Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You're responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the Forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it--details of personal disputes may be better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts, though are not legally obligated to do so, regardless of content.

Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting. Moderators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts unless they have been alerted and have determined that a post, thread or user has violated the Forums' policies. Moderators do not regularly independently monitor the Forums for such violations.

Profanity, outright vulgarity, blatant personal insults or otherwise inappropriate statements will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

Users may provide their positive or negative experiences with or opinions of companies, products, individuals, etc.; however, accounts involving allegations of criminal behavior against named individuals or companies MUST be first-hand accounts and may NOT be made anonymously.

If a situation has been reported upon by a reputable news source or addressed by law enforcement or the legal system it is open for discussion, but if an individual wants to make their own claims of criminal behavior against a named party in the course of that discussion, they too must identify themselves by first and last name and the account must be first-person.

Criminal allegations that do not satisfy these requirements, when brought to our attention, may be removed pending satisfaction of these criteria, and we reserve the right to err on the side of caution when making these determinations.

Credible threats of suicide will be reported to the police along with identifying user information at our disposal, in addition to referring the user to suicide helpline resources such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it's understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users' profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses -- Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it's related to a horse for sale, regardless of who's selling it, it doesn't belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions -- Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services -- Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products -- While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements -- Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be "bumped" excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues -- Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators' discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the �alert� button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your �Ignore� list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you'd rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user's membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 5/9/18)
See more
See less

I spent an hour cry/riding today and now I'm just really embarassed

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Impractical Horsewoman
    replied
    Originally posted by ladyj79 View Post

    I was too, but it was an fei rider. Like not a real fei rider, but a US pro dressage fei level rider, who was fairly certain that everyone was in his way, and he neither had to say where he was going and what he was doing, but also he had to sigh dramatically and stop...thus creating yet another problem for everyone else. Also he was like 12. Ok, maybe 25?

    It's funny since I left that job to go work with actual fei show riders in europe, where I regularly schooled horses in busy warm up rings with top riders, and almost without exception everyone was very gracious and cooperative. The ones who weren't were usually the spoiled late teens early 20 year olds, and nobody paid them any attention.
    This 100%. I am fully willing to admit that I am NOT that skilled, but it's truly amazing how much high quality work very skilled riders can get done in crowded, very small warm-up rings and still have a great ride. Unless you're in a competition, especially for just one ride, sometimes you have to adapt to what's going on. I mean, that's usually why the warm-up ring at a show before the pony classes and beginner classes are so terrifying, because everyone is just "doing what their trainer told them to do" and not riding with any acknowledgement of how other people (and other people's horses) are behaving.

    Leave a comment:


  • ladyj79
    replied
    Originally posted by Impractical Horsewoman View Post

    I hate to say it, but there was one barn with one particular rider who made things very, very difficult not just for me but for everyone and what irked me the most wasn't her skills (because God knows, I'm not the greatest rider myself) but the fact that she just didn't seem to care that she was making other riders come to a screeching halt when they were working, and she'd get defensive if asked to be more aware of her surroundings rather than try to change.
    I was too, but it was an fei rider. Like not a real fei rider, but a US pro dressage fei level rider, who was fairly certain that everyone was in his way, and he neither had to say where he was going and what he was doing, but also he had to sigh dramatically and stop...thus creating yet another problem for everyone else. Also he was like 12. Ok, maybe 25?

    It's funny since I left that job to go work with actual fei show riders in europe, where I regularly schooled horses in busy warm up rings with top riders, and almost without exception everyone was very gracious and cooperative. The ones who weren't were usually the spoiled late teens early 20 year olds, and nobody paid them any attention.

    Leave a comment:


  • Impractical Horsewoman
    replied
    First of all, this was one and only one time you got in another rider's way (at least as he perceived it). How many of us have looked forward to riding (or a lesson) and had the ride spoiled by a pony kid/ beginner rider/ rider who was determined to jump ALL THE JUMPS HER WAY. Unless something genuinely dangerous occurred, I'm sure most of us didn't have a complete meltdown at that other person.

