Stallion Spotlight

Sir Donnerhall_02Beelitz

Real Estate Spotlight

Main-Barn-Bench-to-end2
  • Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You�re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the Forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it�details of personal disputes may be better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts, though are not legally obligated to do so, regardless of content.

Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting. Moderators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts unless they have been alerted and have determined that a post, thread or user has violated the Forums� policies. Moderators do not regularly independently monitor the Forums for such violations.

Profanity, outright vulgarity, blatant personal insults or otherwise inappropriate statements will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

Users may provide their positive or negative experiences with or opinions of companies, products, individuals, etc.; however, accounts involving allegations of criminal behavior against named individuals or companies MUST be first-hand accounts and may NOT be made anonymously.

If a situation has been reported upon by a reputable news source or addressed by law enforcement or the legal system it is open for discussion, but if an individual wants to make their own claims of criminal behavior against a named party in the course of that discussion, they too must identify themselves by first and last name and the account must be first-person.

Criminal allegations that do not satisfy these requirements, when brought to our attention, may be removed pending satisfaction of these criteria, and we reserve the right to err on the side of caution when making these determinations.

Credible threats of suicide will be reported to the police along with identifying user information at our disposal, in addition to referring the user to suicide helpline resources such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it�s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users� profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses � Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it�s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who�s selling it, it doesn�t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions � Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services � Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products � While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements � Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be �bumped� excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues � Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators� discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the �alert� button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your �Ignore� list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you�d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user�s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 5/9/18)
See more
See less

Barn Worker with Bad BO

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #21
    Maybe put together a gift basket with dreft detergent for sensutive skin/babies, some natural well reviewed bath soap (ivory, Native, Meyers, ) and some deodorant like "Native", a crystal type deodorant, and some baby shampoo.
    Add in some oil essence type natural cologne like vanilla , and maybe some other stuff like nail polish, lip balm, sensitive skin sunscreen. And some horse treats, and a bar of saddle soap.
    Put a nice note in there that " You always take such good care of our horses, and We know things may have been a little tight, but wanted you to be able to pamper yourself anyway". Love, your barnmates."
    PS- please feel free to use our washers and dryers anytime!
    Last edited by jetsmom; Aug. 15, 2019, 01:04 AM.

    Comment


    • #22
      Originally posted by jetsmom View Post
      Maybe put together a gift basket with dreft detergent for sensutive skin/babies, some natural well reviewed bath soap (ivory, Native, Meyers, ) and some deodorant like "Native", a crystal type deodorant, and some baby shampoo.
      Add in some oil essence type natural cologne like vanilla , and maybe some other stuff like nail polish, lip balm, sensitive skin sunscreen. And some horse treats, and a bar of saddle soap.
      Put a nice note in there that " You always take such good care of our horses, and We know things may have been a little tight, but wanted you to be able to pamper yourself anyway". Love, your barnmates."
      PS- please feel free to use our washers and dryers anytime!
      i dunno. That's kind of passive aggressive. I think it's kinder to bring it up honestly and then provide some help.

      If she is really that sensitive to products, no way will she be using nail polish, or even Ivory soap, which does have added fragrance. Or lip balm. Most products even the "unscented" ones actually have scent added so they don't smell like just plain beef tallow or whatever. And any cologne, even a natural type, will send her running for the hills.

      I've been around people like that. To what extent they are really allergic to everything, and to what extent they are allergic to some things but terrified of everything .... I don't know. They tend to run shy of all kinds of body products.

      I'd be upfront with her, invite her to use the barn washer and dryer, and let her recommend a detergent that she can live with.

      Would be an interesting question if she is able to handle using horse shampoo, or fly spray, or saddle soap with added fragrance, etc.

      Comment


      • #23
        Originally posted by jetsmom View Post
        Maybe put together a gift basket with dreft detergent for sensutive skin/babies, some natural well reviewed bath soap (ivory, Native, Meyers, ) and some deodorant like "Native", a crystal type deodorant, and some baby shampoo.
        Add in some oil essence type natural cologne like vanilla , and maybe some other stuff like nail polish, lip balm, sensitive skin sunscreen. And some horse treats, and a bar of saddle soap.
        Put a nice note in there that " You always take such good care of our horses, and We know things may have been a little tight, but wanted you to be able to pamper yourself anyway". Love, your barnmates."
        PS- please feel free to use our washers and dryers anytime!
        Omg please no

        Comment


        • #24
          If she's as smelly as you describe here, I'd worry about a serious medical condition. Lung cancer, cancers of the digestive tract, badly decaying teeth all come to mind Might also phase in a conversation about general health when starting by inquiring about skin sensitivity.

