Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You're responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the Forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it--details of personal disputes may be better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts, though are not legally obligated to do so, regardless of content.

Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting. Moderators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts unless they have been alerted and have determined that a post, thread or user has violated the Forums' policies. Moderators do not regularly independently monitor the Forums for such violations.

Profanity, outright vulgarity, blatant personal insults or otherwise inappropriate statements will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

Users may provide their positive or negative experiences with or opinions of companies, products, individuals, etc.; however, accounts involving allegations of criminal behavior against named individuals or companies MUST be first-hand accounts and may NOT be made anonymously.

If a situation has been reported upon by a reputable news source or addressed by law enforcement or the legal system it is open for discussion, but if an individual wants to make their own claims of criminal behavior against a named party in the course of that discussion, they too must identify themselves by first and last name and the account must be first-person.

Criminal allegations that do not satisfy these requirements, when brought to our attention, may be removed pending satisfaction of these criteria, and we reserve the right to err on the side of caution when making these determinations.

Credible threats of suicide will be reported to the police along with identifying user information at our disposal, in addition to referring the user to suicide helpline resources such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it's understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users' profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses -- Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it's related to a horse for sale, regardless of who's selling it, it doesn't belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions -- Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services -- Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products -- While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements -- Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be "bumped" excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues -- Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators' discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the �alert� button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your �Ignore� list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you'd rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user's membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 5/9/18)
See more
See less

WWYD if this was your child?

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    WWYD if this was your child?

    My daughter got a pony for her 6th birthday. She'd been riding my 26 yr old TB and is taking lessons at another farm. She is now WTC and trotting crossrails. This pony was going ready well for her, (see link) until a jet buzzed the ring and scared the crap out of him. I don't blame him at all, but he bolted and after half a lap dropped his shoulder and my daughter turned into a lawn dart. She was not hurt, but was shaken, cried, got back on and finished her ride. She's ridden him twice since (this was 3 weeks ago) and now she won't ride him at all. I suggested she ride him today and she burst into tears and ran to her room. She rides her lesson pony 100% fine. Obviously I want this to be fun for her and I understand her confidence in him is gone, even after I explained repeatedly it wasn't the ponys fault. She is doing a partial lease on her lesson pony so she rides him 3 days a week. The plan was to stop the lease since she was doing well with the new pony. I really don't want her to give up on this new pony bc I see a lot of potential in them as a team. Her lease/lesson pony is 28 and winding into retirement. So my question is do I give her more time to come back around to the new pony without pushing it, it just send the new pony back home (it is a care lease)? I don't see the point to feeding a not easy keeper through the winter for her to NOT ride. I know she is only 6 and I want to be understanding, bit we have all been in that place of being intimidated and downright scared after an incident, and working though it is the only way to get over it. Thoughts? ETA link of her lesson/lease pony in a lesson
    Last edited by mpsbarnmanager; Oct. 3, 2019, 08:55 AM.

    Send pony home. Life is too short to fear riding. Hopefully your child will learn it is not the fault of equine when we hit the ground. I always blamed myself not the horses who shied and dumped me.


      Can you hop on your horse and go for a walk only trail ride with her on new pony? Or can you walk on foot and she walks next to you on new pony, around the barn yard or neighborhood or just in the arena if that’s where she’s most comfortable? Keep her on the lead line the first few times, then stay close when she’s ready to come off that? Offer lunge lessons until she feels comfortable again.
      Might work, might not.
      My son had a fall when he was almost 7 that shook his confidence for a while. We were both cantering our horses along our driveway with son and pony a little behind me when the neighbors dogs shot out of the woods barking and running toward the horses. My horse flinched, pony hopped sideways and I heard the crash. Neighbor came and got the dogs, pony stopped to graze almost immediately, and my son was physically ok. I dismounted and led both the horses home (with him on the pony, albeit teary eyed and shaken up.)
      His confidence was gone for a good 3 months; didn’t want to canter, was hesitant to go over the logs and small jumps we’d made in our woods. Slowly but surely his confidence crept back and he’s back to jumping and trail blazing, but it took as long as he needed of walking with him, mounted and unmounted, on the lead line at first then off it, and telling him if all he wanted to do was walk trail rides forever, that was fine.
      He really likes riding in his bareback pad so for weeks after the fall I’d put pony on a lead line and jog (or run) next to them until he was happy cantering again. It seemed a little silly since a few weeks prior they were jumping and cantering around the woods on their own, but that’s what it took to have him bubbling with laughter and be happy to be on his pony again. There was no pressure to do anything faster paced or more advanced, and there were weeks where we just walked the trails together.. after a while he’d trot to catch up to my horse and when he was back to small fences in the arena I breathed I sigh of relief.
      So you could try offering to tack up the pony and take your daughter for a walk, or several.
      On the other hand, if she’s not interested in even trying that, she may need something more seasoned.
      Last edited by AppaloosaDressage; Oct. 2, 2019, 08:47 PM.