    The mature thing would have been to have discussed it with you in a friendly, professional manner afterward. It's not like you've been screwing up his training schedule for weeks and weeks, riding at the same time, or that you posed a safety risk. It's not like you ruined his chance to ride in the Olympics. I do realize that cultural differences may have been a factor in terms of bluntness, but don't take his attitude as a reflection of your ability to regain your skills as a rider.

    If anything, consider the fact that you care so much about riding and want to be considerate as a validation of your right to ride. I hate to say it, but there was one barn with one particular rider who made things very, very difficult not just for me but for everyone and what irked me the most wasn't her skills (because God knows, I'm not the greatest rider myself) but the fact that she just didn't seem to care that she was making other riders come to a screeching halt when they were working, and she'd get defensive if asked to be more aware of her surroundings rather than try to change.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rackonteur
    replied
    I would be willing to bet that this guy just doesn't like immigrants. That is an international prejudice and there is little anyone can do about it.

    Some male bullies seem to get even more angry and rude when women (or other men) cry.

    If I could I would be right there ringside with cloudyandcallie when you are riding -- or riding on the rail with you -- and spouting all the rude German comebacks I could at this bully.

    Leave a comment:


  • cloudyandcallie
    replied
    Too bad one of us isn’t at your barn or close enough to come watch you ride when the jerk is riding. My German is pretty good. He’d be crying not you.

    And don’t worry about crying. After years of not showing emotions in court, I broke down.in tears during closing argument in a case where a man killed his girlfriend’s young child and all the Atlanta tv stations were there and ran it on the evening news. Kinda embarrassing. Jurors were cool.

    Leave a comment:


  • doctordarling
    replied
    Bump with other COTHers have said here. Poor you. Must be something in the stars atm as my young mare got 'monstered' by barn owners' ginormous fighting dog [from behind its fence] the other day. She took off - could've ended up as horsey Armagedden as the place was busy that day. Contacted the BO and she said 'well if you don't like it you can leave'. She was having a rough day I think. Anyhoo, upshot, another rider who used to own my horse, and knows the dog, is going to do some de-sensitisation training with us. Hugs all round. But that made me weepy until solved.

    Look, I love everything about where I board. We have a jump sized outdoor and an indoor and everyone is friendly - mainly eventers and sj's. But my heart does drop when I arrive to ride and there's three of them on the outdoor jumping. My horse is fine in company, but it can be hard to concentrate. And to know where to fit yourself if you want to do quiet flatwork.

    Does your barn have an arena booking system. Youcanbookme is free, you install on the barn website, or even a shared google calendar. Coming through Covid with only two people allowed on the property at once until recently, we all had to use these systems. It might be a good way of working around Biggus Dickus and his reining dreams. Just a thought. Don't get me started on senior academics! They would eat their own young for advancement. ddx

    Leave a comment:


  • Another Poster
    replied
    Op, hugs to you. I have had those days where nothing but a good long cry over something small just happens and there's no stopping it.

    I've always been taught and experienced that if you are going to deviate from normal circles around the outside passing L shoulder to L shoulder and slower riders on rail, that you CALL OUT where you are going so people aren't startled.

    Something like calling out fences or corners so others know what to expect.

    I think maybe talking to your BO about some quieter times to ride may be a great idea if your schedule is flexible at all. And I wouldn't try to avoid that guy at work or I wouldn't go out of my way to avoid him.

    Leave a comment:


  • KnockedOut
    replied
    Sounds like that guy needed to be on the receiving end of tongue lashing. I get the whole, keep the barn pleasant thing, but some people are just bullies. And bullies know who they can railroad and are all too eager to keep on with their tendencies. Perhaps he missed his "international lesson" on the concepts of SHARING.