          OP, can you please come back and update us?

          Comment


          • #25
            Ask A Manager has a number of script suggestions for this conversation. Be direct, but be kind.
            "I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm asleep." - Harry Dresden

            Comment


            • #26
              I have an allergy that prevents me from using any standard cleaning or personal products. Please don't present her with anything even if it's a gift until you talk to her. I can't use regular vinegar etc. and having someone give me something like that would just make me more embarrassed. There is a detergent called soap nuts (they're actually berries) sold on amazon that are super affordable and do a decent job cleaning clothes. They're great for people with sensitivities.

              I'd have a talk with her and just ask her how you can help. If she can only use x detergent or doesn't have a washer at home offer for her to use the barn one or buy her some of whatever she can safely use. Essential oils from the good brands are also usually well tolerated if she has an allergy problem and that might be a safe way when driving her to diffuse the smell without affecting her but of course ask first.

              I struggle with the cost of the special products I have to buy and would be mortified to hear I smell but if I was in a tight spot would really appreciate the help.

              Comment


              • #27
                Originally posted by jetsmom View Post
                Maybe put together a gift basket with dreft detergent for sensutive skin/babies, some natural well reviewed bath soap (ivory, Native, Meyers, ) and some deodorant like "Native", a crystal type deodorant, and some baby shampoo.
                Add in some oil essence type natural cologne like vanilla , and maybe some other stuff like nail polish, lip balm, sensitive skin sunscreen. And some horse treats, and a bar of saddle soap.
                Put a nice note in there that " You always take such good care of our horses, and We know things may have been a little tight, but wanted you to be able to pamper yourself anyway". Love, your barnmates."
                PS- please feel free to use our washers and dryers anytime!

                PLEASE don't do this. This could come off as passive aggressive and, at the very least, will likely cause feelings of shame and embarrassment for the individual. This idea is "taking the easy way out" without really showing the individual that you care. It's a convo nobody wants to have, obviously.

                OP - what about starting the convo out as "hey, we've noticed some changes in you and we want to make sure you are okay. Is everything okay [at home, with the family, etc]? We care about you and love having you as part of our team... and just want to make sure you know you can come to us anytime if you need to talk or need help with anything." This may open the door for her to say 'hey, thanks for noticing, things actually are not okay'. and facilitate the convo there. Or, she may just say 'hey, I'm fine but thanks!'. In which case you will need to have a plan b.

                Or, just come right out and say "hey, I wanted to talk to you as a friend - I am a little concerned that perhaps there is an underlying health issue that could be causing an abnormal body odor, or maybe things are more stressful at home and you aren't able to take care of yourself as much as you used to. I just want to make sure you're okay, and that you know I'm here if you need help with anything. You are more than welcome to use the showers/laundry facilities; if you let me know what kind of soap or detergent you're able to use I'd be happy to pick some up next time I'm out!"

                How old is she? Are we talking college age? Mid-30s/40s? 60s? Does she have any close friends at the barn? Do you know anything about her home life, family life, etc? Has she shown signs of depression?

                I would be concerned, obviously, of an underlying medical issue or issues at home which cause her not to have access to showering daily or doing laundry. However, I would also be concerned about depression issues. Personally, I deal with PTSD and severe depression. Some days/weeks/months are better than others. I will admit that I have gone two weeks without showering or even giving myself a sponge bath. On days I had to work I put dry shampoo in my hair and made it look as presentable as possible. I just. didn't. care. because showering felt like so much effort. The only thing I could bring myself to do was lay in bed or force myself to go to work and the barn. I'm sure I didn't smell fantastic. Nobody said anything, but honestly, it would have been a relief if they had! It would mean someone noticed that I was not okay. Additionally, it could be something like certain meds causing the odor. I am on Lithium and when they increase my dose of that I can smell something - to me it is really strong and I'm self conscious about it, but nobody has ever said anything so I have no idea if anyone has even noticed.

                You already have said that you want to be as compassionate and delicate as possible about this. I don't envy you, that's for sure. It's a hard convo to have.
                "People ask me 'will I remember them if I make it'. I ask them 'will you remember me if I don't?'"

                Comment


                • #28
                  Milocalwinnings- excellent post. I hope you are doing better now.

                  OP- I have had patients with sensitive skin tell me that they don't use any soap ever, just rinse off. I have also had people say they were allergic to water which of course can't be true.