        Originally posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
        Send pony home. Life is too short to fear riding. Hopefully your child will learn it is not the fault of equine when we hit the ground. I always blamed myself not the horses who shied and dumped me.

        Mangalarga Marchador: Uma Raa, Uma Paixo


          Don't push a six year old that got scared, let the pony go.
          Build her confidence other ways, not the hardest way there is right now, with that pony that scared her so badly.

          Feel lucky that she even wants to keep riding right now, any other horse/pony.

          She can learn to "get over it" when she is older, in other situations.


            I agree with send the pony home. I haven’t seen too many horses care about jet noise, but given your proximity it’s going to take a while for pony to adjust and your daughters confidence is clearly shaken. Will she ride your TB still?


              Keep the kid send the pony back


                Send pony home, get something smaller that she can feel more comfortable on for now to just play around on and hve fun. How big is lease pony?


                  I came off a pony when I was a child I don't remember what age. I do remember that it was not as traumatic as your daughters fall. I was on bareback asked him to turn one way he went the other and I slipped off at walk, put my arm out in the fall as a lot of young girls do and broke both bones in my wrist.

                  I do remember riding my old shetland with the broken arm and by brother on backwards behind me. Timothy was sent away so I guess I probably had the same reaction as your daughter

                  I just asked Mum, she said we did not own the pony,she sent him back as she didn't trust him. She doesn't remember me having the same reaction as your daughter.

                  If you owned the pony or want to keep the pony I would leave her for months riding what she is happy with and have the pony in training with you or someone else. As he is not yours I would probably send him back.
                  It is better to ride 5 minutes a day than it is to ride 35 minutes on a Sunday.


                    Original Poster

                    Originally posted by demidq View Post
                    Send pony home, get something smaller that she can feel more comfortable on for now to just play around on and hve fun. How big is lease pony?
                    He's just under 14.2, will measure a pony without shoes. I wanted something big enough a small adult could get on and school if need be.



                      Original Poster

                      Originally posted by Denali6298 View Post
                      I agree with send the pony home. I haven’t seen too many horses care about jet noise, but given your proximity it’s going to take a while for pony to adjust and your daughters confidence is clearly shaken. Will she ride your TB still?
                      She hasn't asked to lately but probably so. Funny thing is I don't really trust even the TB all THAT much, she stayed on the lunge line 90% of the time. She's fallen off of her, my 17h gelding (I half caught her there) and another lesson pony, so it's not like it's her first fall, but it was HARD, and I do understand why she's scared. It's just disappointing to see her give up on him. But I'm trying to remember it's about her and not what *I* want.



                        A 13.2/13.3 pony can still be schooled by an adult unless they have an unusually fine frame. She is only 6, let her play for another year or so!


                          Originally posted by mpsbarnmanager View Post

                          She hasn't asked to lately but probably so. Funny thing is I don't really trust even the TB all THAT much, she stayed on the lunge line 90% of the time. She's fallen off of her, my 17h gelding (I half caught her there) and another lesson pony, so it's not like it's her first fall, but it was HARD, and I do understand why she's scared. It's just disappointing to see her give up on him. But I'm trying to remember it's about her and not what *I* want.
                          She had a scary fall. It sounds like it’s her first big one. Is she open to a lunge line with the pony? Maybe she will come around. Does she spend time with the pony besides riding?


