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My horse died last night - I don't know what to do. Pictures now included on page 5.

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  • I've been thinking aobut you too...still sending postive thoughts your way.

    If the barn owners won't let you plant a tree, plant one someplace else - maybe where you live? Wherever it is it will be a tribute to your beloved Sebastian.

    ------------------------------
    I'm just the mom....

    Comment


    • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lammie:
      Well I went to the barn this morning to work - its getting a little easier. It took me twice as long to do everything today, I just couldnt go any faster - and every time I would pass Sebastian's halter hanging on the stall door I would have to stop and touch it - I didnt cry too much though - I think I am all teared out. I took my dog out and he was a comfort, he didnt leave my side once - I think I just needed something out at the barn that was mine and was dependent and loyal to me since the animal that previously filled that spot is now gone. People keep asking me to ride but I really dont want to, I dont even think I could. I dont know what to do with his bucket or his bridle, I dont want to move them because it will be like hes officially gone because all of his everyday stuff is gone. While I want to keep things where they are, I hate looking at them. His halter is hanging in the middle of the barn, his bucket and other things are sitting on my trunk - I just dont know what to do with them. The Vet came out today, the one who put him down, she had to see another horse, and she pissed me off because she talked to me like nothing ever happened. I dont know why, but it really peeved me - she wasnt even upset about it. I am just rambling now I guess - my mom is coming home tomorrow, not Sunday, so I will have her here with me soon. I asked the owners of the farm if I could possibly plant a tree for Sebastian and they said they didnt know -they are pretty anal people. But anyway, thanks for listening and for helping.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

      Baby girl,
      re Sebastian's "stuff", tuck it away. A wise poster here on COTH suggested not running out and getting another horse too soon. The hardest thing sometimes can be accepting the responsibility for another life too soon.

      Put his kit away, for now. When I went to University, I brought tack, just to hold and feel.

      And when the first idjit entered my life, that bridle from the old man, that I had kept clean and oiled for too many years, fit the idjit and somehow, life got better. The idjit isn't "the old man", he is his own self, which is as it should be, but that thread of continuity counts in my book. So..take Sebastian's tack and pack it away and if you decide to love another idjit, use that tack...because your memory of Sebastian will be right with you when you pull it out, and it will be good.

      prayers continue and love, June
      \"The world\'s greatest achievements often happen on the edge of chaos\"

      Comment


      • Oh Lammie...words can not express how sorry I am for what you must be going through.

        "Don't cry for the horses
        That life has set free
        A million white horses
        Forever to be
        Don't cry for the horses
        Now in God's hands
        As they dance and they prance
        To a heavenly band
        They were ours to borrow
        But never to keep
        As they close their eyes
        Forever to sleep
        Their spirits unbound
        On silver wings they fly
        A million white horses
        Against a blue sky
        Look up into heaven
        You'll see them above
        The horses we lost
        The horses we loved
        Manes and tails flying
        They gallop through time
        They were never yours
        They were never mine
        Don't cry for the horses
        They will be back some day
        When our time has come
        They will show us the way
        Do you hear that soft nicker
        Close to your ear
        Don't cry for the horses
        Love the ones that are here"
        -Unknown

        People got me questioning
        x
        Where is the love?

        "Screw you guys, I'm going home"
        -Cartman

        Comment


        • Lammie, I'm so sorry. I wish I had magic words that could make it all better for you!

          As others have said, you did right by your boy and gave him comfort when he passed. You were there for him when he needed you, and I'm sure he realized that and took great comfort in it.

          I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will feel better with time. You'll never be "over" him, but the hurt will become a happy memory. If you're like me when you suffer a loss, you don't want to feel better at first because it seems like a betrayal. It's not. You'll never forget your beautiful boy or love him any less. You'll just look back on the wonderful times you had together and be glad you shared them.

          Comment



          • I don't know you or your horse but I'm in tears.
            I'm sure you gave him comfort in the end. Having an old friend to hold his head must have comforted him. And he's in horse heaven with carrots and grass and a big field - all animals go there, they must for all the love they give us.

            Your boy was blessed to have a life with you. It's hard that it was cut short, but from the pictures, you had a good life together.

            The witchy witch witch of south central NC.
            The witchy witch witch of south central NC.

            Comment


            • Lammie (and Coreene)

              I am so sorry for your losses. I'm tearing up here at the computer as my beautiful boy blissfully watches Sponge Bob Squarepants. This thread and both of your losses make me every more appreciative of the lives that touch mine and make it better everyday. My Seamus - the tempermental 3 year old. My Nigel - my anxious OTTB. My Tim - my laid-back, ever-tolerant husband. My dear Teddy Boy - my neurotic greyhound, who just lost half his tail to the temper of the above child (a slamming door). I am so lucky. I am not saying this to rub it in -- just to let you know you've helped me realize how precious my boys are. (And my girly kitties)

              I send my love and strength to you. I wish you could've had a memento like his tail or forelock. I know it sounds morbid, but I would go to any lengths to get them. It would mean so much to me. I don't know if it's possible.

