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Sex abuse in the Horse World

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  • I have a question for those girls who did become sexually active as teenagers. Did you think about the possible consequences beforehand and what was your game plan for yourself should they occur?

    Dressager
    I'm back in the land of SARS
    You don't throw a whole life away just because its a little banged up - Tom Smith

    Comment


    • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I have a question for those girls who did become sexually active as teenagers. Did you think about the possible consequences beforehand and what was your game plan for yourself should they occur?
      <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

      well I was 18, but I was on the pill and we used condoms. But I would get an abortion. Mycurrent boyfriend and I shook on that one, that we'd each pay half. Every year when I get my annual gyno check up I get tested for everything. So far, so good.

      Laura
      Laura

      Comment


      • Life isn't fair and life is a series of choices. When a young person comprehends those ideas the road of life is smoother.

        My oldest daughter was well endowed by age 13, "D" cups. I sat her down and told her with her bosom came responsibility. The tank top she wore around the place to do chores and hang out in (no pun intended) was inappropriate on the street. If she chose to go bra-less she would draw attention to herself, and most of the attention would be negative.

        As a junior in HS she had *thing* for a handsome local 20 year old guy working in town. We enforced the *rules* which had already been established regarding HS *dating*. Mr. SLW and I were unpopular w/ her for a few months but so what! I'm not her friend, I'm her Mother. She now attends a University now w/ an undergrad population of 30,000 but guess what, she comes homes most weekends. The excessive weekend drinking & *open air meat market* is a complete turn off to her moral sensibilities. At 5'8", blonde hair down to her size 8 waist and "D" cups she'd rather recharge at home and see her boyfriend in South Dakota 3 times a year than become a one night stand or experiment for a frat brother.

        Personal responsibility, standards and morals are God given. The adult who dallies sexually with girls/boys under 18 is a parasite if for no other reason than it's the law. The youth who sexually pursues a much older person is ultimately left spiritually empty. That falls into the "Just because you can doesn't mean you should" category. My truck can easily go 100 mph but I shouldn't drive that fast. That's life, IMO

        SLW

        Comment


        • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Thanks NHWR for the comments on the differences in the THIRD WORLD cultures. I also didn't go to demonstrations for women's rights to have the next generations head in the opposite direction and end up being child brides. Yes adolescents are physically able to have sexual relations but not mentally mature enough to enter into relationships. And they certainly aren't ready to be parents. Just because it occurs in under-developed civilizations doesn't make the arguement for our culture reverting to the dark ages<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

          Firstly, I am most certainly not advocating that girls be married at 15.
          However, I think that it's important to recognize that the cult of the teenager is a relatively new development in our culture.
          Unless you were a member of a very small economic class, you were expected to contribute to the family coffers at a young age. My granny went into service when she was 16 years old and began sending her paycheck home.
          Teenage angst didn't exist in 1915-it was a luxury that working class families could not afford.

          Many of the middle class teenagers that I see in suburban America today have very little sense of real purpose. They are shuttled from activity to activity by well meaning parents who are intent on keeping junior busy. On one hand, teenagers are bombarded by sexual messages and on the other; they're expected to remain children. It’s a losing proposition for both the teenagers and their parents.

          When I boarded, I was lucky enough to watch one teenager develop from a little girl to a young woman.
          She was given her first riding lesson as a present for her 8th birthday and was immediately hooked.. Although her parents were reasonably comfortable financially, she was expected to perform certain chores within the household to earn the privilege of riding.
          As she became older, she saved for her first horse by adding chores at the barn. Her parents helped subsidize her riding but she was always expected to contribute to the effort especially during the summer months.
          When other girls were be-bopping at the mall, she worked at the riding camp, mucked stalls, and otherwise put in an 8-hour day.
          I once asked her (she was about 17) how she balanced her barn life with school and boys.
          Laughingly, she told me that grades came first and boys very distant second. She had a boyfriend but he knew that he came well after her horse.
          My point? Because she was taught from a very young age that horses were a privilege not a right and because she was made to earn that privilege, she developed into a mature young woman who had tremendous self-esteem and poise.
          She worked for her goals and while her horse was by no means the fanciest at the barn, she had made him what he was and rightfully took great pride in her accomplishments.
          She had learned what hard work and responsibility could achieve. She didn't have to look to external sources for a sense of self-worth.
          If a trainer had promised her a better horse in return for sexual favors-she would have laughed him out of the barn.