                            just wondering but OP have you set down with daughter to talk about this? My kids, we always planned together what we were going to do regarding their horse ambitions

                            Admittedly what happened to OP's child was one of my fears that was why I left "their" horse with a trainer for long time (well the horse never stopped improving, she just kept getting better and better)

                            But the little mare was also was a hair under 14.2 had been exposed to just about any and everything by the time she came home

                            If what occurred with OP's daughter I really would want to talk with my daughter to see just what she wanted... after-all part of having these horses is to help the kids grow up into adults that can face issues and make choices


                              Let go of the pony and give your daughter the 26 Y/O Thoroughbred as a belated birthday present and go horse shopping for yourself.
                              At 26 she may or may not have many more years to spend with him not to be a Debby downer but time is a gift at that age and he seems like he knows his job is to keep his rider safe
                              When your daughter she wants to move up she will let you know.

                              3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375 10582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706 79821480865132823066470938446095505822317253594081 284811174502841027019385.....


                                You want her to experience the joy of horses, not scare her and make her cry.

                                Send the pony home, and book more lessons on the pony she is comfortable with.


                                  Originally posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
                                  Hopefully your child will learn it is not the fault of equine when we hit the ground. I always blamed myself not the horses who shied and dumped me.
                                  That’s a little harsh... the kid is 6 and obviously scared.

                                  Building and Managing the Small Horse Farm:


                                    First of all: she's scared of this pony now. She's only 6. You're not going to change her mind. Send the pony home, especially since it's so easy to do so. Be glad it's only this pony that frightens her and that she still wants to ride the other one.

                                    Second, I'll take a moment to give you my best advice horsey mom to horsey mom, as someone whose daughter fell and lost confidence due to my errors. (My major takeaway is that I learned that in my setting where horses weren't in a regular lesson program, that I needed to lunge every horse every time before she got on, even just a couple of circles, to check in on its energy and responsiveness that day. Even horses that I considered trustworthy and seasoned.) In the end I found it was better to take her to a solid lesson program than to try to teach her at home, even though I have past experience teaching in a lesson barn.

                                    I watched the video and I think that was a lot of pony for your little girl. That pony has a pretty good engine and I can see signs in the videos that he is sometimes more forward than she's comfortable with.

                                    During the videos, you're giving her advice and corrections constantly, and not just on a single topic. I know that's from a place of love, but I also think you're probably giving her too much cognitive load, to ride the pony and also be listening to and reacting to you at that pace. There's a time when you have to interact with a kid that way to keep them safe, and maybe you just happened to be videoing at those times (especially if it was her first ride maybe), but I think it's a good question to ask if you feel like she'd be able to trot around the ring safely and confidently without any words from you, say one whole circuit. If you don't think that would be comfortable then I think this is too much pony for her.

                                    I would also encourage you, if this is not already the normal situation, to have most of her riding in a program where you're not the instructor. Even if you're used to teaching riding, the mother-child dynamic is different from instructor-child and I think kids really benefit when those two roles are held by different people.

                                    Enjoy your daughter and her riding, and remember she has time, plenty of time. At this age, what she needs more than anything is to have fun and be confident. The "good team," the competitions, those will all be in her future if she keeps her love for riding.
                                    If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket


                                      I agree with a talk with her about what she wants and more importantly about what her fears are. Perhaps pony needs to go back, but perhaps your daughter needs more time to work through what she wants and her fears. Could you or someone else ride pony some, while your daughter spends more time with the other pony? Maybe watching her pony go with others on board would help her? Also, maybe helping through this will help her to get over her fears and focus on her goals???

                                      It’s a tough call, but if you can afford them both a little more time to work through things...ultimately, you and your daughter will make the best decision for you all!

                                      Good luck Mama!!!


                                        I've had plenty of falls, my worst was a fall from my sister's horse when he bolted big time, I fell off, broke my ankle but good. I was out of commission for about 7 months and as soon as I was able I went back to my riding lessons (another barn). I wasn't afraid of horses or to ride but had absolutely no desire to get back on my sister's horse.

                                        Your daughter still wants to ride, which is great. You are in a position where you can send the pony back - do so, and continue with the lessons on the lesson/leased pony. She's only 6 so this is the time where she needs to ride something she feels safe and to gain confidence on.