Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You're responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the Forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it--details of personal disputes may be better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts, though are not legally obligated to do so, regardless of content.

Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting. Moderators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts unless they have been alerted and have determined that a post, thread or user has violated the Forums' policies. Moderators do not regularly independently monitor the Forums for such violations.

Profanity, outright vulgarity, blatant personal insults or otherwise inappropriate statements will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

Users may provide their positive or negative experiences with or opinions of companies, products, individuals, etc.; however, accounts involving allegations of criminal behavior against named individuals or companies MUST be first-hand accounts and may NOT be made anonymously.

If a situation has been reported upon by a reputable news source or addressed by law enforcement or the legal system it is open for discussion, but if an individual wants to make their own claims of criminal behavior against a named party in the course of that discussion, they too must identify themselves by first and last name and the account must be first-person.

Criminal allegations that do not satisfy these requirements, when brought to our attention, may be removed pending satisfaction of these criteria, and we reserve the right to err on the side of caution when making these determinations.

Credible threats of suicide will be reported to the police along with identifying user information at our disposal, in addition to referring the user to suicide helpline resources such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it's understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users' profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses -- Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it's related to a horse for sale, regardless of who's selling it, it doesn't belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions -- Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services -- Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products -- While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements -- Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be "bumped" excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues -- Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators' discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the �alert� button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your �Ignore� list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you'd rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user's membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 5/9/18)
See more
See less

How to refuse trail ride with new barnmate

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    How to refuse trail ride with new barnmate

    Hello,
    I am a timid leasure rider with a 10 yo OTTB mare boarding at a sport oriented barn.
    The barn has access to trails, but I am the only one who is trail riding. We have a new boarder (joined last week), and she quickly asked around and then yesterday sheapproached me that she wants to join me. I said no problem, but I mostly walk, occasionally trot and very rarely canter (I am way too careful of footing etc). Now trails are muddy, so I told her walk only. She refused and said she needs to canter. So I explained her how to get to trails and off she went. And then the horse came back alone. Thankfully she was not injured.
    Today I went to barn late, just to check on horse, brush and prepare feed for weekend, as I need to prepare it for weekend staff. She approached me immediatelly and asked me to join her. I told her it is getting dark and that I would need at least 30 minutes to tack up anyway, as I am grooming my horse for very long time and plus I need to prepare feed for weekend, so I was not going to ride anyway. She made a face, said my horse is clean anyway and I can just tack up quickly and go. I said no, as I told you yesterday, my mare loves great scratch and I am not going to skip that. She went alone and fell off again.
    When she returned she approached me again and told me that I really MUST ride with her tomorrow and that I surely can canter with her as her horse clearly needs more excercise. I told her no way and then she angrily said ok walk then.
    Problem is, I have a bad feeling about her, I certainly would not enjoy her company and I feel like I am being pressured for absolutely no reason. I don't want to be rude, but I worked hard to make my horse relaxed trail horse and really don't want to ruin all my effort as I feel like her or her horse will be trouble. WWYD?
    ​​​​

    #2
    No is a full and complete answer.
    "He's not even a good pathological liar." Mara

    "You're just a very desperate troll, and not even a good one. You're like middle-school troll at best. Like a goblin, not even a troll." et_fig

    Comment


      #3
      Absolutely do not cave. Not only will she endanger YOU if you go with her, she will endanger your HORSE. No is a full answer.
      AETERNUM VALE, INVICTUS - 7/10/2012

      Comment


        #4
        Good lord! I think you've done all you can do - the only thing left is to wait for her to get tired of hearing you say no. I have had horses who do much better on the trail with buddies, and ones who do much better alone. I totally get wanting a buddy to ride with, but... uh... not like that!

        Comment


          #5
          This is absolutely not your responsibility and even me as a very experienced instructor in dressage , showjumping and cross country and a tail ride guide would say no.

          Why?

          Because I know what can go wrong and I do not want to spend the ride stressing about another horse and rider.

          What this rider needs is lessons. Lessons in dressage. What this rider does not want is lessons or to go anywhere near a dressage arena.

          Take a big sigh. Say no you only ride alone. No need to say why. Put on your big girl pants and be a b$?#'$

          This type will end up either selling the horse and get another ..... repeatedly or sell the horse and not get another ever ........ or rarely get lessons and be one someone you would like to trail ride with.
          It is better to ride 5 minutes a day than it is to ride 35 minutes on a Sunday.

          Comment


            #6
            What a pain. I think you’re doing great - keep saying no!

            Comment


              #7
              As I read this I admit that I giggled about how it is the exact opposite of the other recent thread we had about trail riding - that person can not find anyone to ride with that is willing to gallop across fields and such and why is no one any fun, blah blah blah.

              OP, I think you are making the right decision for you and your horse. Just keep being polite and saying no.

              Comment


                #8
                Be strong and trust your gut. It would be different if she was looking for someone to just walk with to help her horse settle. But, she sounds like a yahoo who will eventually get hurt, or her horse will get hurt. You don't want to be around when that happens.

                Comment


                  #9
                  "No Thank You"

                  That's all. Nothing more is required.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    You might have to be a little more blunt and " kindly" tell her that you prefer to ride alone, especially since her horse seems to come back from every trail ride without her,.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Anyone else wondering how she keeps falling off and then thinking she should go back out alone? I would express my concern with her recent falls and say it’s too stressful for you to go out with her when she expects to canter. Maybe say you’ll ride in the ring with her and give her some pointers, or send her off to someone who can help more. We used to have a rider at the barn that was dangerous on trails and the only thing that worked was brutal honesty- no, we won’t go out with you because you’re dangerous for x y and z reasons (not to mention she always got us lost!). Eventually she’ll get the picture and you’ll be enjoying the trails in peace again.

