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Sex abuse in the Horse World

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  • #101
    Separate from abuse issues, abstinance etc., and slightly OT, in the Netherlands they don't "preach abstinace", they realize that people are going to have sex and therefore do not put shameful connotations onto it, make birth control readily accessible, and have one of the lowest incidences of teenage pregnancy in the world.

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    • #102


      ise, I just read through the posts (just got home from finals)

      cripes, ise, you've been misreading MY posts.

      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Reading through Albion's comments collectively are so disturbing. Starting with her comments of sleeping with an older trainer and "getting what she wanted". Then she proceeds to explain that she apparantely was a Woman at 15 - believe me when you're older and look back you'll blush at that comment. And the worst was that she and her friends apparantely felt being virgins was some major handicap and they needed to get out there and get some real experience to be "ready". Ready for what. As I read it - underlying all of these comments is that sexual experiences is some sort of barter item to offer and the better the quality ...well the better the offer. I can't even imagine where a high school girl has gotten such a shallow opinion of her own sexuality.
      <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

      Please, get your posters right! I have NEVER stated that I have had sex with an older trainer - and CERTAINLY never said I quote 'got what I wanted' unquote. For your information, I wouldn't DREAM of sleeping with my trainer - or professor - or boss - or ANYONE in a position of authority over me. I don't view sex as something where I will 'get what I want'.

      I did NOT state that being a virgin was some major handicap! No, I'm not a virgin, but I respect those who are by choice. I do NOT think it's something shameful. Just like I don't think sleeping with someone before you're MARRIED is shameful. I don't think one NEEDS to go out an have sex before you're married, but if you're sensible about it and mature enough to handle the responsibility and risks, well. it's your decision.

      Before you go off lambasting someone, check the usernames and MAKE SURE YOU'RE REFERRING TO THE RIGHT PERSON. Don't call my posts 'highly disturbing' when you're not even referring to ME! And for the record, I've been out of highschool for a while. I'm in college, thanks. Not that it makes any difference in THIS conversation, but geeze.

      As for birth control - yes, I've been on the pill since the age of 16, for various reasons, most of them NOT having to do with preventing pregnancy. They do prescribe the stuff for more than one use, you know. Would you prefer to have kids mature - yes, MATURE - enough to get on the pill, and use a backup method, not having babies, or have lots more of those immature 16 year olds running around having babies? Or having abortions?

      Coreene, I wish the US had sensible methods of getting birth control to teenagers. Planned Parenthood, depending on where you are, is not always an easy option.

      -Albion

      'O lente, lente currite noctis equi' - Ovid

      Comment

      • #103
        "you can tell who's who by looking at them?"

        Wow, I wish I was you. Two people know what happened to me as a child. No one else has any idea. Saying that you can see it on someone is just confirming to victims that they are dirty/abnormal/less than everyone else.

        "consensual sexual activity among young people is shameful, that makes it all the more difficult for victims of sexual abuse to disclose their experience."

        Two completely different things, IMHO. I don't care how much people think sex is okay for teens, it's not going to change a victim's feelings of guilt or dirtiness, or feeling that people will look at you differently, will be able to "see" it on you.

        "to go on about how shameful sex-out-of-marriage is"

        Is anybody doing that? I've heard a lot of people say that teens aren't ready, but I haven't heard "wait til marriage."

        I, personally, believe that most teens aren't ready for sex. I also don't think most teens can be considered "adults" and thus shouldn't be treated like one. I know I wasn't even close to being an "adult" until I started having to pay my own way on everything, had to make the responsible decisions and had first hand knowledge of what life without my parents help was like.

        Whoever said 'you're not mature enough to have sex until you're mature enough to not have sex' is right on.
        Keith: "Now...let's do something normal fathers and daughters do."
        Veronica: "Buy me a pony?"

        Comment

        • #104
          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I would argue that the posts on here that treat virginity like some growth to be removed because it is unsightly is more damage to the psychology of a young person faced with this loss involuntarily. If the generation deems it un-important - than why would some young person raped/abused feel anyone cared when they had their's violently taken away from them? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

          Ummm, based on my experience counseling rape victims in the hospital, I would say that loss of virginity is not the main source of trauma. It's the loss of CHOICE. People who have been having sex for decades are victims of rape, too, and I can assure you that the notion of virginity has little to do with their suffering, GENERALLY speaking.

