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WWYD - she didn't get out my horse! (long rant, sorry)

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  • #61
    Well it's good you managed to sort out what to do with the young lady. I wouldn't have someone else keep an eye on them whilst you are out of town again ... I'd pay someone to care for the horse properly and forget about the girl doing it.

    Comment

    • #62
      If I understand correctly, the girl first said -- more than once -- that she had ridden him every day you were gone. Since your tack was clean and appeared not to have been moved and since your horse was stocked up, you felt you were presented with conflicting info, so you questioned her repeatedly. And then she did ultimately change her story. However, so far you have no explanation for why she didn't ride (at all as you suspect or just for 2 days as she now claims rather than the 4 she initially said) or why she lied about it when you first asked her. Because she has now changed her story from "every day" to only 2 days.

      Now, you posted in your thread title that your thread is a rant. To me that means that you are not necessarily asking for advice or claiming you are unsure about the situation, but that you are welcoming comments and other perspectives on the situation, and probably advice too, but I don't feel that wanting to rant means you feel incapable of handling the situation. You needed to get your frustration off your chest in an appropriate way. There are many rants on this board so to me, no biggie. Seems perfectly appropriate use of the board by forum rules and by custom, especially since you said "rant, sorry, long" in your title. However, you also seem welcoming of others' opinions, so here goes.

      Given that the girl has changed her story, she has in my opinion lied. Does that mean I'd go off on her or have a big scene or confrontation? Probably not. But I wouldn't ignore this lie. She did lie, for whatever reasons. There was some speculation in this thread she wouldn't feel comfortable admitting to you she didn't ride after all, but she's had several opportunities to come clean but all she did was finally change her story. In sum, evidence so far suggests she didn't ride at all, but regardless she first said she rode all 4 days, then changed it to just 2. So she did lie when she said repeatedly she rode "all days" and changing that story is a tacit admission of the lying. I could be pc and say she fibbed or she was intimidated by you or whatever but to me, she lied. Plain and simple.

      Given this, I for certain would _never_, no not ever again, trust her to ride/care for/take out/whatever your horse with you out of town. I wouldn't even let her have the option of having the task even if you arranged a backup plan or a "follow up on her" plan because that implies you still trust her. _To me_, you'd be foolish to do so.

      But you obviously have enough history and good experiences with her that you've already decided to let her continue to ride your horse. Honestly, I'm not sure I would have done that myself without first feeling like this issue had closure -- for me, I'd either have to be convinced that she's now telling the truth about the 2 days (but I'd still have to have some resolution on why she first said 4 days then changed it to 2, and be satisfied with why she never just told you or your mom she didn't make it the other 2 days as you had a ready backup plan) OR I would have to resolve to always remember that there are real limits on how much she can be trusted.

      To others that may sound harsh, but she's at least 20 years old now, right?, and fully capable of understanding the need to be truthful. And she should certainly be adult enough to handle an appropriate confrontation/discussion about what happened given the stocking up, apparently unused tack, and her own changing story. (and by discussion although I personally wouldn't text I do understand that texting is simply today's reality, even for dealing with important issues)

      Now, all this probably sounds like this would be a big deal to me. And like you, I _would_ be very upset that my horse ended up in a stall with no exercise for 4 days. But despite all I've said I don't mean to imply that I would spend a lot of energy or drama on hashing something out with her. I'd just quietly and firmly resolve to never trust her to take care of the horse again in my absence. And I probably personally would politely and firmly tell her no about any further riding requests, but I do see that you've already decided you are comfortable with that. What I wouldn't do though is forget that she did, indeed, lie.
      If thou hast a sorrow, tell it not to the arrow, tell it to thy saddlebow, and ride on, singing. -- King Alfred the Great

      Comment

      • #63
        Originally posted by kristinq View Post
        Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I'm so f-ing sick of reading threads about people who's horses aren't OUTSIDE like the LIVESTOCK they are. Stop treating your horses like hamsters. I guess that's my fault, I should just not read those threads.

        Also, I agree with katarine 110%.
        If you really did *read* the thread, the OP stated land is very limited where she is.
        MnToBe Twinkle Star: "Twinkie"
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        Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!

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        • #64
          cheval convert, the heck?

