Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You're responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the Forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it--details of personal disputes may be better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts, though are not legally obligated to do so, regardless of content.

Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting. Moderators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts unless they have been alerted and have determined that a post, thread or user has violated the Forums' policies. Moderators do not regularly independently monitor the Forums for such violations.

Profanity, outright vulgarity, blatant personal insults or otherwise inappropriate statements will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

Users may provide their positive or negative experiences with or opinions of companies, products, individuals, etc.; however, accounts involving allegations of criminal behavior against named individuals or companies MUST be first-hand accounts and may NOT be made anonymously.

If a situation has been reported upon by a reputable news source or addressed by law enforcement or the legal system it is open for discussion, but if an individual wants to make their own claims of criminal behavior against a named party in the course of that discussion, they too must identify themselves by first and last name and the account must be first-person.

Criminal allegations that do not satisfy these requirements, when brought to our attention, may be removed pending satisfaction of these criteria, and we reserve the right to err on the side of caution when making these determinations.

Credible threats of suicide will be reported to the police along with identifying user information at our disposal, in addition to referring the user to suicide helpline resources such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it's understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users' profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses -- Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it's related to a horse for sale, regardless of who's selling it, it doesn't belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions -- Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services -- Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products -- While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements -- Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be "bumped" excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues -- Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators' discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the �alert� button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your �Ignore� list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you'd rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user's membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 5/9/18)
See more
See less

Demanding Teenage Boarder - What Would You DO?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Demanding Teenage Boarder - What Would You DO?

    I own a small private barn and have had one to two boarders over the years. I also have my own personal horses at home. In February I had a new teenage boarder (16 or 17 years old) ask to board her new OTTB horse with me with the understanding that she would hack over to her trainer for lessons (easy ten minute hack). Her trainer referred her to me as the trainer's barn was full. Things seemed to be going well until about a month after her horse arrived, when she told me that her intention was to move her horse to the trainer's facility when a stall became available, probably in April. I do not have a board contract, so I don't require 30 days notice. I told her that I understood her reason for wanting to move her horse (horse needs to be in training) and that I would appreciate her updating me on her departure date as soon as she knew when she would be moving.

    Fast forward to mid March.Boarder has not updated me on her plans to move out, which I assumed was because there was no availability yet at her trainer's barn. Yesterday she came out to my barn, and was angry that her horse (and all of my horses) was turned out in a wet field. We have had an excessive amount of rain, so it has been wet. Her horse paces or runs in front of the gate, so it was muddy there, but the rest of pasture was just wet. She demanded to know how long her horse was turned out ( a couple of hours) and said that "she couldn't believe" that I had turned horses out under those conditions! The temperature was in in the low 60's and it was very lightly misting.

    I told her that as we had discussed when here horse came to board with me that I turn the horses out daily unless the weather is inclement (pouring rain, thunderstorm). I asked her what she would like for me to do with her horse as I had no control over the weather. I told her that her choices were for me to leave her horse in when it was wet or muddy out or turn him out. I have no indoor arena or other turn out arrangements. She proceeded to tell me that "show barns" don't turn their horses out when it's wet. My barn is definitely NOT a show barn, which she knew when she came. Many people would be thrilled to have all day turn out, but apparently not her. I also explained that since both my husband and I work full time, it wasn't feasible for me to turn her horse out for a couple of hours as we aren't usually home during the day unless I am working remotely.

    I asked her at that point when she was planning on leaving, since it was obvious that she was unhappy. I also told her that I had bent over backwards to accommodate her horse by ordering special feed that my horse don't eat and that my regular feed store doesn't carry. She then informed me that she isn't moving to the trainer's after all, but is looking at other barns (thanks for the heads up!) but she can't move her horse until she gets a job as her parents aren't willing to pay for training board.

    Believe me, the board money isn't worth this entitled teenager telling me how I should run my barn. How would you handle this?

    #2
    I would tell her that due to the Covid 19 epidemic that your insurance agency has told you to ban minors from your premises for the next 6 months.

    Failing that have another talk with her. When you are both calm.

    Tell her that as long as she keeps her horse at your barn it is your rules your way. If she doesn't like it she needs to move. You don't Care where not your problem. But if she ever talks to you like that again she is getting an eviction notice.

    For this round I would leave her parents out of it and give her one chance to grow up. If she blows up at you again, send her parents the eviction notice.

    Comment


      #3
      Sorry I have someone else coming for your spot as you said you were leaving. She can go to the trainers as said and look at other barns there.

      or I will put him out before work, you are welcome to bring him in beforehand if you want.

      Agisters have a problem that they seem to start thinking of the place as theirs.

