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My daughter is being targeted in the barn... teen pranks on 10 yr old...

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  • Coming in here late, but I would question why a 10 yr old is at the barn without parental supervision. Even if the teenagers were not picking on her, there is too much of an age difference to let them socialize together, unsupervised. Teenagers are at a different maturity level and involved in things that a 10 yr old child should not be subjected to. Even simple things like dress, makeup and boys/dating. Then there are those that are smoking, drinking, experimenting with drugs and cursing.
    This whole problem you are having would be gone, if you were present. I don't think the trainer should be expected to supervise other that for the lesson and tacking up/cooling out.
    We recently had a 6 yr old abducted and murdered while at Wal Mart with her mom. Mom left her in the toy aisle while she shopped. While I feel terrible that this happened, what was the mom thinking? And even after this happened, I still see LOTS of unsupervised kids in stores.
    As for the stall cleaning, I would be dealing with the barn manager about that. That is a whole different issue.

    Comment


    • I went through bullying hell similar to what Heather did -- gawky kid with a bad perm and buck teeth, a year younger than everyone in my class, and painfully, excruciatingly shy. I suppose I was fun to pick on because I was so odd, an easy target... I couldn't even look my tormentors in the eye, much less defend myself.

      I was never physically injured, unless you count being de-pants'd during recess or having my lunch stolen (and then being too afraid to say anything), but it was abuse nonetheless. Yeah, eventually it just stopped, but to this day I catch myself defending the underdog, and I still have irrational grudges against those who picked on me the worst.

      But the fact is that a mother can't protect and supervise the child ALL the time. Sure, maybe she can hover over her at the barn, but what about the bus stop, the playground, the halls between classes, etc.? The child is still going to have to learn to deal with it, mommy or no mommy.

      But you can bet that MY child will be beaten to a pulp if I ever catch him/her picking on someone like this.

      where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?
      where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?

      Comment


      • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> But the one I REALLY want to discuss is what many of you have been throwing around, ie,

        THE TRAINER'S ROLE!!!
        <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Me too! -- I don't expect a trainer to be a babysitter, UNLESS they set themselves up to be one -- I've been at barns where juniors were allowed to be at the barn without parental supervision once they reached the age of 14 or 15 -- I've also been at barns with no such rules -- In such cases, the barn manager/trainer either accepts the role of babysitter (which generally works out well for kids, parents, horses, and other clients) or the kids are left unsupervised (which often leads to problems) -- If barn policy allows children to be left unattended at their barn, then I think they're responsible for supervising these kids --
        "I never mind if an adult uses safety stirrups." GM

        Comment

        • Original Poster

          Firstly I found it rather interesting that some of you thought that I troll. never been accused of that before...

          Thanks for the feedback. I had backed off this situation due to concern that I was being overprotective and asked the question to obtain insight from those of you who have some...

          Like I said, I did speak to the coach/owner of the barn and adressed the issue of the pony's stall (and yes I have cleaned it myself). As for the other kids, these girls are actually being paid to clean our stall and help out in the barn which includes: helping the little kids. I found their behaviour inapporpriate and complained about it.

          As for my daughter's part in it, I have considered what you said... thanks for that too...

          To put an end to the mystery, she's not a target at school or akward anywhere else actually (she's been a model since she was 3) she has lots of freinds at school etc... She is exposed to these kids because they are the kids that she rides with at her level... and a couple are learning to coach.....

          My answer is that her dad is bringing her to the barn and hanging around a lot more and we put her in private lessons for the time being.

          JSG
          Sipping my Coffee... while I hold the pony in the wee hours of morning... ahhhhh... That\'s the life....

          Comment


          • Gads... she's been modeling since age three? Now you've totally put me at ease that this is not a parent-created issue.

            Half of Riding is 30% mental ... no wonder there are so many bad riders

            Comment


            • I only read the first and last page because I have so much catching up to do with the rest of the board!

              One thing in your last post stands out at me - the comment that she's a model.

              That may have something to do with why she's having problems with other kids at the barn. Does she talk about it? Do you talk about it to others at the barn? The modeling in itself may not be the issue, but it could shape her "attitude" about herself and others. As a model, I would assume she is an attractive child, and is praised for being so. It sounds like maybe she's got it good and is perceived as a primadonna at the barn. Does she clean her own stall? Tack up her pony? Feed her pony? Does she know how? Maybe someone should take the time to teach her. Regardless of if she HAS to or not, they are good skills to have and part of being a horseperson.

              Perhaps she thinks she's prettier than or better than the other girls and that comes off in her attitude. Perhaps you treat her that way because she is a model and you are proud of her.

              Anyways, I don't have any answers for you - your comment just struck me. At first I though, well what does being a model have to do with anything? But the more I thought about it, the more I thought that could be part of the issue.

              "Both rider and horse must enjoy the work. This is the essence of success" - Reiner Klimke
              "A horse's face always conveys clearly whether it is loved by its owner or simply used." - Anja Beran

              Comment


              • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by rileyt:
                Gads... she's been modeling since age three? Now you've totally put me at ease that this is not a parent-created issue.

