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Neighbour has a serious case of the crazies.

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  • #21
    I am so sorry for the loss of your horse and your unfortunate neighbor. I would hope I would simply freeze her out of all future conversations. I am glad your husband let her have it. I would perhaps leave it at that and when she approaches you again, remind her that she was awful to you at a bad time and as a result you have no further interest in interacting with her whatsoever.

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    • #22
      Ending ALL communication and actively ignoring her, no matter what, is the best and safest way to deal with a nut job. In retrospect, I would have ended all communication after the hay issue. You have no need to explain anything you do with your horses or on your property to her. Responding seemed to legitimize and embolden this woman to continue to berate you and your husband, including at your time of greatest stress. Sorry for the loss of your horse AND having to deal with this woman on top of it. Please update us when you can and hopefully her threats to share your loss on social media were just that.
      Savor those rides where you feel like a million bucks, because there will be those where you feel like a cheap date...

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      • #23
        You poor thing. Condolences on your loss.

        Agree that now is the time to cut off all communications. Absolutely ignore her when she appears at your fence, no eye contact or response whatsoever. It'll be horrible at first but she'll get tired eventually and walk away. If she pulls in your driveway or enters your property, I'd get the cellphone video recording and calmly say "You are not welcome on this property. You are trespassing and need to leave immediately." and repeat that same sentence, no matter what she says back to you. After a couple repetitions, change your response to "Based on your refusal to leave my property, I am calling the police to file a trespassing complaint." And go do it, immediately, even if she leaves the property once you said it.

        This spring, plant a living fence that will block her ability to stand at your fenceline and monitor / talk at you. A couple rows of Miscanthus x giganteus grass would do the trick. Perennial, grows 15+feet tall each year, not palatable to deer or horses so they won't mess with it (and not toxic, anyway). Non-invasive so it'll stay where you plant it. (do note the specific variety I've suggested, because the standard landscaping-store varieties can be invasive. If you can't find MxG variety, look for other "sterile hybrids").

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        • #24
          It sounds like she may be mentally ill, or at least out of touch with reality. I'd ignore the crazy and just continue to treat her as kindly as possible, while trying to make it clear that she can't come onto my property without an invitation. I'd also try to find out more about her so I'd have a better idea how to interact with her.

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          • #25
            I'm so sorry for your loss - and having to deal with this neighbor on top of losing your husband's horse.

            I would also cut off all communication. Put up No Trespassing signs. The privacy hedge that Hungarian Hippo mentioned is a great idea I'd get cameras, too, trained on that fenceline and the drive. God knows what she might take it in her head to do when you and your husband are at work.

            Also, have a chat with your vet. If she does call the police, they will want to talk to the vet. Make sure she's aware of the situation, so her mental notes on the case are fresh in her mind. We did this when my dad decided to pick a fight with our neighbors (reasons are still unclear to me), and then had to have Bodie put down in the front pasture due to colic, too. Vet said that if the police talked to him, he had all the records to prove there was no alternative for Bodie. Whatever you can do to CYA, do it.

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            • #26
              I agree with the no contact, or favors ever again. If the woman comes to the fence, tell her to stop bothering you. If she comes on your property, call the law first, and tell her to leave. Photos proving she's on your property will help. People like this do not deserve courtesy, or interaction. Whatever her issues are, she can handle them herself. You also should never be on her property for any reason, even if she begs for help with something.

              As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them". Your neighbor has shown you who she is on several occasions, and now you know she is a nut case, and is out to get you. As others said, warn the vet about her, and no more favors, friendly gestures, or do anything but ignore her. If she bothers you again, remind her the deputies make house calls, and she will be prosecuted.
              Last edited by JanM; Nov. 23, 2019, 04:18 PM.
              You can't fix stupid-Ron White

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              • #27
                Fall is the best time to plant trees and shrubs, by the way. Might be a way to work out your exasperation with this dingbat.

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                • #28
                  Another example of why it is never a good idea to buy a rural property with neighbors close on any side. I am sorry for your loss and doubly sorry you are now stuck with an extremely nosy neighbor.

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                  • #29
                    Originally posted by candyappy View Post
                    Another example of why it is never a good idea to buy a rural property with neighbors close on any side. I am sorry for your loss and doubly sorry you are now stuck with an extremely nosy neighbor.
                    Good luck on that. We went from 300 acres of forest to a clear cut and ratty trailer park.

