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"UPDATE" What Would You DO???

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    "UPDATE" What Would You DO???

    family home, and were extremely friendly. She and her husband felt they were quite old enough to fend for themselves, however, and tossed them out into one of the barns. They would come up to the house, wanting to be picked up, hungry, thirsty, which infuriated Pam. I will admit to giving food and water to the kittens on two occasions.

    One afternoon right after the kittens arrived and I was out, the husband ran over one of the kittens. That kitten laid upon the drive, struggling vainly to walk. When I moved to pick it up (I was extremely upset!) 'Pam' told me I should leave the kitten alone, that she preferred they 'stay wild'Pam will be calling me soon to come out and ride, or go to her friends arena and do patterns. I am torn.
    Last edited by Altered Vision; Jul. 24, 2011, 02:52 PM. Reason: Misspoke on something

    You know the answer. And you need a big hug, so here it is.
    "Kindness is free" ~ Eurofoal
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances.


      I'd tell Pam to kiss my ass and I'd never go there again.

      Yes, you did the right thing.

      Putting up with all of that is simply not worth getting to ride over.


        Send your post to "Pam". Document the kittens condition - was it euthanized? Send the vet report. Take pictures of the donkey's feet ... find and put other pictures of abused donkeys' feet currently at rescues or foster homes as comparison. Get corroboration from a farrier that the current condition is abusive.

        If this person has a "good" heart this would not happen. And if she really does have a "good" heart, maybe seeing the documents, paperwork and your post will have an effect. If she is just defensive...'nuf said. Church, good business, riding buddy, friends -- it is nothing compared to what you have just written.

        Sick and wrong. Abuse - plain and simple.

        (Former rodeo queen in Oregon was charged with abuse for starving a mare. The woman drove right by the corral containing the starving horse everyday. Her other horses were fat and happy. The mare made it - with the careful help of a rescue capable of rehabilitating extreme cases - the mare is on facebook: Grace - the little horse with big spirit).


          You are a good person, and you know you did the right thing. Sadly, doing the right thing is often harder than going with the flow.

          Once I was an accessory to unauthorized kitten relocation, for similar reasons. Though the person involved was more apathetic than actively obstructing the animal's care, and the kittens were uninjured.

          It is amazing how superficially nice some people can be, and yet be amazingly callous or cruel to the animals in their care.

          In my case, I walked away. Person had done nothing reportable, so I didn't contact any authorities, didn't tell her what happened to the kittens, and just stopped making any kind of contact.

          Not long ago she posted a video of herself being a moron, and I did tell her honestly what I thought about it, and now she's actively not speaking to me, but that's a whole 'nother story.

          Now, if there's anything that can be reported in your area, I agree with rodawn, you should call it in.

          Sadly, you probably won't be able to change "Pam", and I'm of the opinion that continued contact with her would probably only cause you further grief.

          If you want to tell her why you're upset, you can, it might be cathartic for you to get that load off your chest, but she'll probably just think you're the one with the problem. So tell her or don't tell her, whichever feels good for you, since I doubt she'll see the light anytime soon.

          There will be more opportunities for you to ride, though you might have to look for them. You don't need Pam and her sad, neglected, grumpy horse to get saddle time, and spending time with a horse that is well cared for and content will be so much more pleasant.
          "In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesnt merely train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming part dog."
          -Edward Hoagland


            Maintain the semblance of friendship while you document the care of the donkey & mare: have a meeting with appropriate authorities to determine what evidence you need & then obtain it.

            Turn over all evidence & then step away from the situation.

            You will NOT like yourself if you continue your friendship with this woman, so be kind to yourself, do what you can to bring this to the attention of those in a position to do something & find yourself a new place to ride etc.

            Take a lesson as often as you can at a nice barn, get to know other people & you will find a ride etc.


              I'd call AC. Have the vet write up a report on the kittens' condition.
              I'd avoid Pam, until AC has investigated, then tell her that she is abusing/neglecting her animals, and you cannot assocaiate with someone who would treat a living creature that way.

              Bless you for getting the kittens out of there. It's too bad you couldn't get pics of teh dead kitten for AC, or even have the vet do a necropsy, and give AC the results.


