Sport Horse Spotlight

C-Quito1

Real Estate Spotlight

THC_1

Sale Spotlight

COTH_without Subscribe
  • Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You�re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the Forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it�details of personal disputes may be better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts, though are not legally obligated to do so, regardless of content.

Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting. Moderators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts unless they have been alerted and have determined that a post, thread or user has violated the Forums� policies. Moderators do not regularly independently monitor the Forums for such violations.

Profanity, outright vulgarity, blatant personal insults or otherwise inappropriate statements will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

Users may provide their positive or negative experiences with or opinions of companies, products, individuals, etc.; however, accounts involving allegations of criminal behavior against named individuals or companies MUST be first-hand accounts and may NOT be made anonymously.

If a situation has been reported upon by a reputable news source or addressed by law enforcement or the legal system it is open for discussion, but if an individual wants to make their own claims of criminal behavior against a named party in the course of that discussion, they too must identify themselves by first and last name and the account must be first-person.

Criminal allegations that do not satisfy these requirements, when brought to our attention, may be removed pending satisfaction of these criteria, and we reserve the right to err on the side of caution when making these determinations.

Credible threats of suicide will be reported to the police along with identifying user information at our disposal, in addition to referring the user to suicide helpline resources such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it�s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users� profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses � Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it�s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who�s selling it, it doesn�t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions � Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services � Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products � While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements � Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be �bumped� excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues � Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators� discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the �alert� button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your �Ignore� list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you�d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user�s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 5/9/18)
See more
See less

Help! A Delicate Situation

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Originally posted by FatDinah View Post

    It's not the National Park Service. Those rides are by private companies who have a concession to operate the service. So, just like the OP, they are private businesses that can set policies they consider appropriate for client safety and horse welfare.
    I know that, it is Xanterra at the Grand Canyon National Park who does the mule rides. The info was on the NPS site. However, that was not relative to the conversation at hand and you knew that. You just wanted to look superior. I hope you feel good about yourself now.

    Comment


    • I haven't read everything but Alliteration , I noticed they asked about boarding in their first email.

      Would it be suitable to introduce her to your horses on the ground, and perhaps guide the family in purchasing a suitable beginner friendly draft thing that could comfortably carry her? Then you can teach her from there.

      I agree with the above posters that point out that you have the potential to make a big impact here, but it's also not your responsibility to keep a lesson horse for the edge cases of morbidly obese children with riding goals.

      Comment


      • Having read the thread, it strikes me that if this were a 300 lb (lets be real here, 200 lb) adult female beginner, that beginner would have been raked over the coals and vilified from here to eternity for daring to even think about getting her fat keister within a country mile of poor, long suffering, Dobbin.

        Lots of decent suggestions for the OP, but really, how many of those same suggestions would have been forthcoming had the beginner been an adult woman?

        As for the OP I really think a simple "I'm sorry, I don't have a horse that is suitable for Susie to take lessons on" should be enough. I'm guessing the family is fully aware Susie is overweight. Even with a fitness program and a commitment to lose weigh it's going to take more than ground lessons to get Susie in shape. If the OP want's to offer a lesson on the ground to be nice, fine. I honestly am not aware of too many programs that have a horse suitable for a beginner that size and I don't think the OP should feel obligated to try to find Susie another program.

        I'm fat, I ride my horse but wouldn't expect to be mounted on an animal too small for me. That isn't safe for either the horse or the rider. Add an unbalanced beginner and it's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

        "Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple Barry Switzer

        Comment


        • My advice would be the same for anyone who wasn't ready to ride the horses I had available for lessons. They of course, could take or leave whatever alternatives I had to offer.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by findeight View Post
            Some barns have nice grassy landscaping, don’t assume OP and/or the property owner doesn’t have a nice, well maintained lawn area. About half my barns over the decades have had some landscaping and they, especially the property owners, all got livid when it got torn up by trainers clients or visitors who did not use the road and clearly marked parking areas. Most don’t like random cars driving off the track to pull up ringside and unloading a whole family in the middle of their lesson. Do they drive up on people’s front lawns when visiting?

            I still want to know if they came back the next day for the lesson. Hope OP comes back on to discuss the challenges of running a training business, this went way south but there’s much support and information the other 95% of the time and she’s always welcome by 99% of COTHers. Even when we don’t agree.
            Yup. The property where my trainer rents the horse facilities is impeccably maintained. The barn owner pays a landscaping company to mow and edge on a weekly basis during the warm months. Keep Off the Grass signs are posted all along the driveways. The hunter barn is less formal and the parking area is actually grass. They still frown upon people driving willy nilly over the grass in non-designated parking areas.

