RIP Aero

[fargo]

Oh horse poor, I feel for you. But in a way the worse part is over, you decided to set him free. And you and he have no worries anymore and you will be together in your heart forever. That said it must be a very lonely place for you to be without his actual presence. How heartless of the vet to say such a thing. He/She should know better than that. But people sometimes are careless. I haven't been able to ride Fargo for 5 months now and was not sure if I ever could again Am every day walking him in the street to our barn. Yet every so often, even yesterday someone says: don't you have a lesson today? Or, will you be riding today?? As he is healing from a badly severed tendon I am not riding him except for some walkies on the same street (where they SEE me every night). Yesterday someone said oh I didn't even know something's wrong with him. It just hits you in the face, when you care so much for your horse and worry and try to make him better and comfortable. But we shouldn't let that hurt us. We know better, we have our horses to care for. And he really is with you still. I'm sure he was glad to have YOU as a mom to take such good care of him. Glad that you have eaten something. In bad times it really is hard to start eating again. Take care!

[username]

oh my dear, he must have been deeply loved to have caused you such distress! And, more importantly, you loved him enough to do what was best for HIM when you were the only one he could count on to help him. As sad as that feels, you can console yourself that you did the kind and generous and caring thing, rather than having to think back knowing that you let things go on for so long and that he suffered far too much! Hugs, shared tears, and a maternal kiss on your cheek from this saddened lady....

[horse_poor]

Good morning guys-

I have determined my mind right now is like a muck bucket--empty and clean thru out the day but full of crap by the end of the day and is desperate need of being emptied.

When Jen22 was here the other night and crying, she said Aero passing was like a part of her childhood leaving. As I previously said, Aero used to be at a barn where she was riding. She said when she, or anyone, approached his stall. He would roll his eyes and turn their butt to them. Every now and then she could coax him to the front with a carrot but she said it was as if taking the carrot would be doing her a huge favor. She called her mom to tell her Aero passed and asked her if she remembered a big chestnut with a big white blaze from that particular barn and her mom said "Well, I would not be able to remember his face but I sure do remember his butt." Coreene said that at least his snottiness was consistent throughout his life.

Both Rosina and Gem were very jumpy and skittish yesterday--Coreene said it was because Aero would pop up in front of them and scare them and run away. Brown OTOH stood there looking like a donkey as usual. When Jen22 went to get Gem aka the Dairy Queen in the paddock, she was being a total brat, but Ricky, Gems abusive Boyfriend who usually does not help matters, did not go near her--I was standing at the gate with a lunge whip to back him off but normally that does not phase him--he simply stayed in one spot as if he was surrounded by a fence--kinda gotta wonder if Aero was practicing his voltes around him. Eventually the BO's 11 year old daughter came out and asked if we needed help--we both hesitated in sending her in as Gems abusive boyfriend is really quite mean and charges but she insisted--and she walked in right up to Gem and grabbed her while the abusive boyfriend stayed in his invisibly contained area. Jen22 had no problem catching her on Sunday and yesterday snatched the treat out of her hand and ran with it and I have to wonder if The Boys whispered that little trick into her ear.

Then I have to ask if there is such a thing as a bewitching hour? Jen22 said she woke up at 3:15 am Thursday morning and wondered if everything was ok with me. Well, this morning my eyes flew open at 3:15 am for no reason--I do not remember what I was dreaming but it had something to do with dressage and 2 men and a posh viewing room at some barn. Aero was not in it that I recall. I do remember dreaming about getting the bill from when Jeske put him down and it being $250 and thinking "Wow. They must have had to use several bottles of sleeping medicine." I think they quoted me $150 and I so do appreciate Jeske not having me have to deal with the bill at the time--I had my checkbook with me but do not think I could have rationally written a check at the time.