                  There is also a theory that if you never wash off your body's bacteria they will eventually reach an equilibrium with outside bacteria and prevent any odour causing bugs from setting up shop on the skin. I dunno- I can't see that working, or it would take too long for anyone to stand the smell. Google it- you can even buy a dirt spray to try and "seed" yourself with healthy bacteria. The entrepreneur decided horses roll to protect their skin with bacteria from soil to prevent skin problems so colleceted field dirt to mimic this in humans. I wouldn't mind if the no wash types smelt like CLEAN horses, but a dirty horse smell is not pleasant either.

                  I think Milocalwinnings second approach is really good and compassionate. There is no way to avoid hurting her feelings a bit, but you have to do something so make it gentle and kind.

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster

                    #29
                    I'm wondering if she found this thread and recognized herself in it. She smelled like nothing at all today. Nothing. Just like everyone else. (And I do recognize that anyone who spends time in the barn in August isn't going to smell like a daisy all day)
                    I can't remember the last time I didn't hold my breath while talking to her. So maybe the problem is solved?

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      Originally posted by demidq View Post
                      I have also had people say they were allergic to water which of course can't be true.

                      .
                      One would think not. However, while this probably isn't, technically, an allergy to water, that's how it's typically described.

                      https://rarediseases.info.nih.gov/di...enic-urticaria

                      https://www.livescience.com/61852-wa...urticaria.html

                      I only know about it because I once saw something on Facebook about it and thought, "no way, that can't possibly be true," so I did a little digging.

                      "Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything
                      that's even remotely true."

                      Homer Simpson

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        I dunno. I might ask about it anyway to see if it was the washer that quit and she finally replaced it or a new living situation or something that being able to use the barn services might give her a back up. My mom use to complain about the diesel stink on my clothes and let me wash clothes at her house for nothing. I didn't notice the smell,I lived on the boat and you get used to it.

                        ETA the aquagenic urticaria sounds awful!
                        Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
                        Incredible Invisible

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          Originally posted by demidq View Post
                          I have also had people say they were allergic to water which of course can't be true.
                          PLEASE don't be so close minded. I am in fact allergic to MANY different kinds of drinking water to the degree of having anaphylactic reactions. It's been confirmed by my GP, allergist and treated at an ER before. You've never experienced the panic of your throat closing up because you drank a glass of water. How absolutely crushing it is to deal with something like that. To be at work and you forgot your jug of safe well water and you sit there dying of thirst all day because you're afraid to drink a glass of water from the communal water tank. Just because you think it sounds silly or not possible doesn't mean that it is.

                          If you're a Dr. then you're someone where I'd turn around walk out the door and never come back. I thank my GP everyday for working with me to find safe food/water. For helping me find safe allergy meds to reduce my reactions and most of all for believing me when I say something that might sound stupid. When I went in and said I think I'm reacting to water I was terrified she wouldn't believe me but she didn't blink and eye and said absolutely you wouldn't believe what they put in water, I have another patient with a similar issue.

                          For anyone who may be curious how this is true, I have a severe allergy to corn. The US has subsidized corn so it's in everything. Your tap water is filtered through corny filters with corn additives added back in. A bottle of Dasani or any water with "minerals" added to make it taste better has corn added to them. A number of water filter systems use corn cob filter material.

                          OP I'm glad your boarder seems to have figured it out, thank you for being compassionate in figuring out how to approach her about it.

                          Comment


                          • #33
                            Also, Dyshidrotic eczema, or dyshidrosis is literally a pain. Usually only on hands and/or feet, but once you've experienced it, it truly is awful. Usually brought on by other contact edema + stress. Your skin itches, blisters then peels off to raw edges. Ask me how I know.

                            However, when I had this, it didn't stop me from bathing Just wore latex gloves and put up with itchy feet and used a topical from my dr for my feet during an outbreak.

                            Comment


                            • #34
                              Originally posted by stargzng386 View Post

                              PLEASE don't be so close minded. I am in fact allergic to MANY different kinds of drinking water to the degree of having anaphylactic reactions. It's been confirmed by my GP, allergist and treated at an ER before. You've never experienced the panic of your throat closing up because you drank a glass of water. How absolutely crushing it is to deal with something like that. To be at work and you forgot your jug of safe well water and you sit there dying of thirst all day because you're afraid to drink a glass of water from the communal water tank. Just because you think it sounds silly or not possible doesn't mean that it is.

