the receiving end of the monkey + football analogy. I am pretty sure it passed to my instructor via Jimmy Wofford.

    Leave a comment:

  • pony baloney
    "Look where you're going or you'll go where you're looking".

    "Where the H*LL is your outside rein!!!"

    "A horse is only as good as its last ride".

    Many years later, I still hear her voice in my head, giving me instructions during my rides.

    Leave a comment:

  • Bumper
    replied line ever for me had very little to do with horses. I was a camp cook in the Bob Marshall wilderness. We drove 72 miles on gravel from the nearest town to the trailhead at Meadow Creek and then rode 22 miles to camp. So we were well over 90 miles from the nearest town. The hunters were all rich guys from the deep south, and they brought their own instant grits (gag!). Chuck took exception to the way i cooked his grits one morning and complained. I smiled sweetly with the spatula in my hand and said:

    "So Chuck, are you eating here or ordering out?"

    The rest of the trip Chuck was my personal slave. "Let me haul water for you Miss Gail, here, let me carry that. No, i will take the garbage out..."

    Leave a comment: