RIP Aero

[It's OLIVER!]

Horse_Poor, this beez des nicest prayer of all for us:

THE HORSE'S PRAYER

To thee, my master, I offer my prayer. Feed me, water and care for me, and, when the day's work is done, provide me with shelter, a clean, dry bed and stall wide enough for me to lie down in comfort.

Always be kind to me. Your voice often means as much to me as the reins. Pet me sometimes, that I may serve you the more gladly and learn to love you. Do not jerk the reins, and do not whip me when going uphill. Never strike, beat, or kick me when I do not understand what you want, but give me a chance to understand you. Watch me, and if I fail to do your bidding, see if something is not wrong with my harness or feet.

Do not check me so that I cannot have free use of my head. If you insist that I wear blinders, so that I cannot see behind me as it was intended I should, I pray you be careful that the blinders stand well out of my eyes. Do not overload me, or hitch me where water will drip on me. Keep me well shod. Examine my teeth when I do not eat; I may have an ulcerated tooth, and that, you know, is very painful. Do not tie my head in an unnatural position, or take away my best defense against flies and mosquitoes by cutting off my tail.

I cannot tell you when I am thirsty, so give me clean, cool water often. Save me, by all means in your power from that fatal disease - the glanders. I cannot tell you in words when I am sick, so watch me, that by signs you may know my condition. Give me all possible shelter from the hot sun, and put a blanket on me, not when I am working, but when I am standing in the cold. Never put a frosty bit in my mouth; first warm it by holding it a moment in your hands.

I try to carry you and your burden without a murmur, and wait patiently for you long hours of the day or night. Without the power to choose my shoes or path, I sometimes fall on hard pavement which I have often prayed might not be of wood but of such a nature as to give me safe and sure footing. Remember that I must be ready at any moment to lose my life in your service.

And finally, OH MY MASTER, when my useful strength is gone, do not turn me out to starve or freeze, or sell me to some cruel owner, to be slowly tortured and starved to death; but do thou, My Master, take my life in the kindest way, and your God will reward you here and hereafter. You will not consider me irreverent if I ask this in the name of Him who was born in a stable. AMEN

Author Unknown

[horse_poor]

Oh Oliver

I spoke with your modder today and I was very angry--not AT her, but with everything. She tried to explain to me that the things I was spewing about did not have anything to do with the other and I understood but I was still angry.

Now I am just sad again.

I got the stepping stone to make for Aero and hope to start it tonight. I also went grocery shopping to make all of my favorite comfort soups. It is nasty outside and this big black cloud has been hanging out in this area for the past 4 hours--I think it is time for it to go away.

I got a thank you card for the vets and will write that out tonight--I had to run into the barn for a minute and I could not get out of there fast enough. I have not been back to the round pen either.

I need to do a little research into bone spurs in horses and see what Brown is dealing with--I just told Jen22 that right now I feel as if I could sell Brown and give Rosina back and walk away and not look back.

One of the things I will miss most about Aero is his ability to read people. The last boyfriend I had, he did not like, and I should have listened to him--when they met Aero had his stall guard up and was looking out into the aisle and when I introdiced them Aero head butted him so hard he kknocked him across the aisle. Smart horse. HJis head butting was his way of saying he was crabby, impatient, or did not like someone. Those around him got used to it learned how to dodge the head butt but those who did not know him, especially those he did not like, where in for a surprise. And he had a HUGE head.

Jenn22 was horrified when she heard what I was going to dress him up as for Halloween-he was going to be a drag queen. She said he would have thrown a fit, and I am sure he would have--but it would have been funny.

Does anyone have the address for the UC Davis Cushings donations--a few people have asked me where to send donations in his memory....

I am going to crawl back into bed

[Coreene]

It's okay, you know it is okay. The Second Day After It Happened is when you go in and out of being pissed off at the entire world. We who have been there have done it, don't worry at all.

Here is the actual donation form at Davis, you can print it out and note that you want it for Cushings Research:

http://www.vetmed.ucdavis.edu/Gifts/...e/giftform.cfm

This form is if you want to do an online donation:

https://wot.vetmed.ucdavis.edu/E_Gifts/gift_form.cfm

Kelly Nimtrz is the very wonderful man who helped coordinate Willem's stuff. Here are his details if you have questions:

Mr. Kelly Nimtz
Assistant Dean, Development
School of Veterinary Medicine
University of California
One Shields Avenue
Davis, CA 95616-8734
Phone: (530) 752-7024
Fax: (530) 754-8774
E-mail: kjnimtz@ucdavis.edu

They are a great bunch of people at Davis, and I was SO HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY to learn that their new test for Cushings is done!