                              If you're a Dr. then you're someone where I'd turn around walk out the door and never come back. I thank my GP everyday for working with me to find safe food/water. For helping me find safe allergy meds to reduce my reactions and most of all for believing me when I say something that might sound stupid. When I went in and said I think I'm reacting to water I was terrified she wouldn't believe me but she didn't blink and eye and said absolutely you wouldn't believe what they put in water, I have another patient with a similar issue.

                              For anyone who may be curious how this is true, I have a severe allergy to corn. The US has subsidized corn so it's in everything. Your tap water is filtered through corny filters with corn additives added back in. A bottle of Dasani or any water with "minerals" added to make it taste better has corn added to them. A number of water filter systems use corn cob filter material.

                              OP I'm glad your boarder seems to have figured it out, thank you for being compassionate in figuring out how to approach her about it.
                              This!!!!

                              After I got the wonderful disease Chronic Lyme I have to be very very careful of everything I use or eat. I have to be very careful about bottled water for example. Dasani or Aquafina totally fine. One sip of Smart water and I am in terrible gut wrenching pain. Think of being in hard labor. And no its not just all in my fricken head!!!! You get accussed of that crap by close minded people. That is what irritates me the most. I don't enjoy being this way at at all. It really isn't a barrel of monkeys. And no I don't do it for attention. I am by nature the opposite of attention seeking.

                              I also have to be very careful about personal products. I once used an over the counter womens facial cream. Went to bed and woke up with what looked like acid burns all over my face. It took several trips to the doctor and 3 weeks to recover from that. Another time I put advantage on the cat. Cat touched my face a few days later, acid burns again. So yes I am over the top paranoid about any and all creams ointments and shampoos or products touching my skin. I can not help it. It is not fun living this way.

                              So simple everyday things you take for granted like shampooing your hair in the shower freak me out if I don't have the exact brand I know works and will not cause me major health issues. I am miserable enough as it is. Even my doctor is very hesitant to prescribe meds for me because of all the crazy reactions I have to things. And yes they are sometimes so bad you panic.

                              PS/ I was never allergic to anything till chronic Lyme so this has been a life changer for me.

                              Just like our eyes, our hearts have a way of adjusting to the dark.--Adam Stanley

                              Comment


                              • #35
                                Originally posted by Goforward View Post
                                We have a nice woman in our barn who does barn chores a couple times a week and rides and shows with us. She stinks. There's no other way to say it. She is stinky enough that several people have come up to me and mentioned her offensive odor. It's not even normal armpit stink. It's something more foul. Almost like a strange health condition? A dirty washing machine? We have no idea. I'm constantly tempted to febreeze her when she turns away from me.
                                Since no one else has offered to do it, I guess, as the owner of the barn, it's up to me to say something to her.
                                People back away from her when she approaches and we all fight over who has to take her in their vehicle when we go to shows.
                                I know she has sensitive skin and can't use perfumes or fragrances in detergents. I don't know what the solution will be and I'm willing to help her figure it out.
                                . If you were that stinky, how would you want to be approached about the situation? (It has to be solved, too many people are complaining)
                                I have very sensitive skin and used to use fragrance free shampoos, soaps, and detergents.

                                Then I quit. They got to be too hard to find and too expensive.

                                I do just fine using regular shampoos and soaps and detergents and deodorants now. No skin reactions, no sneezing. Nobody has ever appeared to not want to sit with me or ride with me or be close to me at social activities, and I can't believe that all these people are just too polite to speak up or walk away.

                                Do you know anything about the living conditions of this person? What is her home like?
                                Rack on!

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  Originally posted by jetsmom View Post
                                  Maybe put together a gift basket with dreft detergent for sensutive skin/babies, some natural well reviewed bath soap (ivory, Native, Meyers, ) and some deodorant like "Native", a crystal type deodorant, and some baby shampoo.
                                  Add in some oil essence type natural cologne like vanilla , and maybe some other stuff like nail polish, lip balm, sensitive skin sunscreen. And some horse treats, and a bar of saddle soap.
                                  Put a nice note in there that " You always take such good care of our horses, and We know things may have been a little tight, but wanted you to be able to pamper yourself anyway". Love, your barnmates."
                                  PS- please feel free to use our washers and dryers anytime!
                                  No, please don't do this. It's cowardly and insulting even though it's a nice gesture, and don't ask if there is anything wrong with her washer or house plumbing or if she's living in a car. .OP - for best advice Google "how to tell an employee they have bad body odor". We've had this situation before - it can be reverse in that an employee overwhelms co-workers with perfume or cologne.

