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So, who is a horse person? What does it mean to you?

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  • So, who is a horse person? What does it mean to you?

    I was wondering if others have felt this way before...I suppose I'm in a philosophical mode. Or am I just getting older??? This is an alter, btw.

    This is long, and it may seem self-serving but honestly...I feel like I need to write this, and "publish" it to other horse people. I'm still vulnerable, hence the alter. I'm getting there though.

    So....

    I've spent years riding, competing, taking weekly lessons and doing clinics, teaching and training others' horses, selling and marketing horses, etc. And I loved every minute of it. Its where I'm happiest. I know in my heart I was born to be around horses, to do barn chores, to live in that atmosphere.

    I have skipped school functions (from elementary up through college), declined party invitations or either missed or cut short family gatherings, and I'll admit it, been a proud "barn hermit".

    Then, through my horses' lamenesses and a period of forced non-horsey activity, I discovered that I'd spent so much time developing the horsey aspects of myself that I'd completely neglected other aspects of myself. My identity was entirely wrapped in who I was as a horse person, and as a rider. When that was removed-through a lack of catch rides, lame horses, health emergencies, etc. suddenly I found myself on extremely shaky ground. Scary ground. Suddenly faced with a future that may not allow a professional horse career due to health and economy.

    I fought it. I raged against it! I was a horse person damn it! I'm miserable without my horses, without riding, how can I respect myself when I'm not a rider, when I'm not out there doing the barn chores?

    I discovered that inwardly I sneered a bit at non-horse people. I discovered that if I admitted it to myself, I didn't think anyone but horse people were worth friendship-not deep long term friendships. I realized I'd isolated myself. I realized I was using horses to insulate myself from those areas of life that left me vulnerable.

    And so I did a 180. I tried to strip down and explore the aspects of myself that I'd hidden or ignored. I took myself out of even that partial horse world-I didn't see a horse or touch a horse for months. It was hard, there were days I was miserable. Luckily, I have the financial support to be able to do this. It was a "finding myself" period that forced me to look at myself as a whole person not JUST a horse person.

    And I realized how unhealthy I'd been!! I realized how much I used horses as a social crutch, and how judgemental I'd become about the horse world vs the "real world". I vowed to change it. I'm still working on it. I got involved with community service, I found part time work in a field very different than the horses and friends outside the horse world. I gradually added some horse time back in my life and fought that urge to drop everything else and let it envelop me again.

    I have tried hard to recognize that my heart is big enough to be a horse person AND other things. My head can handle this and I can be just as much of a horse person without standing in a barn, with a hand on a horse 24/7. That even if a person takes a step away from the horses, it doesn't mean that person is leaving horses forever or that they are any less serious about them than the person who works non-stop at a barn (very difficult concept for me to grasp).

    My shock is that I feel so much FREER and can approach the horses with a much better sense of calm and peace now than when I was competing! When I chose to ride, I am better able to focus and enjoy the whole thing. However, I don't feel an obsessive need to be at the barn 24/7 now either. I feel like I can travel, I can guiltlessly take a family trip, I can enjoy the city...etc. I can do all these things without losing my "horsiness".

    I've gotten to the point where I realized many other horse people tend to do this too. And I'm not saying that you or our fellow COTHers/horse people are all unhealthy or need a major life change, some of you probably balance many aspects of yourself but I know there ARE some of you out there who probably feel or have felt like me.

    This thread may seem completely ridiculous to some of you, but for me, this was a real revelation. It was a painful process. I just wanted to share this, and see if anyone else had to come that point in their life where they realize horses are incredible and important but that there is more to life than them. And how long it took you to get there, or how you balance your life. Or, even as the thread title states; what is a horse person and how do you define yourself within that broad description?

  • #2
    Good question.
    My glib answer, around here they say of anyone that is good with horses that they are half horse.
    Grandma used to say I was 99% horse.

    Seriously, I have been a professional in the horse world all my life and happy to be one.
    I don't consider that to be or have become too one sided at all, also having other interests I pursue.
    There is a big, wide world out there.

    I would say there are few people that would have only horses in their life and are functional, but that most that are very involved with horses are fine spending most of their lives in the horse community is ok also.

    I would not measure others too much by your own experiences, being as interesting as they are.
    It is good that you have examined your life and found more interests to follow than just one.

    Comment


    • #3
      hello and welcome to life

      life moves in circles each new circle brings an open door wether you walk through that door is down to the indidivual thats life

      to many spin offs and to many things as you have found out what you was then to what you are now at this point in time, give yourself time and there will be anoter circle to go round and each the door on to another opening
      and thus is how we humans live our lives and learnt from expreinces good bad sad fun whatever its life

      Comment


      • #4
        As gls said, welcome to life! It is not at all uncommon for individuals to invest all of their sense of self (and self-worth) in a single thing. In the OP's case, it was her identity as a "horse person." For many, their jobs form their identity (and it sounds like the OP falls somewhat into this category ... horses for her/him being both a job and a calling). For others, it may be parenthood, or an avid hobby.

        Personally, yes, I think this is a little unbalanced and can become very devastating if that sense of self is yanked from under a body. However, I have to concede, I've known some very happy people who have lived long, productive and satisfactory lives as very single-focused people.

        To the OP: Have a great time developing the rest of yourself ... what an exciting journey! It must be almost like being a teen/young adult again, when everything is discovery and potential, but hopefully without the angst. And I don't doubt that horses and what you have learned, the skills you have developed, with them will remain a cornerstone of your foundation, regardless of your activity level in the horse world, how you earn your living, etc.
        Equinox Equine Massage

        In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me invincible summer.
        -Albert Camus

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by coloredhorse View Post
          As gls said, welcome to life! It is not at all uncommon for individuals to invest all of their sense of self (and self-worth) in a single thing. In the OP's case, it was her identity as a "horse person." For many, their jobs form their identity (and it sounds like the OP falls somewhat into this category ... horses for her/him being both a job and a calling). For others, it may be parenthood, or an avid hobby.

          Personally, yes, I think this is a little unbalanced and can become very devastating if that sense of self is yanked from under a body. However, I have to concede, I've known some very happy people who have lived long, productive and satisfactory lives as very single-focused people.

          To the OP: Have a great time developing the rest of yourself ... what an exciting journey! It must be almost like being a teen/young adult again, when everything is discovery and potential, but hopefully without the angst. And I don't doubt that horses and what you have learned, the skills you have developed, with them will remain a cornerstone of your foundation, regardless of your activity level in the horse world, how you earn your living, etc.
          I generally just scan thru posts and rarely notice who wrote what.
          If a post seems very interesting, for good or bad, I then go back and see who wrote that.
          I like this post and think it has a very well thought out answer, thank you.

          Comment


          • #6
            Maybe if you hadn't caught yourself in time you would have reached burnout. Then you really would have been in a funk. Good instincts!
            Any time someone talks about their horse in a bar, there's love in the room.

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