Will my confidence ever come back?

[EqTrainer]

A psychotherapist explained to me that it isn't whether you think about the fall or not, it's how you think about it.

Instead of replaying it over and over again in our head, and continuously re-taking ownership of the whole experience, try thinking about it analytically, as if you were standing watching it. Then it becomes an abstract thing that you can examine dispassionately.

It's an interesting theory that I've played with a couple of times and it really does seem to help.

There is a lot of truth in this. The next step, IMO, is to learn how to control your mind so that you stop replaying it in your head in any form at all.

[TarheelJD]

I can total relate -- even though my injury was not as bad as yours (I broke my collar bone in July), I was really worried about whether I'd be able to get back into the saddle.

I started riding again about 6 weeks ago. I definitely still have some fear/apprehension to get over, but it's coming along. I bought the Jane Savoie "Freedom from Fear" CD/DVD set, and I think it has been very helpful.

Just hang in there -- I absolutely believe it simply takes time in the saddle to get confidence back after a bad fall/injury.

And thanks to everyone who posted such great responses to the OP - many of your comments were so helpful to me!

[HungarianHippo]

i have to second,third, fourth the advice to use the time out of the saddle getting really really FIT. Weakness in your legs and core muscles necessarily creates insecurity in the saddle.
This isn't injury related, but as a regular rider I always felt like I had strong core/legs. And I did. But this year I trained for my first marathon, and having run 1,000 miles this year, all I can say is holy crap it makes a huge difference. When I ride now, I am just glued to the saddle, without feeling like I'm even working at it. My mare's antics can sometimes be a tad challenging to sit, but now are like nothing to even pay attention to. My position over jumps has improved, and just everything is easier and feels more secure. So the best way to conquer fear and insecurity is to get rock-solid secure physically.
(PS i can totally relate to the irrational fear; broke my arm trapped in a trailer with a panicked horse, and to this day loading horses is just really difficult for me. Pretty much every time resuts in crying jags once I'm out of sight of people. Wish I could give you the easy fix for that, but for me, the fix is just to forgive myself for the crying jags.)

[Justa Bob]

Another vote for physical fitness training - especially strength and flexibility.

Highly recommend massage therapy from a good practitioner. It has made huge improvement in my recovery from a fall, other injuries and the subsequent soreness from training. The therapist told me exactly where I had fallen. It took a while to find her, but like a good trainer, vet or farrier -- it has been well worth it! And you can go one or two times only if needed.

[MsM]

IME it tends to be more difficult once you are older. More aware of your mortality and responsibilities, I guess. I think it will help you that you know what happened and what you can change. Gives you something constructive to do.
I addition to getting fit, I would hope you have a sympathetic instructor. S/he can help you build those specific riding muscles and provide the structure, feedback and confidence. Often in lessons, you are able to focus on the instructor and are more confident that another pair of eyes will see any problems developing, so that inner voice shuts up for a while.
It is very early days for you. Allow yourself to progress slowly in terms of confidence.

[Dapples7]

I'm going through the same thing you are right now - it's HORRIBLE. (Look at my previous messages and read the "Riding Anxiety - Feeling Like a Failure" thread - lots of good advice from everyone in there!)

I wish I could tell you what worked for me to get me over the fear, but I can't because I'm not over it yet. I'm trying really hard, though. Jane Savoie, and her "Freedom From Fear" program in particular, are amazing, as several other people have mentioned. Not beating yourself up is an excellent start (something I tend to do myself). Taking it slow and giving yourself time is a good thing. I think baby steps are key. Initially I tried to banish the fear by forcing myself to tack up my mare, hands shaking the whole time, and going for a ride. Making myself ride when I was not feeling comfortable or ready to ride was a bad, bad thing, and I ended up feeling far worse than I had in the first place. So, don't do that! Just give yourself time to do things with your horse on the ground, and to groom and maybe later on to tack up with no intention of riding. Move slooooow, and don't ever feel like you're a freak or that the situation is hopeless and permanent. It's not - you just have to give it time.

