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Clicking with one horse and not another

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  • Clicking with one horse and not another

    Isn't it so funny how you can connect with one horse, but not another? I've finally decided to put my mare up for sale because I just don't feel bonded with her. She has never done a thing wrong, she tries her hardest, but I just don't have that "feeling" with her. I like her and I hope she gets a person that just loves her for the good girl she is, I'm just not that person.

    I also have a gelding that I just got and I just looovvve him, he can do no wrong, even when he's doing wrong. I feel so bad that I don't feel the same way about the mare, who is braver, more athletic, prettier, and just more "horse" than he is, but I could never imagine getting rid of him. I hope that I can find her that right home that feels the same way about her that I do my gelding.

    I guess this was just a confession of guilt for not clicking with a perfectly good horse, anyone else feel this way?

  • #2
    Heck, I still struggle with feeling guilty for selling a horse I didn't get on with who was ... quirky (nicest way to put it, really).

    I think for me it is more because when I get an animal, I feel like I am making a lifetime commitment barring some sort of severe situation (like I either physically or financially could find no way to care for my animals). But the level of commitment is different with horses; the negotiations you go through when determining how well your relationship is working encompass more and different factors than when you're dealing with a small animal.

    Your mare is fortunate in that she sounds like a solid citizen and will go on to be that right fit for someone else. And you are fortunate to have your gelding!
    Full-time bargain hunter.


    • #3
      I work with a lot of different horses and definitely feel I click with some and not others, or that I click better with some than others... and I notice trends in different personality types that I either do or do not click with. It's only natural, imo I based the purchase of my mare on said trend - I knew what I wanted in a competitive partner and also what I was likely to click with. My last two buys were made because the one was athletic and what I needed in a jumper, but both because I clicked huge with them both. Don't feel bad at all, you've got to do what's right by both you and the horse Same as with people, you'll click better with some than others, and it only makes sense you're going to go further and achieve more if you're working with one whom you click with, versus one you don't.
      ....horses should be trained in such a way that they not only love their riders, but look forward to the time they are with them.
      ~ Xenophon, 350 B.C.


      • #4
        This happens with horses. I bought a mare a year ago and she isn't going to work out for what I bought her to do. Additionally I have figured out when I'm "just riding" her it is not a good personality fit. She needs a different type of rider. Meanwhile I bought a replacement mare who makes mistakes and is green but she makes me laugh when it happens. Being honest with yourself and horse is the best thing!


        • #5
          don't feel guilty, I'm definitely a believer in clicking with your horse! When I first rode my mare I *knew* right away she was the horse for me. We've had some interesting times since then, but I still love her and feel like she is the perfect horse for me.

          So just consider it as sending a wonderful horse out there into the world who is someone else's soul mate. Its a good thing, not something to feel bad about!


          • #6
            I have a horse I am currently trying to sell. She is out of my heart horse. I was so excited when she was born because she was the exact color and gender, and because she was my mare's daughter. She is beautiful and talented and there is nothing wrong with her. For 5 years I have tried to tell myself how lucky I am to have her. For 5 years I have felt guilty because we don't click. I have even paid for pro training thinking that will make things better.

            I am looking at the possibility of getting a new horse and I had to consider selling this mare, as I can only afford to support two. As soon as I considered it I knew it was the right decision. I was actually relieved. I didn't even realize what an emotional burden I was carrying. I think I will sell her even if I don't get the new horse. It feels right.

            I have waited for the horse I am purchasing for two years. She's a dream horse. When I thought about that, I realized that there might be someone out there who might think she is their dream horse too.


            • #7
              Yes, I have ridden many that I don't get on with and even leased a few that were a "toxic" relationship as well. I normally can sit on the horse and tell right away if we "click" but I have a gelding who just kept trying and we have a pretty good relationship building now. A mare a my barn was an instant click from the get go, being around her literally calms any nerves I have, even if they are not horse related. My personal mare was a winner from the first time I sat on her too.


              • #8
                I totally get this. I have had horses that I thought I would get along with wonderfully that I eventually sent down the road because there just was nothing there. I always thought I would like the calm, mellow sort but instead, I have a pair of energetic and boingy geldings that I just love to bits. They are FULL of mischief, but have huge hearts. I am sure that they would drive other people batty but I am just so entertained by their high jinks!


                • #9
                  OP I commend you by doing the right thing by selling your mare! So many of us hold onto that horse that we just do not click with.. makes for some rotten times imo!

                  I clicked with 1 of my 8 horses! Yes, it took that long to find that 1 but I did and I could not be happier with my decision to sell the others just to find this one!


                  • #10
                    I purchased two horses, a two year old and a weanling, full brothers. The two year old turned out to be my heart horse but unfortunately lost him at age 10.

                    I backed and trained the weaner, showed him hunter successfully, fox hunted him, switched to dressage and did well. All those years he and I only tolerated each other, never bonded. In the end I used him for lessons even with beginners and he was finally happy.

                    I put him down at age 23 due to complications caused by melanomas. I always felt guilty that I never really liked him but loved the big brother who was much more challenging.

                    I can't sell horses and fortunately have my own place for them to live out their days.


                    • #11
                      I just sold my horse for almost this same reason. We did not fit together well. I loved him but I was not the right rider for him. It took me 2 years to admit it to myself and I cried my eyes out once the decision was made. But I know I did the right thing for him and for me. he is now with an owner who will ride him and enjoy his full potential and I am searching for the right horse for me.


                      • #12
                        I have found that I always seem to click with the quiet, stoic types. Rico is my heart horse. He can be a challenge when he 'doesn't want to' but I will never willingly part with hm. For all the challenges, I love everything about him, on the ground and in the saddle.

                        I love to watch a brilliant, athletic, energetic horse, but when it comes to clicking, for me, they are alwys the good natured, quiet ones, and I do tend to buy temperment first. The only exception to this was my trainer's GP jumper. He and I just bonded, and I'll never understand why. He was a real firecracker, but with me he was a pussycat.

                        Right now there is an ancient, swaybacked pony at the school barn where I take lessons. I can not go to the barn without visiting her, and I always get a nicker from her. And my instructor says she goes better for me than anyone else. Hopefully, when her school days are over, I will have room to give her a good retirement home.

                        Most people look at these type horses and think they have no personality. I look at them and see Black Beauty's mother.
                        Lowly Farm Hand with Delusions of Barn Biddieom.
                        Witherun Farm