      And there is also the I have not raised the rates for #### years. It is now going to be $ to agist here with no changes. That will make it easier for her to move.
      It is better to ride 5 minutes a day than it is to ride 35 minutes on a Sunday.

      Comment


        #4
        She is being a bitch and you should let her know that, bless her heart. Turnout is good, her horse is better for it. Boarding means the owner trust the barn owner to do the right thing. If she wants special treatment then the board rate just tripled which she also just told you her parents will not pay.

        Ultimately if she is under 18 you are dealing with her parents and if she is asking childish then that is who you should speak with.

        Comment


          #5
          First- do not continue to deal with a teenager. All correspondence go through her parents.
          I'd also let the trainer know that you are planning on the April move-out date (since the trainer hooked you up? So there is some sort of relationship between you?).

          I do not deal with teenagers- generally. A few years ago I had one that leased here and she texted all the time. I still only dealt with mom or dad regarding the lease.. My perfect lease family was one that all correspondence went through mom or dad. The kid texted me ONCE in 2 years and that was from her mom's phone.

          I have a horse out on lease. The first months of the lease went exclusively through the mom. The teen now will text me rarely- to coordinate a vet visit. Last night she texted a question about feed. She is 17, extremely responsible and has proven to be a reliable communicator. The parents know that any decisions, termination of the lease etc, must come them. She's a minor.

          I'd communicate with the adults that you expect her to have her horse moved in April. I'm nice so I'd give to the end of April, if needed. I'd also make clear what turn out policy is convenient for YOU, since you are providing this service.

          PM me if you need the name of a very respected and successful GP rider whose horses almost exclusively live out. That would shut the brat up (yup- feeling snarky from social distancing).
          Come to the dark side, we have cookies

          Comment

            Original Poster

            #6
            Thanks for the advice. I've decided that I need to deal with the adult in the room (her mother) since she's a minor and her mother paying the board bill.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Prime Time Rider View Post
              I own a small private barn and have had one to two boarders over the years. I also have my own personal horses at home. In February I had a new teenage boarder (16 or 17 years old) ask to board her new OTTB horse with me with the understanding that she would hack over to her trainer for lessons (easy ten minute hack). Her trainer referred her to me as the trainer's barn was full. Things seemed to be going well until about a month after her horse arrived, when she told me that her intention was to move her horse to the trainer's facility when a stall became available, probably in April. I do not have a board contract, so I don't require 30 days notice. I told her that I understood her reason for wanting to move her horse (horse needs to be in training) and that I would appreciate her updating me on her departure date as soon as she knew when she would be moving.

              Fast forward to mid March.Boarder has not updated me on her plans to move out, which I assumed was because there was no availability yet at her trainer's barn. Yesterday she came out to my barn, and was angry that her horse (and all of my horses) was turned out in a wet field. We have had an excessive amount of rain, so it has been wet. Her horse paces or runs in front of the gate, so it was muddy there, but the rest of pasture was just wet. She demanded to know how long her horse was turned out ( a couple of hours) and said that "she couldn't believe" that I had turned horses out under those conditions! The temperature was in in the low 60's and it was very lightly misting.

              I told her that as we had discussed when here horse came to board with me that I turn the horses out daily unless the weather is inclement (pouring rain, thunderstorm). I asked her what she would like for me to do with her horse as I had no control over the weather. I told her that her choices were for me to leave her horse in when it was wet or muddy out or turn him out. I have no indoor arena or other turn out arrangements. She proceeded to tell me that "show barns" don't turn their horses out when it's wet. My barn is definitely NOT a show barn, which she knew when she came. Many people would be thrilled to have all day turn out, but apparently not her. I also explained that since both my husband and I work full time, it wasn't feasible for me to turn her horse out for a couple of hours as we aren't usually home during the day unless I am working remotely.

              I asked her at that point when she was planning on leaving, since it was obvious that she was unhappy. I also told her that I had bent over backwards to accommodate her horse by ordering special feed that my horse don't eat and that my regular feed store doesn't carry. She then informed me that she isn't moving to the trainer's after all, but is looking at other barns (thanks for the heads up!) but she can't move her horse until she gets a job as her parents aren't willing to pay for training board.

              Believe me, the board money isn't worth this entitled teenager telling me how I should run my barn. How would you handle this?
              I would give her (via the mother) 30 days notice to leave. You don’t owe her an explanation but you can say what you have already filled the spot she told you she would be vacating.