            When I owned a farm I hated when customers drove on the grass without asking. This area in question was by the house so they were essentially driving on the yard. The way the property was configured sometimes necessitated running water and electricity out from the house. People driving over the grass crushed hoses, electrical cords, and even a chick once! It was also annoying because it always seemed to happen in wet weather so they got stuck in the mud and guess who had to pull them out?

            Comment


            • If people drive, park, ride, or even just walk on grassy areas regularly they do not stay grassy for long. It does not take much traffic to mess it up.
              No matter where you go, there you are

              Comment


              • So it seems what we’ve taken from this whole thing is that we shouldn’t drive on grass.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by mswillie View Post
                  Having read the thread, it strikes me that if this were a 300 lb (lets be real here, 200 lb) adult female beginner, that beginner would have been raked over the coals and vilified from here to eternity for daring to even think about getting her fat keister within a country mile of poor, long suffering, Dobbin.

                  Lots of decent suggestions for the OP, but really, how many of those same suggestions would have been forthcoming had the beginner been an adult woman?

                  As for the OP I really think a simple "I'm sorry, I don't have a horse that is suitable for Susie to take lessons on" should be enough. I'm guessing the family is fully aware Susie is overweight. Even with a fitness program and a commitment to lose weigh it's going to take more than ground lessons to get Susie in shape. If the OP want's to offer a lesson on the ground to be nice, fine. I honestly am not aware of too many programs that have a horse suitable for a beginner that size and I don't think the OP should feel obligated to try to find Susie another program.

                  I'm fat, I ride my horse but wouldn't expect to be mounted on an animal too small for me. That isn't safe for either the horse or the rider. Add an unbalanced beginner and it's a lawsuit waiting to happen.
                  I don’t quite understand why a 300lb kid is so unbelievable. I’m 5’6” and weigh 190 and I’m not even Lane Bryant fat. Subtract 4 inches and at the same weight I’d probably be a size 16. Add another 100lbs and I still wouldn’t be the fattest person at Walmart.
                  https://www.strongcoffey.com/overweight-daughter
                  Posts a childhood picture of the author who claims to have been 300 lbs. I don’t see why everyone is assuming that OP is exaggerating.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by JustTheTicket View Post
                    So it seems what we’ve taken from this whole thing is that we shouldn’t drive on grass.
                    "Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything
                    that's even remotely true."

                    Homer Simpson

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by jonem004 View Post

                      I don’t quite understand why a 300lb kid is so unbelievable. I’m 5’6” and weigh 190 and I’m not even Lane Bryant fat. Subtract 4 inches and at the same weight I’d probably be a size 16. Add another 100lbs and I still wouldn’t be the fattest person at Walmart.
                      https://www.strongcoffey.com/overweight-daughter
                      Posts a childhood picture of the author who claims to have been 300 lbs. I don’t see why everyone is assuming that OP is exaggerating.
                      Because some posters on COTH like to jump on others and call them judgey or some such, while they themselves are being judgey (and generally some only slightly related insult-throwing gets tossed in to muddy the waters). Am I being judgey now? While calling other posters judgey? Sure . But I'm not being judgey by claiming they are wrong about something they witnessed and I didn't. I saw it. The OP will likely never be back because of the below-the-din muttering of "outing" her. She has a business to run. I have also been the victim of the "we shall out you in the name of social justice" posting here on COTH, and been subject to PMs that are not quite nasty but certainly not nice.

                      I see fat children daily, and I don't live in one of the fattest states. I got charged recently by a kid who outweighed me by no joke 200 pounds. Think about that. Granted he wasn't 5', but he wasn't 6' either. I doubt the child in OP's post was 5' and 300, but I bet she was within a couple inches and 50 pounds. Either way, the child is obese by anyone's standard, and the OP is not required to accommodate her.

                      And for godssake stay off the flippin grass.
                      COTH's official mini-donk enabler

                      "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by carman_liz View Post
                        I sent op a pm two days ago asking how the lesson went out of genuine curiosity about the little girl and if it went well or not, she never responded . Probably from fear of her ip address being reported and secondly because of the new butthole she got ripped on here not even into the 2nd page of comments.
                        This OP will likely never ever come back. I really do care for how witch-hunty these boards get.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by WildLittleWren View Post
                          Well this went south quick
                          Thought maybe it would so I made a vino run and popped some skinny girl lime and salt pop corn,

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by fargaloo View Post
                            Am I the only one that finds this whole thread slightly crazypants?
                            Honey booboo et al !