                                  OP you need to have that uncomfortable conversation with this person. Wait until a time when she is finishing up for the day - as you don't want them to be self-conscious and feeling horrible while they're working. Start out with complimenting their work /personality and then tell them you need to discuss something awkward with them. Unfortunately there's no getting around, you need to be honest and respectful. Let them know you've noticed they have a body odor lately (don't say things like "some boarders told me you smell bad). Reassure them that often people are unaware of this. Is it a cultural thing, medical ? if so there might not be too much you can do about, but let her know you can offer her some sort of support if need be. if she does have some sort of medical issue or it's cultural. Then some kind words on her behalf to fellow boarders might also be necessary.

                                  i remember at my office a couple of my male co-workers came back from the mens room laughing hysterically because a man from another office had soiled himself. They thought it was funny until I pointed out how utterly embarrassed and humiliated he must've have been, also pointed out to them that he could have some medical condition etc. After all one day that could be your parent or you.

                                  Compassion and empathy go a long way. Good luck OP. It's a difficult conversation.

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    Back in my late teens, I had issues finding deodorant that actually worked. No idea why, but most kinds would NOT help. Sometimes I could tell it wasn't working, sometimes I really couldn't tell.

                                    I was working at my dad's office helping out in reception part time. One of the office girls took me aside, and said fairly bluntly "Do you want to borrow some deodorant or anything? Quite frankly, you smell and you need to be using it."

                                    I was absolutely mortified because I had THOUGHT I had found a kind that worked. I did end up finding something that worked, and I did get over it, but for a while I was too embarrassed to speak to anyone there, figuring they were laughing at me or looking down on me for it. I think if she had come up and said something along the lines of "This is a really awkward thing to bring up, and I know that it can be hard to hear, but I think your deodorant might not be working very well. I don't think any less of you, but wanted to let you know in case you need to change some things". Emphasis that they weren't laughing at me about it, that they weren't going to view me as "that disgusting unhygienic girl", even that everyone has problems they struggle with that makes them self-conscious. But the way that girl said it was probably not the best way to go about it. I did realize that it was going to be weird no matter how you word it, but as long as you don't word it in a way that is accusatory or insulting or demeaning, she will probably appreciate being told.


                                    Oh and I second waiting until the end of the day when she is ready to leave. There is nothing worse than having to go through an entire day knowing you are making people uncomfortable and they don't want you around but you can't do anything about it.

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      Originally posted by RainWeasley View Post
                                      Back in my late teens, I had issues finding deodorant that actually worked. No idea why, but most kinds would NOT help. Sometimes I could tell it wasn't working, sometimes I really couldn't tell.

                                      I was working at my dad's office helping out in reception part time. One of the office girls took me aside, and said fairly bluntly "Do you want to borrow some deodorant or anything? Quite frankly, you smell and you need to be using it."

                                      I was absolutely mortified because I had THOUGHT I had found a kind that worked. I did end up finding something that worked, and I did get over it, but for a while I was too embarrassed to speak to anyone there, figuring they were laughing at me or looking down on me for it. I think if she had come up and said something along the lines of "This is a really awkward thing to bring up, and I know that it can be hard to hear, but I think your deodorant might not be working very well. I don't think any less of you, but wanted to let you know in case you need to change some things". Emphasis that they weren't laughing at me about it, that they weren't going to view me as "that disgusting unhygienic girl", even that everyone has problems they struggle with that makes them self-conscious. But the way that girl said it was probably not the best way to go about it. I did realize that it was going to be weird no matter how you word it, but as long as you don't word it in a way that is accusatory or insulting or demeaning, she will probably appreciate being told.


                                      Oh and I second waiting until the end of the day when she is ready to leave. There is nothing worse than having to go through an entire day knowing you are making people uncomfortable and they don't want you around but you can't do anything about it.
                                      My DH has begun to have issues with his deodorant/antiperspirants not working for him. No Rx changes, no diet changes, so I think it's something about how he's aging. As close as we are, it's still a topic I'm careful about, I'm not going to make it worse by being ugly about it

                                      Comment


                                      • #39
                                        I loved the Shari YouTube videos, those were awesome.

                                        Every.single.person that I know that has managed people has had to have the smelly conversation at some point of time.
                                        The plural of anecdote is not data.

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          Re: allergy to water- I don't think anyone can actually have an immune moderated response (allergy) to H2O because it comprises so much of our "substance". Additives, disinfectants or adulterants (eg your corn based filter) added to water I fully accept can cause allergic reactions. Conditions such as dyshidrotic eczema can be made worse by the osmotic drying effect of water and soaps but are not exactly a water allergy. Terminology!

                                          Comment

                                          Working...
                                          X