Best of luck to you!!!

[carolprudm]

Most of us have BTDT

It took me 4 years to get over my doublr whammy, a fall in my GARAGE and then a clinician really kicking me when I was down.

Add me to the chorus of Jane Savoie fans. Her books "It's not About the Ribbons" and "That Winning Feeling" gave me the tools I needed to rebuild my confidence.

One of the most valuable ideas I learned was to always think POSITIVE. Your mind doesn't process negative. If you think "Don't tense up" you WILL get tense. I thought about this the other day while I was fixing fence. "Don't hit your thumb" did of course becom OUCH

I stopped replaying my mental recording of the last clinic. Every time it started in my mental VCR I imagined myself ripping it out, throwing it on the floor and stomping it to BITS.

Sometimes several times a night.

I retired my mare....her confidence in me was about as bad as my confidence in both her and me....and bought Sophie. With her bloodlines if she didn't work out as a riding horse I could always breed her.

I developed a mantra "I am a strong and confident rider.
Sophie is always relaxed and attentive.
My shoulders hips and heels are always aligned" or in short Calm forward and straight. I started keeping a diary , it helps me see the small successes I might overlook otherwise.

It's still a work in progress. If I'm tense I don't breathe. My ankle hurts if Sophie leaps into a canter so I tense up when I ask her to canter and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I ride badly in lessons if I am tense until I trust the instructor....and I've found the right one for us.


The mods ought to make this a sticky, so many of us have been down this road

[Ray]

I did EMDR therapy with a psychologist that specializes in working with riders. I had a couple of bad falls, a few years apart, and really could not get past it.
EMDR is really not stressful at all - if you are interested, there is a decent description on wikipedia. it was developed for PTSD, which makes sense that a bad fall could generate a PTSD-like reaction. It totally worked!!! for which, I am so incredibly grateful.

my other advice to the OP is to stop thinking "how am I going to event if I cant ....[whatever] ?". set VERY short term goals. do some dressage this winter. try to be patient with yourself. GOOD LUCK!

[JackandMo]

The last fall I had that resulted in an injury happend October 31st 2000. Although it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, I was taken to the ER for a broken nose and concusion (WITH a helmet!)
My trust worthy ASB during a dressage lesson at the canter bolted and started bucking, and I came off. I immediately got back on and finished the lesson, but it shook me for YEARS.
In late 2003/2004 I was able to regain some confidence at the canter while riding a WP ASB who literally cantered in a teacup.
However, it wasn't until late October 2009 that I was truly able to let go and "be free." Something about horses galloping on the beach

Point is - give it time.

[Horsesrule]

YES!

YES! I promis your confidence will come back I have taken some really bad falls *sigh* but my trainer has helped me through it and now me and my horse are doing better than ever!

[amastrike]

Yesterday I just groomed my mare, which I don't often do (she doesn't really like being groomed), and hung out with her a bit.

Today I trotted my gelding over a little crossrail a bunch of times! I wasn't 100% secure, but in a way, it was kind of good--my balance and position weren't great, but I stayed on and stayed in control, and felt good enough to try again. And I finished off the evening by....... drumroll please....... dismounting onto the ground, instead of a mounting block!

I'm really wanting to ride the mare now. Next week my friend will be around to get on her for me (said friend does not know what the favor I asked of her is ), I'll try to get on her then and maybe even trot. The nice thing about her being pregnant is she's pretty fat, lazy, and a little bit laid-back.

[rainechyldes]

I'm a bit nuts I guess.
I've had over the years several serious falls (involving broken limbs/surgery etc) and more than a few bruiser falls.
It's never fun.

Only one time I recall being less than excited about getting on a horse and it was last summer after a certain horse of mine decided to go completely rodeo at a competition and cracked my skull -. fractured my cheekbone, black eyes, stitches and all that fun stuff.
I didn't get on him for a month and when I did.. oo boy I was not comfortable. Piddled around for about 10 minutes and realized I was shaking -
well.. that just made me angry. I remember thinking 'how DARE he make me feel this way' Opened the gate to the arena and headed off for a nice canter through the hills until I stopped being mad at him for making me feel that way. Was a lovely ride in fact.

but then.. I did say I'm a bit nuts...