          Comment


          • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hillary Clinton:
            <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Alan Greenspan:
            And everyone knows how I feel about irrationality. And exuberance. And Hillarykins.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

            And I about you, Alan darling.

            You make me feel like a teenager again.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

            Andrea Mitchell is going to come beat the snot out of you Hillary!

            Comment


            • I am an adult and recently have been pursued by a MUCH younger jr rider. As much as I wanted to hit that I know that I am the older one and I told him that I was just too old. (didnt mention that I plan on marrying his older brother one day! LOL)

              Marion
              *Amalia*

              Comment


              • Hey y'all. I'm not even going to attempt to jump into the big debate And no, it's not because I have something to hide, or I just want to brush the issues under the rug. I am VERY busy, and can't always post here regularly. I feel like if I enter the conversation, I need to stick around to refute my comments, which I'm unable to do. I have, however, read all the pages of this thread, and it's really quite interesting.

                I took a fabulous Human Sexuality class recently, as well as an Adolescent Development class and I read these books. I think anyone and everyone interested enough to participate in this thread should put in a little bit of effort to seek these out. They touch on many of the issues we've been discussing here, and are fabulous reads.


                Girl Culture

                Lauren Greenfield Photography Click on the link to "Girl Culture."
                There are some preview-style photo essays here, definitely worth a look.

                Girl Culture Photo Essay

                The Body Project: An Intimate History of American Girls


                Ann

                To be great is to dare to rise above the sea of mediocrity and surround yourself by the elite... to be excellent is to never give in to the mental weakness or fear.
                To be great is to dare to rise above the sea of mediocrity and surround yourself by the elite... To be excellent is to never give in to the mental weakness or fear.

                Comment


                • Actually Beezer and SaddlefitterVA, I was thinking about the boys in alll of this last night. But I didn't mention anything about them for two reasons. First, I was addressing things that young female BBs brought up. At least, I assume they are female because they referres to their boyfriends. Second, because boy's/men's attitudes haven't really seemed to change much in the past 20-25 years, while I think girl's and young women's attitudes have.

                  SaddlerfitterVA, you ask:
                  <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Why, after all those burned bras are you older women upset that there are many young women with an attitude towards sex like many male jocks? And why are you not railing against the young men having sex with these women?
                  <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                  Ouch! older women! I am about 10 years older than you But OK, I think that sucks too, I really do. I also think that teenage boys have different issues in terms of biology, society and risk. Teenage boys go through something like their own biological clock. That kind of explains their attitudes, but it doesn't excuse it. It is the job of adults to help them curb that into something resembling "socially acceptable behavior". Don't see much of that going on. They are bombarded with the same ideas and images that teenage girls are. It doesn't do them any good either.

                  When I was in high school many girls were sexually active, to a greater or lesser extent, meaning doing IT or everything but. For the most part, this took time to unfold. I remember many conversations about appropriate timeframes. I seriously remember discussions about whether kissing on the first date was appropriate, lol. That seems pretty hard to believe now. I didn't grow up in some backwater of society. I grew up in Marin County in California. The consenus was if you had been dating someone for about a year (give or take), you weren't being "loose" if you "went all the way". Now I am not privy to these kinds of conservations with teenaged girls anymore. But it doesn't seem there is much consideration like this going on.

                  Rather it seems that girls and women have adopted the attitude that guys had/have about sex. I don't think that is positive for a number of reasons. It seems that the sexual revolution was all about just making sex available whenever..... Silly me, I thought is was about women being able to make choices that would add enrichment to their lives without penalty and fear of condemnation. I thought it was really about women having the choice. When you look at the pressure of society, the media and peers, it seems to me that girls to really don't have anymore choice these days than they did in the 50s. It is just the choice they don't have now is to say no. That is no better than the past and you could make a case that it is alot worse. There is a word for taking away a women's right to say no. I think that is pretty sad.

