A fish eye view of a bunch of horses swaying in unison inside some cargo container. Then, this face inserts its self in front of the camera lense from the side:
"Yeah, we stopped - So sue me. I'm at the Rosco diner in Upsate New York having come down from Montreal and before you get all hot and bothered and start typing furiously to your stupid internet friends, I made a detour to Montreal. NO, I didn't sell your beloved Magikal Fresian to the Canadian meat market - I picked up a Grand Prix jumper from a farm where he was stuck, instead of picking him up in Pennsylvania, where our route orignally was to take us. Yes, I deviated from your plans. Yes, your horse is going to be on the trailer 2 days longer than you imagined he would be. No, he isn't going to die. No, I didn't sell him to the Grand Prix trainer in Montreal. If it was your horse stuck in Montreal, the owners of my shipping company would be getting a letter from you of ultimate adoration and gratitude for the kindness and consideration of their driver along with a coveted shout out on Crotch, so any of you reaching for the phone to call your attorney about how to sue the pants off of me, go freak yourselves. The horse needed to be picked up and we went the extra mile to take care of him because he was stranded in Montreal. That's what we do. We take care of our customers.
"So, I have to take a wiz and get something to eat. And yes, I'm going to water and feed your damn rats before I eat my dinner, before I PEE even, and watch me do it," and the face dissamapears. Then it comes back again, and the eye zooms in to look at you hard - "No, not watch me pee. Watch me feed them," and dissapears again. And returns: "And then I'm gonna take a nap. Yes, your precious is going to have to STAND for 45 minutes with nothing in particular to do except eat the halter off of his next door neighbor for the time I take to sit down at a table and eat some dinner, which, if you've been watching, and I know you have, I haven't done in four days; climb up into the berth and sleep before we head for the Hudson river.
"That means we'll hit Danbury at about 7pm and Ridgefield about 8. The Westfalian going to Ox Ridge will be transferred at Ridgefield and delivered by 9:00pm at the latest. The rest of these rat terriers will travel on to their destinations in Connecticut, Massachussets, and Rhode Island exactly two days later than the original ET of Arrival. I know. Its not what you expected. You're going to have to remark your calendars. Deal.
"To compensate, the horses are going to be off loaded in Ridgefield tonight to have a break from travel, into 14 x 14 stalls bedded in peat moss dug from the moores of Yorkshire and transported in 15foot cubed boxes of earth by container ship across the north atlantic in winter. I heard there was a terrific storm, and people died mysteriosly, and "something" is on the ship, but the containers of earth were delivered successfully to the Ridgefield farm, and your horses will sleep in comfort tonight.
"I am told the peat moss is dry and clean, except for some pieces of rope, which, I hear, is the only thing left of a druid sacrifice of a living person some 1500 years ago, and can't be helped. No, the stable help in Ridgefield is NOT going to pick through your horses' bedding and find the rope shreds. No, your horse isn't going to injest the remains of some poor sot thrown living yet bound and gagged into the morass of water under the Baruna Bridge. Nobody's gonna eat the rope - they are going to lay down and sleep and they will have a nice nite in a stall with bran mash to give them a break from the travel.
Here the face turns away and sighs and turns back. "Yes, there are web cams in each stall, and you will get a pop up on your computer giving you the web address of your horse's stall cam in Ridgefield when he arrives there, so don't go typing crazy shite to your whacko friends on Crotch about how your horse has dissamapeard from the cameras when we get there, and you'd better check your browser preferences to allow pop ups or you'll never get the feed. And no, I'm not going to call you each and discuss this in person. Either you've been glued to your computer monitor or you haven't been; watched this or you didn't; otherwise, your horse will get to you when he gets there and I will call you when I am 10 miles away from his destination as originally planned. IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD FROM ME, I AM NOT 10 MILES AWAY YET.
YOUR HORSE IS FINE. Chill. Eat. Sleep. Or watch him sleep, I don't care, but leave me alone while I sleep. Randy Handy Hauler out."