                Half of Riding is 30% mental ... no wonder there are so many bad riders <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
                DITTO the YIKES.
                Sorry JSG but after the last post I am moving to the Robby Johnson side of the arguement. Mom move to the side and let the kid experience being a kid.

                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
                "Cause I'm hella cool, that's why."
                - Eric Cartman

                Comment


                • rhymeswithfizz -

                  I love you and your bad perm. I had a pair of gay white Sun Britches that gave me camel-toes but I loffed them and wore them every day in P.E. A little known secret - I am a better softball player than most lesbians. And I wonder why they called me Jack Tripper?!

                  JSG - thank you for your input. I think if your child is legitimately being harassed and fears for her safety it would be best to 100% supervise her visits to the barn. I also think if your barn management cannot ensure the cleanliness and well-being of your pony that perhaps you should consider relocating.

                  Robby

                  Take me to the river, drop me in the water
                  http://community.webshots.com/user/rbjohnsonii
                  When blood is the beverage of choice, the sharpest fangs feed first.

                  Comment


                  • Based on what you have written it sounds like your daughter needs to learn to stand up for herself.

                    When I was 11 I rode at a barn with very little adult supervision. And I was shy, quiet, and small for my age (usually was the smallest kid in my class at school). At this barn the kids (ages 8 - 17) teased eachother the same way you are describing (minus the horse care issues). I knew how to stand up for myself and dish it out when necessary so I had a great time (maybe that makes me a bully).

                    The teasing isn't going to get better as she gets older, it is going to get worse. Many people compare junior high to hell because of the bullies and teasing. I didn't have a problem in jr high because I had learned to stand up for myself. But you can't teach your daughter exactly what to do in every situation. It is more of an attitude thing.

                    Check out my barn's website: Hillbilly Farms
                    Check out my barn\'s website: Hillbilly Farms!

                    Comment


                    • Robby, I am so proud of my bad perm days too! I tried for big hair, but it just came out looking like a frizzy mess. I love awkward stages! I think the real reason I married my husband is that he had that awkward stage too... I have this adorable picture of him in a half-shirt with the sleeves cut off, pudgy belly poking out, and, I am not kidding, thick glasses with tape in the middle. He grew a foot the next year and turned into a hunk, but I swear I fell for him because of that picture.

                      But heck, even beautiful people can have a hard time. My drop-dead gorgeous little sister, captain of the cheerleaders, champion athlete, graduate from the Air Force Academy, never had an awkward stage, and now she has problems making friends in new situations, because she never HAD to learn how to do it when she was young.

                      So back to the original topic.

                      It's no fun, but I still think it's something that kids need to learn to deal with on their own. My sister is screwed up because she never HAD to deal with it. I am, dare I say, better adjusted because I did. I wouldn't be shielding her if I were you -- it's not going to help her in the long run.

                      where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?
                      where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?

                      Comment


                      • I personally had VERY low self esteem as a kid and if I was being picked on I would want my parents to stand up for me.....

                        As someone who works with kids in day camps, education, rez camps I HATE seeing kids being bullied or picked on no matter if it is for a reason or not, it is un called for and not a good way to settle differences/kill down time.

                        "We'll raise up our glasses against evil forces, singing Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses." --some country song
                        \"My insurance doesn\'t cover PMS.\" --10 things I hate about you

                        Comment


                        • Oye. The trials of being a kid Maybe I have a unique viewpoint coming from both sides of the equation. I used to barn rat for a big lesson barn that was VER clique-ish. You had your six or seven elite juniors that essentially ran the social portion of the barn. They b!tched and backstabbed and did pranks and thought they were all that. The rest of us just ignored them. I know its hard for people to intentionally seperate themselves from the group, but has your daughter tried ignoring them? If she's as well adjusted as you say she is and has enough friends, then she shouldn't mind. It's not the greatest of situations, but sometimes distancing yourself from the problem is the safest solution. It's an entirely different matter if they are physically forcing her to do things against her will. There is a difference between fun and fear induced actions. Physically FORCING your child despite her protesting should not be allowed under any circumstances. Maybe she should learn how to protest ?

                          Is your child the youngest there ? Is there a reason she's singled out ? If all the girls seems to be ganging up on her, there might be a reason. And its probably not jealousy. I've noticed that parents are always convinced that other children are jealous of their own. Not usually the case. There has to be something that instigates this behavior. I would try to determine what it might be, OTHER than jealousy.

                          Not to be harsh, but are you known at the barn for being an overprotective mother ? If you are, then this might be why the trainer isnt taking your concerns to heart. She might just be brushing them off as you being overdramatic. It still shouldn't happen though. I know my previous trainer would never stand for her the working students to scrimp on horse care. Some of the aforementioned elite juniors did have to work to pay off expenses. As much as they hated a girl, they would never jeapordize their own job by not cleaning the stalls equally. Are you sure you aren't seeing things that aren't there ? I've seen people CONVINCED that their horses weren't getting as much food as the other horses when they really were.