My farrier works/boards at the new barn where Brown and Rosina are at and I told him I needed to cancel Aero's November appointment. He kind of looked at me weird and I stuttered and stammered and said it was not because it was not because I did not like his work but because I had to put Aero down and he did not need to have his feet done any longer. He looked sad and said ok--Jen22 looked at me oddly and looked sad and said "He doesn't need his feet done anymore??" and looked kind of in a way that I said something bad, and I said, "Well, it is true--he doesn't--they are now the perfect length and he no longer needs bar shoes or pads or clips or anything."

I have gotten somewhat used to saying "I had to put Aero down." I was grooming Rosina when the BM said hi and said that Brown and Ro were done with quarantine and could go in with the other horses and I nodded and said "I had to put my other horse down yesterday" and he looked confused and said "Your other horse?"" and I said "Yes, Aero" and he said "Oh MY God I thought you meant Brown and I was going to say wow he has a hell of a ghost because I fed him this morning" which gave me a bit of chuckle as Aero must been screaming at that comment.

Then when I was in the feed store where I always consulted one of the owners about Aero and his Cushy diet, I told him I had to put Aero down. And he looked very said and said "That is one of the hardest things in the world to do with such a mix of emotions" and I agreed and said I was so sad but relieved and he quietly nodded in agreement.

I have decided the houseplant I am going to get in Aero's honor is a cactus---very pretty but prickly and don’t dare get too close--Coreene thought I was going to plant it outside and she said "Hun you live in Minnesota--" and I had to laugh at that.

When I was on the phone with Coreene Oliver snuffled the phone and then Andy his trainer came up to get him--I asked Corenne to ask him if he knew Max Von Bluecher so she asked and he grabbed the phone and said yes he knew him and was actually at the memorial service and then he asked me if I knew his brother in this area and I said I knew the name then I asked if he was familiar with Alpine (a H/J place where I have a video of Aero showing) and it turns out his family built the place many years ago and he also knows one of Aeros first trainers Bill Nunn. Small world.

It is 36 degrees right now--Aero hated the cold--I have Rosina in a new turnout and one of Browns blankets and Brown is naked--I figured he has the fat to keep him warm while Rosina has none--I am waiting to see if Brown is purchased before I go out and buy a new wardrobe for Rosina as they are close to the same size and do not need or have the money to out fit them both--Aeros blankets need to stay packed away for now.

I wish Brown would talk to me the way Aero did. I am wondering what he was thinking when he would not stand for his flex test. They did not say he did not trot well after; just that he did not want to stand on the foot while the other foot was being flexed. Could it be his shoes/feet being due to be done--its been over 8 weeks....sorry I am rambling about this but I am uber paranoid about the health of my horses right now--when Gem was pulled from turn out I thought I saw a swelling on her leg and made Jen22 stop her so I could run my hands down her legs and she jumped a mile when I touched her (as I said both she and Ro were skittish and jumpy yesterday) and I had Jen22 jog her and she was fine--same thing happened with Rosina-thought I saw some swelling and it was nothing. I guess I will be uber paranoid for a while.

Sadly, I do not think Ro likes peeps. I offered her one and she turned her nose up, but perhaps it is because she was treated out yesterday--I kind of treated her up. We will try again as how can a horse not like peeps?!?

Ok I am going to tell the story about Aero pooping on my head.

One day after he got his hocks injected and he was feeling better a huge group of us from the barn went on a trail ride--he was sassy and peppy and feeling great--on our way home he was cantering on the spot and piaffing and showing off and a girl riding next to me mentioned he had a scrape on his inner leg right above his hock, which I do not know how I missed when I groomed and polo wrapped him. Of course I stated this fact and she said it was in a weird spot and did not see it until he swished his tail and she was looking at his inner leg from a certain angle.

So we performed airs above ground and piaffed our way home and I put him in the cross ties, untacked him, and took his polos off and was crouched down by his LH looking around to the inside at this scrape when he pooped-----right on my head. I stood up and ran for the hose screaming "Aero just $hit on my head" and everyone around me was just about peeing their pants laughing so hard-I rinsed my head off with freezing cold water trying to get it out and did the best I could and went back into the barn to the screams of laughter. I shook my head and said "Well, it aint the first man to $hit on me and it wont be the last" Aero stood there as calm as could be with quite a satisfied look in his eye. This was during our "test" period when he was sizing me up--I guess I must have passed the test.

