RIP Aero

[Cindeye]

Trevorstreats: Welcome! We're here for you. Your QH boy is lucky to have you.

[Cindeye]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ken:
Go ahead & share his blanket with Rosina & his other things too. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Somehow, I just can't picture Rosina deigning to accept a hand-me-down That at least brought a smile to my face for the first time on this thread.

[Hasty]

molly-

i am so so so sorry for your loss. you are such a strong person, i cannot even imagine being able to keep it together at a time like that. aero is in a very happy place now looking down on you and thanking you!

goodspeed aero

[afrikando]

molly, i'm sending healing thoughts to your broken heart.

godspeed, aero. we salute you!

lori

[dab]

{{{{HUGS}}}}

[Windsor]

Just adding my condolences--you did the right thing.

Also, when Willem passed, people posted some really beautiful things in his thread. Someone posted the chapter on death from the Kahlil Gibran book The Prophet, which I especially like. Thought you might take some comfort going back and reading that thread.

Hang in there!

[fivebyfive]

Horse-Poor:
Reading the post above mine inspired me to find you part of Kahil Gibran's words on death. I hope you find comfort in them, and realize that you did indeed do the best you could for Aero. I have seen that 1000 mile stare, not in a horse but in my own special cat not 6 months ago. This thread has broken my heart over and over again because I can truly empathize with you. There is nothing more horrible than losing someone you love - but as others before me have said, there is nothing more loving and selfless than to give them the peace they deserve.

You and Aero are in my heart and prayers.

"In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; and like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.

Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honor. Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the winds and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

-Kahlil Gibran

[Windsor]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the winds and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

THAT'S the part that sticks in my mind--thanks.

[horse_poor]

It is hitting me very very hard right now--I was driving home from the other barn and I kept picturing him hitting the ground in my mind over and over and over and I started sobbing and screaming that I wanted him to come home.

The barn is very quiet without him here--

How can a person feel this much pain and survive?

The PPE vet took 5 films of Browns hoof because he would not stand still for his flex test--the prospective owner came to tell me this while I was hand grazing Rosina and I looked at her and said I do not care. She asked if he had any problems standing for his flex test with the previous PPE and I said no--I asked if she was walking about xrays of his hoof or fetlock and she said hoof--I said that since I told her was due to have his shoes pulled and trimmed (she is leasing him for the month) it could possibly be that but he had never taken a lame step and at that point in time I really did not give a shit. I really at this point in time do not care. The vet doing the PPE had treated Aero iin the past and I told him that Aero passed and he said "Huh. I did not know you still had him." For whatever that really rubbed me the wrong way.

I would sell my soul to bring him back whole and healthy. Jen22 said my eyes looked better today but they feel very heavy and I have a rock in my stomach and managed to eat a few handfuls of choc covered peanuts.

I do not know how to live without him.

[SweatySaddlepad]

Ah Horse_Poor I'm so sorry . All of what your feeling did happen to me (and many of us I'm sure), The pain is indescriable and I know it feels as though you can't do it . I know it feels like you can't live without him, I don't know if I felt like I couldn't or the pain was so bad I just didn't want to . I clung to my girls tail and her smell gave me comfort and helped me grieve, at first it hurt so bad I truly wanted to die and then..................well, I'm not sure . Tomarrow will be 5 years and I still think of her everyday , I still miss her everyday, and if I'm lucky I dream of her. I know it hurts, I know life go's on when you feel like it should stop, I know that empty pit in your heart, I know Aero is safe and not in pain, I know his mom misses him . I know, I wish had the ultimate words of comfort for you .

[Coreene]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by horse_poor:

How can a person feel this much pain and survive? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Because the sun will rise again tomorrow.

Because you know that if you do not, Aero will come down and kick you very hard in the ass.

Because he will allow you a certain amount of time for sobbing, and then he will say to Willem "This is so undignified, I do not condone this behaviour," and you will feel a good swift shove in the backside, which you will know is Aero.

Because you know in your heart that what you did, this it be right.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by horse_poor:
The vet doing the PPE had treated Aero iin the past and I told him that Aero passed and he said "Huh. I did not know you still had him."

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Eff him.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by horse_poor:

I have ... managed to eat a few handfuls of choc covered peanuts.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Mine was Dreyers Peanut Butter Chocolate ice cream. Went straight to my ass. But it sure helped at the time.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by horse_poor:

I do not know how to live without him. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I know. But he will not let you be without him, he will come to you time and again in the most magical ways. Because he loffs you. And this it be forever.

[horse_poor]

I just ate 3 pancakes with a pound of butter and a whole bottle of syrup.