    Leave a comment:


  • aregard
    replied
    Originally posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    No matter what, keep riding. Chances are you won’t run into him every day. Just keep trotting. Stay off the rail, and assume people will look out for you. You pay the same as everyone else for the right to be there.

    Don't confront him or call him an a$$hole, as some have suggested. It’s easy to think up snarky retorts on COTH, but really, better advice would be “don’t $hit where you eat.” I’m talking about the barn and the Uni. It’s not worth it. You’ll grow in strength and confidence.
    Friend of mine and I had a lesson like that once. It was as if the horses has magnets in their middles - we kept finding ourselves in the same spot over and over.

    Leave a comment:


  • aregard
    replied
    We think of crying as a weakness, when it is a reaction. IIWY, I would have just cried and cried right in his face, and let the bully see what his rudeness produced. Let him go home wondering how HE could have managed himself better in that situation.

    Leave a comment:


  • ladyj79
    replied
    Give me a name and I'll find his university email address and email him from one of mine I've made better men cry.

    Trying to get back to you after years off for kiddos is a nightmare, I'm right there with you.

    I hate people who are jerks in the ring.

    Leave a comment:


  • Humbugs
    replied
    Originally posted by trubandloki View Post
    You are not misremembering.
    Which is why I said the rules are different everywhere.

    If he wanted to work on a pattern (a whole pattern) he should have politely told you that so you would have known and could ask 'where is best for me to stay out of your way while you do it'. Ya know, that whole communication thing.
    This....!!!!
    Maybe when you see him at work, walk serpentine down thed hall...those are the internationsl rules of the workplace 😊. Ok kidding

    He was rude

    Leave a comment:


  • rockymouse
    replied
    bathsheba8542, that's funny!

    I haven't been in too many arenas or rings, but the ones local to me always have the pokey person hugging the rail and the person doing fancy stuff working closer to the center. But then again, I'm unfamiliar with "international rules."

    I wish OP would check in and let us know how it's going. Her post resonated with me because in years past, my reaction would've likely mirrored hers. It's taken me a lifetime to work constructively with my fundamental shyness, ease of crying and horror of (potential) confrontation. But! Thank goodness we do still learn and grow and are capable of change.

    Leave a comment:


  • bathsheba8542
    replied
    Just remembered a fairly hysterical ride I had with one other person in the arena many years ago. We were very aware of each other, and yet for some inexplicable reason, at a WALK, we ran into each other. Our horses were like .... wut???? ... and it was so slow motion but it felt like we were powerless to change course. Afterwards we laughed and laughed, and it survived as a funny story at the barn for years.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bristol Bay
    replied
    No matter what, keep riding. Chances are you won’t run into him every day. Just keep trotting. Stay off the rail, and assume people will look out for you. You pay the same as everyone else for the right to be there.

    Don't confront him or call him an a$$hole, as some have suggested. It’s easy to think up snarky retorts on COTH, but really, better advice would be “don’t $hit where you eat.” I’m talking about the barn and the Uni. It’s not worth it. You’ll grow in strength and confidence.

    Leave a comment:


  • Equisis
    replied
    As others have stated, OP, he was rude. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It is hard enough to get back into riding without having people making you feel bad about using the arena that you pay good money to use.

    Every discipline has their own accepted rules: slower riders on the rail, walkers in the middle, does lateral work have right of way, etc. There are no “international” rules, IME, as someone who has lived and ridden in several continents. Except maybe- don’t be an a**! Regardless of any rules, it is common courtesy for the more advanced horses/riders to be courteous of anyone younger/greener/in need of more leeway. If he wants you out of his way, he needs to tell you what he is doing, call his directions, or be very predictable in his movements. Your horse breaking to a walk or you not being able to read his mind is no reason to apologize.

    Try not to be too embarrassed. We all have times when our emotions get the better of us, especially right now- it sounds like your barn mates were concerned about your being upset, not being judgemental. Keep riding, keep your chin up, and remember: you did nothing wrong.

