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Is this rude? Boarder/sharing services situation

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  • Is this rude? Boarder/sharing services situation

    If you were a boarder that shared services of an instructor or a farrier with other boarders...and the other boarders depended on another and their horse participating...and then they left without notice to the other boarders. If you do leave a situation where you are sharing services, should you notify the other boarders? Would that be considered rude or inconsiderate not to?

    I am at a small barn, sort of out of the way. It is very hard to get farriers familiar with dressage and sport horses out our way. In addition, there is no resident trainer so we have to make our own training arrangements. We were also a very small group of boarders, and some of us are without a trailer, so we usually have to pool a group of us together to bring out trustworthy farrier and a knowledgeable instructor out our way to make it more cost effective for them to drive out to us.

    One boarder just moved out without any notice to the other boarders. She notified the owner of the place, and she's entitled to do as she pleases....but I just found it kind of rude to go out there and find all her stuff was gone. In this past, this boarder has been very quiet and skulky/secretive in her behavior...but as it never affected me I rarely took notice. I sent her a text and she confirmed she left.

    Since we shared farriers and an instructor, I guess I felt that a little or any advanced notification would have been nice. Now, I have to scramble and confirm if the farrier will still come out for two horses and beg our instructor to still come out.
    "I'm holding out for the $100,000 Crossrail Classic in 2012." --mem
    "With all due respect.. may I suggest you take up Croquet?" --belambi
    Proud Member of the Opinionated Redhead Club!

  • #2
    I don't think it's rude. She's free to do what she wants. What would have changed had you known she was leaving? She may have had a personal situation that necessitated her leaving, and as you described her as quiet and secretive, this really shouldn't have surprised you. She notified the owner, and I think she fulfilled her obligation. It doesn't sound as if you considered her your friend, so I'm not sure why you think she was rude.

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    • #3
      Look at the bright side, perhaps boarder can be replaced with someone you like who will also share services?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by saddleup View Post
        I don't think it's rude. She's free to do what she wants. What would have changed had you known she was leaving? She may have had a personal situation that necessitated her leaving, and as you described her as quiet and secretive, this really shouldn't have surprised you. She notified the owner, and I think she fulfilled her obligation. It doesn't sound as if you considered her your friend, so I'm not sure why you think she was rude.
        This.

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        • #5
          socially inapt...

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          • #6
            Yea I think it's a little rude. Did she OWE it? No. Would it be courteous and polite? Yes, especially when knowing others depending on her cooperation and contribution.
            I want a signature but I have nothing original to say except: "STHU and RIDE!!!

            Wonderful COTHER's I've met: belleellis, stefffic, snkstacres and janedoe726.

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            • #7
              If she HAD told you, how would it have made any difference? It's not as though you could run out and buy a replacement, it's the BO's job to find a new boarder who fits her own criteria for Suitable Boarders. Now if leaving boarder took shared *equipment* without saying anything I'd be PO'ed, but that's it.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Alagirl View Post
                socially inapt...
                This....
                "Shoot low Sheriff! She rides a fast pony!"

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by BetterOffRed View Post
                  In this past, this boarder has been very quiet and skulky/secretive in her behavior...
                  Maybe she wasn't being secretive, just shy? I'm terribly shy until I get to know people, and I guess now someone might call me secretive and skulky. It also might be just that her horse time is HER time and she doesn't use it for socializing?

                  Did she understand how hard it was for you guys to find a farrier and instructor you liked? Or did she come in once things were set up? Maybe she didn't realize it would put you in a tough position. If she did understand how hard it had been to set up, then it would have been courteous for her to let you know she was moving to give you guys time to make other arrangements. She just may not have realized, though.
                  Visit us at Bluebonnet Equine Humane Society - www.bluebonnetequine.org

                  Want to get involved in rescue or start your own? Check out How to Start a Horse Rescue - www.howtostartarescue.com

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                  • #10
                    Since you were not privy to what was going on in this persons life...

                    Did you ever stop to consider that she may have something deeply personal going on. Or some heinous trama, she simply did not feel comfortable sharing ?

                    Things are hard all over right now. You have no idea what could have been going on in her life. None.

                    In this season, and every other, it may serve you well to remember these words.

                    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
                    Plato
                    FMO:OMG I almost put my eye out hunting clique.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I do think that it was rude because of the situation that you and the other borders are in. I
                      The nice thing to do would have been to just give the other borders a week or two notice so that you could find a replacement or make other arrangements.

                      I hope you get your situation worked out!

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                      • #12
                        Boarders - Not BOrders

                        Originally posted by Morganchica View Post
                        I do think that it was rude because of the situation that you and the other borders are in. I
                        The nice thing to do would have been to just give the other borders a week or two notice so that you could find a replacement or make other arrangements.

