I was wondering if others have felt this way before...I suppose I'm in a philosophical mode.
Or am I just getting older??? 
This is an alter, btw.
This is long, and it may seem self-serving but honestly...I feel like I need to write this, and "publish" it to other horse people. I'm still vulnerable, hence the alter. I'm getting there though.
So....
I've spent years riding, competing, taking weekly lessons and doing clinics, teaching and training others' horses, selling and marketing horses, etc. And I loved every minute of it. Its where I'm happiest. I know in my heart I was born to be around horses, to do barn chores, to live in that atmosphere.
I have skipped school functions (from elementary up through college), declined party invitations or either missed or cut short family gatherings, and I'll admit it, been a proud "barn hermit".
Then, through my horses' lamenesses and a period of forced non-horsey activity, I discovered that I'd spent so much time developing the horsey aspects of myself that I'd completely neglected other aspects of myself. My identity was entirely wrapped in who I was as a horse person, and as a rider. When that was removed-through a lack of catch rides, lame horses, health emergencies, etc. suddenly I found myself on extremely shaky ground. Scary ground. Suddenly faced with a future that may not allow a professional horse career due to health and economy.
I fought it. I raged against it! I was a horse person damn it! I'm miserable without my horses, without riding, how can I respect myself when I'm not a rider, when I'm not out there doing the barn chores?
I discovered that inwardly I sneered a bit at non-horse people. I discovered that if I admitted it to myself, I didn't think anyone but horse people were worth friendship-not deep long term friendships. I realized I'd isolated myself. I realized I was using horses to insulate myself from those areas of life that left me vulnerable.
And so I did a 180. I tried to strip down and explore the aspects of myself that I'd hidden or ignored. I took myself out of even that partial horse world-I didn't see a horse or touch a horse for months. It was hard, there were days I was miserable. Luckily, I have the financial support to be able to do this. It was a "finding myself" period that forced me to look at myself as a whole person not JUST a horse person.
And I realized how unhealthy I'd been!! I realized how much I used horses as a social crutch, and how judgemental I'd become about the horse world vs the "real world". I vowed to change it. I'm still working on it.
I got involved with community service, I found part time work in a field very different than the horses and friends outside the horse world. I gradually added some horse time back in my life and fought that urge to drop everything else and let it envelop me again.
I have tried hard to recognize that my heart is big enough to be a horse person AND other things. My head can handle this and I can be just as much of a horse person without standing in a barn, with a hand on a horse 24/7. That even if a person takes a step away from the horses, it doesn't mean that person is leaving horses forever or that they are any less serious about them than the person who works non-stop at a barn (very difficult concept for me to grasp).
My shock is that I feel so much FREER and can approach the horses with a much better sense of calm and peace now than when I was competing! When I chose to ride, I am better able to focus and enjoy the whole thing. However, I don't feel an obsessive need to be at the barn 24/7 now either. I feel like I can travel, I can guiltlessly take a family trip, I can enjoy the city...etc. I can do all these things without losing my "horsiness".
I've gotten to the point where I realized many other horse people tend to do this too. And I'm not saying that you or our fellow COTHers/horse people are all unhealthy or need a major life change, some of you probably balance many aspects of yourself but I know there ARE some of you out there who probably feel or have felt like me.
This thread may seem completely ridiculous to some of you, but for me, this was a real revelation. It was a painful process. I just wanted to share this, and see if anyone else had to come that point in their life where they realize horses are incredible and important but that there is more to life than them. And how long it took you to get there, or how you balance your life. Or, even as the thread title states; what is a horse person and how do you define yourself within that broad description?
Or am I just getting older??? 
This is an alter, btw. This is long, and it may seem self-serving but honestly...I feel like I need to write this, and "publish" it to other horse people. I'm still vulnerable, hence the alter. I'm getting there though.
So....
I've spent years riding, competing, taking weekly lessons and doing clinics, teaching and training others' horses, selling and marketing horses, etc. And I loved every minute of it. Its where I'm happiest. I know in my heart I was born to be around horses, to do barn chores, to live in that atmosphere.
I have skipped school functions (from elementary up through college), declined party invitations or either missed or cut short family gatherings, and I'll admit it, been a proud "barn hermit".
Then, through my horses' lamenesses and a period of forced non-horsey activity, I discovered that I'd spent so much time developing the horsey aspects of myself that I'd completely neglected other aspects of myself. My identity was entirely wrapped in who I was as a horse person, and as a rider. When that was removed-through a lack of catch rides, lame horses, health emergencies, etc. suddenly I found myself on extremely shaky ground. Scary ground. Suddenly faced with a future that may not allow a professional horse career due to health and economy.
I fought it. I raged against it! I was a horse person damn it! I'm miserable without my horses, without riding, how can I respect myself when I'm not a rider, when I'm not out there doing the barn chores?
I discovered that inwardly I sneered a bit at non-horse people. I discovered that if I admitted it to myself, I didn't think anyone but horse people were worth friendship-not deep long term friendships. I realized I'd isolated myself. I realized I was using horses to insulate myself from those areas of life that left me vulnerable.
And so I did a 180. I tried to strip down and explore the aspects of myself that I'd hidden or ignored. I took myself out of even that partial horse world-I didn't see a horse or touch a horse for months. It was hard, there were days I was miserable. Luckily, I have the financial support to be able to do this. It was a "finding myself" period that forced me to look at myself as a whole person not JUST a horse person.
And I realized how unhealthy I'd been!! I realized how much I used horses as a social crutch, and how judgemental I'd become about the horse world vs the "real world". I vowed to change it. I'm still working on it.
I got involved with community service, I found part time work in a field very different than the horses and friends outside the horse world. I gradually added some horse time back in my life and fought that urge to drop everything else and let it envelop me again. I have tried hard to recognize that my heart is big enough to be a horse person AND other things. My head can handle this and I can be just as much of a horse person without standing in a barn, with a hand on a horse 24/7. That even if a person takes a step away from the horses, it doesn't mean that person is leaving horses forever or that they are any less serious about them than the person who works non-stop at a barn (very difficult concept for me to grasp).
My shock is that I feel so much FREER and can approach the horses with a much better sense of calm and peace now than when I was competing! When I chose to ride, I am better able to focus and enjoy the whole thing. However, I don't feel an obsessive need to be at the barn 24/7 now either. I feel like I can travel, I can guiltlessly take a family trip, I can enjoy the city...etc. I can do all these things without losing my "horsiness".
I've gotten to the point where I realized many other horse people tend to do this too. And I'm not saying that you or our fellow COTHers/horse people are all unhealthy or need a major life change, some of you probably balance many aspects of yourself but I know there ARE some of you out there who probably feel or have felt like me.
This thread may seem completely ridiculous to some of you, but for me, this was a real revelation. It was a painful process. I just wanted to share this, and see if anyone else had to come that point in their life where they realize horses are incredible and important but that there is more to life than them. And how long it took you to get there, or how you balance your life. Or, even as the thread title states; what is a horse person and how do you define yourself within that broad description?





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