I just told my kids that Aero crossed the bridge--my 11 yo was very quiet and did not say much but my 8 yo asked why--I told him Aero had a tummy ache and his legs did not work anymore and he asked how come we could have him lay down and we good bring his hay to him--I lost it then and so did he and we both hung up in tears.

I was thinking eralier today--heh this is not so bad--then it hit me--I went to the stall and stared into his empty stall--no one seems to realize how badly I hurt or wants to talk about it--I think it is time for me to maybe move.

I am waiting to get drowsy so I can escape to the world of sleep. I want to do nothing but sit and cry.

I miss him so much

[Freebird!]

When my good friend's husband died - he was a cop and was only 24 I think? - I gave her the words to a few songs in the movie "8 Seconds" Anyway, of course it is geared more to a human, but when we had to put my dear Val down 2 months ago, they kept playing in my head.

Artist: Dean, Billy Lyrics
Song: Once in a While Lyrics

Once in a while, someone comes along.
That one in a million heart,
So pure and so strong.
They can face up to the tears.
And somehow still find a smile,
That we only get ev'ry once in a while.

Once in a while, someone has the eyes,
That one in a million look,
That never tells lies.
They can get you on your feet,
To walk that extra mile.
We only see ev'ry once in a while.

That's why we call them heroes.
That's why we know their names,
And once you've heard their stories,
You're never quite the same.

That's why we call them heroes.
The best thing they ever do,
Is to point to the best in us all,
And say: "If I can, you can too."

Once in a while, I still hear his voice.
That one in a million sound,
Like two laughin' boys.
He would hate it if we cried,
That never was his style.
Oh, we still miss him ev'ry once in a while.

Instrumental break.

Ohh.
They can face up to the tears.
And somehow still find a smile,
That we only get ev'ry once in a while.

Oh, how I miss him ev'ry once in a while.



Artist: McEntire, Reba Lyrics
Song: If I Had Only Known Lyrics

If I had only known
It was the last walk in the rain
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain

If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again

You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away

If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you'd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you, goes on and on
If I had only known
If I had only known
The love I would've shown
If I had only known

Artist: Bonoff, Karla Lyrics
Song: Standing Right Next to Me Lyrics

Love is like the wind,
Sometimes it blows your way,
And until now
It missed me somehow.

But when I turned around
I saw you standing there.
The sound of your voice -
I had no choice.

I used to have a wish
One day I'd feel like this.
Now I know love exists
Cause it's standing right next to me.

Beneath the moon tonight
I see it in your eyes -
No more false starts,
No more broken hearts.

I used to have a wish
One day I'd feel like this.
Now I know love exists
Cause it's standing right next to me.

Even in the dark,
Even when you're gone
I feel you in my heart.

I used to have a wish
One day I'd feel like this.
Now I know love exists
Cause it's standing right next to me

Standing right next to me.

[Barnfairy]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>I was thinking eralier today--heh this is not so bad--then it hit me--I went to the stall and stared into his empty stall--no one seems to realize how badly I hurt or wants to talk about it--I think it is time for me to maybe move. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Oh, the empty stall is the worst!!!!!

After Joshua was gone, it was so awful seeing his empty stall every day.


I got to a point eventually where I was starting to feel better --not so weepy-- and then I'd walk into the barn happy and see that empty stall with the empty halter hook next to it and BAM! Sobby McSobberson all over again.

If the people in your barn don't want to talk about it...screw them. People are weird about other people's grief, usually because they don't know what to say and feel awkward. Just come talk to us on COTH.

[SweatySaddlepad]

I would like to add a few too, thank you Freebird those are beautiful songs, words in music do help your soul .

"The Dance" Garth Brooks

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance


"Wind Beneath my Wings" Bette Midler

Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.



Thank God for all horses

[Bugs-n-Frodo]

Horse_poor, good for you, eating those pancakes, butter and syrup. It is so therapeutic.

Hang in there. I can't speak for the folks at your barn, but I can say for the folks here, we KNOW how badly you hurt and we are here for you to talk to. I wish there was something magical I could say to make you feel better, but there is nothing. Please just take comfort in the fact that we are all here for you and are thinking about you. Know that Aero is free now, and he is looking upon you, thanking YOU for freeing him. Bless both you and Aero...

[Cindeye]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by horse_poor:
I would sell my soul to bring him back whole and healthy. *snip* I do not know how to live without him. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Remember, he is whole and healthy...just in a far better place. You can live, it'll just take a while. One day, another special horse will come into your life when you least expect it and Aero will smile because you recognize him

[Beezer]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by horse_poor:
I was thinking eralier today--heh this is not so bad--then it hit me--I went to the stall and stared into his empty stall--no one seems to realize how badly I hurt or wants to talk about it--I think it is time for me to maybe move.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Molly, while I cannot speak for your barn mates or family members directly, might I suggest that what you may be reading as not wanting to talk about Aero's passing or how much you hurt may instead be an uncertainty on their part about what to say or how to say it?