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                    • #30
                      Originally posted by TMares View Post

                      Good luck on that. We went from 300 acres of forest to a clear cut and ratty trailer park.
                      we looked at a really nice property that adjoined a ranch.... I rejected the property because we had no idea just was to become of the ranch-land...my thought was they could build a trailer park there and thee was nothing that we could do about it

                      fifteen years afterwards I went by that place.... no trailer park but a high school football stadium with concrete parking lots up to the fence line... and the high school marching band practicing in the parking lot

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                      • #31
                        I am so very sorry for your loss. It is never easy but your guy sounds like he lived a good, long life and went out with his loving family by his side, relieved of any suffering. That is a gift.

                        I echo the advice of the others who have urged you to step away from the crazy. There is an excellent book called, 'The Sociopath Next Door' and I urge you to read it. A sociopath wants to manipulate others, ignores social barriers and lives to 'win'. Even though there would be momentary satisfaction in delivering a vicious letter to your horrible neighbor, it might up the ante with her outrageous behavior and it's not worth it. The investment in a good book to understand the type of person you might be dealing with and a bunch of security cameras will be worth every penny. Good luck.

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                        • #32
                          Originally posted by kande04 View Post
                          It sounds like she may be mentally ill, or at least out of touch with reality. I'd ignore the crazy and just continue to treat her as kindly as possible, while trying to make it clear that she can't come onto my property without an invitation. I'd also try to find out more about her so I'd have a better idea how to interact with her.
                          Mentally ill or not the OP should cut all communication.

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                          • #33
                            What a dreadful thing to have to go through as you say farewell to a dearly loved horse.

                            I'm voting for a planting ASAP, something she can't poison or cut back, and politely waving if necessary but otherwise not interacting.

                            I am in the process of making myself scarce at the studio of my PT/personal trainer. Zip in, zip out.
                            They've remodeled the lobby and the seating is now within sight of one of the secretaries who a, lives in my little town, b. overshares, and c. is watching for me to show up and if I'm waiting alone comes out to talk to me. She too is opinionated, and I'm not interested. So no more waiting in the lobby for me.

                            I'm sorry, because it's so much nicer to be on good terms with the neighbors.

                            Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
                            Incredible Invisible

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                            • #34
                              The reason I wouldn't plant anything along that fence line is because she'll probably spend her time hanging out behind the trees, and spying on you. Better to be able to see her. Plus, is there some way that when everyone at your place is gone, you can lock a gate or something? I can imagine her sneaking over, and a gate getting left open.
                              You can't fix stupid-Ron White

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                              • Original Poster

                                #35
                                Thank you for your kind words, everyone. It's been a rough time saying goodbye to the old boy.

                                We've been looking at putting up privacy hedges on both sides of the property for a few months now. This neighbors side is about to take priority with getting it up.

                                So far, nothing else. No Facebook posts, no visits from animal control. I'm hoping she is nothing but a load of hot air and will continue to ignore us like she has any time I've been doing things with the horses.
                                Not my circus, not my monkeys!

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                                • #36
                                  That is good news! She needs to keep her crazy on her side of the fence and to herself!

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                                  • #37
                                    I'm so sorry about the death of your horse, and then having to deal with an intrusive neighbor who doesn't know how to mind her own business.

                                    I'd agree with planting a privacy hedge and ignoring the neighbor, at least for the time being. If the neighbor begins to act out more, or comes onto your property uninvited (probably with some made-up excuse of "I thought I saw something so just thought I'd look through your barn, check the quality/quantity of your feed/check your horses' conditions under their blankets, etc.), then you might have to take additional steps.
                                    "The formula 'Two and two make five' is not without its attractions." --Dostoevsky

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                                    • #38
                                      Originally posted by TMares View Post

                                      Good luck on that. We went from 300 acres of forest to a clear cut and ratty trailer park.
                                      I should have been more specific. We always make sure we own a good portion of the land around us as well. It all depends on where the house/ barns are placed on any property.

                                      We have been fortunate and it has worked on all our properties from 7 -50 acres. In looking we have had showing scheduled and upon getting to the actual property we told the realtor to drive on. Neighbors were right there!

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                                      • #39
                                        We have a neighbor like that. Problems w/ water issues, problems w/ what everyone else is doing/how they are doing it. Threats, etc. The last interaction we had with them was through the sheriff, & the initial response we got when we called was "oh them, no worries, we know who they are."

                                        My DH puts it best "they are out to save the world, & they are the only ones who know how to do it right."

                                        We do not interact with them under any circumstances. If there are issues, we call the sheriff.

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                                        • #40
                                          Privacy hedge takes too long. I'd spring for a fence but if you do the hedge make sure that when you see her out there you get your hose to water your hedge, a hose with lots of water pressure....when she opens her trap accidentally smack her in the pie hole with the water. A few times of that might bring some sort of a cure.

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