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WWYD - she didn't get out my horse! (long rant, sorry)

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  • #21
    I don't get it. Your horse doesn't normally get out anyway - max of 20 mins - and you are worried that he was stuck in his stall all day? Sounds like he is stuck in his stall all day anyway. It's not right for the girl to lie to you, however, from reading your posts I can understand how she might be intimidated and scared to tell you that something else came up.

    Personally, I either would relax and give her the benefit of the doubt or start paying someone to ride your horse if you don't have the time.

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    • #22
      Originally posted by Kate66 View Post
      I don't get it. Your horse doesn't normally get out anyway - max of 20 mins - and you are worried that he was stuck in his stall all day? Sounds like he is stuck in his stall all day anyway. It's not right for the girl to lie to you...
      I agree with Kate, it sounded like a huge deal to me when I read OPs post because I would never dream of keeping horses if they had to be kept in a stall for most of their lives but I do appreciate others do and if the horses know no better then who am I to criticize. Trouble is I do know better so I could never do that to a horse. I digress though as this is not the point of OPs post, so if this happened in my own situation I'm afraid the girl would be gone; no way could I accept my horses being stuck indoors for 4 days. In your situation it doesn't sound a whole lot different to what your horse is used to, so maybe just a rap across the knuckles to the young lady and don't use her to look after horse while you're away again.

      Comment


      • #23
        Most people are amazingly flaky, though that's a lot of nerve that she lied about it. Anyway, IME there are very extremely precious few people that can be entrusted to care for horses unsupervised especially in the "Owner On Vacation" scenario.

        I have learned (ask me how) to never ask anyone without professional experience plus a strong reputation for reliability and responsibility to care for a horse while I was out of town. And then I hire a second person with the same qualifications to confirm that everything gets done properly. And I assign the barn busybody to doublecheck #2. And my best friend the cat lady comes over to "feed the cats" and make sure #1, #2, and #3 are all 100% aware that she's reporting back to me daily. I'm sort of kidding...but not really.

        Count your blessings that your horse is okay and nothing worse happened.

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        • #24
          Seriously though - this person wasn't being employed to look after the horse, feed it, clean it or anything. The horse is boarded in what sounds like a high-care barn. All this girl had to do was "get the horse out". So, the horse didn't suffer any change in care, it just didn't get out for it's "max of 20 mins" each day, or a ride - right?

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          • #25
            Originally posted by Kate66 View Post
            Seriously though - this person wasn't being employed to look after the horse, feed it, clean it or anything. The horse is boarded in what sounds like a high-care barn. All this girl had to do was "get the horse out". So, the horse didn't suffer any change in care, it just didn't get out for it's "max of 20 mins" each day, or a ride - right?
            I don't think the OP's post was really about this per se... she is more upset that she is being gracious and generous to let this girl ride her horse and the girl has apparently let her down and didn't keep up her end of the bargain. If the OP had known she would do this she would make other provisions. She is looking for an answer from COTH if people here would continue to let this girl ride the horse in the future or if she should can the whole idea.

            OP: I think if you can get the girl to confess that she didn't ride him so you can have a talk with her about honesty in regards to her riding your horse (i.e. "It's okay to tell me if you aren't going to have time to ride him for whatever reason; just let me know and I'll find someone to get him out of his stall for a bit so he can stretch"). My two cents is that if you can get her to admit she didn't ride him and you have this conversation then you should give her another chance. If she screws up that chance then she's done. If she won't admit she didn't ride him and you find other corroborating evidence then go ahead and can her. (I personally know when my things have been used by someone other than myself. I remember even as a teenager I walked into the tack room and my bridle looked a little "off". I asked my trainer about it and she 'fessed up that she had ridden my lease horse (didn't belong to her) without asking. She had a bad habit of riding other people's horses or having working students ride boarder's horses without asking...!)

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            • Original Poster

              #26
              Originally posted by Kate66 View Post
              I don't get it. Your horse doesn't normally get out anyway - max of 20 mins - and you are worried that he was stuck in his stall all day? Sounds like he is stuck in his stall all day anyway. It's not right for the girl to lie to you, however, from reading your posts I can understand how she might be intimidated and scared to tell you that something else came up.