I know this from experience. When my most beloved Beezer had to be put down -- with very little warning -- I was a wreck for days. Even my own mother and sister, who probably knew better than anyone what he meant to me, didn't know what to say to comfort me. My husband could only tuck me into bed and pat my head.

Looking back with the wisdom of time, I realize now that there was probably nothing they could have said that would have eased the pain. It was my pain, my unbearable hurt, and mine alone to feel and endure. Because, after all, Beezer was my bestest bud in the world and had been for two decades.

That does not make what you are feeling as a slight or an unwillingness to understand any less important or less real. But your emotions are understandably raw and your feelings easily bruised.

Might I suggest that you ask your barn mates, either singly or as a group, to just sit with you for a few minutes in Aero's stall or by the round pen? Or maybe help you make a memory book by telling their favorite stories about him? Or ask them to go with you to pick out the tulips you want to plant and then helping you to do so?

Very often, people truly do want to comfort. They simply are at a loss as to how. I would bet, if you just asked for a shoulder or a hug or company in a binge at the local IHOP, you would find people ready to give it.

In the meantime, you have us.

[Freebird!]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Cindeye:
One day, another special horse will come into your life when you least expect it and Aero will smile because you recognize him <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

When I posted on here about my beloved Val, and people posted back that very same statement, I remember thinking "yea, right" For me, Val was The One. He of course will always be The One, but thankfully I HAVE found another horse to share a part of my heart with, and in the one place I refused to look: in my backyard. You see, about a year ago luckyduck dropped off a gangly little filly to live at our house, and be my training project untill she was ready for us to sell her. Truth be told, I didn't like her at first, and really almost hated her. She was so quirky, and flieghty, and Araby, and complete loonatic at times, I just didn't know how to deal with her. I did of course work with her...a LOT really, and though some days I would end up biting a hole in my lip just to try not to loose my temper with her - who knew that the hardest thing to learn would be to WALK on teh end of a lunge line - but day by day I could see a fancy little pony shining through. I still didn't like her though. Since I had another mare I was trying to sell, I would spend my time looking for that large pony mare that I have so desperatly wanted for SOOO long, that I would buy when my mare was sold. Then, Val went on trial on a Sunday, and by Tuesday afternoon - and it was also a dreary, rainy day - I got a call saying he had a compound fracture above his hock. The vet called it a "Catastrophic injury" I was unable to be there for him in his last moments, but I wanted his pain to be over as soon as possible, so I gave the vet the go ahead over the phone. I was posting about it on COTH when they called back saying that he was forever out of pain. They asked if I wanted to come out to see him one last time before he was buried, but I declined. I knew I woudl have fallen apart then, and since my 2 1/2 year old son would have had to come with me, I didn't want him seeiong me like that. So, instead I asked that my husband take my son so I could be alone. I spent a while IMing people, and reading and posting on COTH. I would be reading spacific posts and think "WOW, I wrote that when Val was still running and playing in teh pasture" and would just break down in tears. Finally when I couldn't take it anymore I went outside. I felt so numb, and felt like I did't have anything else to give to my other horses. Then Lexie came wandering up to me. I put her halter on, and decided to work with her some in the paddock/round pen. We played for a while, and she was being so good I set up some jumps for her to free jump over. When the jump was up to a 3'6 oxer and she was still going over it easy as pie, but with her knees up to her jaw, I knew I wanted her. She does the whole "join up" thing, and when she looks at me I feel like she can see right to the depths of my soul - like my Val. I saw myself actually smiling and laughing at her, and I think she tried especially hard on that day because she knew something was up. I emailed luckduck soon after that day and told her I wanted Lexie to be totally mine, and she would not be up for sale again. luckyduck gave me an offer I could not refuse, and I am proud to say that she is now FINALLY mine. No, she will never be another Val. There just never will be. But like yesterday, when I went to give my ponies their evening hay, all but Lexie greedly dovw in their pile of hay. Lexie, instead of eating, went to me, happy to have her scratches, and nuzzled her thanks to me, I knew that God must be smiling at me saying "See, I told you so! I told you I would bring another one into your life, and don't you worry about your Val. Like I cared for the fallen sparrow, I have taken care of him" So, thanks luckyduck, I will be forever greatful.

[tbpalsx2]

Horse -Poor all animals would be very lucky to have a mother like you especially in their greatest time of need. I sobbed reading your posts and those of others. I have the greatest respect and admiration for you in making a very difficult to decision to free your horse of pain. I am saying a special prayer for you and your sweet Aero. I hope you take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Take care extra good care of yourself.