              I, too, would want to cradle and hold him. I would be acting like you. I think you should cry, if you need to. Let it all out. Your body and soul needs to go through these stages of mourning. Don't deny yourself that. As for his halter and bridle, I would clean them, polish them, and display them next to a beautifully framed picture of your dear boy. Think of it as a last act of affection and cleansing for him. Don't think of it as washing him away. Have you ever seen the movie, "A Midnight Clear"? In it, when one of the soldiers dies the other few soldiers who are on the mission with him bathe him and clean his wounds and body. It is truly ethereally, religious moment. Think of oiling them as putting life into them and caring for him. Everytime you oil them you are taking care of him. It can be your quiet special time with Sebastian.

              Love to you. We are here for you.

              Nigel: http://community.webshots.com/album/68326373whlDAm
              Lorenzo: http://community.webshots.com/album/74700172fvoxFq
              Teddy Boy: http://community.webshots.com/album/74981587sGtSKT

              "When I bestride him, I soar, I am a hawk: he trots the air; the earth sings when he touches it; the basest horn of his hoof is more musical than the pipe of Hermes."
              -- Shakespeare, Henry V

              Member Sighthound Clique
              Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. - Gandhi

              Comment


              • It's such a horrible feeling. When my best "filly" friend (32 yrs) died I found the worst time was just after waking up...for a few seconds it felt normal, then I'd remember she was gone. I'd start crying all over again & not want to get out of bed.
                I got the "call" and made the frantic decision too. She wasn't the first horse I'd put down & I doubt she'll be the last, but she had been with me most of my life and I still can't talk about her w/out crying and it's been 4 years.
                I think your tree idea is lovely, there is a pretty pink & white flowering crabapple over my gal and a brass halter nameplate, w/ her dates added under her name, is screwed into the bark.
                I'm so glad you were able to give him kisses & say goodbyes.
                XOXOXO



                Mark Twain-
                If he is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

                Comment


                • Lammie, I think this is one of the most beautiful poems I've ever read. A friend sent it to me after the tragic death of a horse I loved very much. Misty belonged to another friend of mine, but I loved her like my own. I hope it will help bring you some comfort. If not today, then someday soon.

                  I had a picture framed with a lovely printed copy of this poem and gave it to my friend who owned Misty. Maybe you could do that too with a picture of Sebastian. I really like the first one Adelita posted for you. He looks so handsome and proud.

                  Anyway, here's the poem:

                  SOMEWHERE

                  Somewhere in time's own space
                  there must be some sweet pastured place
                  where creeks sing on and tall trees grow,
                  some paradise where horses go.
                  For by the love that guides my pen,
                  I know great horses live again.
                  -Stanley Harrison

                  I believe that's true! They live on forever in our hearts!

                  Glad to hear your mom is coming home sooner! It will be good to have her there.

                  Comment


                  • Baby girl,
                    just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts as I turn in.

                    If you can, I would print out this thread. The moving, wise words in it will sustain you right now and I'm thinking in future if you discover a speed bump in life.

                    Just wanted to tuck you in tonight, until your Mom gets home.
                    a great big hug, kiss and quiet sigh, and love, June
                    \"The world\'s greatest achievements often happen on the edge of chaos\"

                    Comment


                    • OK...the pictures made my eyes tear up. It is not fair to lose our friends this way.

                      ________________________
                      *London*
                      *Hannah Bay*
                      *Tatabra Kirsche*
                      *Gryphon Bay*
                      *New foal on the WAY!!!*
                      ________________________
                      *Hannah Bay*Tatabra Kirsche*
                      *Gryphon Bay & Amethyst Bay*

                      Comment


                      • I lost my TB mare last month who happened to be 9 months in foal. She was 19 years old and I'd had her for 10 years. She was my first horse. It was completely unexpected, she contracted acute onset EPM. Her motor control was so bad that her equilibrium was shot and she repeatedly fell headlong into metal fences. She flipped herself over 7 times in an hour. She was blind in her left eye from a racetrack injury many years ago, and during one of her falling episodes she badly damaged her right eye and permanently blinded herself. After injuring her eye, she stood shaking and quivering in the middle of her paddock scared and disoriented. She had also gashed her face and mouth open, sliced up all four of her legs, and bowed a tendon and still she fought to get up every time. It was then that I chose to euthanize. I never again want to see such stark fear on a horse's face. My heart broke for her best friend -- my devoted Trak. mare who stood patiently at the paddock gate for two days refusing to eat as her friend struggled to survive, and for her only baby, a two year old filly that is her mirror image, who stood over her mother's body all the next day until the haulers came to transport her to the equine cemetery. I miss her so much it feels like I lost her yesterday. It was just in the last few days that I have been able to bring her photos back out without crying hysterically. I have moved all of my horses to a new barn because I couldn't stomach seeing her empty stall everyday. The pain gets a little farther way everyday but never goes away completely.