                          At my current barn something like this happened. One girl was being targeted...the other girls were making rumors up, threatening her, making fun of her, etc. The one girl finally had enough and told the owner that if actions were not taken then she was leaving. The owner decided to let the girls explain their behaviors, and then held a barn meeting without them to vote how many people wanted them to stay on, and how many felt they should go. If the rest of the barn has no problem with them, then maybe you should see if the problem lies with you and your child. Or possibly others are having problems with these girls and would like to see them leave too. In my case, two girls got kicked off the barn...

                          Hope everything works out ok.

                          I CAN walk and poop at the same time. I can I can I can.
                          I CAN walk and poop at the same time. I can I can I can.

                          Comment


                          • Let us know what happens.

                            Comment


                            • (donning flame suit) This isn't meant to be rude, but....

                              What does being a model have to do with being accepted and "not awkward" at school or anywhere else...

                              I am starting to think I'm not on the fence anymore. And the only reason is that in both of your posts you slipped in information that wasn't totally relevant to the topic except to brag about your wonderful daughter (and I'm sure she really is wonderful). She's the "whiz kid" at the barn and she's a model.... It's one thing to be proud of your children and their accomplishments, but it is quite another to be a braggart.

                              I realize I don't know you and in your opinion have no right to say anything like the above, but take a step back from the situation for a minute. Are you a "stage mom" (controlling, micromanaging, high strung) type in everything she does? - do you constantly brag about how perfect she is? - do you place unrealistic expectations upon her? - would you admit it if she wasn't the best at something? - does the behavior of the kids who are picking on her bother you more than it does her? - WHY does it bother you?

                              Just some things to consider. It's hard to discern nuances on an online bulleting board, but it's starting to sound to me like yuo are annoyed at kids for being kids. No excuse for kids to be rude, but could you be blowing things out of proportion because you are upset that these kids aren't in awe of your daughter?


                              Comment


                              • &lt;&lt;she's not a target at school or akward anywhere else actually (she's been a model since she was 3) she has lots of freinds at school etc&gt;&gt;

                                Well, the friends she has at school are her OWN age, correct?

                                As for modeling--a modeling shoot is not exactly a "real world setting."

                                MCL

                                Inner Bay Equestrian
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                                KERx

                                Comment


                                • I have to admit that I'm puzzled by the qualification of the "model" issue too. I would think being a child model could make a child even more awkward and less self-assured, depending on the situation. That said, most of the grown up, past child models I know turned out ok. However, I still can't help but cringe when I hear the term, I'm sure in part because of the child model who was murdered and still is on front pages of magazines to this day at times.

                                  Not that the above excuses the inappropriate bullying, by any stretch of the imagination.

                                  "B***h in training"
                                  \"Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and, once it has done so, he will have to accept that his life will be radically changed.\" -- Ralph Waldo E

                                  Comment


                                  • Yikes-I am only comparing this to my kid's dance studio because that's what I know best as far as that goes. There is a kid there that models in "pagents"...she is the crux of a lot of problems with the group of kids there.

                                    I think after seeing this kid and the way she acts and the way the mother treats her and then the other kids (ie MY KIDS-she has the gall to tell my kids what to do when in class. I have a problem big time with that, as it's the teacher's place). I truly think there is something to be said for TOO much self esteem-or at least that's what I have seen with this child.

                                    This pagent kid at dance has caused tremendous problems at out studio with the other kids (younger and older) by inimating the "I am better than you because I have won such and such"....This may not pertain to your child, but it is a heads up. I have decent kids, but their tolerance level for the massive self esteem exuded by these model/pagent kids can be low. I am glad your husband is taking and supervising the children at the barn.

                                    Elippses Users Clique........Co-Founder Occularly Challenged Equine Support Group, and now the Bowed Tendon Clique


                                    "And how's that working for ya?" Dr. Phil

                                    "What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

                                    Ellipses users clique ...
                                    TGFPT,HYOOTGP

                                    Comment


                                    • no no wait..LOL.. stop... you guys are killing me. That model part I took to mean "she's a model kid" Like model citizen, meaning perfect. Not model as in working in front of a camera. Not fashion model. I thought riley t was being sarcastic. Where the heck is this going???

                                      JSG you gotta bring clarity to that model statement please.

                                      Comment


                                      • I don't know-wouldn't you say "she's been a model child"? no, she said the child wasn't akward, she's been a model since she was 3. I will await clarification, but I think we read it correctly

                                        Elippses Users Clique........Co-Founder Occularly Challenged Equine Support Group, and now the Bowed Tendon Clique


                                        "And how's that working for ya?" Dr. Phil

                                        "What the fuh?" Robby Johnson

                                        Ellipses users clique ...
                                        TGFPT,HYOOTGP

                                        Comment


                                        • Stage mom? or Troll?

                                          Which is it?

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