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Best Line Ever... teacher to student

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    " Five strides before the fence, don't start praying: Keep riding!!! "

    " I am not looking for new students, but you need help. Call me."


      Trainer observing my hemming and hawing in approach to scary double bank jump:

      "By the time you decide to ride that, I'll be in dentures and diapers"


        "Your horse is a Ferrari and you ride him like a pickup truck
        a garbage truck
        a tricycle


          "You'd better get off and kiss his feet." (She was TOTALLY right.)

          "Was that an act of god or an act of Renn?"

          This is a discussion my sister and I had after I helped her at a horse show one day...
          "So what happened there?"
          "Well, instead of leaving my emotions at the ingate, I left my brain..."
          "I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm asleep." - Harry Dresden


            Frequently heard in the lesson ring: "You look like a boiled shrimp up there!"

            And, my most cringe-worthy was this one:

            "Pat him! I SAID PAT HIM, NOT TAP HIM!"

            I still feel guilty about that one! Fortunately, my dressage whip skills were still latent at that point.
            2012 goal: learn to ride like a Barn Rat

            A helmet saved my life.


              I get the "do it again so I know it wasnt an accident" all the time!

              Current trainer informed me "Im naming my new ulcer after you!"

              College trainer "Quit staring at your horse! If he disappears I promise you will be the FIRST to know!!"


                In a dressage lesson . . . "shoulders like a princess, hips like a whore!"
                My ears hear a symphony of two mules, trains, and rain. The best is always yet to come, that's what they explained to me. Bob Dylan

                Fenway Bartholomule ♥ Arrietty G. Teaspoon Brays Of Our Lives


                  Here is a funny one I thought......

                  New Trainer: "Who taught you how to ride?"

                  I answer name of past trainers

                  New Trainer: "Call them and tell them you want your money back because they haven't taught you anything."


                    From my reining trainer.

                    "Whoa is never a question. Say it like you mean it."

                    "That's nice that you know you're doing it wrong, now do SOMETHING to fix it."

                    "Leg. Leg. LEG! If nothing is happening you're not using enough leg!"


                      Originally posted by Pennyhill View Post
                      I'm ashamed to admit - "why don't you just get off the f-ing horse and lay down in the f-ing dirt? Because if you keep on riding like that, you're going to end up there anyway and you're just wasting my time waiting for you to get there!"
                      BAHAHAHA! It would obviously depend on the can't say that to anyone. BUT, if the lady I've been riding with the past couple of months told me that, you bet your a$$ I'd listen.

                      My favorite quote:

                      Instructor: "Okay, now I want you to do a little canter...three steps...down the straightway of the arena".
                      Student (green, student): "No, I don't think I'm ready for it." *kicks horse, horse doesn't move*
                      Instructor: "Well, this isn't a democracy. You don't get to vote. The horse doesn't get to vote. Now, canter. Three steps."

                      It was all I could do to keep from laughing...

                      And for the record, the girl had cantered before, but her heart wasn't into riding and she was looking for an excuse to end her lesson early.
                      runnjump86 Instagram

                      Horse Junkies United guest blogger


                        From the dog world:

                        Schutzhund clinic. Scary German clinician with white Einstein hair and eyebrows to yappy, know-it-all woman with skanky, roachbacked, whiney, splay-footed aggressive outta control intact male GSD(?):

                        "why do you feed that dog?"

                        Ouch. That hurt. And it shut her up but good.


                          Trainer to rider on a spookey horse:

                          Only one of you needs to have a heart attack...let it be him.


                            Originally posted by didgery View Post
                            In a dressage lesson . . . "shoulders like a princess, hips like a whore!"
                            2012 goal: learn to ride like a Barn Rat

                            A helmet saved my life.


                              Originally posted by Ezra View Post
                              "His head isn't going to fall off. You don't have to keep looking at it."
                              I can really relate... I'm famous for staring at my horse's ears all the time.

                              Originally posted by partlycloudy View Post
                              my very proper Bristish clinician, to a heavy woman who slammed! down on her horse's back in rising trot, "Rather more like a snowflake, and less like an avalanche".

                              to someone else who told him 'that's not what the books say', he said "well yes, it is good to read books, but make sure your horse is reading the same ones"

                              Originally posted by Blkarab View Post
                              Ha Ha...this is a fun thread!

                    's how it went yesterday.

                              Me: I'm have a bit of trouble driving him today.
                              Instructor: Well, then use that whip that's in your hand.
                              Me: mean the one I forgot about.

                              Hysterics errupted. I couldn't help myself...I just burst out laughing. It was like Doh!
                              I had a similar conversation the other week:

                              Trainer: See that long straight thing in your hand?
                              Me: Yep.
                              Trainer: What is it for?
                              Me: To smack myself in the head with because I forgot to use it on my horse.


                                Originally posted by didgery View Post
                                In a dressage lesson . . . "shoulders like a princess, hips like a whore!"
                                I think that needs to be embroidered on a pillow.
                                Equine Art capturing the essence of the grace,strength, and beauty of the Sport Horse."


                                  I get the "Do it again so we know it wasn't just luck" too.

                                  Worst dressage test comment:
                                  "COULD BE LOVELY"


                                    Originally posted by didgery View Post
                                    In a dressage lesson . . . "shoulders like a princess, hips like a whore!"
                                    This is amazing.


                                      I was working on a wretched course. Missed the in to three lines in a row and was cantering down to the final two stride and still couldn't see anything so I gave up. Horsie was a saint and hauled both our asses into and out of the two stride with NO pace and NO direction.

                                      Upon coming out of the ring:

                                      "If you're going to close your eyes and grab mane five strides in front of the two stride, the least you could do is keep squeezing him..."
                                      Originally posted by tidy rabbit
                                      Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community.


                                        A race trainer I rubbed horses for said it all in one sentence to jockey:

                                        "Turn left and go fast".
                                        Groom to trainer: "Where's the glamour? You promised me glamour!"


                                          Originally posted by MunchingonHay View Post
                                          Originally Posted by Gavi
                                          Instructor: "Thats it... %uck the saddle."
                                          Student: "Does that mean I only ride every other Saturday?"

                                          Ok, I'm lost.

                                          meaning she and her SO only "get it on" every other saturday.

                                          I think its an awesome response to the statement. I would have peed my pants laughing on that one.
                                          Yikes, I still don't get it.