                  I would also like to say that I am not condemning anyone here, despite what other have implied. These things worry me, but I don't think anyone should be branded with a scarlet letter. I'd love to wrong about this (and you don't hear me say that very often )

                  [This message was edited by nhwr on May. 02, 2003 at 01:36 PM.]
                  See those flying monkeys? They work for me.

                  Comment


                  • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Second, because boy's/men's attitudes haven't really seemed to change much in the past 20-25 years, while I think girl's and young women's attitudes have.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
                    Comparing what has been said here with my meories of being a teenager in the late 60s and early 70s, I don't see as much change in women's/girls' attitudes as some of you seem to.

                    Janet
                    chief feeder and mucker for Music, Spy, Belle, and Brain
                    Janet

                    chief feeder and mucker for Music, Spy, Belle and Tiara. Someone else is now feeding and mucking for Chief and Brain (both foxhunting now).

                    Comment


                    • ''ANYONE who thinks that a GIRL or BOY at the age of 14 (or younger or even older) "ASKED" for it and deserves it needs to spend some time in a clinic working with abused kids and adults who have been abused.''

                      i very seriously doubt that it would be appropriate for such a person to be given access to children. or traumatized adults.

                      seriously. i really hope you don't seriously entertain the idea of having such a person ''work'' in a therapeutic setting?

                      sex with a minor, regardless of the minor's behavior, is a crime. that's how the laws are written in america. you do it, you do time. end of discussion. it doesn't matter if the minor was sophisticated or not, and any opinions or attitudes about sexuality don't matter; it's a crime, that's all. if a minor has relations with an adult, they are, knowingly or unknowingly, opening up that adult to prosecution.

                      i've counseled several minors who said they didn't care. adults considering such things should keep that in mind, and that it is, botton line, a crime.

                      Comment


                      • slc, I'm too lazy to go back through to see you you've quoted, but I believe they were saying that in order to educate any person who thinks a 14yr old asks for it, not to counsel the child, but to educate the person with that misconception.

                        On a related note, I've always felt leery of putting community-service type individuals in situations where abuse might happen, as in an animal shelter or such.

                        Janet, the crowd I hung out with in high school was not sleeping around. The friends I had who were having sex in a long-term relationship (over a year) sure didn't feel the need to broadcast it either. In college, I was definitely in the minority, being a virgin. I got teased some, for sure. One of the reasons why the date-rape happened was that this man could not believe I was a virgin and decided to prove it. (It was not a college student.)

                        I have to admit that I was definitely NOT part of the "cool" clique in high school, so I cannot speak to their sexual exploits or lack thereof. I did know of one girl who got pregnant and had to drop out of school. My mother was the health aide my senior year of high school and was still there for years after I graduated. To listen to her experiences, things DEFINITELY changed over those years.

                        "I can justify anything!"
                        \"Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and, once it has done so, he will have to accept that his life will be radically changed.\" -- Ralph Waldo E

                        Comment


                        • Isn't sex sacred anymore?

                          Comment


                          • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Heidi:
                            When women in 2003 continue to make less than 70 cents to the man's dollar, when men continue to dominate the corporate boardroom and political arena, as a mother of two boys, I worry less about their future than I do my daughter's - which, yes, does sicken me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                            Women take more maternity leave than men. Women have to leave work earlier more often than men to pick up the kids at school. Women have to take more sick leave than men to take care of ill children.

                            So, yes, we are going to see more men in positions of power which require relentless 100 hour work weeks.

                            Comment


                            • pacificsolo, I was wondering where you were!

                              "I can justify anything!"
                              \"Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and, once it has done so, he will have to accept that his life will be radically changed.\" -- Ralph Waldo E

                              Comment


                              • Ok, it's not allowing me to edit my above post. I wanted to add a after it.

                                Also, I'm in TX right now, but let's do dindin next weekend, ok?