Heh heh heh.
"Yeah, we stopped - So sue me. I'm at the Rosco diner in Upsate New York having come down from Montreal and before you get all hot and bothered and start typing furiously to your stupid internet friends, I made a detour to Montreal. NO, I didn't sell your beloved Magikal Fresian to the Canadian meat market - I picked up a Grand Prix jumper from a farm where he was stuck, instead of picking him up in Pennsylvania, where our route orignally was to take us. Yes, I deviated from your plans. Yes, your horse is going to be on the trailer 2 days longer than you imagined he would be. No, he isn't going to die. No, I didn't sell him to the Grand Prix trainer in Montreal. If it was your horse stuck in Montreal, the owners of my shipping company would be getting a letter from you of ultimate adoration and gratitude for the kindness and consideration of their driver along with a coveted shout out on Crotch, so any of you reaching for the phone to call your attorney about how to sue the pants off of me, go freak yourselves. The horse needed to be picked up and we went the extra mile to take care of him because he was stranded in Montreal. That's what we do. We take care of our customers.
"So, I have to take a wiz and get something to eat. And yes, I'm going to water and feed your damn rats before I eat my dinner, before I PEE even, and watch me do it," and the face dissamapears. Then it comes back again, and the eye zooms in to look at you hard - "No, not watch me pee. Watch me feed them," and dissapears again. And returns: "And then I'm gonna take a nap. Yes, your precious is going to have to STAND for 45 minutes with nothing in particular to do except eat the halter off of his next door neighbor for the time I take to sit down at a table and eat some dinner, which, if you've been watching, and I know you have, I haven't done in four days; climb up into the berth and sleep before we head for the Hudson river.
"That means we'll hit Danbury at about 7pm and Ridgefield about 8. The Westfalian going to Ox Ridge will be transferred at Ridgefield and delivered by 9:00pm at the latest. The rest of these rat terriers will travel on to their destinations in Connecticut, Massachussets, and Rhode Island exactly two days later than the original ET of Arrival. I know. Its not what you expected. You're going to have to remark your calendars. Deal.
"To compensate, the horses are going to be off loaded in Ridgefield tonight to have a break from travel, into 14 x 14 stalls bedded in peat moss dug from the moores of Yorkshire and transported in 15foot cubed boxes of earth by container ship across the north atlantic in winter. I heard there was a terrific storm, and people died mysteriosly, and "something" is on the ship, but the containers of earth were delivered successfully to the Ridgefield farm, and your horses will sleep in comfort tonight.
"I am told the peat moss is dry and clean, except for some pieces of rope, which, I hear, is the only thing left of a druid sacrifice of a living person some 1500 years ago, and can't be helped. No, the stable help in Ridgefield is NOT going to pick through your horses' bedding and find the rope shreds. No, your horse isn't going to injest the remains of some poor sot thrown living yet bound and gagged into the morass of water under the Baruna Bridge. Nobody's gonna eat the rope - they are going to lay down and sleep and they will have a nice nite in a stall with bran mash to give them a break from the travel.
Here the face turns away and sighs and turns back. "Yes, there are web cams in each stall, and you will get a pop up on your computer giving you the web address of your horse's stall cam in Ridgefield when he arrives there, so don't go typing crazy shite to your whacko friends on Crotch about how your horse has dissamapeard from the cameras when we get there, and you'd better check your browser preferences to allow pop ups or you'll never get the feed. And no, I'm not going to call you each and discuss this in person. Either you've been glued to your computer monitor or you haven't been; watched this or you didn't; otherwise, your horse will get to you when he gets there and I will call you when I am 10 miles away from his destination as originally planned. IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD FROM ME, I AM NOT 10 MILES AWAY YET.
YOUR HORSE IS FINE. Chill. Eat. Sleep. Or watch him sleep, I don't care, but leave me alone while I sleep. Randy Handy Hauler out."
Heh heh heh.



The armchair saddler
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