[Conquistador]

I have not cried this much since my rescue arab had a heart attack and died of old age this spring. It must be easier if they go fast like that but it didn't seem that way with the amount of crying I was doing. I went thru two kleenex at work reading this and had to keep stopping and do something else to try and get back some control. I feel so bad for you, Aero touched everyone that reads this board and that is because of the wonderful way in which you translated for him. I cried over Willem too - funny strange how much they touched all of us. You would not think so many of us could cry over horses we never saw but we were all affected by their passing. Everyone hopes your pain heals quickly. Trying to keep busy was the only way I could stop thinking about it for a moment. You and Coreene are wonderful advocates for our equine friends and we will all have to have a "Meet and Greet" when we too cross over. Take care and be good to yourself.

ONLY WANTED YOU
They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.
A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.
If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

Author unknown
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

[horse_poor]

I just finished Aeros stepping stone that will go between the two round pens--it took me forever as I kept starting over.

I have yet to write out the vets' card--I simply do not have the energy or strength to do it.

Tomorrow will be the first saturday in a year that I have not done barn chores--I can hardly stand to be in the barn right now.

I did have to run out there earlier and noticed the owner of the horse next to Aero had thrown one of her sheets on Aeros blanket bar--that bothers me a great deal. That is HIS stall.

I still cannot believe he is gone--how long does it take before one realizes he is gone?

[SBT]

horse_poor, please remember that it WILL get better. Time is your friend; each day that passes will carry you farther away from this tragedy, and closer to the healing of your heart. I did not know how I would survive losing Lady, but I got through it, one awful day at a time...until eventually the days became less awful, and then not even bad, and finally good again. I never denied or questioned anything I was feeling; it's all part of the grieving process. A broken heart is a wound that heals from the inside out, and it just takes time.

The blanket on the stall would have bugged me, too. Perhaps you need to move it back where it belongs, tell the barn owner that people are invading your space, and ask about posting a note on your stall door: "This stall has been paid for through the end of the month. Please do not use this space," or something to that effect. The boarder in question probably did not mean to hurt or offend you; some people just lack sensitivity and/or experience when it comes to this kind of loss.

If you can't stand to be at the barn right now, don't go! Go only when you want to; you might find it easier to go at a time when you know no one else will be around. At this point, you shouldn't worry yourself with keeping tabs of who knows, who doesn't know, who's likely to upset you, etc. Go when it can be just you, the horses, maybe a good friend or two, and Aero's sweet memory. But wait until you feel READY to do that, and don't rush yourself.

More (((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you. Hang in there...it WILL get better.

[horse_poor]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sobriska:
Molly, I don't get the impression that you are not sure it is time, rather not sure you can cope with it.QUOTE]

[QUOTE] Originally posted by Adelita:
I am so sorry. And yes, listen to your heart, because he's whispering to you, you just have to be brave enough to listen.

They say euthanasia means taking their pain and making it our own.... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Originally posted by Louise:Tough talk, given with love and understanding.

You can do this. You have to do this. You owe it to Aero. Give him his freedom, to roam the grassy fields near the Rainbow Bridge with all of those good friends of ours who are already there.

Know that in giving him his freedom, he will stay with you for the rest of your life, living forever in your heart.

I have tears for you, but confidence that you have the strength to do what needs to be done.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by situpandride: i saw her eye and thought to myself, she is ready. there was no logical thought to it, she was trotting around, eating, drinking etc but her eye had a tremendous weariness.
when i saw her in the morning, she was in obvious trouble, there was no question what the outcome would be. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MadMary: You already know that you need to do what is best for him- <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SeahorseFarms:I recently made the decision and was glad my vet could come the same day. I would not have been able to function if I had to wait a few days. I chose to have no one with me except my vet - it was a very personal thing for me. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Beameup: you will absolutely know that you are making the right decision at the right time. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Originally posted by Willem:If this it be time, I be waiting for him at der Bridge, wot it be a wunnerful place. Iffen this it be time fur Aero to go, he be coming to you mannie mannie mannie mannie mannie times, don't nott to worrie, we still be in der hearts all der time, wot this it be loff.