          Fear of being blamed is among the top reasons both kids and adults don't disclose sexual assault. Some people keep it a secret their entire lives. A 15 year old girl told me on a hotline call that she couldn't get help from her parents because they would think she was a slut for sleeping around.

          I personally think that conservative/religious obsession with virginity is strange, given how little control so many people have over it. When dad starts with you at age 9, what does ANY discussion of virginity MATTER to you? It becomes absurd. Seems like questions of safety and choice are more relevant.

          Comment

          • #105
            <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> "you can tell who's who by looking at them?"

            Wow, I wish I was you. Two people know what happened to me as a child. No one else has any idea. Saying that you can see it on someone is just confirming to victims that they are dirty/abnormal/less than everyone else. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

            Please read my post again. It says "you CAN'T tell who's who by looking at them."

            Comment

            • #106
              <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>I personally think that conservative/religious obsession with virginity is strange <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

              Wow! So now, if you value virginity, you are an obsessed, strange, conservative, religious person?! Geez! lol

              No wonder young kids are giving their virginity away at ridiculously young ages...who would want to be stuck with that stigma!!
              \"Don\'t go throwing effort after foolishness\" >>>Spur, Man From Snowy River

              Comment

              • #107
                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hobson:
                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> "you can tell who's who by looking at them?"

                Wow, I wish I was you. Two people know what happened to me as a child. No one else has any idea. Saying that you can see it on someone is just confirming to victims that they are dirty/abnormal/less than everyone else. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                Please read my post again. It says "you CAN'T tell who's who by looking at them."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                Phew!!!! sorry about that. I was emotionally responding to others things in your post and must have skipped that 't.


                Gotta say that I agree with the comment the virginity is seen as a growth to be removed. That statement is soo true. It used to be that you weren't suppose to have sex as a teen, now it's that you should or you're abnormal.

                A friend told me that she wished that she had just gotten it over with in high school and then waited for the next time to have sex with someone she loved. That way, she wouldn't have to deal with the stigma of being a virgin, being frigid, being a prude. That's a sad commentary on today's views regarding sex.
                Keith: "Now...let's do something normal fathers and daughters do."
                Veronica: "Buy me a pony?"

                Comment

                • #108
                  Uh, I don't think that's what hobson was trying to say - read the REST of that sentence.

                  As far as virginity being prized, nothing wrong with that - it always has been. I don't think non-virgins-before-marriage should be made to feel like they're shameful, awful human beings, though.

                  I DO take issue with the abstinance-only sex ed trend that has been sweeping the nation's high schools. Results are, at best, mixed, and a lot of teenagers are terrifyingly uneducated.

                  January Wash. Post Article on the "mixed results" of abstinance-only education in Lubbock, Texas.

                  -Albion

                  'O lente, lente currite noctis equi' - Ovid

                  Comment

                  • #109
                    Czar it's the WAY in which young people on this thread are being responded to that we are objecting too.

                    Sandstone and sbt78lw both put forth their reasons for their choices and stated that they were happy with their choices, themselves and their realtionships. Good for both of them

                    But one gets told that she has made the ~right~ decision, fully undertands the issue and prasied and the other is told that she is too young to possibly understand the issue or make any kind of decision and is generally attacked: told she will regret it later in life, told she is immature, told she "didn't know what she was doing".

                    You may all think that you're being constructive and trying to help, but that's not how it comes across.

                    Comment

                    • #110
                      I personally don't see what the big deal about being a virgin or not being a virgin is. Nothing changes, IMO! It's not like I'd be sleeping around by age 16. The only reason I had sex was because it was with someone I felt extremely comfortable with. There was never any question in my mind that we would be using protection. I really don't feel shameful or dirty, and I don't feel like my life would be any different if I hadn't had sex.
                      Any person, regardless of age, who has unprotected sex when not trying to get pregnant, is stupid and irresponsible. It has nothing to do with age at all.
                      I agree, Albion, in wishing that the US had the same policies towards teaching kids about birth control.

                      Comment

                      • #111
                        I also agree with hobson (I love you, hobson ) about sexual abuse not having anything to do with virginity, but about choice. It is your own personal choice to sleep with whomever you want. If someone takes that choice away from you, it is abuse.

                        Comment

                        • #112
                          People need to slow down and read what other people are saying.

                          It is not something I go spreading around and I am not in denial. I am an ADULT now and I believe that I fully understand what has happened. I am in a meaningful relationship right now and I would not say that sex with an older man had a huge impact on my life He was not any older then some other men I have been with, he was just more powerful

                          The original thread is about trainers and students...