              Personally, I either would relax and give her the benefit of the doubt or start paying someone to ride your horse if you don't have the time.
              No I get him out longer than 20 minutes max. I said that is the turn out time if someone else is waiting. I ride my horse 5-6 times a week for at least an hour, walk all around the stable and then put him in a turn out for an hour or so late at night when no one is at the barn. Turn out sucks where I live because land is limited but my horse is out doing some form of exercise for at least an hour every day.
              Owned by an Oldenburg

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              • Original Poster

                #27
                Originally posted by n2dressage View Post
                I don't think the OP's post was really about this per se... she is more upset that she is being gracious and generous to let this girl ride her horse and the girl has apparently let her down and didn't keep up her end of the bargain. If the OP had known she would do this she would make other provisions. She is looking for an answer from COTH if people here would continue to let this girl ride the horse in the future or if she should can the whole idea.

                OP: I think if you can get the girl to confess that she didn't ride him so you can have a talk with her about honesty in regards to her riding your horse (i.e. "It's okay to tell me if you aren't going to have time to ride him for whatever reason; just let me know and I'll find someone to get him out of his stall for a bit so he can stretch"). My two cents is that if you can get her to admit she didn't ride him and you have this conversation then you should give her another chance. If she screws up that chance then she's done. If she won't admit she didn't ride him and you find other corroborating evidence then go ahead and can her. (I personally know when my things have been used by someone other than myself. I remember even as a teenager I walked into the tack room and my bridle looked a little "off". I asked my trainer about it and she 'fessed up that she had ridden my lease horse (didn't belong to her) without asking. She had a bad habit of riding other people's horses or having working students ride boarder's horses without asking...!)
                Exactly thanks.

                Well I kind of ruined by asking her directly and ended up texting her (we always text unless we see each other at the barn). I asked if she rode him and what days exactly. She replied now saying Friday and Sunday when she had said all days before. I then told her I was just wondering because it looked like he didn't get out. She never replied. Guess that's my answer. Very strange.
                Owned by an Oldenburg

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                • #28
                  What's your answer?

                  She said she had ridden him, you asked again and she said she still said she had ridden him. You think she's lying.

                  If she's telling the truth she's probably pissed at you for accusing her of lying and she's done dealing with you.

                  You really don't know if she was on him or not.
                  http://weanieeventer.blogspot.com/

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    Is it possible she got the horse out every day but didn't ride him? maybe made sure he got turned out, hand walked , etc.

                    I agree she should not be lying to you but face to face conversation would be much better than texting.

                    If you really think she is lying, I would not rely on her any more and I would look for some other deserving girl who might like to help with out with your horse.
                    Auventera Two:Some women would eat their own offspring if they had some dipping sauce.
                    Serious Leigh: it sounds like her drama llama should be an old schoolmaster by now.

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      You know, it's most likely that she's lying. I know what my tack looks like when someone else has used it (my trainer when she rode my mare), and when it hadn't been touched. I don't blame you for being pissed off that she lied, especially as there would be no repercussions to her - if she couldn't make it, she just had to tell you/your mom.

                      But having a serious "conversation" via text is ludicrous. Even if that's the way you guys normally communicate, I assume it's not for heavy "I'm pretty sure you lied to me" topics. So she doesn't respond to your last text and you have your answer? She may not even have your question, and it's not like you'd even know.
                      Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia

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                      • #31
                        Call her and ask directly. Don't sugar coat, don't assume anything, just ask.

                        Or, you can always speak to her parents. She is a minor that isn't able to drive, after all.

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          I think what is bugging me the most about all of this is that...

                          you don't either trust or believe what she is telling you.

                          I have no idea whether or not she actually handled your horse while you were gone. I think you have gotten some good ways to handle finding out. But, to me, when that trust is shaken up a bit, does it ever really come back?

                          Comment


                          • #33
                            It might be a little late to find this out now..but it is possible the child has something going on at home or some emergency that prevented her riding that she does not want or feel comfortable telling you. Anything from family problems to their first breakup can send a teenager into acting weird and secretive. If she is normally Miss responsible maybe it wouldn't be the worse thing in the world for you to just thank her for taking such great care of muffin and cleaning your equipment so well Maybe you can alter the situation from now on to she rides just when you or trainer are around psss if she asks about the new rules blame on a change in insurance, thats what I always do!!!

                            I'm not saying she should get away with lying, but I know from experience that people deal with things differently, and if she is normally a good kid why not give her the benefit of the doubt, take it for what its worth and move on.
                            It\'s not the color of the ribbon that counts,but the color of the ride.
                            Oh My!

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                            • #34
                              maybe she is afraid to tell you the truth for fear you'll go nuts on her. Go figure. It's nuts enough to me that a grown woman is not sure how to ask a teenager if they rode their horse or not. So she turns to total strangers for clues.

                              Maybe you two texters have met your match and equal. I'm scared to ask her and she's scared to answer. Game set match.

                              Comment


                              • #35
                                Does the horse get turned out at all by barn staff? That could be why he is dusty.

