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Help! A Delicate Situation

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  • I'm just going to throw out there that there might be some kind of medical issue going on as well. Perhaps a Dr. recommended more exercise and the kid expressed an interest in horses.

    Based on the other behavior though, I'd tell these people to walk. Given that you now have the perfect excuse- that you don't have a horse suitable for their child- I'd take that excuse and run with it. Direct them to another barn that you know gives lessons to big men or even has a therapeutic program (in addition to regular one) since they often have larger, beginner friendly horses.

    Comment


    • meupatdoes didn't say you did, but you made an erroneous statement of fact while quoting me, which I'm still not sure why, so me correcting you shouldn't be a surprise. Yes I know you're going to continue to quote me
      COTH's official mini-donk enabler

      "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl

      Comment


      • Originally posted by S1969 View Post
        I just want to know if they showed up for the lesson or not.
        If I were the OP I wouldn't comeback on this thread after some of the comments here. I for one understand why she sent the picture and probably regrets it now.

        Comment


        • Yeah, she’s not coming back. She’ll get criticized for whatever decision she made at this point and I’m sure she doesn’t feel like taking any more abuse.

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          • Yep. I can see exactly where things are headed too, people not wanting to take minors on as students at all anymore. It's already difficult for people under 18 to get jobs, and now this sport is turning in that direction too.

            Comment


            • Why is it hard to work with children and not screen shot pictures of them to share while discussing their bodies on anonymous BBs? I assume most of us have mastered that skill. I'm really surprised how many here understand and think it's okay to have done that. But I guess I fully understand Safe Sport now.

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              • I haven't heard anyone say it was okay. But people are now jumping on the SafeSport bandwagon or talking about their own professional training with working with children, or what's legal where they live, without any evidence whatsoever that the OP holds any license or accreditation from anyone (and in this country, she doesn't need to). Lots of assumptions going on.
                Last edited by RubyTuesday; Nov. 16, 2019, 08:07 PM.

                Comment


                • This was a very interesting thread with a real life issues. Its a shame it took off into a weird direction. I work with the public including a lot of children and I can promise there are kids 200 + lbs. As far as her posting a pic..really the child wasn't exploited her identity was blocked never mind it is on a pubic forum. If the family was concerned that child's pic would be seen by strangers it should not be on social media to begin with. If its on the web its not private.

                  I think the OP had a real life sensitive issues to deal with not only the weight issue but the behavior of the family. Its crazy to think she should have a horse capable of carrying weight of every type. She knows her horses ability. But consider the safety of the child on a horse. She is probably not going to be a balanced rider ( assumed since she's never ridden) that could be bad even for a skinny new rider with no balance. Example...My Husband is a totally athlete 178 lbs, runs 3 miles 3x a week and works with weights 4 days a week...... I put him on a saint of a school horse..........its was horrible. I was worried for his safety. Zero balance. I doubt the OP will be back to update but I would love to know how it end and what solution she found.

                  Comment


                  • There is zero requirement that a person have any license or accreditation in order for them to (i) not screen shot and share pictures of a child with internet strangers and (ii) to know that to do so is not okay.

                    The OP willingly hangs out her shingle to make money by representing that she works with children. She therefore takes that responsibility on herself. With that choice to earn money working with children comes the responsibility to know and follow at the very least the absolute basics of child safety practice.

                    License and accreditation are distractions in this discussion. As other posters have said, not sharing screen shots of another person's child in order to make your point is simply basic common decency. It is not some elevated level of conduct only to be expected by licensed and accredited professionals. It is what we should all at a bare, rock-bottom minimum expect from all adults with access to children. Every single one of us without exception but especially those who willingly choose to represent themselves as qualified to be paid to instruct and work with children.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by FitzE View Post
                      There is zero requirement that a person have any license or accreditation in order for them to (i) not screen shot and share pictures of a child with internet strangers and (ii) to know that to do so is not okay.