                            Comment


                            • I wanna know how this soap opera ends!

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Goforward View Post
                                I wanna know how this soap opera ends!
                                We will probably never find out. A common theme

                                Comment


                                • Originally posted by jonem004 View Post

                                  I don’t quite understand why a 300lb kid is so unbelievable. I’m 5’6” and weigh 190 and I’m not even Lane Bryant fat. Subtract 4 inches and at the same weight I’d probably be a size 16. Add another 100lbs and I still wouldn’t be the fattest person at Walmart.
                                  I do think that’s one of the hardest parts of this whole thing. I’m 5’9” and weigh ~200. No one guesses that, they all presume I’m about 150. Guessing weight from a visual is really hard. Ideally we should be inquiring about almost all riders.

                                  Comment


                                  • I'm not sure that the actual weight matters, as what matters is whether the person who owns the horse and is responsible for his welfare is willing to put the student on him.

                                    Comment

                                    • Original Poster

                                      To those who private messaged me with genuine suggestions and concerns, thank you.

                                      I had the girl come to the first lesson. I wanted to get a feel for how she worked around horses. She was not timid and did everything I asked on the ground without complaint. She's very quiet, no doubt she has self-esteem issues. I talked with her and drew her out of her shell a bit, explaining why I was starting off with ground lessons before moving to mounted lessons. Both her and mom liked what I had to say and understood.

                                      It was during this first lesson that it came out she'd had 3 lessons at a barn down the road over the summer. I'd met the owners once or twice in the past but really didn't know them. I'd heard a few things about this barn from one of my boarders who left after 3 months and came to me. And also from another student. Nothing horrible, but they just didn't seem to appreciate their clientele; mostly being dismissive of those who wanted lessons but weren't interested in showing, that kind of thing.

                                      I asked why she stopped riding there. "They had to cancel her last lesson. And when I tried to reschedule, they wouldn't call me back." I am assuming they faced the same dilemma as I, but rather than have The Talk, they opted to ignore and hope they went away. This made me really sad, and even more determined to find a way to help this girl.

                                      I decided to see if my little cob could carry this girl. My plan was to get her up on the cob on lesson #2, but Mom forgot to bring her helmet and none of mine fit. So we learned tacking, untacking, types of equipment, bits, how they worked (leverage vs direct),etc. I told them to definitely bring the helmet for the next lesson.

                                      Lesson #3 was last week. And my fears were confirmed. Even with the mounting block being almost to stirrup height, it was a huge struggle for her just to get on the horse. I told her to sit gently, but she came down hard and my little guy staggered when she hit. We focused on balancing exercises with and without stirrups at the walk, steering, heels down, keeping her hands out of her lap, etc. My little guy really struggled to carry her so I kept the ride to 15 minutes with a lot of standing while I discussed things to spare my horse.

                                      After the lesson, her mom told me how much horses meant to her daughter. Her journals are full of notes about horses, wanting to ride and be able to be free. I wasn't going to say anything in front of the daughter to crush her spirit. I told her she did great, which she did with what I asked her to do, and was very positive and encouraging.

                                      I spent the next several days reaching out to colleagues and horse friends, explaining the situation and asking if anyone could help. A friend of mine about 20 miles away said she had a horse she thought might be suitable and would be happy to work with her.

                                      So, today, I sent The Email to Mom. The hardest thing I've done in a long time.

                                      I explained that her daughter was a lovely girl. How I have enjoyed working with her and how I really wish I could be the one to help her live her dreams. I explained that I didn't say anything sooner because I didn't want to rush to judgment without first seeing her ride, but that after the last lesson, my concerns were validated and my beginner-safe horses cannot safely carry her daughter.

                                      I apologized for the other barn being so unprofessional in how they dealt with her and that I was determined not to be like them.

                                      I then said I reached out to my fellow colleagues to see if anyone could help and that a friend of mine said she believed she had a suitable horse to work with and that she would be delighted to help. I shared the contact info and that my friend was looking forward to hearing from her and I was confident they could help her daughter indulge in her passion.

                                      I apologized again that I wasn't able to work with her, and I wished her the best of luck. <3









                                      Comment


                                      • Alliteration thanks for coming back and updating, I love the way you handled this, I hope that the place you have set up works out for them
                                        "He's not even a good pathological liar." Mara

                                        "You're just a very desperate troll, and not even a good one. You're like middle-school troll at best. Like a goblin, not even a troll." et_fig

                                        Comment


                                        • Thank you for the update.
                                          So sweet of you to try and then go the extra step to find a more suitable situation. That is so kind of you.

                                          Comment

                                          Working...
                                          X