[Auventera Two]

I'm really sorry to hear about your accident I had read your thread on it before and just the thought of what happened to you that day completely ooged me out. Anyone would have a respectable level of fear after that incident, yikes!

I did not ride for 2 years after a bad fall from a big Hano gelding. And even after that it took at least another year before I would even canter in an indoor ring. I would shake and sweat and feel sick to my stomach. And now - years later I have a hot Arab and do endurance. LOL so go figure.

What really helped me the MOST was a dead broke, as bombproof as it gets quarter horse. I rode my other mare after the accident and even cantered her bareback but always in an arena and I always felt fear doing it. Being able to really trust the bombproof horse is what I think finally got me over it completely.

And over the years of riding the Arab, I have still always gone back to the QH from time to time if I had a bad ride on the Arab that shook my confidence a bit.

Last year the trail caved in while we were trotting and she flipped over on top of me. Tore cartilage in my shoulder and I was nervous enough to go back and put a few rides on the QH again. I don't know what it is about her, but she always gives me the confidence I need.

I've found that horses deliberately going balistic and putting my life in danger make me not ever trust them again. I did go back and ride the Hano gelding one more time after the accident but I was so terrified I was shaking and sick to my stomach so I just got off and said it ain't worth it.

Also one of my mother's Hano mares bucked me into oblivion the minute my butt hit the saddle. Didn't even have my right foot in the stirrup. She put her head down and started bronco busting until she finally got me off. I never trusted her again and had no interest in riding her. This mare has done this to other people before, and she was nasty about it.

This summer my friend's gelding went apeshit on her and ended up galloping off with her bucking until he got her off. She broke 6 ribs and had a bruised kidney. She never got on him again, and personally I wouldn't either. I have NO use for a horse that does stupid crap like that. But it does NOT sound like your mare did anything intentionally malicious so I'd be alot more inclined to trust her than one who deliberately tried to kill me.

I also watched another friend's gelding deliberately and violently buck and run until he piled her off. She never got on him again and sold him to a cowboy.

So for me anyway, the circumstances of the accident mean a lot - deliberate, or total accident.

You got some great suggestions from others too. Hang in there, it's not fun but you CAN recover from it

[Thomas_1]

You can get your confidence back if you want to. You need to take control.

IME there's merely 4 things you need to do.

1) Stop thinking about "what might be"
2) Never let your confidence exceed your competence
3) Ensure you're physically rehabilitated and fit to ride
4) Stay on a good biddable horse with good supervision

Sounds easy?

The first and most important thing is to try to put the accident where it belongs.... behind you!

Yes by all means to do that you need to come to terms with what happened but rather than dwelling on "stuff" you need to carefully and briefly analyse what happened and rather than thinking about "What" and "what if" try to think about the "why" and particularly the "could I have done anything different to prevent that".

So work through the reasons:

why did the horse veer left? Do you sit straight? If not why not? Why didn't you stop the veer left? Is the horse disobedient? Are you a rider or were you being taken for a ride?

Why did you become unbalanced just because the horse veered left?

You said you were too forward? Why? When your horse transitions up are you gripping? Hence losing foot position and sticking your feet through?

Why didn't you rebalance yourself with the saddle or a neck strap?

Why bale out? Or was that because you had no choice?

Why did your foot get caught? Or was that because you had no choice?

In my opinion the safest place to be is ordinarily on board.

Do you actually mean that your seat and balance is such that you've a tendency to be asking the horse to drift that way and in so doing you're on your way out over the front shoulder should anything happen? IF you ever bale out then it really ought to be because the horse has lost it's mind and so much so that it's not got any regard for itself let alone for you. IF you ever bale out then the first thing you do is remove your feet from the stirrups.