                      The OP willingly hangs out her shingle to make money by representing that she works with children. She therefore takes that responsibility on herself. With that choice to earn money working with children comes the responsibility to know and follow at the very least the absolute basics of child safety practice.

                      License and accreditation are distractions in this discussion. As other posters have said, not sharing screen shots of another person's child in order to make your point is simply basic common decency. It is not some elevated level of conduct only to be expected by licensed and accredited professionals. It is what we should all at a bare, rock-bottom minimum expect from all adults with access to children. Every single one of us without exception but especially those who willingly choose to represent themselves as qualified to be paid to instruct and work with children.
                      One more time for the people in the back
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                      www.mmeqcenter.com/tacklove.html

                      Comment


                      • I have two family members in education and until Miss Resomething told me that no, she wasn't permitted to send me a photo of her very first classroom and all her cute kids and I couldn't take one either, privacy and control of children's images really wasn't on my radar. When she was a child pictures were made for me by her babysitter and her after school program and I received physical copies and was happy to get a look into my child's life while I was at work. Did I sign a release? Can't remember.

                        Weight's one of those subjects we don't seem to be able to discuss rationally. Would I have selected some google produced image for illustrative purposes, well after reading this thread even if I'd thought of it I sure wouldn't now. So how does google avoid censure for providing the images?

                        OP was in the unenviable position of having presumptive clients who skipped past the website and cold called, tracked her physical location down and came for a surprise visit while she was involved with another client. She needed some help with a narrative to get things back in line with her policy. She has no beginner friendly horses she feels are capable to carry over a certain weight limit.

                        She suspects the child is over that weight limit and needs help gracefully rescinding the lesson.

                        So if this family isn't a batch of tire kickers that failed to show, then since this isn't a gaited or western barn serving big and tall men with horses to suit, my advice is she needs the policy printed off her website and posted. Have a scale and use it. Have a release and go over it. My trainer had four pages to be signed specifying my attire, my behavior around the horses and on her property before I even got near the horses. She had a weight limit but has a driving program and reserves the right to substitute.
                        Network with other barns in the area that may have suitable beginner friendly horses, and next time OP ought to think about putting herself back into control on the phone and on the property when potential clients just call or show up, bypassing her admission protocols. I'd suggest a list of questions with checkboxes right by the phone, if OP if you are using a cell and maybe outside, call them back at your convenience. Because they WILL just show up.

                        I do hope things went well.
                        Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
                        Incredible Invisible

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by ReSomething View Post

                          Weight's one of those subjects we don't seem to be able to discuss rationally. Would I have selected some google produced image for illustrative purposes, well after reading this thread even if I'd thought of it I sure wouldn't now. So how does google avoid censure for providing the images?
                          People here are discussing weight perfectly rationally. There is overwhelming sympathy for OP not having a horse suitable to the task. There's even support for not liking this family's general behaviour. She lost that support from a subsection of posters who find her conduct with respect to the child's image outrageous for someone who puts herself out as qualified to work with children for pay.

                          The issue is not a googled image of "overweight 11 year old" or whatever search terms you would have googled. OP went to the family member's facebook page, copied an image of a specific child known to her, blurred the face, and shared that image to on an online platform with anonymous users solely to prove she was right. I'm sure you can appreciate the distinction between that and doing a google search and why it is unacceptable NOT understandable.

                          I'm glad Ms. ReSomething told you about her school's basic child safety policy regarding images. That's great and that's how the information will spread and more people will be educated. You, however, have a lower burden to meet with respect to that knowledge. Yes, you did not know until you were told, but you also don't (to our knowledge in this exchange) choose to make a living by representing yourself as someone who should be paid to work with children. If you do, as the OP does, there is absolutely no excuse to not know the basics. Ignorance is not excuse for such a violation.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by TheJenners View Post
                            meupatdoes didn't say you did, but you made an erroneous statement of fact while quoting me, which I'm still not sure why, so me correcting you shouldn't be a surprise. Yes I know you're going to continue to quote me
                            What "erroneous statement of fact?"