Mein selve I promise to be waiting for him.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DreamInColor: But you're making the right decision. You are giving your boy a wonderful gift. You are allowing him to finally be at peace. It's the most loving, caring, unselfish thing we can do for our pets. Give them peace.

Your heart aches right now. I've been there, alot of us have. But you've got us to lean on and cry with. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Windsor: Just wanted to add that by doing this last kindness for Aero, you also do yourself a favor. In the aftermath of it all, you will be able to look back and take comfort in the fact that you did right by him when it counted the most, and didn't allow him to suffer.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Monstrpony:I does, alas, sound as though this it be right, as difficult as it is to do.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I just went thru this thread and pulled some of the qoutes that helped me make this horrible decision. I honestly do not think I could have done it had I not read not only these, but everything--again I cannot express my gratitude enough to all of you for helping me through the worst thing I have ever gone through--how can it be something that is one of the greatest gifts be the most painful thing in the world?

It is now snowing--to Aero, snow = winter, which meant cold and stiff joints and the struggle to stay warm--I would layer blanket upon blanket on him until he looked like a little kid in a snow suit--it does not surprise me that it has been cold and rainy and now snowing since he left.

I am now watching "Best In Show" and I swear if the dogs were replaced with horses it would so represent our crazy horse world.

How can it be snowing this early? Is Aero playing a joke on us? This just makes me want to move away from here even more--loading up Brown and Rosina andd going someplace, anyplace, away from here. But, the thing about running away from pain...it ends up following you.

I slept until 8 and when I opened my eyes and thought "Yet another day without Aero" and heaved a huge sigh and got out of bed to face yet another empty day. When I saw it was snowing I thought I had better go out and get Aero's big purple blanket out and on him and then I remembered.

I just so hope those who have not done this yet refer to this thread and take something away from it when they face the same decision--there are so many words of wisdom here from those who have faced THE decision. I have tried so hard to carry myself with grace and dignity but it is very hard to do when sobs are ripping fom you throat and you are doubled over and gagging.

I still feel like nobody is talking to me but I do not know what I expect--people to throw themselves on the ground and sob? While that would be a nice gesture it is hardly realistic. I am sure it is more me than aanything and how I am percieving things.

I keep making myself say "Aero is gone" and each time it feels as if someone kicks me in the chest. Yesterday when I made myself leave the house and grocery shop, etc, they would tell me to have a nice day and I would just stare at them blankly. At the grocery store they asked me paper or plastic and I stared at them and could not decide and really did not care--they could have put it in a fishnet for all I cared.

Those who have asked and wondered what Aero's voice was like, he sounded very much like Prince Charles--not a very deep voice and very proper English with the very British dialect. In going thru his things I found a manuscript he had started and almost finished, and it appears to be something very close to that book written by Paul Burell called "In the Royal Manner." In this manuscript Aero speaks of the proper way to do things and handle situations, whether it be a leadline class to receiving visitors to the proper way to accept a treat. He was such a stickler for details and there was a set way to do EVERYTHING.

I cannot help but think the thing that helped him cross the bridge was the same color of the blue ribbons he loved so much--I will never get that color out of my mind.

I am so ready for the healing to begin yet do not want to let go of the pain---as odd as it sounds sometimes wallowing in one's shit is a familiar and good feeling and I feel like I need to punish myself and take on his pain and be his martyr.

A friend last night, Molly's mom, in fact, said that Aero was very honest and took a lot if pain before he showed it, and if he was choosing not to eat or make and effort to move to his feed, it was indeed time. I know this in my heart. And I have no regret of letting him go. But I do regret not having more time with him or spending more time with him or doing more for him.

He taught so many people in this area to ride and changed owners several times and he carried himself with dignity through out it all. Whether it be with adults or children, he did his best with them all, teaching them as he went. I was told when he was younger that he was quite a hothead, which does not surprise me.