                                I agree chances are she did not ride him at all.
                                Maybe her parents could not drive her to the barn?
                                Maybe she was busy getting ready for the upcoming school year?
                                Things happen.

                                However I would confront her and let it be knownst that she does not have to lie to you - anyone. Be honest no one likes a lier!

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  Originally posted by BeeHoney View Post
                                  Most people are amazingly flaky, though that's a lot of nerve that she lied about it. Anyway, IME there are very extremely precious few people that can be entrusted to care for horses unsupervised especially in the "Owner On Vacation" scenario.
                                  Yes. This. Exactly. I'm regularly astonished at people who will say that they are going to ride someone's horse while that person is out of town and then don't do it for whatever reason. Or they do it but are not very careful with the horse and or the horse's tack.

                                  My horse is boarded, with turnout, feed, basic needs, and some training rides included. If I go out of town and he can't get a training ride, he just goes out in his paddock that day and gets time off from riding. I will have a friend look in on him to make sure he's still in one piece, but I really don't trust anyone to ride him or do anything else with him.

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    Well, if I was the girl, I would have tried as a thank you to bath your horse, clean everything - leave it all super-nice.

                                    I'd be pretty annoyed with you if I'd tried to leave everything spotless and was then accused of having not done anything.

                                    However, it does sound as though she hasn't done anything. You'd normally have had a conversation along the lines of 'do you know, he was so funny... when I rode him on Tuesday, there was this.... and he....' etc.

                                    I would sit down with her and say that when you got back everything was beautiful and you're not sure whether it's because she'd gone to extra effort, or whether it's because she didn't ride.

                                    If she says she rode - say 'oh what was he like?', 'who else was here' etc. You'll be able to tell if she's lying.

                                    Then explain that having horses is a commitment. That you trusted her to look after him, that you were always really happy to let her ride and she always appeared to be pleased to be offered the chance but unfortunately you can't do this again. NOT because she didn't ride, but because she did not act on your contingency plan and was not truthful about it.

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      Mountain, meet Molehill

                                      what katarine said X10

                                      So horse didn't get out for 4 days.
                                      Not desirable in the Best of All Worlds, but hardly fatal.

                                      Did anyone else notice that in Post #1 Mimi has: "known her since she was 5 almost 15 years ago"
                                      So Offender is at most 20yo

                                      Then in Post #9 the offender has "isn't new to horses...been at the barn 15 years"
                                      So starting at age 4 or 5 Offender was an instant Fount of Horse Knowledge?

                                      OP:
                                      Suck it up, stand away from the smartphone and ask her mano-a-mano what happened. Then make your own decision, stop posting here looking for OMG!!! Support
                                      *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
                                      Steppin' Out 1988-2004
                                      Hey Vern! 1982-2009, Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009
                                      Sam(Jaybee Altair) 1994-2015

                                      Comment


                                      • #39
                                        If you want a guaranteed service done while you're always-- pay a trustworthy adult to do it (a trainer to ride your horse, barn staff to turn him out etc.). If you're not paying someone and they're doing it as a favor, you aren't going to get the same level of committment as if you had a paid arrangement with a trustworthy adult. I learned this lesson the hard way.

                                        A few years back I had a pony on stall rest with an injured suspensory. There was a teenaged pony clubber at the barn who wanted to use my other horse for her rating. I agreed that she could ride my horse 3 days/week and use him for her rating in exchange for her handgrazing my injured pony on those same 3 days/week. I didn't find out until weeks went by that she had been riding but not doing the hand graze. My injured pony suffered.

                                        A friend at the barn is leasing a horse that's current laid up. She likes to ride my young horse. To be nice, I offered her some rides on my young horse. Days I would have ridden him, but I wanted to be nice. She emailed me at 8pm on the day she was supposed to ride him that she got home late and wasn't going to ride. I had been at the barn and could have ridden if she would have planned better and let me know earlier.

                                        Moral of these stories? When a teen is riding/turning out as a favor (even if it's a favor to them in getting to ride the horse) you can't assume they're going to do it without failure. If you want a guarantee, pay an adult to do it. Many teens are trustworthy but they are also reliant on others for rides, to plan their schedule etc. If you wanted to be extra safe, you could have asked the girl to ride your horse and ALSO paid a barn employee to turn him out each day. Worst case scenario, he would have gotten out twice.

                                        If you want someone to do a service for you. You pay. If it's a favor, it's a favor-- but don't assume it'll happen.
                                        ~Veronica
                                        "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
                                        http://photobucket.com/albums/y192/vxf111/

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                                        • #40
                                          OP, what the heck is a "stiffler"??? In your first post.

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