I'm thinking though from your description that you didn't "bale out". You lost your balance and you got to the point of no return, couldn't right yourself and you came off. It sounds to me like this was consolidated or made worse by poor leg and foot position. Are you inclined to have your foot too far through the stirrup? Incorrect footwear? Grip or hang on to try to balance? Do you even tack up with a neck strap?

IF there were things that you could have done differently then remember those and only those for the future and only when similar circumstances might arise.

You said your younger mare is being a dick head and and it sounds to me like your older gelding is too. Albeit the problem could be you rather than the horse. If you're giving him signals to "go" but taking hold and allowing him to take hold then he's going to be a heck of a lot stronger than you (or anyone) will ever cope with. Are you contributing in any way to him "being naughty"?

What can you do about that? Increase his turn out? Knock off hard feed? Get someone else to get him schooled and behaving? If he's pratting about then get him trained and get him going well.

Ensure you're fit to ride. You might need to improve your strength in your injured leg. Do what the physio tells you and also do some basic "get fit to ride" lessons. You want to try to ensure you don't have too much bi-lateral weakness on the injured side. Good exercises are standing on a step just on the balls of your feet and dropping your weight into your heels. Walking backwards: only instead of placing your toe on the ground first, put your heel down first. Ensure you're not carrying too much weight and that you are fit generally. You need to be fit to ride. Not using riding to get you fit. When I had my mechano set of pins and plates in my left leg I did a lot of cycling and swimming to compensate for the muscle atrophy. It's really important that you aren't so weak that you're sitting crooked or weak one side once you're on a horse.

Then start over. If need be on a good riding instructor's horse that always fails safe and that isn't going to behave like a prat!

Get out of your head any notions of what happened and try to keep in the here and now and concentrate on what you're doing.

Start off within your comfort zone. Get yourself some safety stirrups: I personally don't like them but it might just help what's in your head. Rather I always make sure that the stirrup bar isn't clipped up, that way if you are ever thrown off the stirrup leather will come loose.

Get some decent boots with leg support.
Get a neck strap on your horse.
Get some lessons to concentrate on your seat, balance and leg and foot position and start with at walk and on the lunge.

Move to trot when you're comfortable and have a stable position and stay on the lunge and move on to canter when you're feeling comfortable and stable and stay on the lunge.

Take it slow and steady. Remember to breathe. If it helps then sing or chatter away or just admire the scenery and talk about what you're seeing and doing. Anything to stop you thinking about "what happened and what might happen".

Likewise stop thinking "wannabe eventer" thoughts. Nothing wrong with having a dream but ,anage a day at a time and stay concerned to manage about what you can control and effect and your dream won't just stay as a "dream". It may well become ambition realised.

In the meantime though your concentration is on good position and good balance and good independent seat on a good horse and with good empathetic supervision.

Note: empathy isn't sympathy! I'd encourage you not to go listening to other folks tales of woe when they came off. They're "so what", "not your problem".

Easy! :wingrin:

p.s. I just went back and read your later post whereby you mentioned coming off more times than you could count. You really need to look at your fitness and balance if that's the case. Unless of course you're the same age as me and work as a horse trainer and your job is to try to sort out puke horses.... even so though "coming off" shouldn't be a regular occurrence and it certainly should never become an expectation!

[CanterQueen]

Some great posts here. You and I should have been penpals - I broke my leg in seven places on 5/21/10. Plates, pins, wires and another surgery four weeks ago to remove some stuff that was coming out (thru the skin). I was riding as soon as the cast came off. It hurt like heck and I only rode for short distances, but I rode and rode and rode.

I'm no spring chicken (50 yo) and I don't bounce like I used to, but I love this sport and won't stop. It isn't just a hobby, it's my lifestyle. This was my first break and it was a bad one (doc called me humpty dumpty), but I knew getting back in the saddle was the only way I could get past what happened.

Go slow, but go!!!!!!