                            I said minors CAN BE charged with distribution of child porn just for sending pics to each other between two phones.

                            You replied that that was no longer the case in YOUR state, and that SOME other states are following suit.

                            So, since you're the expert, outside of the "some others", how many states have not followed suit? How many states are left where minors can still be charged for this?

                            It would seem fairly evident that until ALL states (or Congress) follow suit, the possibility would still exist in this country that minors can be charged for sharing pics with each other.

                            I don't agree with it, but it CAN HAPPEN and **HAS HAPPENED** - which I was only using as one example of how sharing pictures of children over the internet can get unexpectedly problematic, because the average person wouldn't necessarily consider a junior in highschool sending a racy pic to just her boyfriend to be distributing child porn, and the kids in question *certainly* did not realize there was this spectre over their actions at the time.

                            But by all means, continue to argue about it.
                            The Noodlehttp://tiny.cc/NGKmT&http://tiny.cc/gioSA
                            Jinxyhttp://tiny.cc/PIC798&http://tiny.cc/jinx364
                            Boy Wonderhttp://tiny.cc/G9290
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                            Comment


                            • k
                              COTH's official mini-donk enabler

                              "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by mmeqcenter View Post

                                One more time for the people in the back
                                Anon posters so desperate to feel even a little bit superior that they'll continue to beat a dead horse to a bloody pulp! :-)

                                Comment


                                • Originally posted by kande04 View Post

                                  Anon posters so desperate to feel even a little bit superior that they'll continue to beat a dead horse to a bloody pulp! :-)
                                  Really. Can we move on now?

                                  Comment


                                  • Originally posted by S1969 View Post

                                    Really. Can we move on now?
                                    Sorry, I'm not quite ready to move on unless you're a mod, but if you are then yes, I'll move on.

                                    Comment


                                    • Sorry, child safety is a hill I'm willing to die on. You're not too bothered about it, we get it. Calling out bad behaviour with respect to children by "professionals" who work with children is not feeling a little bit superior. Your attempt to minimize the importance is useless. Adults know this is the one of if not the most important challenge facing the sport today and adults are talking so maybe sit down. You can't be arsed to care. Got it.

                                      Comment


                                      • Originally posted by FitzE View Post

                                        The issue is not a googled image of "overweight 11 year old" or whatever search terms you would have googled...I'm sure you can appreciate the distinction between that and doing a google search
                                        Actually: no. Any picture of a child is someone's child. How does obtaining it from a google search make it any more acceptable?
                                        No matter where you go, there you are

                                        Comment


                                        • Originally posted by FitzE View Post
                                          Sorry, child safety is a hill I'm willing to die on. You're not too bothered about it, we get it. Calling out bad behaviour with respect to children by "professionals" who work with children is not feeling a little bit superior. Your attempt to minimize the importance is useless. Adults know this is the one of if not the most important challenge facing the sport today and adults are talking so maybe sit down. You can't be arsed to care. Got it.
                                          But the OP is LONG GONE and you've made half a dozen posts about what a horrible person she was. She made a mistake, probably regrets it, and now can no longer come to this BB For advice on how to address an obese child. She has zero chances of recovery and apparently should burn in hell for her mistake. Which means the child doesn't get to interact with horses or lessons and the instructor can't realize her mistake and become a better instructor after it. So in reality, you've helped nobody.


                                          Obesity is a touchy subject. While several posters addressed it in a rational manner, others got worked up about a child being called obese and said that the instructor was the problem, not the child. How do we address obesity in this country if a sports instructor can't find open advice about how to deal with the situation? It being a taboo subject probably led to the instructor sharing the photo out of frustration, and now thanks to you drilling it home over and over and over she can't learn from her mistake and make the right choices to help this child.
                                          http://weanieeventer.blogspot.com/

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