Friend w/Cancer may need to Euthanize her 6 horses

[bird4416]

If she could possibly find temporary foster homes for them, she could start treatment and see how that goes. I would think that when she finishes treatment and is recovered, she might feel very guilty that she put down healthy horses. If things take a turn for the worse, there is always the euthanasia option.

[bird4416]

And as someone said earlier, how do you find a vet that will euth. healthy horses? I know mine would not unless all other options had been exhausted.

[3DogNight]

What CHT and the others with like opinions have said. Your friend has cancer. Whether the chemo/rad is successful for her or not (and I certainly hope that it is!) there is always more, beyond her physical health, to consider. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually (if you subscribe to such beliefs) - cancer and it's treatment will take a toll on every aspect of her life, and will continue to do so for a very long time.

If SHE feels that it is in the best interest of her animals and herself to have them put down, then that choice should be supported by you, her friend. Whether you agree with it or not is immaterial. She is facing a life changing, if not life ending, diagnosis. She will need to be able to focus all of her strength on recovering, and added stress will only prolong or even hinder the recovery.

These horses could meet fates which are much, MUCH worse then a quick needle, in a pasture they are familiar with, surrounded by people who care about them. It is very easy for people (in general) to pontificate from their keyboards and computer screens about what the 'right' thing or the 'humane' thing is. I haven't yet read a post in which someone actually steps up and offers to take all 6 horses, sight unseen, and care for them for the rest of their years. If you won't do it, why would you expect someone else to?

The main focus should be your friend, her recovery, and helping her to do what SHE wants to do, for her own piece of mind, with animals that belong to her.

[carolprudm]

If she could possibly find temporary foster homes for them, she could start treatment and see how that goes. I would think that when she finishes treatment and is recovered, she might feel very guilty that she put down healthy horses. If things take a turn for the worse, there is always the euthanasia option.

This, give it time, see how it goes.

Depending on the type and stage of breast cancer she really stands a good chance of a CURE

[Thomas_1]

I'll probably get flamed for saying this, but .............how extremely selfish. How sickeningly selfish.

I saw on another thread that only 3-10% of horses sold in the US get shipped for slaughter. Seems awfully unreasonable to kill them when there is a 90% chance that they would get a home.

I understand that she is ill, sounds like she is acting very emotionally and not logically.

People adopt minis. People who thought that they had plenty of horses adopt minis - they don't take a lot of room or a lot of food and they live forever.

I hope that your friend gets better and I hope that her horses get to live also.


Flame away!

I absolutely agree with you.

If the horses are healthy then it's wrong (immoral/illogical... call it what you will!) to kill them just because you can't get them all rehomed en masse.

The OP is there to support and help and has even offered to take a horse.

And as a cancer survivor myself I have got to say that I really don't like the notion that having cancer might make you suddenly throw all common sense and intelligence out the window.

Cancer doesn't affect your ability to do the right thing. It doesn't change your whole moral fabric.

It doesn't necessarily make you stop being afraid of dying but by gosh it made me so I'm never afraid of living.

[monstrpony]

Confession time. Been there, done that. When I was diagnosed w/ BC and facing chemo, and had NO idea what it would be like FOR ME, I made the decision to have Monstr put down. He was aged, tho not old (18), and fully retired due to his own health issues. He happened to be doing spectacularly well, for him, at the time this happened, but I knew I was facing having others take care of him and he had a histrionic history of having some major issue just when I needed to have someone else help with him. I had no clear idea how it would all work out financially; everyone assured me it would be "okay" but no one could give me facts and figures; and in fact, no one can--cancer treatment is very individual. Monstr was a huge horse and could be pushy, so he intimidated many people. He was just living out his life with me, and it was his misfortune that crunch time hit when it did.

I chose to have him euthanized that spring. It was an *awful* decision to have to make, under the pressure of all of the surgeries and drs appointments, and not knowing what would happen--the not knowing is hell. And I was lucky, I had wonderful insurance; the cancer therapies still cost a bloody fortune.

Certainly, my choice would have been to try to find homes for the other two, and the support of my friends through this was a godsend. I was lucky that I didn't have to resort to that.

But I fully understand where this woman is coming from--there's only so much you can handle in this situation. You DO reach your limit. She has my profound sympathy and support in whatever she chooses. My first wish is that she didn't have to go through this; my second, that I were closer so I could help out.