          I wonder what my trainer thought the day she came to the barn to find that all of her tack had been cleaned and oiled I had to spend time soaking my mare's feet and all of my tack was already clean so I busied myself with hers. I hope she wasn't too put out
          Was your trainer able to tell that her tack had been handled by someone else? Yes? That's what I meant - if someone has been using my tack, even if they clean it nicely, I'm able to tell that it had been handled. I assumed the OP could as well. Unless that girl is some kind of spy trained to put things exactly as she found them, everyone has their own little idiosyncracies as to where and how they place the tack or the cleaning items in a tackbox.
          Are you saying that I could come in, use your tack, groom your horse for 4 days in a row and as long as I clean everything and put it back (assuming I'm not a spy and don't measure and photograph your tack beforehand in order to place everything the way it had been), you wouldn't know someone used it?
          Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia

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          • #65
            She probably has no idea you were angry because you never said you were. I'm sure she has no idea you think she was lying her head off.
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            • #66
              Originally posted by kristinq View Post
              Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I'm so f-ing sick of reading threads about people who's horses aren't OUTSIDE like the LIVESTOCK they are. Stop treating your horses like hamsters. I guess that's my fault, I should just not read those threads.

              Also, I agree with katarine 110%.
              It's Southern California. There is NO turnout. Zip, zero, zilch throughout about 80-90% of it's civilized self. Honestly. Live there for a bit and you'll be thankful to find a place with a 20' x 20' "sun pen".

              I find the amount of hostility towards the OP to be the most astonishing part of this thread. So you would of done it differently? Whoopdidoo and congrats. No need to hate her for it
              EHJ | FB | #140 | watch | #insta

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              • Original Poster
                #67
                Originally posted by dags View Post
                It's Southern California. There is NO turnout. Zip, zero, zilch throughout about 80-90% of it's civilized self. Honestly. Live there for a bit and you'll be thankful to find a place with a 20' x 20' "sun pen".

                I find the amount of hostility towards the OP to be the most astonishing part of this thread. So you would of done it differently? Whoopdidoo and congrats. No need to hate her for it
                20 x 20 sun pen you say? Sign me up for that.

                The biggest stall we have at our barn is a 12 x 24. It's a pipe stall and I had my horse in that (prefer that stall way over his box) but he kept thinking his neighbors were going to steal his food. Kicked like crazy and got his shoe stuck and ripped off twice from kicking at his neighbors, so in a 12 x 12 box stall he went. Not as much room but he is happy to eat in peace.
                Owned by an Oldenburg

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                • #68
                  Originally posted by dags View Post
                  It's Southern California. There is NO turnout. Zip, zero, zilch throughout about 80-90% of it's civilized self. Honestly. Live there for a bit and you'll be thankful to find a place with a 20' x 20' "sun pen".
                  A 20' x 20' sun pen ... crikey my bedroom is bigger than that.

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                  • #69
                    Originally posted by Mimi La Rue View Post
                    I am not asking for support in what to say to her or get the courage to talk to her directly about what happened. My question was if I should continue to let her ride my horse (just not rely on it) or stop it since it does come off as she lied (going off gut feeling - not facts.) Would you let someone (in your feeling) who lied about your horses wellbeing still be around and care for your horse?
                    Well, I wouldn't make a decision without talking to her directly, which I think is what a lot of people are saying.

                    But since you are hung up on your gut feeling and are not interested in trying to determine what actually happened or even in talking to her directly to see if her reactions back up your gut feeling... just do whatever your gut is saying.

                    I think you want people to tell you not to let her ride, so I'll do that for you: don't let her ride.

                    If she's lying, you don't want her on your horse.

                    If she's telling the truth, she deserves to find an owner who will discuss and resolve issues with her directly, instead of asking total strangers to make a decision for you based on your gut feelings.
                    She Gets Lost

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                    • #70
                      I guess I'm shocked that you are letting her get right back on your horse.

                      It upset you enough to feel the urge to come here and write a long vent, ask what Coth would do, text her a few times to try to trap her in a lie, and then just continue on like nothing happened?

                      Either it upset you greatly or it didn't. If it did upset you greatly, why in the world are you letting her get right back on your horse? If you honestly think she outright lied to you, this makes no sense to me. Someone who'd lie to me like that would not be getting rides on my horses. Even if it were doing me a favor as well. No way.

                      If it didn't upset you that much, that's cool too. But a long vent with specifics on a public BB seems over the top for something that didn't upset you or hurt your horse enough for you to pull the ride.
                      "Aye God, Woodrow..."

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                      • #71
                        Originally posted by Cloverbarley View Post
                        A 20' x 20' sun pen ... crikey my bedroom is bigger than that.
                        Life at the LA Equestrian center

                        Even when I moved up to Santa Barbara the words "turn-out" meant "Hey! There's no one in the arena! Hurry, grab the whip and the horse!"

                        Sigh. Don't miss that.

                        But I digress . . .
                        EHJ | FB | #140 | watch | #insta

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                        • #72
                          Originally posted by Cloverbarley View Post
                          A 20' x 20' sun pen ... crikey my bedroom is bigger than that.
                          Oh heck, my bedroom is smaller than my horse's 12x12, and I have to share.