I went to visit the CFP yesterday and he was in his run in shed with his nose in the corner--it was very sad. The CFP was the first pony Aero liked--he hated other ponies as I think he thought they were genetically defective mutants--there was a pony mare at the barn we were first at that would chase him like crazy and he would run away and scream like a little girl from. It would have been extremely funny had it not been such a sad sight. I do not think it will be too long before the CFP joins him.

Rhumbas owner was here last night--Rhumba was his new house mate in the country house who Aero took delight in bossing around--she called quite a bit to him on Wednesday--I told her owner I had to put him down as I was gazing into his empty stall and she said "Oh Molly, you did not...." at which time the sarcastic thought went through my head "Yeah you are right I am just kidding--he’s standing in this empty stall-cant you see him" when continued and said "I am so so so sorry."

The BO's husband saw me yesterday as I was walking out to the round pen to do some reflection and asked how I was doing and how sorry he was. I said I was doing ok and he said when I told him the day before Aero was going to be put down and had hoped to have it done before his kids got home from school he did not know what to say as he was not good dealing with stuff like that--his mom breeds dogs and he had a hard time when one of them had to be put down and I said "Ah yes, but with a horse it is different as they are not laying down to begin with and when they fall, they fall hard" and he put his hands over his ears and said that he had heard enough and did not want to hear anymore and he was so so sorry. That made me feel good that he did not want to hear it as it meant if affected him. I told the BO that it was very quiet around here without Aero screaming and she got a funny look and said "yes it is" and then I saw the BO's mom who was here that morning who had suggested putting him outside to "Walk it off" and she said "Molly, I am sorry-- I had no idea you were going to do it right then and there" and I said it needed to be done. She asked what had happened and I told her I suspected he had hurt that leg the night before as his arthritis was making him very stiff and wonder if when he went to lay down if he fell hard on it--I said it did not matter now and I felt like she was in complete disagreement about what I did. And maybe that is why no one in the barn is talking to me about it. But I agree with Beezer about how perhaps people do not know what to say or how to say it or maybe not talk about it as to not make me uncomfortable. I hope that is it. I suddenly feel like a leper.

Why is it that the days seem to drag now? Wednesday seemed like such a long day but at the same time a fast one because such a huge decision was made so quickly and in such a small amount of time. I keep running thru my conversation with the vet receptionist when she called and said Jeske could be here at noon and it was 11:48 and thinking OMG I have 12 minutes. In my mind she could not get here fast enough but at the same time I did not want her to show up. I am such a coward because I knew if I had to wait overnight or even several hours I would lose the nerve to do it--during that terrible time that morning I kept coming back and reading your words which rebuilt my strength and running back out to check, double check, triple check that he was ok with this and each time he screamed at me I knew but needed to reinforced it with your words.

I am so so fortunate that one of Aero's former owners, who posts here, sent me a video of him featured in a show that Tracey, his trainer at the time, did called "The Trainers Notebook" or something like that. In the video she walks about correct jumping position and Aero is shown at one of the Alpine shows then schooling. Then in the start of the show he is shown loading onto a trailer and the owner who sent me the video said he was so funny because he would load on then insist on turning around and coming out head first, so when he was trying to turn around the trailer would rock back and forth like crazy. I wish I knew how to transfer it from a videotape to online. In fact I just trekked out to the barn to find it--I suddenly panicked that I had lost it.

Speaking of lost, I cannot find the disk with the pictures of him at his leadline debut--I have them on my computer but I still want the disk--do you spose he took the disk to keep it from falling into the wrong hands? Are he and Yo Yo and Willem sitting around with their feet up laughing hysterically as they watch me tear my house apart while trying to find it as they smoke their cigars and pipes they lit with the lighters have disappeared while they are using the disk as a coaster??