[amastrike]

Little update... I've ridden another horse a few times, a darling little QH gelding. He's closer to the ground, has smoother gaits, and is slower than my TB, so much much easier for me to ride. My TB is so incredibly bouncy, I can only trot for literally about a minute because the hardware in my leg starts hurting. And he sometimes forgets he's been off the track for over 15 years and gets a little, er, frisky.

So today, I took a lesson Mr. QH, and we jumped. Started off with a little crossrail and flower boxes. It was pretty horrible, but he jumped and I didn't fall off, so that was good enough for me. Then we did a big cross-rail and it felt pretty good, so I got really brave, and did a gate set at 1'9" . Thankfully, QH has lots of mane and is a good boy about jumping what's in front of him, so all I have to do is aim him at it, grab mane with both hands, and give a little leg at the fence.

And really, how can you not adore a face like this??

[Event4Life]

Aww he looks adorable & very kind! Well done you, keep up the positive feelings :-D.

I would ask for lunge lessons on the schoolie. Do a lot of exercises to focus on your balance, like riding w/ no reins, 2 point with and without stirrups (this can just be done at the walk if you are uncomfortable), etc. Riding around in 2 point in general will really help improve your balance and strength.

[amastrike]

Once I get my TB in decent work, I'll see about doing a longe lesson on him. Mr. QH is pretty green.. we'll be doing lots of work to get him off his forehand. Riding without stirrups and reins and stuff at the walk is a good idea, I'll have to start incorporating that.

I'm really shocked I felt comfortable doing an almost-2' fence on a horse I'd never jumped before, but he's such a good, honest boy about it.

[RodeoQueen]

YES, you can recover both mentally and physically! you can do anything you put your mind to - if you want it badly enough.

I, too, am a member of the "crash club" - hence my username. I don't ride Rodeo intentionally. But my "how it happened" is a so what. The healing and recovery is the good part.

1. It takes time. LOTS of time. So be patient with yourself. USE the time in a positive way.
2. If your brain continues to replay the incident and damage and pain, seek help for PTSD. You need to "change tapes" in your head. Every time your brain goes back to the crashing event, replace it with a new story.
3. Tell yourself every day that you can overcome your injuries and fear.
4. Find a trainer and a broke, safe horse to ride for therapy - your body and mind need time to recover, and you want a POSITIVE experience in the saddle.
5. Read books, watch videos and take ownership of your own riding - set a goal to IMPROVE. Put pride aside and use this time to be honest with your trainer and your self about your riding strengths and set goals to fill in weaknesses. We all HAVE THEM even though no one willingly discusses them. We are all human.
6 As you start to improve your riding skills, picture yourself riding your horse successfully and UTILIZING your new skills. The power of visualization is huge so long as it is attached to something real.
7. Set SMALL goals for yourself. Some that were helpful to me were: Ride walk and trot for 30 minutes, pick up a canter 1x to each direction and make 20 m circles. SMALL goals can be achieved and serve as a starting place for healing.
8. Practice improving your new skills on your horse on a LL so that the learning and training experiences eventually replace the accident experience.

It CAN be done. I am the MASTER of my young, hot horse who is now 8 because of how much time my recovery took - but we are very optimistic about an exciting show season coming up - and are adding O/F to our skills. But i AM THE BOSS and have a whole new toolbox of riding skills that i simply did not have at the time of my crash.

pride aside, replaced by an opportunity for Growth is how you will heal.

Go get'em and tell us what you are learning!

[amastrike]

Friday was a very tiring, stressful day at work, and by the end of it, I was really in the mood to get on my mare, the one I fell off and caused all my injuries and confidence issues. Got her out of the field, tacked her up, got on, walked and trotted!, and dismounted... all by myself, no one there to help me . She was a little snotty, but I can't really blame her.. she's almost 8 months pregnant and has been ridden twice since May. I'd be snotty if I had 40 pounds of baby bouncing around and someone tried to ride me . Overall, she was a good girl, and it felt so good to get on her and do something. Now she is officially off until spring.