              And for the record, I do board at a show barn and we do turn out horses our every day, rain or shine, except in the case of severe storms and dangerous ice conditions. And our horses, like yours, are much happier and healthier because of it :-)

              Comment


                #8
                If you already know that you don't want to deal with it I would talk with both her and her mother and tell them that you planned on having the horse out by April and that they are going to have to find another place. Or if you wanted to be really nice you can give them till May first to find a place. But either way I would ask them to leave.
                Ann
                ~\"Think today so you will be here to think tomorrow\" Burma Shave~

                Comment


                  #9
                  I would give the mother the written notice, sent registered mail. Tell them that for every day after the date you set for the horse to be moved, it will be a hefty price. Don't make any concessions.
                  Last edited by JanM; Mar. 18, 2020, 06:20 PM.
                  You can't fix stupid-Ron White

                  Comment


                    #10
                    And if you know the trainer, i would have a word with her as well, bc you don't know what kind of story teenager will be spreading about you.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Your barn, your routine, your rules.

                      This child needs to take a chill pill and be told so in no uncertain terms. I have raised teenagers (now very nice adults) and currently have a teenage step grand daughter. In short order, they all learned that none of them are allowed to talk to me or any adult in my presence like that. Even my "kids" friends, back when they were teens, rarely needed more than "that look" from me. I have NO qualms about setting an entitled attitude on its keister in very short order. Appropriately taught children mature into proper and considerate adults.

                      You need to notify the parents and give a heads up to the trainer that the girl will need to move if this attitude reoccurs. Two weeks notice would be generous from you with that kid's attitude. This is your barn and it is a privilege for her to be there. Don't lord it over her, but don't be afraid to tell her she needs a MAJOR attitude adjustment.

                      Given that parents appear disinclined to pay training board, I wouldn't be surprised if they are getting a similar attitude at home from the teen. (It's a wretched phase, one where I hated my previously truly wonderful son and felt like he couldn't leave for college soon enough, go far, far away, and never come back. We had a good laugh over it this past weekend when his stepdaughter was being snarky. Of course, today I am again thrilled to have him close enough that we can see each other regularly.) The parents need to step up and make it clear who is in charge as long as the girl is under their roof. Yes, high time she get a job if she wants such luxury as a horse that few her age have.

                      Have a talk set forth the expected behaviors one last time and the consequences if not complied with. Give her a week or two notice if the attitude continues. Return to happy, peaceful life.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        ditto above - give 30 days notice to the mother. Or less, since there is no contract. And tell her the truth.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I don't have kids - have no affinity for them - the only way I would have had one is if it was a kitten, LOL. The teenagers and even young adults today have that "entitlement" attitude, which is just unbearable. I have my own farm and have for 35 years. I am the Boss Mare - my way or the highway. I take great care of any horses here, but other than feed additives or such, they are on my schedule and I don't put up with any 'tude from a kid. Yes, I would tell her she needs to make arrangements within the next 10 days to be gone and until then she and her horse will function under my rules. JMHO

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Scribbler View Post
                            I would tell her that due to the Covid 19 epidemic that your insurance agency has told you to ban minors from your premises for the next 6 months.

                            Failing that have another talk with her. When you are both calm.

                            Tell her that as long as she keeps her horse at your barn it is your rules your way. If she doesn't like it she needs to move. You don't Care where not your problem. But if she ever talks to you like that again she is getting an eviction notice.

                            For this round I would leave her parents out of it and give her one chance to grow up. If she blows up at you again, send her parents the eviction notice.
                            I would give her 30 days' notice, verbally and to be followed up in writing-- a short, business-like letter left on her horse's stall. I would not lie. I would not beat around the bush. I would not give her a second chance. Like Scribbler, I would leave her parents out of it unless you aren't paid up through then end of that 30 days. Then I'd be on them like white on rice.

                            It sounds like the kid didn't know the mistakes she was making-- treating you badly without realizing that she needed anything from you. I don't think she knew just how rude she was and unprofessional she was. I don't think she realized her responsibility to keep you in the loop when her plans had changed.

                            This can be the time she learns how to function in some kind of business relationship. You can show her by being self-preserving and business-like.

                            ETA: I like to do business with people directly. That's why I'd go to the kid. But I'd get my money, so I'd include her mom/the bill payer as needed. Also, there's value in the kid having to explain to her mom why the boarding at your place is ending. I would not say anything to the trainer unless I were asked. Again, let the kid explain why the situation blew up. But if the pro asked me for a favor in the future, the details of this chapter would come out. Again, I only worry about business that is mine, when it's mine. It makes for clean relationships and a good reputation in the area.
                            The armchair saddler
                            Politically Pro-Cat

                            Comment


                              #15
                              What would I do?

                              Call the mother and set up a face-to-face meeting with mom and daughter. During the meeting, I would be calm, business-like and professional. I would lay it all out: 1) this is how I run my facility 2) this is what I expect from my boarders (e.g. clear communication and respect for me and my barn) and 3) if you can't handle 1 and 2, then you need to leave. I would then put her on a 30-day probation period, if she screws up at any time during that period, she has 30 days from that moment to vacate the premises.