I did not even ask my equine vet to do it for me; I knew Dr. Problem-Solver would have looked for alternatives, and I just wasn't up for handling that, and I DID NOT BELIEVE that would be the best choice for this horse. I asked my small animal vet, also a horsewoman and a long-time, very good friend. She hated it almost as much as I did, but she did it for me.

[KateWooten]

It's obviously a very sad situation, and she must do what she thinks is right .... it's just such a pity, to me, that this situation seems to come up a lot, and people don't plan for it. Surely as an adult, we have all realised that we're only temporary ? This isn't news to anyone, is it ? If you have 6 big animals, surely you have some sort of a plan in place for where they would go ? No ?

If you haven't, then make one. Now ! You could be over by this evening.

[Lori B]

Sorry, I'm w/ Thomas & Iron Horse Farm on this one.

We owe it to our animals t have our $hit together even when very bad things happen. Demanding that her horses stay together (idiot) and then going straight to contemplating euthanasia when that looks wildly unlikely is just her franticness talking. I would encourage your friend to be realistic, seek out breed rescue / temporary / free lease type homes while she focuses on her health.

Animals should not, as much as possible, pay a final price when we are too feckless, afraid and addle-brained to think straight.

Euthanizing her horses won't make her feel better. The oldest one, probably not a bad option, but I don't see going straight from "they have to be placed together" to putting them down. sorry, not buying it.

Edited to add: YES, KateWooten. Times 10.

[Kate66]

I am so sorry for your friend. Her cancer may well not be a death sentence however, you mentioned that she doesn't have great finances and it undoubtedly will be a huge cost. I hope she has good insurance. For those of you that are saying she is being selfish, I can understand your sentiment, but unless you have walked in those shoes, it may be better not to judge. You can't see things from her point of view and you don't have her troubles. I know that after the 1st month of my daughter being in hospital I received a bill for $386,000 - I still have it - I almost had a heart attack there and then. She was in for 4 months.

As others have said horses live for the here and now. They are not going to be aware of no tomorrow and if I were in her shoes I think I would rather take the decision that she is taking than the constant worry that one of them is not being well looked after. I sold a lovely TB mare to a "forever" home a few years ago, the parents got divorced and the mare has been sold on again - you never know where one ends up after it has gone.

Good luck to your friend. I hope she gets through this.

[hitchinmygetalong]

You need to be very careful who you tell about this.

The last thing your friend needs is an animal rights group hounding her.

Why don't you VERY DISCREETLY (in other words, the less details the better) look into horse rescues/foster homes in the area? Then, when you have gathered some information, talk to her about it. Maybe there is someone out there that will, for a minimal fee, foster the group until she is feeling better.

Please understand how heartbreaking this is for your friend. You need to consider her feelings during this terribly difficult time.

[SaturdayNightLive]

I'm with Iron Horse Farm, Thomas, and Lori B on this one, and I'm not sorry. These horses are living, breathing, thinking beings and you don't get to end their lives because they've suddenly become inconvenient to you. And no, I'm not going to pretend the OP's friend is a hero because she's been diagnosed with cancer. Cancer is a horrible horrible thing, but it isn't a free pass to do whatever you want to everything around you. The "if I'm going to die, I'm taking them with me" attitude is sickening.

[monstrpony]

@ monstrpony - I think your situation was different.

Everyone's is, but I was trying to express that the uncertainty at that point in the process can be overwhelming. Overwhelming. While Thomas is correct, in theory, it doesn't always work that way in fact. Some people ARE overwhelmed. I can understand where the woman is coming from; doesn't mean I agree, but since I'm not there to support her myself, I'm not going to condemn her, either.

I do hope something works out for the horses, but we live in difficult times. Euthanasia may not be the worst that could happen to them.

[danceronice]

I think if it were one elderly sick retired horse, that would be one thing. I don't think *most* vets would take issue euthanizing a 29-year-old. The ones I know, however, would very likely refuse to put down an otherwise-healthy fifteen-year-old Arabian who could very easily live another 15 years, especially if the justification is "I can't place all six together."

Also, please remember, this isn't 1980 where breast cancer was basically a death sentence. If it's early stages, yeah, the treatment may well make her feel like utter crap, but she may very well pull through. How is she going to feel when she's in remission and all her horses are dead because she assumed she was going to die?