                      Comment

                        Original Poster

                        #12
                        Thank you all for replies, I was having a guilt trip as when her horse returned riderless today other boarder mentioned that poor new girl fell off at trails twice already and that I should go with her next time to make sure she is safe. But I really don't want to endanger myself or my horse, and I enjoy that caring aspect of horse ownership way more than riding itself - I am present at barn almost daily, although I ride only if weather is good, no rain, wind or too hot/cold and neither my horse or me are on fitness level to canter the fields - 98 % of our rides is walk and most of the time I even stop to hand graze for a while.
                        Sadly the new girl goes to barn around the same time as me, and is there daily, so it probably will create bad blood that I am not willing to trail ride with her and I really enjoy my peace and quiet at the barn. I will keep saying no somewhat diplomatically, probably that "its not you its me" type of conversation - like I am bad rider and don't feel comfortable going with other rider etc. I hope she will eventually get the hint.
                        ​​​​​​

                        Comment


                          #13
                          You are doing fine, that lady is crazy, going to get hurt and/or her horse get hurt.

                          You don't want any part of those crazy riders with no sense at all.

                          Next time she ask, can you nicely say no, quit asking me.

                          What she needs is some lessons in an arena before going on trail rides.
                          Then slow trail rides and learning to pace with the slowest member of the group, common courtesy when group riding.

                          Going any faster and getting dumped off and horse running around loose where it may get injured is crazy.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Just say No! And don't cave for a second, she's endangering you and your horse, as well as her own.
                            You can't fix stupid-Ron White

                            Comment


                              #15
                              You've done great so far in resisting her pressure tactics. A key thing to understand is that a manipulative/pushy person will always try to negotiate around your initial "No" because that puts her in control. For instance, you want just W-T paces and she wants WTC. Once you tell her that, now she has leverage. "OK, we'll just walk then" -- even though you know she's going to renegotiate the agreement conditions once you get out there. "Well we can just canter this little stretch ahead, mmmkay?"

                              So just remind yourself to keep the conversation short, and you do not owe any reasons. Your decision is yours to make, and you don't have to defend it to her.
                              Because the reality is: you don't want to ride with her, period, under any conditions. This is clearly not a safe, responsible rider you enjoy sharing your barn and riding time with. Just a simple "No, sorry I can't join you. I prefer to ride alone." Or "Jane, you've asked me a few times to ride and I've said no each time. So I'd like to be really direct here: I'm sorry but I'm not the right riding partner for you. You'll need to ask someone else."

                              If she presses "Why?" or tries a million other ways to try to get you back to the negotiating table, just respond with "I know this is disappointing." or "Sorry, I can't help you out." And then change the topic, redirect conversation as if nothing at all has just happened. Or just go groom your horse. If she gets pissy, she'll get over it soon. Most bullies actually are ok with getting slapped back a step.

                              Comment


                                #16
                                No.

                                And then, NO.

                                Who died and made you responsible for NB's personal safety? Will it be your responsibility if she falls off and you are riding with her?

                                Plus, who in the world moves into a new barn and decides to start TELLING existing boarders they need to do anything at all

                                "Let's face it -- Beezie Madden is NOT looking over her shoulder for me anytime
                                soon . . . or ever, even in her worst nightmares."


                                Member, Higher Standards Leather Care Addicts Anonymous

                                Comment


                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by Darat View Post
                                  Sadly the new girl goes to barn around the same time as me, and is there daily, so it probably will create bad blood that I am not willing to trail ride with her and I really enjoy my peace and quiet at the barn. I will keep saying no somewhat diplomatically, probably that "its not you its me" type of conversation - like I am bad rider and don't feel comfortable going with other rider etc. I hope she will eventually get the hint.
                                  ​​​​​​
                                  I don't recommend the diplomatic, hope-she-gets-the-hint, "It's not you, it's me" bit. Firstly, because the most diplomatic approach is just respectful communication that tells her a clear No. Vague hints are more likely to lead to hurt feelings.
                                  Though this is violating my above rule not to offer reasons, you could say something like "Jane, I'm really concerned for you because regularly falling off on trails is incredibly dangerous for you, your horse, and anyone else who's on the trail with you. I've spent my whole riding career trying NOT to be a crash test dummy, so I'm definitely not the right person to help you, but I know of a couple trainers / instructors you could work with, who can help you get things figured out with your new horse."

                                  Comment

                                    Original Poster

                                    #18
                                    Thanks again, funny thing is that there is a dressage instructor at the barn, and the instructor sent her to me. I used to trail ride with few boarders that no longer board at this stable and the instructor knows that. I am riding alone for the last few months though, so I will directly tell that new boarder something like sorry, I really don't like that "canter-pushing" attitude of yours and would not feel safe with you, sorry, but no.
                                    After all, Google maps do exist, trail is public so she could walk them without her horse first if she feels lost etc. Or she can just hire another instructor for trail riding.

                                    Comment


                                      #19
                                      Darat, I agree with the others who urge you to stand your ground. She sounds like an accident waiting to happen. Things can go wrong even with the safest trail partners, so why roll the dice with someone who could get you hurt, too? I'm glad you are going to make it crystal clear - no trail rides together. Good luck.

                                      Comment


                                        #20
                                        I always tell people choosing with whom you ride is as important as what horse you ride....to your safety and to your enjoyment of the ride.

                                        Just say no. You don't owe her an explanation.

                                        Comment

                                        Working...
                                        X