                        Hugs and prayers to you.
                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                        *Phenix* 1990 Trakehner Mare
                        *Vanderbilt* 2001 OTTB Gelding

                        Comment


                        • How awful.
                          I don't know what to say except that I'm now giving you a big cyber hug.
                          I hope that the support of your friends and the memories you have of Sebastian gives you some comfort.

                          Comment


                          • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I still dont know what to do. I miss him so much, I think Im still in shock - like this is all a bad dream and I will wake up and go pet my fat happy boy in his feild tomorrow. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
                            Lammie, I'm sorry for your loss and what you're going through.

                            I suddenly lost my first horse to a twisted gut in 1979. I was devastated. For me, the right thing was to ride another horse soon after. My friend let me school and show one of her horses. It didn't diminish my feelings for Pooka, but it was what I had to do. He's been gone 24 years, and I still miss him, but I think of all the great times I had with him, and it makes me smile.

                            I know it's hard right now, but "Time heals all wounds" is pretty much true. If you get another horse, it won't negate the special feelings you had for Sebastian. It'll be different, but wonderful too.
                            People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... timey wimey... stuff.

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              Well I worked agin this morning but thankfully my friend came out and helped me. Its been a rough week - I went out last night with my boyfriend to get my mind off things but I just ended up crying in the car and I went home early. Well I didnt go home, I went to my good friends house to cry to his mom because they ride and they know what its like. I felt like such an idiot, I just busted through their front door in tears and collapsed on thier couch and cried for like an hour.This morning wasnt mush better - I woke up and the ribbons I had won this weekend showing Sebastian had fallen off my wall and onto my floor. It was only those two, none others. It felt like a sign, but I dont know what it means. I turned the horses out today back into the pasture where Sebastian is buried and for a long time they stood in the grass right next to the dirt that he is under and just stared at it. They are all very sad, his pasture mate is now all alone and stands at the fence line looking into the barn, like maybe his buddy is just kept in a stall during the day. I still havent moved any of his stuff, and someone erased his name from the dry erase board in the feed room but I wrote it right back - how dare them. When its ready to be erased, I will do it. I still dish out his food out of habit but I cant do much with it so it just sits there until someone pours it back in the bag. This is really sucky - but my mom is coming home this afternoon and I want to see her but I dont want to cry anymore and I am sure I will when I see her. I just want to not be sad anymore but thaty wont happen unless he miracuously comes back to life. It makes me sad and sick to think of him being under that dirt, his body wasting away when it should be beautiful and playing in the pasture. Anyway, thats my update for right now, I will post later - thanks a lot.

                              Comment


                              • Lammie,
                                I'm so sorry that this has happened. Loss of a friend is a terrible thing and for awhile grief will seem insurmountable. But things do get better, and someday you'll be able to smile again. Lots of love and hugs,
                                Colleen
                                ~Colleen
                                www.ohiotrailriding.com/reflection.htm

                                Comment


                                • I'm so sorry, that's a horrible thing to have happened. I can't even imagine. And how unfair too... stay strong I know it has to be extremely hard for you.

                                  Steph
                                  Steph

                                  Comment


                                  • I am very sorry. I have been skirting around replying because this post made me face my own losses this past winter and the anger, sadness, guilt, more guilt and a myriad of other emotions that it brought back to the surface.
                                    Time is all I can say will help a little bit.
                                    Again, I am so, so sorry. Lori

                                    I love my fat pony!
                                    Proud to have two Takaupa Gold line POAs!
                                    Takaupas Top Gold
                                    Gifts Black Gold Knight

                                    Comment


                                    • Oh Lammie

                                      (((((((((((hugs))))))))))

                                      What you are going through is completely normal, don't let anyone tell you it's not. Lean on your mom when she comes home, she loves you, and together you can get through this.

                                      We love you here, too.

                                      &gt;^.,.^&lt;


                                      "I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once."
                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                      You can't have everything. Where would you put it all?

                                      Comment


                                      • Hang in thre Lammie.

                                        I think the ribbons falling to the floor are a sign to you. I believe it is Sebastian's way of trying to tell you to not dwell on the bad but to think about and remember all the good and wonderful times you had together!!!!!!!!

                                        "Member of the Western clique"

                                        All gave some...And some gave all...God bless the USA
                                        "You are under arrest for operating your mouth under the influence of
                                        ignorance!" Officer Beck

                                        Comment


                                        • I agree. Sebastian wanted to remind you of the fun you had with him, and by knocking those ribbons to the ground that was his way. Stranges things like this have been happening to me as well.

                                          2Traks, I am sending you a giant hug as well.

                                          Comment

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