I was thinking last night about when he bowed his tendon--another horse (quite a bully) in the pasture had chased him and ran full speed into the pond where I gather his foot sunk into the mud and muck and his body kept going--he went all the way across the pond and was standing on a little piece of dry land in the corner of the pasture. I was home alone and in hysterics and not knowing what to do as he would not come to me when I called him so I hopped in my car and drove around the pasture on the road that bordered it and went to the fence and could see him standing on 3 legs and the one leg swollen like a balloon---still in hysterics I was trying to think rationally and called a client/friend to ask what I should do butt hey were not home so I left a frantic message and went back out and tried to get him to come to me. I think he was so scared of the bully and hurt so bad he did not want to move. SO I changed into old shorts and a t-shirt and put on an old pair of dress flats (this will make sense in a minute), grabbed his halter and lead rope and trekked across the pasture to the pond and tried to coax him across---no go.

So I took a deep breath and started my trek across the pond--I knew it was only about waist deep but it was yucky. The reason I put the flats on is they were old and I never wore them and I knew the muck would not suck them off my feet---as I got to the part of the pond that had tall grass I started crying and calling him to me and chanting to myself "There are no water snakes in Minnesota, There are no water snakes in Minnesota" because I hate snakes and if I saw one I would have passed out.

My roommate’s sister drove by and I was trying to jump up and down and waved to get her attention and she waved back as if it was completely normal for me to be standing in the pond.

I finally got to him and about threw up when I saw his leg and sobbing I coaxed him back across the pond with me again chanting my snake chant.

That bow was the start of all the problems that led to the point we got to on Wednesday. I had 3 vets out to get different opinions and did everything besides surgery--he was a grade 4 on the lameness scale and we tried a gelocast which rubbed him and had to be removed and he lived in standing wraps for 8 months and was on stall rest which he hated. I tried to give him stall toys which he promptly threw back at me--he was in a spot in the barn that was the size of a small paddock so I gave him his own round bale which he demolished and peed and pooped on. It was I think the beginning of the end.

I sued to let him graze in the yard and he would come to my window and look in while I was working--he was so funny and often I would find him wandering about in the garage poking around if the garage door was left open. (As if he was a puttering around the garage type of guy )

He loved to play chase in the indoor ring even when I did not have treats--I would run and he would trot behind and stop when I stopped. he would be in there with me when I would set jumps up and one time he tried to trot over a caveletti and he knocked it down as he could not get those poor arthritic knees up and over it and he looked so embarrassed.

I would lie on my back in his stall for hours and talk to him and he would come over and sniff me and try to "roll me" for treats. I would hold carrots in my mouth and he would gently take them from my mouth. If I was standing outside his stall and put my face to the bars he would pucker up and stick his lips thru the bars and kiss me. He would almost knock someone over who had eaten some "good n plenty" candy to smell their breath.

What I would not give to have one of those moments back again.

Wow, I just realized I am posting a novel and apologize for my "novel" but I have to say it has made me feel better--

I thank all of you for your support--you have no idea what a difference it has made during the darkest time in my life.

[ChocoMare]

That's why we're here. You just keep posting novels as long as you want/need.

I was thinking of you and Aero early this morning at my barn. I put the mare in last night for the first time ever because it was supposed to be rather cold, rainy and windy and she hasn't fluffed out yet. Didn't put her new sheet on, though, 'cause it didn't seem so bad. Got up early this morning and after letting the dog out, decided that the mare needed her sheet. (Aero would have hated it--it's a red plaid table cloth.)

I gave her a little breakfast and as I fixed the last buckle, all I could do was lean on her back and cry because I know someday it will be Star's turn to go and she'll rely on me, as Aero did on you, to let her go at the right time. Fortunately she was too occupied with her grain to think about me getting her new sheet all wet and snotty.

Just as I stood up, though, she took her head out of that precious feed bucket and put her head on my chest as if to say "Oh mommy, whatcha cryin' for? I'm fine." Darn that mare.

[Oldenburg Mom]

I loff your stories.