                Originally posted by jetsmom View Post
                I'd call AC. Have the vet write up a report on the kittens' condition.
                I'd avoid Pam, until AC has investigated, then tell her that she is abusing/neglecting her animals, and you cannot assocaiate with someone who would treat a living creature that way.

                Bless you for getting the kittens out of there. It's too bad you couldn't get pics of teh dead kitten for AC, or even have the vet do a necropsy, and give AC the results.


                  Heavy sigh....

                  Do you smell that?? Its bridges burning....

                  Of course, I could not, in any way, continue any kind of friendship with this woman.

                  The local entity that serves as Animal Control does not go out into the county, and referred me to the county sheriff for the donkey. The woman I spoke to said, "Good luck with that. They will have to have starved to death before Sheriff XXXXX will do anything."

                  I couldn't report for the kittens, seeing as how I'd STOLEN them. And if anybody actually saw me at the farm (no one passed on the road), I did conspiciously fetch my good rope halter and yacht-braid lead from where I left it...conveniently...hanging in the barn. Nobody saw me cat-napping as the kittens walked to me, where I stood beside my car. I opened the door, popped them in the carrier, then threw halter and lead after.

                  I am heartened to read the replies. I honestly felt as if I was being over-sensitive about this. I KNOW farm cats don't have the best of lives, unless their families are enlightened, thoughtful people who realize cats hunt best when FED and kept nominally healthy. I realize that despite the nasty pen they are in, Gabby and the donkey are fed grass hay, and have water, smelly and nasty as it is. The donkey is old. The mare is 18. And the dog...he is such a good dog, well fed. Just terribly hungry for a bit of ear-rubbing and interaction.

                  I was raised on a farm, and I know that you have to have a different mindset about the animals, both as livestock and pets. On our farm, the cats never were given a lot of attention except by one cat-crazy little girl. I got ringworm, flea bites and had many kittens born in my bed because I insisted on 'making friends' with the barn cats. It was worth it for me. I also loved the cows, the chickens, and every dog our family ever owned. I've been horsecrazy since I was born. I truly do love animals, and they have always liked me. My hubby calls it my 'animal magnetism'.

                  I will not tell Pam about the kittens. I WILL tell her that I will forever see that kitten writhing in the dirt in pain, and recall her ugly, callus attitude. I will remind her that the condition of the donkey's feet constitutes ABUSE. I will tell her I cannot believe a TRUE HORSEWOMAN would treat that mare the way she has. Then I will wish her well with her business and get in my car and drive off. I will unfriend her on FB, and call it a day.

                  The injured kitten, as of this time, is spending its second night at the vet's. Xrays and antibiotics, electrolytes, and solid food are being administered. I know my son-in-law must be cussing my name...but God Bless him...he acquiesced to the idea of spending the money on the kitten. All I wanted was to bring it home, with surviving siblings, and take the injured kitten to my vet to be euthanized. My daughter was aware of my intent to take the kittens, and put the injured one down. She said, "No, Mom! You bring them ALL to ME. I'll take the hurt one to my vet. We need some cats on the farm." They have two indoor/outdoor cats, who are spoiled, healthy, and good mousers.

                  EqTrainer--The hug made me cry...thank you.


                    More hugs, and time to disassociate. There are lots of riderless horses and
                    other fun projects.

                    And jingles for the kitten!


                      What the hell could you possibly be torn about? She's a POS. So is her douchebag husband.



                        Because I feel as if I am leaving the donkey and Gabby to their fate...that if I don't visit at least once a week, nobody will flyspray them, nobody will every say, "Hey, Gabby's watertank is pretty low" I can't just top it off myself because the water must be turned on in the house, which is probably why I FREQUENTLY find myself saying, "Hey, Gabby's watertank is pretty low...".

                        I have NEVER stopped offering to shovel out their pen...much to Pam's hubby's disgust. He says, "I'll get to that when I have time. We don't need your help." He's not very friendly at the best of times. I would do it, too. Pam just keeps telling me they need the manure for their garden...can't just heave it over the fence...

                        I know if I am not riding Gabby, she will not be trimmed...even badly. If I could afford to lease her and keep her closer to the city where I live, I WOULD. I can't afford it. The same with lessons...can't do it, not when 30 minutes costs $45. I'm retired, and we are living on a small retirement and hubby's social security. I've got several years before I hit social security. There are no jobs here...even low-wage.