                                "I can justify anything!"
                                \"Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and, once it has done so, he will have to accept that his life will be radically changed.\" -- Ralph Waldo E

                                Comment


                                • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Women take more maternity leave than men. Women have to leave work earlier more often than men to pick up the kids at school. Women have to take more sick leave than men to take care of ill children.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
                                  Why is this always the woman's responsibility?

                                  (I won't even go into the fact according to Kevin Phillips in his book Wealth and Democracy"The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that the typical American works 350 hours more per year than the typical European, the equivalent of nine work weeks.")

                                  Comment


                                  • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>
                                    quote:
                                    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                    Originally posted by Heidi:
                                    When women in 2003 continue to make less than 70 cents to the man's dollar, when men continue to dominate the corporate boardroom and political arena, as a mother of two boys, I worry less about their future than I do my daughter's - which, yes, does sicken me.
                                    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------



                                    Women take more maternity leave than men. Women have to leave work earlier more often than men to pick up the kids at school. Women have to take more sick leave than men to take care of ill children.

                                    So, yes, we are going to see more men in positions of power which require relentless 100 hour work weeks.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                    To go way OT, this, in a nut shell, is one of the big problems I had with the "women's movement" and why it does really interest me much anymore. It seems like it got away from addressing things that were important to me as a woman (like reproductive rights, equal pay for equal work, quality healthcare for women and children, opening opportunities for women in education, business and politics) to telling women that they need to adopt the same values that I thought were screwed up in men (over focusing on careers, devaluing love and commitment, objectifying the opposite sex). It is kinda of like there was a decision that "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em". Sorry, with all the "handicaps" of being a woman, I still like it. You couldn't pay me enough to be a man. Love 'em (hey some of my best friends are men ), but noooo way would I want to be one.
                                    See those flying monkeys? They work for me.

                                    Comment


                                    • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jl:
                                      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by elizabeth:
                                      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Women take more maternity leave than men. Women have to leave work earlier more often than men to pick up the kids at school. Women have to take more sick leave than men to take care of ill children.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
                                      Why is this always the woman's responsibility?
                                      <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
                                      <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
                                      I have no idea. Tradition, maybe? Social roles?

                                      I'm not saying it is right, mind you! I'm just saying that this is the way it is. (Not ALWAYS, but the majority of the time.)

                                      Comment


                                      • You know, nhwr - there's still a strong group of women who are fighting for those 'women's issues' that are important to you - and to a lot of my generation. There was an interesting article on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade in Time or Newsweek, basically saying that the current generation (mine) is largely ignorant and/or apathetic about a lot of the stuff that women worked so hard to get - RvW being one of them; it's a factor of growing up with these things always being in place, we can't imagine them NOT being there.

                                        If you can, pick up an issue of 'Bust' ['voice of the new girl order'] - published 4 times yearly - which I totally adore. They usually pick a theme for the issue, and have a variety of writers/interviews/viewpoints in there. They definitely don't advocate essentially becoming men as far as attitudes. I love Bust most for saying it's quite ok be a makeup fiend, wear pretty dresses, & be a girly girl - you can still be all for women's rights & causes. Something that not everyone is an advocate of - you know, that whole 'you're just buying into this patriarchal culture and objectifying your body, etc etc etc'. I also like 'B*tch: A feminist response to pop culture', but they tend to take themselves too seriously.

                                        -Albion

                                        'O lente, lente currite noctis equi' - Ovid

                                        Comment


                                        • Now, I'm really curious.

                                          My query's really directed at the 'younger' among the posters:

                                          Do you feel like you and your b/f share an 'equal' relationship?

                                          Is your b/f as equally apt to assume some of the 'traditional' female roles - cooking, cleaning, nurturing, etc.?

                                          Who plans your dates - you or your b/f?

                                          Who pays for your dates - you or b/f?

                                          Is he supportive/understanding of your passions, hobbies, studies?

                                          Would you describe your b/f as a supportive of basic equal rights between the sexes or is he more of a traditionalist?

                                          Comment

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