[Sandbarhorse]

Molly - It's OK to feel crushed by losing your friend, BUT you will survive because Aero wouldn't want it any other way. You have kids that need you and they will learn a lot about death from how you handle this.

When I lost Red, I was devastated. To make it worse, my office was calling me wanting to know when I could come deal with the "emergency". Life does go on. I took a lot of comfort in greiving, but then a day or two later, focusing on his life, not his death helped. I think it was Robby Johnson who once said something to the effect of "celebrate his life, don't mourn his death".

Aero is not gone! You will see him again! The morning that Red died I swear I heard a horse whinny and in a place where there are NO horses. Thought I was batshit crazy, until I returned the vets phone call. I still feel his presence sometimes and believe that he left early in order to make room for us to buy his niece AND his nephew and to give them a lifetime home, instead of having to choose one.

This poem also helped a lot:

Don't Cry For The Horses

Don't cry for the horses that life has set free;
A million white horses for ever to be.
Don't cry for the horses, now in Gods hand,
As they dance and prance in a heavenly band.
They were ours as a gift, but never to keep;
As they close their eyes, forever in sleep.
Their spirits abound. On silver wings fly.
A million white horses against the blue sky.
Look up into heaven, you'll see them above.
The horses we lost, the horses we love.
Manes and tails flowing they gallop through time.
They were never yours. They were never mine.
Don't cry for the horses. They'll be back some day.
When our time is gone, they will show us the way.
Do you hear that soft nicker, so close to your ear?
Don't cry for the horses, love the ones that are here.
-Author unknown

[Prism]

horse_poor,
I only found this thread today. Oh, my dear, I am so sorry. I just lost my guy who I had 20 years on Oct 4th. Read this through tears.
My former vet, who retired in 2001, once said to me (after I had to make the Awful Decision for another horse,) "It is a wonderful gift that we can give our animals." Know that you did indeed give him a gift-the gift of freedom from pain, freedom from suffering.
I know how you are hurting. My heart goes out to you.

[floridajumper]

Horse_poor, I'm so sorry about Areo. Please keep telling your stories. I love reading them. I sounds as if you loved him very much and you all shared such a special bond. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Whoanellie]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> What I would not give to have one of those moments back again. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

HP, you just did. And, you will again and again. You will remember his smell, his breath on your face, the look, the sound, the laughter he gave you. You'll remember the way your heart swelled with love at the very sight of him, the very essence of him. This is part of the grieving process. It is yours....her gave that to you.

You will feel like you cannot go on, that you want to run away from your feelings. It feels like it is dark and cloudy all the time. You feel heavy and your mind seems numb, but it keeps thinking, thinking, thinking ....of Areo.

And, you know how much richer, how much more alive you are, how blessed you were to have been graced by his presence. Time is a healer. We do not forget, but when we remember them it will bring light to our hearts.

I too had to help one across the bridge on Wednesday. I feel empty, my throat hurts from crying, my eyes fill up when I least expect it and I find myself looking for him-expecting to see his face smiling at me as I step out to serve breakfast. Although I know I did the right thing for the right reason, it hurts so deep. And yet.....we go on. They would expect nothing less of us!!

However long it takes, it takes. It is yours and his. Thank you so much for sharing him with us and for being there for him.

[mpeylin]

HP - can I suggest something? I don't know if you're up to it, but it might help with the barn members...?

People always say my family really knows how to bury someone (that sounds awful, but we do a pretty good job of celebrating their life).

If you could handle it, ior if one of your friends could organize, why not have a memorial celebration? Key word being celebration. Get some champagne for mimosas, or make bloody marys, or brandy - ask everyone to bring a covered dish and their favorite Aero memory - written - they can share if they want, but you can put them in a box and lock them away until you're ready - and when you are you can read them as much as you want and remember how many lives he touched along the way? I'm thinking you would surely need to have purple crepe paper and cups, but it could be casual, and fun, and would give them the ability to get over the initial awkwardness.

Just a thought, :-D. Our funerals usually consist of a lot of great memories, and a wake where everyone eats 'til their stuffed and gets a little lit.