                              I wouldn't take any crap from the mom or the teen and I wouldn't let myself be drawn into an argument. If they get pissy, then I would hand them the 30-day eviction letter and tell them they've got 30 days to get out. Make sure you specify in the letter how they will be expected to behave during those 30 days.

                              You can't by-pass the mom and deal directly with the minor child on this. Your business arrangement is with the adult, not the child.

                              From my perspective, a teenager deserves a chance to behave stupidly - once - and learn from the lesson, so if this was her first little fit, I would give her a chance to fix it.
                              "Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything
                              that's even remotely true."

                              Homer Simpson

                              Comment


                                #16
                                “See that public road up there? You can act however you want and say whatever you want up there...but when you turn down MY driveway, this is private property and MY sandbox. This is how I run my facility re turnout, feed etc and if it’s not to your satisfaction, you are welcome to take your horse and trot down the road. And I don’t care how you speak to your parents but you won’t come on MY property and speak with me that way again.
                                This is your first and last warning, if this happens again I will give you your notice to find immediately find a new place for your horse.”


                                This kid probably treats everyone like this, not just you. However, I’ve been able to get kids to have some respect by saying hey, if your mom doesn’t care that you’re rude to her or whatever other adult, that’s fine. You just need to understand when you’re at my place, this is the way things are. They figure out pretty quick either straighten up or get the heck out. My life is too busy and I have no time or desire to deal with irritating children or adults.

                                If you want to be passive aggressive, just serve them with notice that board is going up...significantly...if they are going to be a pain in the ass for the time being, at least make them pay.

                                Comment


                                  #17
                                  I wouldn't even bother having any further conversations. I'd tell her/the mom they have 30 days to move their horse. End of story. Byyyyyeee

                                  Comment

                                    Original Poster

                                    #18
                                    So, today after allowing things to dry up I turned her horse . Horse proceeded to run (gallop) tearing up the pasture so I brought horse in. I texted her that I had turned her horse out, but since he was running and splashing in a puddle I brought him in. I suggested that she might want to hand walk him.

                                    Kid shows up and tells me that she is going to walk horse down the street (we live on a cul de sac). About ten minutes later I get a phone call from a neighbor telling me that my boarder and her horse are hand grazing on my next door neighbor's property! My next door neighbor is very anti-horse and when she moved her horse into my facility I told her NOT to ride on my next door neighbor's property. My helpful neighbor walked down and told her that she and her horse were on PRIVATE property and that the property owner was not horse friendly. I walked down to find the kid and told her that I had received a call from my neighbor telling me that she and her horse were on my neighbor's private property. Her excuse? That she didn't realize that it was private property and that her horse sorta dragged her onto it. Neighbor later confirmed that she and her horse were at least 200 feet onto the property.

                                    So how does a teenage girl not realize that she's grazing her horse on private property, and than nonchalantly claim that her horse did it? Mother has yet to return my phone call.

                                    Comment


                                      #19
                                      Wow! I'm glad your neighbor called before the property owner did. However, I'm guessing you'll be hearing from the property owner fairly soon. I would leave the mother a voice mail, saying that for gross violations of rules, and trespassing, that kid and horse are gone immediately.

                                      So she gets in your face, and then pulls this stunt?
                                      Last edited by JanM; Mar. 18, 2020, 09:25 PM.
                                      You can't fix stupid-Ron White

                                      Comment


                                        #20
                                        Originally posted by Prime Time Rider View Post
                                        So, today after allowing things to dry up I turned her horse . Horse proceeded to run (gallop) tearing up the pasture so I brought horse in. I texted her that I had turned her horse out, but since he was running and splashing in a puddle I brought him in. I suggested that she might want to hand walk him.

                                        Kid shows up and tells me that she is going to walk horse down the street (we live on a cul de sac). About ten minutes later I get a phone call from a neighbor telling me that my boarder and her horse are hand grazing on my next door neighbor's property! My next door neighbor is very anti-horse and when she moved her horse into my facility I told her NOT to ride on my next door neighbor's property. My helpful neighbor walked down and told her that she and her horse were on PRIVATE property and that the property owner was not horse friendly. I walked down to find the kid and told her that I had received a call from my neighbor telling me that she and her horse were on my neighbor's private property. Her excuse? That she didn't realize that it was private property and that her horse sorta dragged her onto it. Neighbor later confirmed that she and her horse were at least 200 feet onto the property.

                                        So how does a teenage girl not realize that she's grazing her horse on private property, and than nonchalantly claim that her horse did it? Mother has yet to return my phone call.
                                        Yup, you need to give them notice, especially after today. Just don’t be surprised when you are cast as the bad guy!
                                        "You can't fix stupid"- Ron White

                                        Comment

                                        Working...
                                        X