I'd strongly suggest you talk to her about the Arab resources posted upthread--it might even be possible to just find temporary homes. Back when my old horse was retired, we considered finding a companion pasture puff for him and we certainly would have taken on someone's older horse in a situation like this and been willing to just keep him until they were better and ready to take him back. If anything that would have been an ideal situation.

[Coanteen]

She might very well have a problem finding a vet to do this. For the elderly horse, I think it would be relatively easy to find one. But many might balk at wholesale euthanasia of all 6, including young, healthy ones.

I feel sorry for your friend, and hope she recovers. The euth question is a difficult one, she's likely very emotional right now, and if she's heard stories of horses ending up in abusive homes or on the truck maybe she does think euthing them all is the right choice.
But she is not rational in her decision not to separate them. If there is a home that she trusts, such as yours, I simply don't understand the refusal to give at least 1 or 2 of the horses a chance.

[trubandloki]

Wow, this confuses me. People around her are always saying that we must be responsible for our horses forever, etc. And this woman is thinking of her horses and now she is bad for doing it. I do not see how this is being selfish. She is not pawning her responsibilities off on others.

She does not want to have to worry that they went six different directions with people she does not know or trust. She can not afford them and her medical care.

I'd support her with her decision.

She has enough to worry about with her own health. The stress of worrying about the horses she loves when she can't care about them will make her fight all the harder. Stress doesn't help healing. Coth forums are chock-a-block with horror stories of horse adoptions going awry and terrible final times on horses final trip to Canadian or Mexican abatoirs.

She's made the choice, I'm sure it was a difficult choice...no one has any right to tell her she's wrong or that she should do what makes THEM feel better. Sure wish more people would be this responsible.

Horses don't have tomorrows or yesterdays, they have here and now. She's decided to make their here & now a good one.

Well said!

[carolprudm]

Also, please remember, this isn't 1980 where breast cancer was basically a death sentence. If it's early stages, yeah, the treatment may well make her feel like utter crap, but she may very well pull through. How is she going to feel when she's in remission and all her horses are dead because she assumed she was going to die?

Thank you for saying that.
FWIW here are the current survival rates http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastC...cancer-staging


There is also a story in the Aug Practical Horseman about a woman who competed at Rolex a year after she was diagnosed.

[danceronice]

Thank you for saying that.
FWIW here are the current survival rates http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastC...cancer-staging


There is also a story in the Aug Practical Horseman about a woman who competed at Rolex a year after she was diagnosed.

Really. It doesn't help a cancer patient for their friends and family to act like the diagnosis means it's time to start planning the funeral.

[twofatponies]

The woman is probably panic stricken, and justifiably, having to cope with sudden bad news. I haven't seen anyone suggest trying to arrange volunteer help to take care of her horses? I mean, if they could be temporarily distributed among friends, who can even bring her to visit them etc, or ...? I know when my dad was ill for many months I was a little surprised at the friends and neighbors that came out of the woodwork to do all sorts of things, from mowing the lawn to bringing over food to driving him to the doctor, staying with him at night even. Above and beyond what I would ever have asked people to do.

Best, I think, not to make any radical/irreversible decisions so soon. Try to find a temporary way to cover the care of the horses, then wait and see how things turn out over the next few months? Of course, not always so easy to do. But that would be my first choice.

[Just Wondering]

Everyone's is, but I was trying to express that the uncertainty at that point in the process can be overwhelming. Overwhelming. While Thomas is correct, in theory, it doesn't always work that way in fact. Some people ARE overwhelmed. I can understand where the woman is coming from; doesn't mean I agree, but since I'm not there to support her myself, I'm not going to condemn her, either.

I do hope something works out for the horses, but we live in difficult times. Euthanasia may not be the worst that could happen to them.

Yes. We don't know how the friend is coping. Things one person may take as a bump in the road become huge mountains for others. How else can we explain murder and suicide?

Even if a person is going through the exact same situation, it is impossible to be inside someone else reading their mind and their heart.

Best wishes to your friend.

[Iron Horse Farm]

I do hope something works out for the horses, but we live in difficult times. Euthanasia may not be the worst that could happen to them.

I love my horses so that I want better for them than .....well, not the worst thing that could happen.