[Cindeye]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Prism:
horse_poor,
I only found this thread today. Oh, my dear, I am so sorry. I just lost my guy who I had 20 years on Oct 4th. Read this through tears.
My former vet, who retired in 2001, once said to me (after I had to make the Awful Decision for another horse,) "It is a wonderful gift that we can give our animals." Know that you did indeed give him a gift-the gift of freedom from pain, freedom from suffering.
I know how you are hurting. My heart goes out to you. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Prism...sorry for your loss!

[horse_poor]

I ended up gpong back to bed and curled up in a ball with his tail and let my mind wander

The lyrics to Timne of Your Life kept whirling thru my head--it was the song that was going to be played during Aeros Retirement

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.


And then this part of "Fly to the Angels"

Heaven awaits your heart
And flowers bloom in your name
Woahh ohh
You've got to fly (fly high),
Fly to the angels
All the stars in the night
Shine in your name

Though it hurts me way deep inside
When I turn and look and find
That your not there
I try to convince myself
But the pain,
The pain is still not gone


He still has not come to me--no dreams, echos of whinnies...when I fell asleep with his tail I did dream a horse I could not see was nipping at my back while I was wearing my yellow coat and when I turned around there was not a horse there.

When I moved him to Oasis he thought he was hot shit--he came off the trailer with his head about 10 feet in the air and snorting and doing a sideways piaffe into the barn--everyone was who was here had their jaws on the ground as he was truly magnificent and HUGE and he knew it.

When he was recovering from his bow and still on stall rest we would walk out to the arena to watch the barrel shows held here and he would rest his jaw on top of my head and watch with great amusement as barrel racing was a foreign concept. He saw all the horses gathered around the in gate and looked confused as there no jumps in the arena.

When he had his spinal cord injury and on stall rest I put a web stall guard up and he figured out if he leaned on it hard enough it would stretch and he would try to slip underneath it. Brown was his neighbor at the time and they concocted a plan that Aero would lip the the stall latch enough so that it would come undone and nudge the door and Brown would poke his nose thru and shove it open the rest of the way and escape---they thought it was great. They were friends until they became brothers. He would also lean on that stall guard and streeeeeetch out and pin his ears and try to but horses walking by---we would have to shut his door if there were quite a few horses walking up and down the aisle and he would keep his head stuck out as long as we could until the door almost shut on it. He would then scream his protest and swing his but to the door.

During this time on stall rest, we would often have little parties on Saturday nights at that barn and would gather in chairs at the entrance to the barn and he would often join us and just stand there and watch us in mild amusement and a bit of disgust.

I had temporarily fenced in an area right in front of the door in the front yard for him to graze and often he would try to climb the steps and come into the house. Or watch us thru the picture window. He was really quite nosey. I truly do think he could not understand why he could not come in the house.

My first Mothers Day I had him he got me a mothers day card. If only I knew then that I truly would become his mother ....

He was so brave when it came to meds--he never picked around them and would practically eat bute whole and was so brave when it came to needles.

When someone asks me how many horses I have I still say 3 and I still think in 3's. I need to get wormer and keep thinking I need to worm three horses. I need to fall shots and keep thinking I need to vaccinate Three. When looking at blankets I still automatically look and see if there is a size 84.

Whenever he was given a treat he did not like he would make a horrible face a flip his head up and down until it went flying across the barn.

When I went to Rolex he got pissed and tore his water bucket holder off the wall and threw the bucket across his stall.

A few days ago when he was still inside while I was getting ready to take care of his newest wound he was pissed Molly was outside and he ripped down his feed bowl. All the while screaming that loud trumpeting whinny that echoed and never seemed to end.

I need to leave the house today and have desire to but will force myself to do so--I would like to go get the stuff to make his mosaic stepping stone and work on it this weekend.

I am taking some time off from doing barn chores and am not sure when I should return to doing them--the barn is painful to me and his empty stall seems to glare at me.

I have not cried yet--I spose that will come later--I just feel very drained.