                          Comment

                          • #73
                            Originally posted by SmartAlex View Post
                            Oh heck, my bedroom is smaller than my horse's 12x12, and I have to share.
                            Lol! Think yourself lucky you don't have to spend 23 hours a day in it then.

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster
                              #74
                              Originally posted by Long Spot View Post
                              I guess I'm shocked that you are letting her get right back on your horse.

                              It upset you enough to feel the urge to come here and write a long vent, ask what Coth would do, text her a few times to try to trap her in a lie, and then just continue on like nothing happened?

                              Either it upset you greatly or it didn't. If it did upset you greatly, why in the world are you letting her get right back on your horse? If you honestly think she outright lied to you, this makes no sense to me. Someone who'd lie to me like that would not be getting rides on my horses. Even if it were doing me a favor as well. No way.

                              If it didn't upset you that much, that's cool too. But a long vent with specifics on a public BB seems over the top for something that didn't upset you or hurt your horse enough for you to pull the ride.
                              I don't really have any facts she lied. Yes, it looks to be that way and my gut feeling says he didn't get out. I will never trust her to take care of my horse again while I cannot also care for him. She said she will ride him tomorrow, but I will also go down to the barn and put him in an arena while I do my barn chores.

                              Yes, I am upset my horse probably stayed in 4 days straight but I will be really cautious with her going forward. I will see her face to face on Sunday when I watch her lesson and hope we can further discuss this more. Her trainer will be there too so I will discuss with everyone the simple rules I have when it comes to her riding him. Never jumping without a trainer and always getting him out in some form the days she commits to.

                              I've always let her come to me when she wanted to ride him. That was the first time I went to her. I will leave it in her court to ride him the days she wants to, but will also get him out again in the evening when I go down to the barn just in case.
                              Owned by an Oldenburg

                              Comment

                              • #75
                                Originally posted by Huntertwo View Post
                                If you really did *read* the thread, the OP stated land is very limited where she is.
                                I guess that's the bitchiness I deserve for being bitchy to the O.P. But if you really did *read* my post then you'd notice that I said I was fed up with reading about horses being confined in general- I never said that I gave a damn about their owner's excuses.

                                Mimi- At least your horse wasn't injured or negatively affected by the whole situation other than being stocked up. I'm sure that if the barn staff noticed any distress then you would have been contacted. It sounds like that didn't happen so all is well. Good luck on your future move to N.V.
                                Every one of them had that look of a girl infatuated with horses, the happy, fated look of a passenger setting sail on the Titanic.

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                                • #76
                                  Honestly, if your horse spends 23 hours a day in a stall anyway, the extra one isn't gonna do him much damage. It's not like he's used to being out 24/7 and he was going crazy locked up while you were away. And you've already passed on the chance to be upfront with the girl about it. So, next time just be more careful who you choose to work with your horse while you're gone.
                                  My CANTER cutie Chip and IHSA shows!
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                                  • #77
                                    When the kid comes out to ride again, check out the way she leaves your tack. If she leaves it dirty, you have the perfect opportunity to bring up the spotless saddle pad etc. from when you were out of town. I would definitely say something. It can be done tactfully but she needs to know that she is busted and has damaged the relationship by lying. You will never trust her again and she needs to know that the truth is always best and trust is a fragile thing that is easy to blow and at best, extremely difficult to rebuild. Do not let her off the hook so easily.
                                    Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

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                                    • #78
                                      Originally posted by To the MAX View Post
                                      Honestly, if your horse spends 23 hours a day in a stall anyway, the extra one isn't gonna do him much damage. It's not like he's used to being out 24/7 and he was going crazy locked up while you were away. And you've already passed on the chance to be upfront with the girl about it. So, next time just be more careful who you choose to work with your horse while you're gone.

                                      this. It took me half this thread to realize this poor horse stood in his stall the whole day.
                                      Ellipses users clique ...
                                      TGFPT,HYOOTGP

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                                      • #79
                                        Out of curiosity, would you people rather a horse be, say, INSIDE and well taken care of and regularly exercised, or would you prefer that the majority of the horse owning population of southern California never have horses?

                                        Given that there are more horses than there are homes, I would certainly prefer to see them well cared for and in then the alternative.

                                        Mine are out 24/7, but I'm in Virginia. I'd encourage some of you to realize, though, that your way is not the only way.
                                        ---
                                        They're small hearts.

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                                        • #80
                                          Originally posted by Trixie View Post
                                          Out of curiosity, would you people rather a horse be, say, INSIDE and well taken care of and regularly exercised, or would you prefer that the majority of the horse owning population of southern California never have horses?
                                          I wouldn't go so far as to say that no-one should own a horse in SoCal, however I would never keep a horse there. If I were to move to SoCal, not having horses would be my compromise.

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