He knew his name and when I would call to him his head would pop up and ears would prick forward andd come see what he I wanted. His paddock was right by the parking lot of the barn and he would inspect everyone coming and going--those who would try to pet them would sometimes get one or two pats in before he would meander away very haughtily. When he was feeling good he would perform the airs above ground, especially when the BO's mom would bring him in from outside and she would give a little scream and drop his leadrope and let him do his thing. The last few days before he passed I would bring Molly in and throw his leadrope over hisneck and let him lead himself in and he thought that was great--trooting if Molly got too far in front of him. He always had to come in last if we came in that way because he would feel the need to explore everyone else's stalls on his way to his own.

I got a birthday card from my best friend from high school who was here when he went on an authorized unaccompanied farm tour one night and at the bottom she put "PS-Has your horse come to visit your window lately?" She was here when he managed to escape under his stall guard and came to my bedroom window and was looking in--we had a show that day so I had to get up early and my alarm went off and I stretched and looked out my window and screamed because he startled me--of course my scream woke my friend up and she saw me staring at the window and she screamed to then we bot hcollapsed in laughter as Aero stared at us very unamused and seemede confused as to why he could not come in and join us.

He was so stubborn and when he did not want to do something he would plant all four feet and not move and get this extremely stubborn look in his eye and I would pull on him with all my weight and he would pull back. Then he would give in with a huge sigh and lumber on.

And here I am rambling on again with random thoughts--I need to sit down and write out the vets thank you card but am putting it off as I know it will be painful. But it needs to be done. I thought about taking thema little g ift of appreciation but had no idea what to take nor would it be a good idea...? I need to go spend some time with Brown and Rosina and I need to do some research on bone spurs and figureo ut what Brown is dealing with---but at the same time I do not feel as if I can deal with any of it....nor deal with anything.....I have to myself and others "I can't deal with this right now" a gazillion times this week.....

I would like to somehow get the video I have of one of his shows online somehow so people can see him in all his glory...

It is hard to believe such saddness can come from such a wonderful gift--

[situpandride]

molly, as hard as it is for you to believe you are doing ok, i remeber thinking how are my friends and famliy just goiong about their day and not talking about her, i wanted i don't know what from them
aeor will come to you in the oddest ways, shortly after yh died, i was staring into the paddock from my bedroom window and saw the pathetic big mamma jhamma the balckhorse just standking around staring and i thought, yellowhorse if you could just send another horse my way, it doesn't have to be you but send me and your lonely friend a new friend
a few minutes later i see the blackhorse, who is crippled and rarely does more than walk, flying around the paddock, disappearing behind the barn and shed out of sight and i went out to comfort her because it thought she was missing her friedn
well there somehow was a big pink farm pig in the paddock with her, running around knocking the fence down and terrorizing her, this pony and pig circus act wnet on for a few hours until i could get the pig out and then it ran around my pasture for a few days
i had to have a word with yh, it was not funny that she sent a pig to her friend. i think it was her way of saying, be careful what you wish for.

[horse_poor]

I like that story situp

I just got the sympathy card from the vet clinic as I was ironically sitting down and writing them a thank you note--the card from them pushed me over thedge and I am now sobbing yet again--on the card is a drawing of a big fat chestnut horse with a big white blaze that looks like Aero and it says "They give us all the love they have to give, and then one day they leave us with a rainbow of happy memories..."

Just wish the pain would go away and only the happy memories would stay

[Starsnstripes]

Sitting here reading this and crying at my computer on a Saturday morning I decided I could not be one of the over 11,000 who have viewed this but perhaps not replied.
HP, those who have posted already have offered you an amazing amount of insight, strength and support. Everything that has been said has been truth. I know you know this. It doesn't make it easier at first but in time it will. And the day will come when you will be on the other side of the equation offering love and support to someone else going through the same horrible and difficult time. Those of us who love them know that one day there will be a parting.
I don't know how long you and Aero had each other in this world but one thing that has always been of comfort to me is this: I had a wonderful white mare for 16 years. She brightened the landscape of my life each and every day. I lost her to an ugly and painful colic at a time when I thought we would still have miles and years ahead of us. She crossed the bridge on October 3, 2001. My comfort comes in knowing that if someone had said to me on the day she became "mine" that we would have 16 wonderful years together but the end would be painful and rip my heart out - would I still want her? And of course, unequivocally, the answer would be yes.
It is our greatest reward to know them - and our greatest challenge to let them go.

Godspeed to Aero who was blessed to have you and is now blessed to jump cloud hurdles with abandon.