                          I think that it is terrible to be sleeping with your trainer IF you are a minor or if one of you is married. I have no problem with a minor and trainer having sex as long as there is no huge age difference and it is ok with both of them.

                          There are exceptions to every rule and Danielle is one of my biggest role models ever. I think that the two of them are just wonderful. One of the best days Ive had was spent riding at there farm with them.

                          Marion
                          *Amalia*

                          Comment

                          • #113
                            Good article, Albion:

                            <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> "Will this condom protect your reputation? Go ahead and use a condom. You'll still be known as a slut." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                            wow.

                            Comment

                            • #114
                              <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sandstone:
                              sex with trainers for rides, which me and my friend kelsey were a big part of) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                              Ok, I can't believe everyone just let that one slide on by.

                              That's certainly right on track for what this thread is supposed to be discussing.

                              Anyone?

                              Comment

                              • #115
                                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Albion:

                                As far as virginity being prized, nothing wrong with that - it always has been. I don't think non-virgins-before-marriage should be made to feel like they're shameful, awful human beings, though.

                                <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                And I am saying that virginity isn't prized. At least not currently. Virgins shouldn't be made to feel that they are shameful, awful human beings, either.

                                But they are.

                                Which is why you saw hesitation is Sblt8W (is that the right letters and order ) post. If you're mid-twenties and haven't had sex, you're viewed as abnormal and it's something that should be hidden.
                                Keith: "Now...let's do something normal fathers and daughters do."
                                Veronica: "Buy me a pony?"

                                Comment

                                • #116
                                  yeah, starlite.

                                  GREAT way to encourage kids to have safe sex! The irony is that they still have higher-than-the-national-average teen pregnancy rates, and the rates of teenage contraction of STDs is skyrocketing. Go figure.

                                  Some of the questions by kids towards the end were downright scary.

                                  'O lente, lente currite noctis equi' - Ovid

                                  Comment

                                  • #117
                                    Albion...I was just trying to have a little bit of fun That sentence struck me really funny! You have no idea how many times that I have been called at least one of those endearing terms!! haha

                                    maggymay...I do see your point. In defense of those who just can't reconcile themselves to the idea that a young person can completely comprehend a mature, intimate relationship - that is their OWN opinion. Perhaps it is not constructive for others on the board but that is the unfortunate nature of opinions. And you can't change what you believe just to appease someone that might be offended by what you've stated.

                                    There is just as many opinions for sex as a teenager as there are against it. Just b/c it doesn't fit in with what you yourself believe, doesn't mean that those opinions should not be allowed to be voiced.
                                    \"Don\'t go throwing effort after foolishness\" >>>Spur, Man From Snowy River

                                    Comment

                                    • #118
                                      My sincerest apoligies to Albion - I had you confused with Sandstone. So sorry to use the wrong name.
                                      Summit Sporthorses Ltd. Inc.
                                      "Breeding Competition Partners & Lifelong Friends"

                                      Comment

                                      • #119
                                        RugBug, one of my best friends in the entire world is still a virgin in her mid-twenties. I could care less. It doesn't impact her as a PERSON. She's still the same, awesome person she would be if she wasn't a virgin.

                                        I'm just saying that there's NOTHING shameful about retaining (maintaining?) your virginity. I don't feel there is ANYTHING shameful about me, as a 20 year old, having sex with my boyfriend who I've been dating for quite a long while.

                                        I don't care if someone decides to stay a virgin til marriage, or not - I just expect NOT to be treated or talked about like the freakin town slut. Because I'm not out sleeping with everyone I feel like, I'm not out hooking up & having one night stands.

                                        The idea that because someone loses their virginity before the age of [fill in the blank here] or marriage means they turn into some sort of slut who's sleeping with everything around is just plain insulting!

                                        edited to add: sorry for flying off the handle, ise@ssl, it's been a LONG day of finals & I just got a little snipy when I saw my name used in conjunction with stuff that I don't really agree with & have certainly never participated in. apology accepted, hopefully you'll accept mine!

                                        -Albion

                                        'O lente, lente currite noctis equi' - Ovid

                                        Comment

                                        • #120
                                          Oh and I'd like to add that having sex for rides is and AWFUL idea.

                                          Also, when me and Kelsey brought up the idea(never said we actually would) everyone was EXTREMELY unsuportive towards both of us. Saying were too young to know about sex and just telling us how immature we were instead of supporting us (neither of us were virgins at the time)

                                          Marion
                                          *Amalia*

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