I have never had anyone close to me die before and I have never been to a funeral--I have had to put two of my dogs down but there was not a connection with them like I had with Aero. This is new to me and I do not like it one bit.

[Cindeye]

H_P: Love your last post! There were so many great stories in there. This is my fave:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>So we performed airs above ground and piaffed our way home and I put him in the cross ties, untacked him, and took his polos off and was crouched down by his LH looking around to the inside at this scrape when he pooped-----right on my head. I stood up and ran for the hose screaming "Aero just $hit on my head" and everyone around me was just about peeing their pants laughing so hard-I rinsed my head off with freezing cold water trying to get it out and did the best I could and went back into the barn to the screams of laughter. I shook my head and said "Well, it aint the first man to $hit on me and it wont be the last" Aero stood there as calm as could be with quite a satisfied look in his eye. This was during our "test" period when he was sizing me up--I guess I must have passed the test. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Is that why everyone calls you @hithead now? KIDDING!
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>He loved to play chase in the indoor ring even when I did not have treats--I would run and he would trot behind and stop when I stopped. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
This one made me remember that Stranger used to do that all the time, too. I'd completely forgotten about it until I read about Aero doing it. I'd turn him out in the field or the arena and just walk or trot around. He'd follow me around, stop when I stopped, trot when I trotted. If I pointed to a jump or a line, he'd casually canter over the fences...always getting the Perfect distance. Wait a minute, how did he always get the Perfect distance without me telling him where it was?

Keep writing your stories. I really enjoy reading them and they bring back many fond memories of my special boy.

[WonderPony]

I am so sorry.

Give yourself lots of time. Everyone experiences grief in their own way and you need to take care of yourself.

WPhelpedTaingeiloverthebridgeJuly8

[SweatySaddlepad]

Horse_poor I've been thinking about you today, today is the 5 year mark when my girl galloped to the bridge . I too love your stories, keepem coming . Have you picked a place for the donations? Let me know........

[horse_poor]

[QUOTE]

I too had to help one across the bridge on Wednesday. I feel empty, my throat hurts from crying, my eyes fill up when I least expect it and I find myself looking for him-expecting to see his face smiling at me as I step out to serve breakfast. Although I know I did the right thing for the right reason, it hurts so deep. And yet.....we go on. They would expect nothing less of us!!
QUOTE]

I am so sorry--I can only hope they passed across together.

I just put part of Aeros tail in an envelope to mail off to have a bracelet made then put the rest of it back in a braid and hung it on his picture.

Turns out Brown has a tiny bone spur of which I am not even going to deal with right now--the vet said it was very small and up until this point did not make a difference in the way he moves--the proospective buyers will decide in the coming weeks whether they will buy him or not.

I am forcing myself to leave the house for a bit today--it is gray and cold and dreary out.

I thought about doing a memorial for Aero but do not know if I could handle it nor if people around here would want to participate.

[Boston Chicken]

I wonder if there's a way we can do an "online" memorial service. Wonder if they can open a COTH chat room for that? Molly, you know how many hundreds of your friends would be there...

[Boston Chicken]

Also - I found the lyrics to a song that I found comforted me when my 26 year old Elliot went over the Rainbow Bridge earlier this year...I never liked the actual melody much, but the words described my feelings so accurately.

Evanesence - My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here.
Suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
Cause your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have...
All of me.

You used to captivate me by your resonating mind,
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me.

These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.

I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have...
All of me.

I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
But though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.

I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have...
All of me.

[arabhorse2]

horse_poor, please keep your stories coming.

For those of us who didn't have the pleasure of knowing Aero, these give us a glimpse into your life with him. I feel like I know him, even if it's just through your remembrances.

And we're horse people; we understand. We want you to talk about him, as we'll want to talk about ours when the time comes.

You are far braver than I will be when it comes time to let go of my "forever horse". However, I've been there for everything else, and I owe it to him to be there for his last moments.

[Tiffany01]

[[[HUGS MOLLY}}}

Do remember we all loff you.