    Leave a comment:


  • eclipse
    replied
    Well as someone who’s ridden in the warmup ring at Spruce Meadows (not the Grand Prix rings but still “international” riders”).... the rule has always been ... left to left, and slower riders on the rail! This way when you’re both going in the same direction the person walking is always safely out of the way!

    Honestly, he sounds rude! You did nothing wrong... When there’s just TWO people in the arena it’s not hard for the one doing faster work to look ahead and stay away from the person working at a slower pace! I plan accordingly and will circle etc so we don’t come close to each other! And, if the other person is in a lesson, then that person has “right of way” and I stay away from them even if it means I have to stop and wait until they’re finished their current exercise

    Leave a comment:


  • IPEsq
    replied
    How you remember the rules is how many h/j barns operate. And even in those environments, there’s always someone who is inconsiderate and tends to mow everyone down. I encountered one of these people regularly on schooling days at shows, and it was so stressful. I’ve known people who have had full on head on collisions. Totally unnecessary.

    But I have now ridden at some dressage barns, and perhaps it applies most when the arena is small, but they want you walking off the rail. Yet lateral work takes priority. Do you have to guess does the other rider want the rail or are they going to all of a sudden need my space for another movement? It kind of drives me nuts too, and the riders I can’t seem to work around no matter what I do, I avoid. I have had a very difficult horse and sometimes a successful ride was just a nice walk without any charging, running backwards, rearing, striking at the fence or another horse, and I spent a long time trying to work through that period by trying to ride alone. But you can’t always anticipate when someone else wants to come in. Also been on some rehab horses who would explode if you passed too close only to have someone moving much faster try to stick to the rules only to come up the horse’s butt and set off a bomb that could have gotten us both in trouble. Like, use your eyes and your brain, people! A lot of riding is simple physics.

    And when it is hard to be accommodating and a strict rule follower because of your own issues (whether it is you or your horse or both) and the fact you are slower moving, you need the other person to cut you some slack and give you some room. It’s not productive to their ride either for them to be a dick. And even if you ask for a little more space or extra consideration, it might not register with them. Its rude whether you are an experienced rider working on an issue or a beginner who just can’t steer well or doesn’t have good timing yet.

    Leave a comment:


  • chai
    replied
    smmm20, I am very sorry you had such a horrible experience. Honestly, that guy sounds like a major tool. If you are paying to ride there, yes, you have to learn the rules, but you also have every right to use that arena, and who died and made him the Arena God? You're paying to do something that is supposed to be fun, not to have a barn bully belittle you and make you cry. There are always going to be people out there who feel like they are more entitled than the rest, but I hope you'll be able to find a time to ride when that fathead isn't in the ring.

    Leave a comment:


  • Snork
    replied
    For a while I boarded at a *very* fancy, very big (100+ horse) place. I was also returning to riding after the kids, and had a horse who was a spectacularly bad match for me. I had never been a particularly high level rider but after years off, the difference between me and the numerous FEI riders and trainers at that barn was, lets just say, pronounced. My horse terrified me half the time (oh, whom am i kidding, pretty much all the time - he was a dick), i came from a very small private barn without any formal rules so i wasn't familiar with the arena etiquette, and i didn't ride nearly as well as most people there. I spent hours and hours trying to get out of everyones way, not always successfully and what I heard most often was "don't worry, you're ok." Pretty much everyone, with one notable exception, was kind, and there were a lot of high level riders doing complicated stuff all over arena at that barn.

    I mean, I once almost ran over Darcy Drije because I just didn't think. What i did was stupid and also a major rule violation that could have ended badly. I realized it right away but, as it goes with horses, it was too late to fix. I was so embarrassed i wanted to crawl into some hole and die. It's been years and i still remember that feeling of my face being burning hot because i was just mortified. I was probably beet red. She couldn't have been more gracious.

    Your reiner dude is a dick, plain and simple.
    Last edited by Snork; Jun. 13, 2020, 05:34 PM. Reason: edited for clarity

    Leave a comment:

Working...
X