                        I had even thought I might do some clicker-training with the donkey, and trim his feet myself. I used to do natural trimming...before my right wrist grew achy.

                        And Gabby is an excellent arena horse...we were doing so well. The arena days were nearly riding lessons for me in riding English. It was a pleasure that I am loath to give up, both both my and Gabby's sake.

                        There is NO question that I will, naturally. I just think of the donkey and mare, standing in their pen, day in and day out, without proper attention and care.


                          I'd harrass the sheriff daily, until he follows up. I think that most states will let someone take animals in danger of dying to the vet. Maybe one of the COTH lawyers will chime in.

                          I'd have to harrass the sheriff, so the donkey and mare get better care. A visit from the sheriff, should make them take better care of the animals. In our area, we can go to the city attorney's office and file charges ourselves. It cost about 35.00. I charged, and got a conviction against a neighbor that shot one of my dogs through my redwood fence, because he thought it would be funny (according to the brother). AC refused to pursue it because they said they didn't see it happen. Shooter was 25 yrs old, brother was 22. So if your AC won't react, call your city/county atty's office and find out what you need to do.

                          PS- If you'll post your location, you might get state specific advice regarding laws. Plus you may find a COTHer that has a horse that could use someone riding it. If you are near me, you have an open invitation to come to our barn, and I'll find you something to ride.


                            God that's just heartbreaking to read. Those poor, poor animals.

                            I would really be torn too - I would want to go back just for the animals. But it would be pretty emotionally draining ... ug.

                            You have done your very best, and I don't think there is really a wrong answer here. But *hugs*. Amazing the sides to people that you discover.


                              You're not torn. You know what you need to do, but she's your friend and you don't want to be the bad guy. Somebody's got to be the bad guy for the animals.

                              He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).


                                Originally posted by Altered Vision View Post
                                I will not tell Pam about the kittens. I WILL tell her that I will forever see that kitten writhing in the dirt in pain, and recall her ugly, callus attitude. I will remind her that the condition of the donkey's feet constitutes ABUSE. I will tell her I cannot believe a TRUE HORSEWOMAN would treat that mare the way she has. Then I will wish her well with her business and get in my car and drive off. I will unfriend her on FB, and call it a day.
                                This sounds right.

                                From your account "Pam" and her DH do not sound like they are interested in any change to their status quo.

                                But honestly, IIWY I could not walk away from the mare & donkey.
                                Is there a rescue in your area you could tell about them?

                                You have already done more than enough to try & make things right and need to step away from this toxic friendship.

                                keeping all digits crossed for a rescue of Gabby & the donkey
                                *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
                                Steppin' Out 1988-2004
                                Hey Vern! 1982-2009, Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009
                                Sam(Jaybee Altair) 1994-2015


                                  Have (well, had) a "friend" like this.

                                  After 10 years of cleaning up her trail of mess, because I felt for the animals, I finally had to separate myself.

                                  Good luck, OP. You are a kind-hearted, good person.
                                  We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.


                                    Originally posted by rodawn
                                    What are you torn about? This woman is not worth your friendship. Call it quits and frankly, I'd report her to the authorities. A cruel inhumane person to kittens who cannot fend for themselves is not a "good" person, let alone the horrible care to the mare and donkey.
                                    Me too. I'd be reporting her and her hubby to AC and TV stations and everyone. And I'd be very tempted to "liberate" those cats! (I have an ex-barn cat at home right now because of BO wanting cat and then my having to pay all his vet bills. BO wanted cat, then didn't want cat, etc., so cat left town.)

                                    I'd also have documented by video the conditions of the cats and horses and all. Your cell phone pix and video can be a good bit of evidence. So I'd probably go riding there one more time with cell in hand.


                                      I would call the sheriff's office, and if nothing is done then I would call the local newspaper about the sheriff's lack of action on enforcement of animal cruelty and neglect charges. Some states also have a state agricultural office that handles complaints also.

                                      And as you've said this woman isn't your friend, and if you weren't useful to her she never would have let you ride the horse. She's just as cruel as her husband and they both are poor excuses for human beings.
                                      You can't fix stupid-Ron White


                                        What Jan said - right down to the Ron White quote. This is just sickening.
                                        What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!