                        I hope you get your situation worked out!
                        ~~~~~
                        Oh my gosh, my spelling brain fart here. BOARDER

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by BetterOffRed View Post
                          If you were a boarder that shared services of an instructor or a farrier with other boarders...and the other boarders depended on another and their horse participating...and then they left without notice to the other boarders. If you do leave a situation where you are sharing services, should you notify the other boarders? Would that be considered rude or inconsiderate not to?
                          I think it was inconvenient for you, not rude or inconsiderate of her. I'm a big fan of being considerate of others, but you have to be reasonable. It's one thing to hold a door for someone who's right behind you going into a store; letting it slam shut in their face is rude. Holding the door for someone who's halfway across the parking lot, on the other hand, is not required. Hey, I can envision an alternate posting where someone comes on here and says "This girl who boards - well, boarded - with me, we share a trainer but that's about it. She actually texted me like 3 times last month to let me know she's moving barns! We're not even friends, and I feel like this freak is stalking me! Like I care she's going to a different barn! Some people!"

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                          • #14
                            BoRD

                            You could just do what I do, in my little one horse stable at the edge of the earth. I pay my really great vet and my really fabulous farrier, and my amazing dressage trainer, more than enough money to make it worth coming out for Just One Horse. Soo.ooooo....., since there are still a couple of you left, just you all kick in what Miss Igotsecrets won't be paying.

                            And nope, she didn't owe you anything, and likely figured (correctly) that if she told you all, you'd get your knickers in a twist, and some people just don't like needless drama. You know where someone says "But you CAN"T leave, you have the trailer, and you're the one that always holds my horse for the farrier and I can't afford private lessons, whatever will I do?????"

                            Then she has to do her Rhett Butler impression and it all goes downhill from there.....

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                            • #15
                              [edit]
                              OP, if your 'dressage' farrier is so important then the remaining boarders may have to suck it up and share the extra cost of what he would have been paid for shoeing the missing horse until you find another boarder. That is what I would do if I needed to make sure the farrier thought it was worth his time. I pay my farrier $20 above his charge every trim to make sure he keeps coming for my single horse.
                              Last edited by Moderator 1; Dec. 11, 2010, 04:27 PM.

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #16
                                My original question was "is this behavior rude or inconsiderate?" because if the shoe had been on the other/my foot, I probably would have let the other people know that I was leaving just so that they wouldn't be left to scramble.
                                B/c this is a small, out of the way barn it is very common for people to let others know if they are bringing a vet, dentist, saddlefitter, etc. in so that everyone can 'share' barn call fees or make it more efficient.

                                I have my own, very good relationships with the farrier, trainer, vet, etc. so the situaiton was firmly in hand and arrangements made quickly with both service providers.

                                Thank you to the posters that provided their perspective.
                                "I'm holding out for the $100,000 Crossrail Classic in 2012." --mem
                                "With all due respect.. may I suggest you take up Croquet?" --belambi
                                Proud Member of the Opinionated Redhead Club!

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by ThisTooShallPass
                                  Answer is in the my second post.
                                  I agree with thistooshallpass's self-deleted post. I've been at barns where other boarders moved without telling any of us but the BO. One time the only other person who moved shared a farrier but I'd had that farrier at other barns and he came back for my horses and is still shoeing Cloudy.
                                  Friends tell friends when they are moving, but realistically, when other people at a barn who are not friends move, they don't owe us anything, not even a goodbye. If OP and the moving boarder were not friends, the other boarder probably didn't want to argue with OP about any "obligation" to stay for farrier and instructor. If the farrier and instructor like OP, they'll come back. If not, it is not the moving boarder's fault. Establish a good relationship with your service providers and you won't have to worry.

                                  No the behavior is not, in my opinion, either rude or inexcusable. And it's not "socially inept."

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                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by sketcher View Post
                                    NOPE!!!

                                    OP, if your 'dressage' farrier is so important then the remaining boarders may have to suck it up and share the extra cost of what he would have been paid for shoeing the missing horse until you find another boarder. That is what I would do if I needed to make sure the farrier thought it was worth his time. I pay my farrier $20 above his charge every trim to make sure he keeps coming for my single horse.
                                    And sketcher said it best!

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                                    • #19
                                      I don't think she was rude or inconsiderate. She may have had a different perspective of the team environment and felt no obligation to tell anyone.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        If I met up with fellow boarders at the barn I might mention that I was leaving, but I wouldn't be going out of my way to let people that I wasn't friends with know my business. Especially a person who considers maintaining a bit of distance as skulky/secretive. Not everyone goes to the barn for a social life, some go for a bit of quiet time with their horse.

                                        Sounds like you didn't like her and she knew it.

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