[SBT]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by horse_poor:
Just wish the pain would go away and only the happy memories would stay <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It will happen. Believe me, it will!

[horse_poor]

The purple roses jen22 brought me are starting to die so I hung them up to dry--I hung his shoes below one of his photos and I am finding things of his and shoving them into garbage bags--his brush, his treats...trying to clean...it very blustery and cold out and I have no desire once again to leave the house.

I cannot find my stupid rubber band ball-sounds dumb I know--but i keep all of my rubber bands in a ball for easy access as I use them for everything---and then wonder if Aero took it with him---along with the lighters and the disc...perhaps there is a huge need for rubber bands at the Bridge?

[equestrian_princess]

Rest In Peace Aero

God Bless horse_poor

[horse_poor]

I just talked to my kids and they got me sobbing again-my 11 yo said he ran to his room and cried because he did not want his dad to see him cry and my 8 yo said he cried all day at school and he started to cry again on the phone with me--he said he was drawing a picture of Aero for him and wanted to know where he was buried--I said he was taken away to be buried and he wanted to know where--I could not tell him the truth.

I just looked at myself in the mirror and I look like hell...I do not think I have looked this bad ever in my life. And I do not care.

I miss him so much. I have to stop myself from going into the barn to make sure he is warm enough or shopping from him and had to stop myself today from making supplement bags for him--every time I start to cry I try to "buck up" and not cry--I do not know why--no one else is here--I guess it is another way to punish myself, for not doing more for him or loving him harder or spending more time with him.

I truly believe he loved me---if I thought otherwise I think I would die. I know I loved him more than everything other than my kids--I would give anything to bring him back and it just isnt fair that he was taken away from me so soon---two and a half years is simply not enough--I do not know how those of you have had to deal with this when you have had one for all its life...

Then I had a horrible thought--what if there is no rainbow bridge and he is just gone?

I was doing laundry and I was going to throw away what I was wearing that horrible day and I cannot for the life of me remember what I was wearing. Isnt that strange?

I went to let the dogs out and I stood and stared at the covered round en--I think I am going to have to move for sure--I do not think I can live here where it happened and see it every day and have it run thru my mind day after day after day.

The rubberband ball is still missing--i am convinced he took it with him.

[onetempies]

Oh HP... (((HUGS)))

Things will get easier with time even though they sure as hell don't seem like it now. It's all part of the healing process and we will ALL be here for you to offer a shoulder. Continue writing all that you want about Aero.

As far as gifts for the clinic... we usually just get a bouquet of flowers or a plant from our clients with a thank you card/note.

[Julz]

Just a thought for you, as you will keep on living- even though sometimes, you may feel rather alone:

A Memorial Poem

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I did not die, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints upon the snow.
I am the golden sun on the summer grain;
I am a gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in morning flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

Author Unknown

Aero will always be there for you, and when he visits you in your dreams, when you are ready, it is the most wonderful feeling...

Julz

[horse_poor]

feeling like quite the martyr this evening I tried to look up the website of the renderers--thank goodness they do not have one

then started thinking about his eyes..before and after---------and they never changed---they were blank and staring just the same--

but he had the softest eyes this picture was him when I first got him and he was the healthiest I had ever known him to be---and his eye was soft but still snotty

his webshots album can be seen at http://community.webshots.com/user/mavw1971 under aero the great--

I still cannot believe he is gone and that whole day rolls thru my head like a film that loops over and over.

i really need to focus on my life and find a job and move but dont have the motivation to do it-as Coreene said she hoped I could find a job I could throw myself into and keep busy-- me too

Really want to get the hell out of this state with its insane cold and snow.........and the memories....

[Cindeye]

H_P, you're doing great! It's only been a few days. Give yourself some time before you make any big decisions.
(((((Horse_Poor)))))

[xegeba]

HP. I'm not quite sure a hole in the heart ever closes. It will become smaller with time, but does it ever heal? Aero is truly blessed to have shared your heart and you his. Grieve for the past, the present and the future and then move on. A toast for Aero! A toast for all of those that we have loved and lost.

[ShowBiz]

(((HUGS))) to you HP. I am truly sorry for the loss of your precious boy...this is an incredibly difficult time, please know that my thoughts are with you. Time will ease the pain, although it doesn't feel like it now, you will get through this. RIP Aero.